Chapter Text
Yujin couldn't help it.
It wasn't his fault.
It just happened that way.
He was watching just like everyone else. Watching as each trainee walked out with a wig and light makeup.
And then there was Gunwook.
Why Gunwook? What drew him to Gunwook? Nothing had. At least, not before... but now...
Gunwook looked so pretty, he should dye his hair a light orange. His sharp features had a new edge in this light. In the pastels.
They'd never even spoke - not really, there wasn't a chance.
And Yujin was anxious.
Han Yujin was always anxious.
Gunwook made him anxious before because he was so driven, right? He was so determined, so praised...
Yujin was...
"Yujin-ah, you okay?"
Jiwoong. Always looking out for him.
Yujin stared at his hands by the sink, looking up at himself through the reflection of the mirror.
Never before had he considered boys. There just wasn't a chance.
Wasn't a Gunwook.
"Yeah, Hyung, just finishing up."
Yujin exited the bathroom, wiping his hands on his pants.
Jiwoong rubs Yujin's hair as he walks past.
"You've been so quiet lately," he says, "you okay?"
How does Yujin tell Jiwoong about this? Jiwoong acts in BLs, he wouldn't be rude about it.
But Yujin doesn't even know how he feels.
Maybe, maybe it's not Gunwook, maybe it's just girl-Gunwook.
Voices trail down the hall, and Yujin stiffens, on edge.
It's just Keita and Junhyeon.
Yujin ignores how Jiwoong watches Keita.
"I'm fine, just stressed about the next stage."
Jiwoong tears his gaze back to Yujin, you'll be great. I know it. Don't worry about anything, the masters are too harsh on you."
"Yeah... thanks."
He feels horrible.
***
Yujin's dorm is empty that night. He's reading, the only occupied bed in the room. He doesn't know where the others are, and he doesn't want to deal with the chance encounter of Gunwook.
Someone knocks on the door.
"Come in!" He calls.
Gunwook pokes his head around the corner, and Yujin's heart sinks to his stomach.
The one person he was trying to avoid.
Gunwook clearly doesn't know, or care. Completely oblivious to Yujin's feelings that just barely bubble bellow the surface.
In the creeping edges of his mind, he sees another life. One where they meet for coffee at the store by Yujin's house, their hands swaying as they walk together in the park, cuddling up close in the cinema.
His eyes burn at the life that never was.
"Hey... Yujin-ah."
Everyone's informal because he's the baby. Of course.
"Have you seen Sung Hanbin-hyung?
Oh.
"Uh, no, sorry."
Gunwook nods, lingering.
Stay.
"Alright, sorry to interrupt" He looks at Yujin's hands, "-your book."
Yujin looks down, completely oblivious to the fact he'd even been reading before.
"Oh, no, it's okay, I'm barely reading it anyway."
Gunwook laughs. It's so, right. Like, what you want to hear. The laugh of someone who genuienly finds you funny.
He wants to always make Gunwook laugh.
"I can relate to that."
It's still for a moment. Yujin's hoping the cameras won't broadcast this to the world.
It's their moment. The fresh encounter of two teenagers just finding their footing in the world.
Please, let me have just this much.
Gunwook sighs - not of annoyance - right? No, more like, I'll get going now, right?
"I'll see you later, yeah?"
Yujin nods, "Yeah... later."
And Gunwook disappears out of sight, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Shit.