Chapter Text
“Please, no, Diluc. Don’t leave me!”.
His begging falls on deaf ears as Diluc watches with eyes filled with disgust and hate. Kaeya looks back at him with his one functional eye and realises that despite his begging, his desperation in trying to prove he isn’t the enemy, to prove that he long abandoned his duty as a Khaenrian spy, are in vain. He tries to suppress his sobs.
“How dare you? How dare you waltz around all this time like you were one of us? When were you going to show your true colours? Did you think I would offer you sympathy? How dare you, you are to never step foot in here ever again!”
Diluc tears through him with a tone that ever so clearly suggests that he hates the man, that he loathes him. His body language screams that he wants to hit him again, again with the piping hot claymore, burn him more, curse him out some more. He sneered before he turned around rather stiffly and he walked away. He doesn’t run, he doesn’t jog. He just walks.
He leaves him behind, Diluc, the once dear brother, the once companion for life. Leaves him on the ground groaning and sobbing in pain.
Kaeya looks at him walking away with one blurry eye as the other does not lend him the ability to see the world anymore. So he hates me now? So I guess I’m disowned huh, that’s a funny thought. Slight giggles that stem from pure anxiety and despair sound in the air. Never have I thought it would go like this, well I did, but this isn’t all that bad right?
I wonder, if I just stay like this in the rain, would I bleed out and die? Or would I succumb to hyperthermia first?
He thinks back to the day where he saw the sky for the first time. Living in an underground realm was nice, there were no bad weather conditions at least. There wasn’t all that much other than that, as the cataclysm kind of, you know, destroyed everything. He is not saying he is 500 years old or something, that would be absurd, but he wasn’t affected by the curse either. He remembers studying every night for what felt like an eternity under the strict guidance of his father. He was brought strange books with strange letters. He had to learn an even stranger language that hailed from a place on the surface called ‘Mondstadt’. He found it all rather odd at the time but studied all of it anyway, trying to impress father he supposes. He remembers how he read a book about ‘weather’. How he realised that other nations didn’t have rocks above their heads but something called ‘the sky’. He wished to see the sky, full of stars. His father promised he’ll take him there, but never had he thought he was being truthful.
It rained heavily that day, the winds were wild and the cold was biting. Remembering how he was freezing but still being fascinated at the big light in the sky, something called the sun. The memories flood in on how he was found and taken in by fath- Master Crepus. Tears escape from his eyes, the sobs leave his mouth as he shakes due to the adrenaline leaving his body.
He thinks about it for a moment before he uses the remaining strength he had to push himself off the ground, tumbling as he walks towards Mondstadt city, towards Jean’s apartment.
The walk wasn't exactly pleasant, having almost fallen in the moat around Mondstadt city. He finally finds his way into the city. Trying to catch his breath, he feels the sting of the burns on his body and the cuts and larger wounds along his abdomen, but he is too focused on just getting to Jean to care. He just needs to undergo that wonderful healing anemo wind and he will be just fine, just fine.
Well? Fine is an understatement, his father- Master Crepus, his caretaker had been murdered earlier that day and he has just been disowned. How great this is going, how absolutely great. He feels an emptiness in his chest, like a part of his identity had just been thrown out of the window. He feels resentment towards Diluc, on how he reacted. But, can he really blame him? He deserved it, why did he have to tell him at such a delicate moment? He can’t find a reason in him for why he did it, he also couldn’t find one when he would tell him if he didn’t. His world is crumbling around him, he is crumbling. He knows that he is falling apart, but honestly, was it really a surprise at this point?
He finds himself at Jean’s doorstep and knocks desperately until the door opens. “Who is it that knocks that immature at this late hour- oh my archons, Kaeya are you okay? Who did this to you?” concern and terror is etched in her face as she guides him to her couch and starts to disinfect the wounds and burns, he is sure that it isn’t a pretty sight. His vision from one eye is almost completely blurry with splotches of black. His abdomen stings as there are many slashes and burns and his arms feel like they are about to give out. He knows that she is probably shocked too that he is clutching a cryo vision that looks like a Mondstadt vision, yet something is missing. That’s right, two wings are missing.
After she disinfects the wounds and wraps everything up she tops off with some healing, not healing everything, as his abdomen is still sore and his eye doesn’t really change either. He looks at Jean and he sees again the concerned look on her face. Archons, if he just decided to die in that field he wouldn’t have to pain her this way, at least in a way that he would be aware.
“Who did this to you Kaeya? We must find them! Them attacking you could mean they are attempting to target the whole knights of Favonius or something more personal like the Ragnvindr clan-”
Jean's voice drowns out in the background as Kaeya zones out. Right, she didn’t know. She didn’t know that he had just been disowned. How he changed from a Ragnvindr back into an Alberich in one night. Sobs escape him and the tears finally fall properly, like a waterfall. He starts wailing into his hands and his body shakes with grief. He feels inconsolable, like nothing could possibly make him feel better.
He feels Jean’s hand on his back as she tries to console him.
“Hey we are going to get through this together okay? I’m going to get Diluc, he should know what happened.” She is about to stand up to go but Kaeya clings onto her shirt. “No no no you don’t understand you can’t, you can’t! I- I- You can’t tell him! I need to leave, I need to leave Mondstadt you don’t understand Jean, I need to-”. He is already hyperventilating. Kaeya feels like his heart is beating outside his chest and he feels a hand on his back and Jean talking, yet it doesn’t reach him.
“Kaeya, everything is going to be okay, okay? You are having a panic attack, you just need to follow my breathing, can you do that? Everything is going to turn out alright, okay?”
After what feels like an eternity he finally calms down, well as much as he can.
“So, why do you need to leave Mondstadt? Why don’t you want to tell Diluc?” Jean asks quietly, cautious in case another panic attack arises. I remain silent for about twenty seconds before answering carefully. Because what if when he says Diluc did this, would they arrest him? And then Diluc would obviously tell the knights why he did what he did and they would cast him aside like trash, wouldn’t they?
“I- I need to leave because I can’t stay here anymore. For the situation with Diluc, just say I’m missing or something, just please don’t tell him about this, about tonight. Just tell him in a day or three that I’m missing or something, presumed dead. I don’t want him to know, I don’t want him to see. I need to leave Mondstadt, I just need to, please.” I plead as I try to look as pitiful as possible, not like my previously wounded wasn’t enough. But to be honest, he didn’t even need to act. He felt miserable. Jean looks back at him with a certain look in her eyes, was it disappointment? Or was it anger, maybe sadness? “I don’t understand Keaya… Please just tell me, you can tell me anything, just like with Diluc, we can help you-”
I cut her off with laughter, not the light kind as if you’ve just heard a good joke, but a laughter that chokes out in despair and hopelessness. “No Jean you don’t understand, I can’t stay, I just can’t! I can’t explain but I need to go, please, please do one last thing for me, declare me dead. You are allowed to do anything, say you found me frozen on Dragonspine or burnt up in the woods. I don’t care, just please. Forget about this and do this for me.” I look at Jean’s face, her face is cleary giving of horror to the thought of declaring me, a very alive person, dead.
“I- I can’t do that! Not if you are here in front of me, not when you are here and alive and you need to be here, you need to be here for me and Diluc. If there is someone blackmailing you we could help, we could help you-” Jean says, the rest of her spiel drowns into the background as I feel like giving up. I feel irritation rising in me, even though it isn’t Jean’s fault.
“You don’t understand. Diluc disowned me. He hurt me. I can’t do this anymore Jean. I’m scared Jean. I need to leave Mondstadt, please give me a way out.” I say in a last effort. To confess. Not the full truth though, if she found out that he was from a fallen nation sent to spy on Mondstadt, there is no knowing what she would do. Diluc went from his kind older brother to someone he feared, who knows what Jean could do?
Jean is silent after hearing me say it, saying that Diluc was the one who did this to me, someone who she considered a best friend not even a day ago. Her lips turn into a thin line and she puts on a sort of thinking face. “I- Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll declare you dead. But don’t think that I’m letting you clean off the hook, you have to send me a letter at least every week, and don’t think that I’m letting Diluc off on a clean hook, I know you love him but, but this is unacceptable!”. She exclaims as she tries to suppress her anger and also tries the wrap her head around the fact that Diluc did this, our Diluc.
Despite the circumstances, knowing that Jean would do what I asked made him relieved, well atleast a bit. He still knows that there needs to be a lot more to it than just letters, but he’ll take it.
The morning sun starts to come up as a certain blue haired ex-knight leaves Mondstadt