Chapter Text
Edward Elric was not one for tears. Not after he had mourned the death of his friends and family, grieved the loss of his arm and leg, and considered even for a moment that he had lost his brother. Very few things came close to having the same effect after he’d lived through the deconstruction of his country and everyone he knew. It was hard to recall pain so explicitly in the manner he had done so before when he wasn’t constantly threatened with death or the loss of people he knew.
The alchemist was careful with who he let touch that fullmetal heart of his.
However, cautious as he may be, watching Amestris disappear into the distance brought a sense of forlorn, enough to make him shed a tear. He was not running away, Ed had nowhere to run to. Even the thought of disappearing for too long would nag at his mind with comparisons of the cruddy old bearded bastard. His father. And despite putting the blame on new research, he just needed to get out of the country for a change. Because the alchemy that he could no longer wield called to him every night, wriggling underneath the earth's crust and begging for a release.
He knew better, he was better recited on the history of the country than most historians.
That didn’t mean that it did not haunt him.
Images of the dead, molten flesh and withered fingers. Cheekbones that caved into the hollow of the head, skin a putrid grey that warmed up not in red, but yellow. Molding, rotting.
But it was features that Edward still held dear to him that hurt the most.
How Maes Hughe’s ivory eyes crinkled when he smiled, the familiar glow that accompanied sweet words of his daughter and wife. It was too real, mannerisms that spoke of Hughes. Flicking the glasses up his nose line when he got serious, tilting his head and swaying side to side on the topic of those he found precious, down to the details of how he berated the boy. Patting his head and tousling his fingers in the alchemist's blonde locks, reminding him once again that he was just a child.
The hardest part of the dreams were to look beyond the eyes, the small details that his mind felt compelled to add just in case he had forgotten.
Edward could never forget those who died.
They lived on in his mind everyday, whether a reminder of pain or joy, he had learned to silence it. Until his mind was a soft lull onboard the train to the east, sleep taking hold of him and forcing down memories he had wanted to forget.
He felt empty.
Void without the familiar warmth of his brother, his other half. He had spent years tending after his mechanical body, years in search for the stone that would bring them back to normal. Years together. Yet as they had finally attained the impossible, they were quick to part on their ways just the same.
Edward did not know what to do without him.
He had spent a winter on his own with the chimera’s and Greed. A winter planning and executing the plan on the promised day to claim what was his and his brothers. Yet now, seated on the eastern train that sped along metal tracks and past green fields, he was alone.
He was going to nowhere, to an oblivion he did not know of. An oblivion he did not want to know of.
Edward Elric was running, and he did not know why.
Perhaps that's why his eyes caught on you, the seated form just across from him. Alone. There was something about you that drew him to the way you hunched over the book in your lap, a picturistic way you stood motionless to the everchanging canvas behind you. Smooth hills that cast darker shadows down along the dainty pastures of green. Rivers that twisted and turned down descending ridges, and the evening sun that drew the contrast of colours from your right side. He could see strands of withered cotton on the saturated border of your clothing, the other side casting a dreary shadow over your face and leaving you a mystery.
It was only the pages turning that kept this picture alive. This painting of you in the twilight dim that seemed so familiar.
He imagined a longing expression on your face, complexion blank and simply waiting. It was the expression he’d imagined on his brother's face throughout their adventure, furrowed brows loosening when they stumbled upon another dead end. Frown smoothened out until his face went blank, passive in contrary to the thoughts that cried out of a closure.
Edward did not know how many times his brother forced down heart wretched sobs, cries just to realise that no matter how much he screamed he would not feel the tears. Cold drops that dribbled down flushed cheeks, the sensation of being human.
It wasn't something he hadn't considered, it was a pain they both shared throughout their adventure. A sorrow that threatened to consume them whole and compelled them to stay together, until they knew nothing without being at each other's side.
You reminded Edward Elric of his brother, his other half.
That fact alone was enough to leave a deep impression on him, ingrain his memory of the train ride as solely your familiar form and nothing else. He would not remember the evening sun descending down hilltops and leaving the train to its flickering lights, nor of the cushioned chairs that left his body sore when he stood up. No, even while stepping down into one of eastern platforms at his stop, it was the sound of rustling pages that would haunt him. The expression that he had not seen, but knew well enough.
You were waiting.
And Edward had fought back his brother's hopeful eyes, he would not fight for yours.