Chapter Text
“Chan-hyung, I think we have enough now, we can go check out and head back to the dorm.”
Minho and Chan were in the supermarket to stock one of the dorms because soon they had to stay inside for whoever knows how long because a typhoon was expected to hit soon. They had decided together that it would be easier for all to stay in Minho, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin’s dorm, seeing as they were more organized and actually had food stocked in their fridge. Although the others didn’t want to admit it, they always ordered take-out and were too lazy to actually cook some nutritious food, it was a perk of living in a dorm with Minho.
Chan fiddled with his fingers as he revised the list again, checking all the items in their cart repeatedly. He just couldn’t be sure enough if they had everything.
“We have everything, hyung, lets go.” If this were anyone else, the informality would have been misplaced. But for Chan, the informality in this situation wasn’t misplaced. He was stressed and Minho knew why. There was a gentle tone hidden under the stern words. Gently urging him to relax and trust him. Chan let out a deep breath. He knew what he was doing, and he needed to stop it if he didn’t want to alert the other members. He had always seen himself as a reliable and stable leader that was able to withstand any situation. Leaving that role for someone else wasn’t an option in his brain. If he thought about it rationally, he knew it would be the better choice, but he wasn’t thinking completely rational right now.
“Alright, alright let’s get going.” He didn’t miss the tiny sad smile tugging gently at the corners of Minho’s lips, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had enough things to care about right now and this couldn’t be added to that ever-growing list.
They made their way over to the cash register and loaded their groceries onto the belt one by one. Chan made his way over to the end of the belt and absent-mindedly started packing everything in bags while Minho paid.
The reason why he wasn’t like his normal, reliable self, was because of some stupid phobia he had acquired after the first time a typhoon had hit out of nowhere when he was just barely a trainee at JYP entertainment. The trauma that followed caused him to develop Lilapsophobia, a fear of typhoons and tornados.
Chan was glad Minho and him were the only ones to go to the grocery store. If any of the other members had seen him, they would be confused, but Minho knew why, Minho knew the fear churning in his gut, he knew most of the thoughts darting through his mind. He knew how to silently support him and not make him freak out more, how to ground him and keep him from spiraling all the way.
It had actually been an accident that Minho found out, but at this very moment, Chan was very glad it had happened. It was back in their trainee days when they were all sharing a dorm together.
oOo
Chan was sitting on the couch in the dorm watching the news, most of the members were out doing their own things or visiting their parents on their free day. As far as Chan knew, the only other member in the dorm was Jisung, he claimed he was too tired to do anything else than sleep and thus stayed in his bed for almost the whole day, only getting out of bed to eat breakfast and lunch.
It wasn’t that watching the news triggered him, but it still unsettled him more than it would most people. The news reporters were showing videos recorded by people, showing the heavy winds of a typhoon carrying trees, fences and roofs.
Chan couldn’t stop his brain from flashing images of that happening to him 6 years before. Before he knew it, hot liquid was flowing freely from his eyes as he couldn’t tear his gaze from the illuminated screen. His hands were shaking, and he was so immersed in his own thoughts and what was happening on the screen to register the sound of soft socks on the hardwood floor and the sight of a figure hesitantly coming closer. That was until the couch softly dipped as the figure sat down.
“ Calm down Chan hyung, you need to breathe.”
It was a soft and gentle voice, but he couldn’t link it to anyone. He just knew it wasn’t Jisung’s energetic voice. The figure inched closer to him and gently grabbed his hand, guiding it to his chest in hopes that the feeling of a heartbeat would ground Chan enough to tear his gaze away from the tv and focus on him.
“It’s okay, just take a deep breath, just like me.”
T he person took a deep breath, and Chan tried to do the same thing, slowly calming down and finally tearing his gaze away from the screen to face the person.
“ That’s it, deep breaths.”
Minho. He had also stayed behind. Right.
S lowly but surely Chan’s silent sobs slowed down to hiccups, and the tears on his face dried up. Then he quickly ducked his head in an attempt to hide his face again, but Minho hooked his finger under his chin and guided his gaze back to him. He looked at him with such care, Chan didn’t understand.
“I won’t think differently of you, you know?”
Chan hadn’t said a thing, but Minho still managed to completely understand what Chan had been thinking of. He felt that crying in front of his members made them think he was less dependable, less capable of caring for them when they had a hard time.
“Thank you.” It was barely a whisper, as soft as a breath, but Minho smiled, signifying that he heard.
“Do you want to tell me why you were crying?”
There was such care in his voice, Chan didn’t expect that from the usually stoic and sarcastic member. He thought for a minute, his eyes trailing back to the tv before snapping back to look at Minho again and he nodded softly.
“It just...”
T he words he wanted to say didn’t come out, he wanted to tell him, to explain why he cried, but he didn’t know how.
“Take your time. Ill wait.”
“ 6 Years ago, when I was barely a trainee and just came to Korea, a... A typhoon hit here in Seoul, and it really scarred me. Being away from my parents and barely knowing the staff or other trainees here didn’t help and I felt so alone. It ended up traumatizing me, and that just reminded me of that day.”
Chan side-eyed the tv again, noticing that the news had ended and now some happy tunes were playing as a backing for the advertisements.
“ Please don’t tell any of the other members this, I don’t want them to think I’m a weak leader.”
Minho said nothing. He just took Chan’s hands in his and rubbed comforting circles with his thumb, letting a comfortable silence fall in the room.
oOo
A snap of fingers returned him back to reality. He had ended up staring down at one of the bags while he was packing them, and Minho had taken over his task to finish it.
“Hyung, we’re holding up the line, lets go.” Minho picked up two of the bags and started to walk away, looking back quickly to see that Chan had grabbed the other bags and was now following him.
“You know you don’t have to hide your phobia from the other members, right? It’s not as if we will think you’re any less of a leader. You already do so much for us, the least you could do was let us help you.” There was genuine care in Minho’s voice as he talked, but Chan just huffed.
“I know you care for me, I really do want to tell them, but you don’t know how the members will react. I just don’t want the relation I have with them all to change. That you don’t see me differently doesn’t mean that they won’t”
“I just don’t see how you’ll be able to hide it. I won’t beat around the bush, that typhoon is going to come close and hit in any type of situation. But I don’t want you to know that if you do want to keep it hidden, I’ll try my best to help you.”
“Thank you, Minho.” That’s all Chan said before they entered the car and drove back to the dorm. The ride was silent, not awkward but also not comfortable. Chan kept nervously picking at his fingers and restlessly readjusting in his seat.
oOo
Chan had successfully ignored the churning in his gut once they got home. First, he’d helped Changbin, Jisung and Hyunjin with their make-shift beds and after, Felix, Seungmin, Minho and he had headed off to the kitchen to start cooking dinner.
But that success was slowly fading as the food was progressively getting cooked. He felt himself being incapable of suppressing the intrusive images and had a hard time keeping his hands from shaking – Minho thankfully noticed and had given him a different task that didn’t involve a razor-sharp knife. But at this right moment his hands were just shaking too much for the younger two to not at once notice if he didn’t succeed in calming himself down in any way. That’s why he excused himself to the bathroom. He was met with the confused gaze from Felix, who found it weird he went to the bathroom twice withing the span of half an hour.
He shrugged the gaze off him and disappeared behind the door, making a quick mental note that Felix knew something was going on, but didn’t know what.
He opened the medicine cabinet and started rummaging through it. He was sure they were bound to have at least something calming in there, Jeongin and Felix were anxious at some times so it would only be logical for at least one of them to have something calming.
There it is. He found a small bottle with tiny pills. Valerian. It wasn’t a prescription medication, but the herb used in it was known for its calming qualities and that’s just what Chan needed. He made quick work of taking the largest amount prescribed per time and put the bottle back in the medicine cabinet before he made his way back to the kitchen.
All was well again after he felt the medicine start to do its work. His hands were shaking less, and he was able to concentrate on his task better. Soon enough they were able to put all the food on the table and everyone gathered around, thanking the four for the food. The dinner quickly disappeared and the other four that hadn’t helped with cooking moved to the kitchen with the dishes and washed them while the others laid down in a cuddle pile on the couch.
Chan was lying on his back on top of the couch with the weight of Minho on his chest and soft fingers carding through his hair. Seungmin was squeezed in between the couch’s back and their bodies while Felix had somehow managed to find a comfortable position tangled in their legs. It felt nice to Chan. Minho’s weight on his chest kind of worked like a weighted blanket and helped the anxiety that was still present in his body. Or was the Valerian already starting to wear off? He quickly shrugged off that thought and focused on the soft fingers of Seungmin carding through his hair.
Though the peace was soon disturbed by Changbin, Han, Hyunjin and Jeongin leaving the kitchen and draping themselves over the four boys laying on the couch. The four of them ended up laying half on the couch, half on the floor since there wasn’t enough room for all eight of them on the couch.
In that moment the rest of Chan’s remaining anxiety seemed to disappear, and he felt himself relax fully under Minho’s weight. He could hear a soft pleased hum come from Minho, he had probably felt the rest of the tension finally leave his body and was happy his mission to try and relax Chan for at least a while had succeeded.