Chapter Text
Chisato’s alarm went off early.
Reaching out to her phone, Chisato found the unfamiliar tune did not come from it. She sat up, her routine already thrown to the wayside. It had roused her a full five minutes before she planned. Not a big deal.
Where was the alarm coming from? Not her phone, but definitely within her apartment. Chisato’s brain caught up with the rest of her as she mechanically got out of bed and headed for the noise. The chime was different. A lilting tune which was reminiscent of the show she had finished shooting.
It should therefore not have surprised her to find it was the clock she had gotten as a gift from the cast. It did, because she did not realize it had an alarm. It had been a prop.
Not one she necessarily wanted, but she had complimented the craftsmanship. It had been made specifically to sit behind her character during every scene in the character’s office. Not all actors complimented the props department. Chisato never wanted people to think she assumed too much of them. She would compliment good work when she saw it.
Apparently it meant she now had this clock. It was almost more impressive to know the outside was modeled over a real clock. She hadn’t known it was a real clock, let alone an alarm clock.
Chisato picked it up. It was an elaborately detailed wooden cottage. As if someone had stepped into a fantasy world. It would always remind her of the part she had played.
Now she had to find how to turn the alarm off. With care, her fingers ran over the grooves of the cottage until she found the switch on a bit in front of the door. Wall clocks were not alarm clocks. They would sound the hour, but not wake her up.
How odd. It made her think this was not made specifically for the show, but had been repurposed.
Also, how it had turned on at all. She opened the front of the cottage. The front facade covered the clock itself, but also an inside made of mirrors. How strange. Chisato’s unprepared face reflected at her. Why have mirrors on the inside of a clock? It did not make any sense.
There was how the alarm was set. She turned it off. How had it been turned on?
What a strange clock. At least it hadn’t woken her up too much earlier than her own alarm. With a sigh, Chisato put it down. She had to find where to put it in her apartment. It was good she hadn’t put it somewhere more inconvenient.
There was time for it today. Today was rather light. Chisato had one work engagement. The rest of the day she could spend however she wished. It was the first time in a long time her schedule had been so light.
It would become much more busy soon enough. She had plenty to do today which she could not get to until later. Time to get started.
First things first, she would take Leon for a long walk. All of their walks lately had been shorter and he deserved to go down one of his favourite routes. She brushed him out first. It was close to time to take him to get his nails done. In his older age, Leon had less and less patience with people handling his feet.
Using said feet to move along from tree to bush to bench? Not a problem. Chisato walked along, letting Leon set the pace for their morning expedition.
She would take today slow. Read over her newest script before the table read in the afternoon. Take a couple hours for some bass practice on her own. Eve was going abroad for a week for some solo work. More time to work on some individual sticking spots with their newer work.
Leon’s tail wagged as he returned from the bush to her side. She scratched behind his ear before walking on. As usual, she had her hair pinned up under a hat. A lot of people overlooked her as being a famous idol with something as simple as making her hair appear shorter. Funny, considering how often she changed hair lengths during roles.
Before she saw from where, she heard the vicious snarls of a much less behaved dog. Chisato searched and saw the dog and his owner behind her. He had seen Leon and lost his mind.
Misbehaving dogs were one of her biggest pet peeves. Even more when said dog was aiming said misbehavior toward her excellent dog.
“Control your animal!” she said sharply, only to notice with growing dread the girl was trying, but had no ability to do so. The lead had slipped from her fingers. She ran after her Tosa Inu who barreled straight at Chisato and Leon.
“Mame! No!”
Her breath caught in her throat. Chisato did not know what to do. This hadn’t happened before. She tried to move Leon faster, but the aggressive dog had already closed the gap.
Barks and growls sounded between the two. Chisato knew she couldn’t get herself injured, but Leon’s safety came first. She dropped Leon’s leash, trusting him more than the other dog, and fished between the moving dogs to grab the other leash. She yanked back on the leash.
The girl caught up and assisted. Once the dogs were separated and the stranger had a good handle on her dog, Chisato rushed to Leon. She pulled out a handkerchief to wipe away the spittle from his face, only to come away with red. Her heart dropped into her stomach, but the only injury she found was the scratch straight across his nose.
She turned her eyes onto the other dog walker, who finally had her dog settled. If Chisato had the time, she would have destroyed her.
All she wanted was to get Leon away from his attacker.
“I’m— I’m so sorry! I—”
The ice slipped through her teeth. “You had better hope I never see you again, because I’m this close to contacting my legal aid about an assault.”
Chisato walked away. Leon kept close to her side.
She took Leon right to the vet. It was only his nose. Only a scratch. Yet she needed to hear a professional say it before the tension in her body drained away. Leon’s tail swept from side to side as he walked up to her, resting his head in her lap.
Keeping his nose clean would be easy, but this wasn’t how today should have gone. She stroked the sides of his face before taking him home.
Chisato had calmed down by the time Kanon’s text showed up.
Kanon-chan
Chisato-chan! I know you have part of the day off. Would you like to join me at the amusement park?
She did not question which park Kanon meant. It had to be the one Kanon and the rest of Hello, Happy World! had played at recently. Her schedule had meant she could not make it. Considering how a lot of Kanon’s band’s performances started, there was not often enough preemptive warning.
On a different day Chisato would have liked to go for a short while. After this morning, she wanted a bit more time before her table read.
Me
Not today. Shall we do dinner?
Kanon-chan
Okay!
They worked out an agreement to go to someplace much calmer than an amusement park. Peering over Leon once more, who was curled up in his bed and no longer bothered by the events of the morning, Chisato settled in her comfiest chair with her script and started to read.
Lunch was nothing special. Chisato did not even go out. She fussed over Leon a little more before leaving him be. Her next text came from Aya.
Aya-chan
can you make it to my magic show tonight?
Chisato stared at the message.
Me
What show?
Aya-chan
it’s for my newest class! we are putting on a show with our best tricks and I’m the headliner!
Chisato hoped this was because Aya was better with her magic and not because the class was hoping—
Wait.
Me
The agency knows about this, right?
Aya-chan
of course! but it’s not open to the public anyway. just people we know
Had Aya mentioned this before? Not to Chisato. She was sure she could have remembered this. As always, Chisato was a little antsy with this part of Aya’s interests. Regardless…
Me
I’m sorry, Aya-chan. I have dinner plans. Next time?
Aya-chan
o(╥﹏╥)o
have fun at dinner!
Me
Good luck at your show!
At least it was a closed audience. Whatever trick Aya had perfected to show an audience would hopefully not spread too far. She somehow always gravitated toward the least idol-like tricks imaginable. Chisato did not know how she kept doing it.
She should have gone. Kanon wouldn’t have minded going with. Except Chisato was looking forward to a low key dinner with Kanon. Having to check on Aya’s appearance during a magic show would be less so. Chisato could let it be for one day.
The rest of the day went well. Leon still seemed happy when she left for her table read, the work itself went rather well, and Chisato had a good feeling about how this job would go in the future. She was rather upbeat when she met Kanon at the restaurant.
“I’m glad to see you! It’s been a few days. Ready to tell me more about your last concert!”
Kanon smiled back at her, but something else lay underneath. She had never been the type to conceal her nerves. It was more that Kanon had become less and less nervous over time.
Not tonight though. Something else bothered her. “Yes! Some of the stories don’t work as well over the phone. I’ve gotten more pictures too. Kasumi-chan and Saaya-chan sent me what they took from the audience.”
“I can’t wait to see it.”
They went inside. As Kanon showed her how the performance had gone, she relaxed more and more. Yet the nervous energy did not vanish.
As always, Chisato wanted to take her hand. She refrained, but she was not about to let it slide. Still, Chisato let Kanon talk until she ran out of this other topic to distract her from her feelings.
“Has anything else happened lately?” Chisato asked.
Kanon considered. “Kokoro-chan wants to have our next performance underwater.”
At this point in their lives, Chisato knew somehow this would happen. Yet Misaki would make it make sense. Somehow. Chisato considered how it might work. “An aquarium then?”
“That would be nice! Though I don’t know how much people going to an aquarium would want to have our sort of music going on. And it’s not really underwater. Not in the same way as Kokoro-chan wants it.”
Kaoru had likely agreed to it without a second thought. Chisato had to sigh. Yet this was not what was bothering Kanon. The oddities of her band leader had long since stopped being an issue. Kanon was almost as into them as Kaoru or Hagumi.
Chisato did not envy Misaki’s position.
“Something is bothering you.”
Kanon hesitated again. “I… Um…”
A warning went off in the back of Chisato’s head, but she could not consciously bring herself to admit what it was about.
“I’ve missed you.”
Chisato smiled. “I miss you too. Nothing like our living together during college to make us being apart again more obvious, right?”
Kanon started to nod, but stopped herself. “Yes, but… Chisato-chan, I have something to confess.”
The bells were louder. Chisato had to say, do, something to stop her. She was not sure what.
“I’m in love with you.”
Kanon was in love with her. The alarms continued.
Of course Kanon was in love with her. Chisato already knew this. She had known for a long time. Almost as long as she had known about her own feelings toward Kanon.
Chisato swallowed and her mind struggled to return to order. Kanon loved her. Chisato was as familiar with Kanon’s love as she was with breathing. Chisato had always stood taller in the light of it. The same light she had always secretly hoped would turn away from her. Would dim. Turn back into the friendship they had started with.
All she had to say was “I love you too”.
If she did, Chisato’s world would fall apart. She had too many years left of this world to allow for it.
“You are my dearest friend, Kanon-chan,” Chisato said, ever the perfect actress. “I always want you in my life. But even if I wanted something else, you know I couldn’t. My work is so important to me. I love it. And for my work…”
“…a relationship like that doesn’t fit in.” Kanon nodded, eyes averted. Chisato knew her friend was doing everything in her power to not cry. She respected her for that as much as she felt awful for putting Kanon in this position. Chisato usually wanted to retaliate against people who would make Kanon cry.
Chisato didn’t know what to do outside what she had already done. The irritation toward her situation crawled up her throat and over her tongue.
Kanon cleared her throat. “I knew you would say that. I hoped otherwise, but…” She dabbed a handkerchief at her nose. “I knew. I had to say it though.”
They were still friends. “Did you though?”
It would have been fine if Chisato had said it with warmth. It would have been fine if she had said something else right after. Somehow the ice she wanted to aim at herself came out in her voice.
Kanon froze.
Chisato’s lips parted. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know.” Whether she did or not, it hurt Kanon further. Kanon blinked, keeping the tears from her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Kanon-chan. What I meant was—”
Kanon stood up. “Don’t worry. I know what you meant. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Thank you for seeing me today. I… I need to go.”
“Kanon-chan!”
Chisato did not call out as loudly as she wanted to. She did not want to cause a scene. She couldn’t cause a scene. For the same reason as she could not let Kanon know about her reciprocated feelings.
Kanon stopped to pay the bill before rushing out. Chisato didn’t know whether to run after her or not. Kanon wouldn’t want her to. She was embarrassed. She was hurt. It was all Chisato’s fault.
What was best for Kanon would be to stay where she was and let Kanon go.
Did you though? Why had she said that? Forget the tone she had put it in. Why had she said any of it at all?
Chisato did not remain at the restaurant for much longer. She headed home, wondering how today had gone so badly. It was supposed to be such a low key day. Leon had gotten hurt and she had alienated Kanon’s feelings.
She was not wrong in turning her down. As much as she loved Kanon, Chisato loved her career. It was important to her. Nothing was wrong with her.
She and Kanon were stronger than this. They would still be friends.
Still. It hurt how she couldn’t have eased Kanon more when letting her down. Something else was going on, of course. Something which had made Kanon feel she needed to admit the truth to Chisato now. Chisato could not blame her for that.
The embarrassment would subside. The emotions of tonight would fade. The desire to change their love to a different sort would go away too. Chisato would not give Kanon false hope. She would not ask Kanon to wait for a change in her career. It was not fair to either of them.
They would return to their friendship. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Right?
It wasn’t like she was putting all relationships aside for the sake of her work. She was only putting a particular type of relationship aside. Even if it was not always a big deal for an idol to date, it would still put too much pressure on both of them. Chisato was not always around.
It would not be fair.
It wasn’t fair now.
Well, sometimes it was not enough to just do her best. Chisato pinched the bridge of her nose and entered her apartment. Leon came over to greet her. She took comfort in giving him some pats, checking his scratch, and checking on his food at water.
She would check on Kanon tomorrow. Tonight Chisato would do her routine and be ready to wake with her alarm in the morning.
Chisato’s alarm went off early.
Reaching out to her phone, Chisato found the unfamiliar tune did not come from there. She sat up, her routine already thrown to the wayside. It had roused her a full five minutes before she planned. Not a big deal.
Except she had turned the alarm off yesterday. Why on earth was her new alarm clock sounding again? Chisato got up and went to it. She had forgotten to move it yesterday. Figure out where to hang it. For the best, considering it had turned itself on again.
Pressing the switch on the front door, Chisato opened the front of the cottage and faced the strange mirrors inside again. For the second time she turned the alarm off. It wouldn’t go off again, would it? No. Then again, she had been so certain she had done it right the first time. Examining it once more, she changed the alarm time as well. Just in case. She would see if it rang again and, if it did, whether the rest of it reset too.
Today was not like yesterday. She could not take her time. Chisato had to get moving. First things first, by taking care of Leon and having breakfast.
The antibiotic ointment was not where she had put it on the counter. Apparently she had put it back in the bathroom cabinet. Chisato felt a headache coming on. Everything with Kanon could have gone better, but had she truly fallen apart so after coming home?
“Leon!”
He pranced over, no worse for wear. Leon would much rather she be at his food dish right now.
Chisato narrowed her eyes. The tip of Leon’s nose had no scratch. Squatting down, she held his head still. He didn’t want to be still, but he behaved as she scrutinized him. It was gone. The fastest healing cut she had ever seen.
It had bled. Sure it was only a few droplets, but there was blood! How had his scratch healed so fast?
Putting her beliefs in the realm of advanced veterinary medicine didn’t seem right. Still, Chisato let Leon go and went to get breakfast for herself and for him. As she went to check the news on her phone, the date was wrong. The twenty sixth stared back at her.
Okay, she would take the good fortune of Leon healing well, but her phone having issues was another matter entirely. One she did not appreciate.
There was not enough time to take Leon on a long walk. Even if yesterday’s had been cut short and Chisato wanted to make it up to him. Still, she pinned her hair up under her hat and took him out on his lead. Today she would set the pace. Take a similar route to yesterday and loop back around early.
She checked her phone again. It was not only the time, but her phone was not updating properly. These were the same articles she had read yesterday.
Headache confirmed. With a shake of her head, she put her phone away and focused on the walk. This time was supposed to relax her. It was early enough in the morning that this route would not have too many people.
Once again, she heard the growls. She had not reached the same intersection as the last day. She had only reached the park.
How had this same lady done the same thing again? The Tosa Inu was straining against his leash after seeing Leon. Was she an idiot? Why would she ever bring such an aggressive dog around the park? Let alone walk him around anyone at all?
“What are you doing?”
“I— Mame! Stop!”
Mame was not going to stop. He would slip again and come after them. Chisato should not have said anything. She turned and started to run, Leon by her side.
“Mame!”
The sound of the dog barking behind her was louder than her heartbeat. Chisato turned, not wanting their backs exposed. As the dog jumped, Chisato pushed.
It surprised him. He almost knocked her over, but Chisato was sturdier than she looked too. Pain went down her wrist for a moment, but she reached out and grabbed Mame’s leash, hoisting him away from Leon.
“Sit!” she commanded. Leon did so, while she forcibly dragged Mame a few more steps back. He settled more, still growling at Leon, as his owner caught up.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! I’m so sorry. I don’t know—”
Chisato shoved the lead into the woman’s hands before looking at herself. The scratch went from her wrist halfway down her forearm.
“I am an idol,” Chisato snapped. “My image is my livelihood. Why would you do this twice?”
“What? I— No! I’m so sorry!”
It didn’t matter that she was crying. Chisato already hated her. However, it was raised skin. It did not look like it was bleeding. She needed to calm down. Chisato grabbed Leon’s leash and left before she could demand the woman for her contact information. She was better than this. That woman was not. She would not take Leon this way again. No, she would contact the neighbourhood watch. Keep it a small matter.
Twice. Chisato seethed as much as the scratch burned. Leon licked her hand. As it reminded her to take a breath, she scratched behind his ear and looked at his nose.
“Well, at least you’re safe today.”
At home, Chisato cleaned up her own arm. Long sleeves it was. She could get away with it. Even if practice might get a little warm. It’s not like there was band practice today, with Eve heading out of the country.
Once again, Chisato had calmed down by the time she had gotten a text. What it said did not make any sense.
Kanon-chan
Chisato-chan! I know you have part of the day off. Would you like to join me at the amusement park?
What? Was her phone glitching? This was the same message Kanon had left her yesterday. Except Chisato could not find the rest of the conversation from yesterday. The timestamp said the twenty sixth.
Chisato sat down and stared at it. The clock. The dog. Kanon’s message. All the same. What was going on? Had she dreamt this? It made no sense. Except if today was the twenty sixth, she was more free than she thought.
Except it couldn’t be.
Me
Not today, I’m not feeling well.
Kanon-chan
Do you need me to bring you anything?
…well, she wasn’t acting like Chisato had broken her heart. Chisato pinched the bridge of her nose again.
Me
No, I’ll be fine. I just need more rest. Shall we do dinner instead?
Kanon-chan
Okay!
Why was she doing dinner again? The response was automatic. Wait, maybe she should have mentioned Aya. Aya had a show tonight, didn’t she?
Except Chisato had dreamt that. Or this was the dream. Both weren’t happening.
As Kanon mentioned several places they could go, Chisato chose another quiet option. Not the same place as… reality? Her dream? Chisato shut her eyes. She would put on her alarm for lunch, but while she did not often take naps she was taking one now.
Lunch was bizarre. Food which should have been gone from her fridge was still there. Because she had not eaten it yet. Chisato checked her closet and saw the clothes she had worn yesterday. She had not bothered to search for them earlier, because they should have been dirty.
Leon followed her around for a bit, concerned. She soothed him, hoping to soothe herself.
Then Aya’s text came.
Aya-chan
can you make it to my magic show tonight?
Me
I’m sorry, Aya-chan. I have dinner plans. Next time?
Aya-chan
o(╥﹏╥)o
have fun at dinner!
The same response as before. Despite Chisato not asking what the show was about. Had Aya told her before? Had Chisato forgotten?
She felt like she was going crazy. No reason not to be polite.
Me
Good luck!
Putting her phone down, Chisato grabbed her script. Gone were her notes from yesterday. As if she hadn’t done any work at all. Her eye twitched.
No, she was wrong. It was a dream. It had to be a dream. All of this was a coincidence, because no other option made sense.
She still went to her table reading. For the life of her, Chisato couldn’t tell if this was the dream or not. She would do it better. Then, after waking up tomorrow, she would check her notes and find out what day had been the real twenty sixth and it wouldn’t matter anymore. All she had to do was get to tomorrow.
None of this stopped her reluctance when it came time to meet Kanon. Chisato should have turned her down. Why though? What reason? It hadn’t happened. Or this was a dream and she could ponder what better way she could have responded to Kanon before. Apologize again in the morning.
“Chisato-chan!” Kanon smiled at her.
Was it nerves or worry? Chisato hadn’t called out first, after all.
The actress she was forced a smile on her face. “I’m glad to see you! It’s been a few days. Are you ready to talk about your latest concert?”
Kanon nodded. “Yes! Some of the stories don’t work as well over the phone. I’ve gotten more pictures too. Kasumi-chan and Saaya-chan sent me what they took from the audience.”
Had Chisato said this before? “I can’t wait to see it.”
They went inside. It was a different restaurant, so nothing about it could be the same. Kanon leaned across their table, phone in hand, to show her the photos and clips of the Hello, Happy World! performance. Chisato knew these images. What Kaoru had done. The clip of Michelle being used as a surfboard while Kokoro had them glide over the Ferris wheel somehow.
“Are you all right?” Kanon asked. “You said you weren’t feeling well and… well, you still seem tired.”
“I’ve never been able to hide anything from you, Kanon-chan.” On the other hand, Kanon’s nervousness… The alarms were there. If Chisato could distract her from a confession, it might not happen at all. “I had a dream about today. While not feeling well… I was so certain it was Monday. So before I took a nap I was rather frazzled.”
“Should we have not met up today?” Kanon took her hand. Chisato’s immediate reaction was to take comfort in it.
The alarm became louder.
“This is fine.” She smiled, but it was a lie. Chisato should have said no. What if Kanon—
“Chisato-chan…”
No. If Chisato did not ask Kanon whether something was bothering her, it would not come to pass. “I promise you, I’m taking it easy. I wanted to see you. You are my best friend.”
She tried to make it natural, the pulling of her hand away from Kanon’s. Somehow it was anything but.
Kanon put her hands into her lap. “I miss you.”
Chisato took a sip from her glass. “Nothing like our living together during college to make us being apart again more obvious, right?”
Kanon nodded. “Yes. I’d have liked to be around to take care of you this morning.”
“You’re too sweet. But I am much better now.”
Kanon fidgeted with the edge of her plate. Chisato hadn’t paid much attention to what she had ordered. Chisato had almost forgotten her own order too. She turned the conversation to their food. Nice and neutral.
Or it should have been. The awkwardness was not only Kanon’s. Chisato rankled at it. This should not be the air between them. Except if this was the reason Kanon had wanted to have dinner… How could Chisato salvage it? Let Kanon confess and handle it better? She did not know how!
It wasn’t like turning down anyone else. It was turning down Kanon. One of her closest friends and the woman she adored most.
Kanon let out a small sigh. “This was a bad idea.”
Chisato’s tongue stuck in her mouth. She should pretend it was about her health. Thinking Kanon was concerned for her. Chisato did not know what it was about. The echoing bells in her head warned her what she would do wrong again.
“I might go home early.” Chisato still smiled at her. “I am happy to have come out to see you today, but I should turn in soon and make sure I’m recovered for tomorrow.”
Tomorrow would be better.
Kanon nodded. “O-Of course! Shall I walk you home?”
“No, that’s fine. I’m walking you to the station.”
Chisato shouldn’t have allowed for either. Yet at least Kanon would get home this way. What had happened before? In her dream? Chisato should have called Kaoru or Hagumi to check on her. She was such a fool.
They left the restaurant. Kanon hooked Chisato’s arm with hers. Something she would always do if Chisato was not feeling well. It was how it should be. Chisato had no reason to pull away.
Not even as she felt the pressure on her scratch. It should not have hurt, but it did. Chisato knew it was psychological.
One more time, Kanon attempted to confess. Chisato could tell. Yet as they said goodnight and Chisato promised to text her when she got home, Kanon kept it all to herself. Doing so pained her. Why? Why now, of all times?
At home, the phantom feeling of Kanon’s arm in hers made Chisato cold.