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Emotions— something worth feeling, worth having. It’s the only thing that kept people sane, or in the long term; made them feel insane.
Sae hardly could grasp that concept himself; for he was merely a robot to society. He lacked admirable qualities— Sae was cold and condescending, he hardly ever expressed sympathy for others. Or so that’s what he’d assumed about himself.
He did have sympathy for people, well for one singular person and maybe that’s what lead him to make this decision.
Sae Itoshi, Japan’s prodigy— or as his lover would say “under lashes senior,” did care for someone. Maybe a bit more than he’d ever expected from himself, which rendered him speechless about the topic in the long run.
See, Sae had someone; someone he could see himself destroying from the inside out. Sae noticed the tears, and facade of a smile— not to mention that undeniable look of reluctance.
The male was aware of everything around him. He’d been keen of his pretentious ways, he took notice of how hard he’d been to love. Sae himself couldn’t even feel the love between the two— simply because he was the hardest to love. He wasn’t needy or clingy; he was passive and dismissive. Sae never understood how Ryusei had the willpower to continuously put up with him.
Though, he knew it was all fake. It grew apparent with the past few weeks that his distant lover had only been hanging on to what they had before. That’s what Sae hated about him— Ryusei wasn’t the loud mouth man he’d met back then.
He’d gone soft; Ryusei was gentle with Sae and his feelings. Always putting the shorter male first when even god knew he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve him.
Ryusei was sweet, kind, loyal, and extremely lovable. He had this vibrant energy to him that lit up the world around him. Ryusei had the most tender way of loving sae, and fuck did he love that so much— but he found it hard to reciprocate. He felt like an idiot, home didn’t feel like home; it felt like a pit of darkness had swallowed him up and it was the cause of his own actions.
Sae can see what Ryusei wants. He wants to let him go but he’s so wrapped around the poor boys finger that he can’t seem to do so.
So now, Sae had to take matters into his own hands. Freedom was the one thing Ryusei enjoyed— and if Sae truly adored him, he let him have it.
His heart sank at the thought, as he continued to march toward the one bedroom apartment the two shared.
Grasping ahold of the door till his knuckles paled in comparison to how they usually appeared. Before he could open it up for himself, the door swung open Revealing the tall, muscular build of none other than Ryusei himself. As much as Sae would’ve love to focus on that— he noticed the apparent tears.
The ones he hated so much, merely because of the way they tug at the core of his heart.
“You’ve been gone for awhile, what brought you home.” Ryusei’s voice was low, sarcasm hinted through it.
Truth of the matter was the redhead simply needed space. To think and process what he was bound to do the next time they came in contact.
Sae let out a sigh, pushing past his estranged lover. The house was cold, empty, a shell of what it was before he ruined everything.
“We need to talk Ryu, that’s the only reason i’m here.” Sae was blunt, he didn’t want to waste time chatting about things that could be rushed.
But on the other hand— Ryusei’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. As shallow tears began to swell up in his eyes; maybe the inevitable was finally going to happen.
“You here to break up with me?” he chuckled, fighting back the things he really wanted to say.
Ryusei wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t as if Sae hadn’t been completely obvious of how he felt nowadays. The shorter male became more irritable, less loving, and far more harsh than he was before. He started rejecting his romantic advances, and never told him how much he loved him anymore.
That was the side of Sae that Ryusei refused to see. He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that yet another person was giving up on him. Maybe if it was a stranger he wouldn’t care, but Sae was someone he gave his heart and soul to.
Showcasing his most vulnerable side, spilling secrets that he held so dear to his own heart. Fuck did it hurt— he wasn’t ready to let go even though he knew it was for the best.
Because no matter how wild and rambunctious the tanned male had been. When he loved someone, it felt like he was on cloud nine, and knowing they loved him back. Gave him this sense of freedom and validation, which were two feelings he so desperately craved.
But what he craved the most was to be loved by Sae— it was something he wanted; no, needed. As much as Sae didn’t want to admit it, Ryusei felt the love he gave him. He knew the male wasn’t perfect and he didn’t care but somehow along the way, the two fell apart.
“How’d you know.” Sae’s voice came out as a whisper, causing Ryusei’s eyes to shoot open.
This wasn’t real; he couldn’t believe it, he didn’t want to believe it. He gripped at the left side of his chest as a sudden pang in his heart could be felt.
It’s not what he wanted, not right now. Not when he so desperately needed to keep him in his life. Without him he wouldn’t feel whole— he wouldn’t be able to just move on from Sae.
Because.. because, theres no one out there who could possibly love him. Who’d disregard the flaws he hated— who’d make him feel like the prettiest boy in the world when he’d felt worthless.
There was no one out there, who loved as good as Sae Itoshi.
“No.” That was all he could manage to say as he felt his heart shredding in the palm of his hands.
“I wasn’t giving you a choice.” Sae muttered, facing away from the teary eyed male.
He couldn’t watch him cry, not if he was the reason for his sudden anguish. It hurt far too much but Sae wanted Ryusei to let him go. He needed to say something for the male to realize how dehumanizing this relationship is going to become; if they keep going.
“I— I don’t love you anymore, it’s best if you let me go.” His voice wavered.
Surely what he said wasn’t true? It could be that he really cared for Ryusei— but why would he aim to hurt him in such a disgusting way. He wouldn’t even look him in the eyes as he shattered his poor little fragile heart.
“But, Sae. I still love you. That’s enough for me.” The pain in his voice could be heard and god did it sting.
Sae just wanted him to be happy, Ryusei could be so much more happier without being tied down with such a burden.
“It’s not enough for me, i’m done here.” He snapped. Immediately regretting his choice of words as he heard the sobs of his now, ex-boyfriend.
“Fuck you, Sae.” Ryusei spat through his tears. He shoved past him, trudging toward the door. Holding it wide open, waiting for Sae to take his leave so he could wallow in his self pity alone.
“Leave.”
Sae didn’t take much time deciding on whether he’d listen or not. He was aware that Ryusei had reached his limit and that there was nothing left to say.
So he simply did as he was told— Sae turned on his heel and headed towards the door. Making sure to keep a straight face, not allowing it to falter one bit.
“I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster up the courage to say.
They say time will tell, hopefully that’ll be true for the both of them. Ryusei hoped Sae would come around eventually, whilst Sae just hoped Ryusei could find it in his heart to move on.
Because after all, Sae Itoshi was, the hardest to love.