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Sometimes it was impossible to know when you started and the Styx ended.
You learned the rhyme of the river, and how it hid your mother’s heart away in its depth. Of the mortal blood that flowed and of Charon, his boat was ever steady among the wailing.
You followed him sometimes, tracing his path from behind. You never got close to the land though, you just watched from afar as shades talked to the looming god.
One time you got close enough to touch his boat, the wood smooth against your fingertips. You gasped when you heard a groan from above and yanked your hand away, your guilty hand curling against your chest. You looked up to see his purple eye staring down at you and you froze, staring back at him.
Then he reached down, placing a gentle hand on your head, uncaring of the blood that surrounded you. He groaned, and maybe it would have been nonsense to anyone else but you heard his words. ‘Be good, little one. Return to your mother and sisters.’
Then his hand left your head, fingers marked by blood. You nodded and with one last look back toward the boatman who tipped his hat at you, you returned to the embrace of the Styx.
~
You have been content.
You had been more than happy to attend to the river and to your mother’s heart, to wave Charon on after he let the mortals off. You liked the mortals, their stories and the quiet way they rebuild their lives.
You have your sisters to care for, weaving the same tales your mother told you as you guide them along the river.
But…
You knew of the prince, how could you not?
His attempts to break his ties to the underworld had reached even your ears. You knew every time the Styx had claimed the young god, the power of a god filling the river in a way no mortal could.
“What a fool, just dying over and over again. And for what?” Your little sisters muttered as the prince floated down the river, watching him with confused eyes.
They were young, their hearts still whole.
Unlike your mother’s. Unlike yours.
You said nothing as the river had sent him your way, the water calm as it carried his form.
You thought about your mother’s tales, of Achilles’ mother placing him in the river to try to save him from his fate, her lips muttering prayers, tears spilling from her eyes.
Of when Hypnos had made Hera swear to give him Pasithea’s hand in marriage, his golden eyes were hard and desperate, not a warrior but willing to be one for her.
Of when Lord Hades and his queen had taken their wedding vows, different souls but whole when together, their voices low and tender.
You stopped him for a moment when he drifted past you with gentle hands on his face. You studied the prince of the underworld, at the line of his jaw, the fan of his dark lashes and his messy black hair.
“I think.” You said carefully. “He might have his reasons.”
And with a caress on his forehead, you let Zagreus go.
~
“An oathkeeper.” A voice said behind you, low and reverential.
You whirled around with a gasp, still knee-deep in the river. You haven’t heard someone call you that name in a long time.
You blinked when you saw the prince standing at the shore, his sword in hand. He looked just as surprised as you did. He had been fighting, his bottom lip busted open and you saw the bruises all over his body. Even far away as you were, you saw the strength in his form.
You said nothing. What could you say to this god before you?
Even beaten and worn down, he looked like a prince. Straight back and proud, he stepped into the shallow water with you, water lapping up his knees but he stopped there. His mismatched eyes - and how odd, you’ve never seen eyes like those before even among gods- held your stare and only then were you able to find the words.
“Your Highness.” You said, and you cursed at how weak your voice sounded.“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”
“My apologies for scaring you.” Prince Zagreus gave you a boyishly sweet grin, and you forgot for a moment that he was a prince, and not just an excited boy. “I never thought I would see, let alone meet one of the river Styx’s daughters.”
You tilted your head, watching the god before you. “Well, your highness. Here I am. I must say it doesn’t look like it will be long before you will join the river once more.”
Prince Zagreus gave a rueful laugh, “I look that rough, huh?” Then he gave a cheerful grin, “At least I don’t look as bad as the other guy does.”
You laughed quietly. “I suppose not, your highness.” Your eyes swept his form, and you thought of how he looked before. His face peaceful in his rest, made whole once more. You thought how his skin felt against your hands. Of the smile he graces you with now.
You picked up your damp skirt, bunching the fabric between your fingers and moved closer to him. He almost reached for you, as if fearing you would trip but the river held you steady.
His fingers curled back, and he said nothing, his eyes curious. You offered a grin, a small one. Then you cupped his cheek with one hand then leaned close. You brushed your lips against his other cheek. “A second chance, your highness.”
He gasped at your soft kiss, at the power of the styx. His hand found your wrist, his hold was gentle even with his rough fingertips. It felt like a tattoo against your skin.
You pulled back with a smile, took several steps back into the river and before he could call you back, you were claimed by the river again.
~
Your sisters gathered around you when you returned home.
The prince had made his way past the Hydra, a feat no one else had done before.
Yet he had.
They whispered among themselves, eyes bright and soft giggling between words but you stayed quiet, your fingers curling into your tunic. You waited for the call of the river to come for you, to attend to the prince once more.
You did not tell your sisters of the blessing you granted him.
~
He found you again, somehow.
You stared at him as he joined you in the river again. You shoved away the warmth you felt bloom inside your gut and clasped your hands as you waited for him to get closer.
“I don’t think you know how much I owe you my gratitude, daughter of Styx.” Prince Zagreus said in a low tone, words only for you and him.
You only nodded with a curl of a smile. “It is no trouble, your highness.” You almost turned away when he held out a hand. “Wait, I got you something.”
You blinked at the bottle he held, round and golden.
Nectar.
You didn’t reach out for it, unsure what to even say. You have never been given such a thing before.
“Please. I know it’s not much of a gift.” Prince Zagreus said but you shook your head, your hands curling over his. And your cheeks warmed when you realized how smaller your hands were against his, at how different you and him were.
“It’s perfect, your highness.” You whispered as you took the weight of the bottle into your hands. You ran a finger over the bow, smiling even at the doubtful look he gave you. “Truly, it is. Thank you, Prince Zagreus.”
“Zagreus. Please. Just Zagreus.” He grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but blush at it.
“Zagreus.” You agreed quietly.
~
Your mother whispered to you when you returned to her. Styx was ancient, even among gods and her mere presence carried a heavy weight.
“Are you sure about this, child? He may not stay. Such as a bird, trying to be free.” She said. It wasn’t meant to be cruel but you flinched at her words.
You curled around the bottle of nectar, biting on your bottom lip. It was foolish. It was nothing to a god like him but you never even saw something like this before.
Nor anyone like Zagreus.
Your mother sighed, and placed a gentle hand on your head.
“Remember you can always return to me, to the river, to the flow of mortal life.” She whispered and with that she was gone.
~
You were alone this time when the river sent Zagreus your way. You hurried over to him, his body carried by the river.
He looked like he was asleep, almost childlike in how sweet he looked. You smiled as you held his face between your hands. You brushed his black hair out his face as you whispered a prayer for him.
“Oh. It’s you.” He slurred. His voice was warm and fond. Your eyes snapped to his and he was staring at you. Like you were the one to save him. Like there was no one else but you. His hand reached up and cupped the back of your head. You gave in to the gentle pressure and leaned down.
He kissed you, a soft and chaste kiss. It only lasted for a moment before his hand dropped back into the river.
“I will come and find you.” He promised as he fought to stay awake. You shushed him gently, like a mother would a child “And I will be here waiting for you, Zagreus. Never doubt that.”
He smiled before darkness claimed him.
This time you didn’t let go, you guided him down the river yourself, only letting go when you got close to his home.
You watched the river claim him and you knew you would wait centuries for him.
~
Later when it was you and him, his hands covering yours, he swore an oath. His forehead against yours as he spoke low and sweet, his eyes never leaving yours.
With body, soul and heart, I return to thee.