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It’s difficult to come to terms with so many things in life, especially the end of said life.
But with food supply at a bare minimum, increasing kraang patrols in the area, and a poorly hidden bed under some fallen cement walls to call home, Raph realized he would have to make peace with Pizza Supreme in the Sky, (or what remained of it), because he was essentially fucked.
The thing that made this so difficult was it shouldn’t be like this. He was confident his family was alive somewhere in the ruins of The Big Apple, but after they moved bases he had no way of finding them.
He couldn’t keep his family safe.
That hurt. A lot.
Raph was incredibly familiar with pain considering the misery he and his family had been through in the past few years, (it was too upsetting to try and keep track of the exact number), but this hurt that much more because his family wasn’t there for him to comfort. For him to keep safe.
It was Raph alone.
He hadn’t gone completely feral after being left alone, (abandoned), like in the past. He had luckily matured out of that unhealthy need for his family. However after months, (months?), of being alone he felt a feral energy creeping in and beginning to overwhelm his senses. He had never felt quite like this before and it was incredibly unnerving. Hallucinations made a home in his tired head and danced around him whenever he let his guard down. A new creature liked to creep into his mind when he was at his most stressed and…
…it craved blood.
Raph was not a violent natured being aside from bashing in villains, so it felt odd to suddenly be overcome with the need to rip something in two. Luckily there were very few humans around to hurt and plenty of kraang to satisfy the need whenever it came around.
Of course, fighting kraang with no backup whatsoever and no Donnie or Leo to help heal him after battles lead to consequences he never thought he would have to face.
Raph was a commander in the resistance before he lost his family. As a commander he had seen many good lives lost in many horrible ways. One of the worst by far though was by means of infections. If a certain strain of kraang bio-growth got into an open wound it would slowly move through its host until it reached their brain. From there it, (according to some funky scans Donnie had taken), decayed the brain until it loosely resembled the shape of a kraang’s. But since the host’s brains couldn’t really function in their new form, people would be turned into ‘kraang zombies’ and the host would be forced to live out their life as a hopeless wanderer, hell-bent on blood and death. Donnie made it very clear that if they were potentially affected they were supposed to go to him immediately so he could examine and treat the wound. He also made it clear that if they could not make it to him and the offending wound was located in an extremity such as an arm or a leg, it should be amputated with zero prejudice or remorse.
So, when Raph was bitten in his left wrist by what at one point may have been a dog but was now just another victim of the apocalypse, he knew what he had to do.
This was why Raph could claim he understood true pain, because he had cut his own arm off at the shoulder with his own weapon and an expired anesthetic he must have put in his backpack by accident.
And yet losing his family hurt far, far worse.
He missed Leo. He missed Mikey. He missed April and CJ. He missed little Casey Jr. And he missed Donnie.
Donnie…
…Raph was out here because he and the second youngest…
…he hated himself because he was sure his disappearance had made Donnie hate himself too.
He was just trying to do his best and be the best big brother in the worst possible situation.
Raph noticed his brother hadn’t been taking care of himself. Everyone had been pushing themselves in these times but Donnie pushed far too hard far too often. He would skip out on meals because he claimed he was fine without and wanted to save food for others. The dark bags under his eyes signaled that he never truly got a good night’s sleep. His once tidy lab was now a disaster zone of spare parts. He never got help when he accidentally cut himself on a sharp edge or fell off a ladder awkwardly.
And Raph couldn’t just stand and watch his baby brother kill himself like that.
He went to confront Donnie one evening. It had started as simple words about how everyone cared for the soft shell, which Donnie didn’t even look up from his work to hear. It moved to Raph trying to force him to look up to which Donnie responded with horrified screams and a panic attack. It had been so long since the genius had slept that he managed to zone out and forget anyone else was there. He thought a kraang had gotten in and was lost in his hallucinations. Leo and Mikey ran in at the sound of their brother’s screams, they expected an attacker or serious injury only to find Donnie curled into a ball on the floor with Raph standing over him trying his best to calm him down.
They worked together to calm Donnie down. Only when his breathing finally evened out and he realized where he was did hell truly break loose. Donnie shot up and backed away from his family on unstable legs. He wasn’t acting like himself at all. He yelled at them for coming into his lab without permission and started to pick a fight with Raph for worrying so much and for touching him without his consent.
His brother said some really hurtful stuff.
“I can take care of myself, you know.”
“I would have been fine if you hadn’t come to bother me in the first place.”
“Why don’t you trust me?”
“This is my job, I can handle my job.”
“It would be better for everyone if you just left me the fuck alone.”
Raph was so hurt. It hurt to see his brother like this. It hurt to be yelled at.
But he still should’ve thought harder and went in with a plan like Donnie always insisted he needed to.
“I bother because we obviously can’t trust you.”
“You need to stop yelling at the people who are trying to help.”
“You are acting completely delusional and insane.”
They kept up a vicious back and forth for what felt like hours. The other two brothers could only watch in shock as the two went at each other's throats.
This was the exact opposite of what Raph wanted to come from this talk. It was the exact opposite of what he wanted to come from any talk with his brothers.
He just wanted to be a good big brother.
Eventually the oldest just couldn’t take the yelling and fighting anymore.
Nothing would get done with this pointless screaming contest.
“That’s it, I’m going for a walk.”
“Good, you should have your own space and focus on yourself, for once!”
Mikey and Leo desperately tried to discourage him from going outside by himself at night, but he insisted it would just be for a few minutes.
Those few minutes turned into months when the kraang came through on a patrol at the wrong time and forced Raph to run.
He ran as far as possible so if he was caught the kraang couldn’t find the base if he was caught. He hid out by himself for what was apparently far too long. By the time he returned to the base he found it deserted. On the large, (but hidden), garage door that served as the entrance there was a message written in special glow in the dark spray paint. The kraang couldn’t see the chemicals it was made of so it was essentially invisible ink.
“4/21/29 — Location Abandoned. Kraang patrols too frequent. May Death be Quick and Meaningful should it come.”
Messages like these were not unfamiliar to Raph. They had abandoned plenty of bases and written messages similar to these on every one for others survivors, (if they were out there). They never left the location of the new base in case the kraang decoded the messages. As unlikely as that was, it couldn't be worth the risk.
So there Raph was. A turtle alone and probably presumed dead.
He moved away from that base because it was just a bad idea to stick around if it was abandoned. From that point on he began his lone fight against the enemy.
And he never stopped looking for his brothers. Never.
Raph took a deep breath, (it didn’t make him feel any better), and shifted his weight to his remaining arm. He pushed himself up off of his shitty bed and peered out the biggest hole in his ‘base’, (it was just a few big sheets of concrete he had managed to push together against a building for shelter). The ruins of New York made him want to cry. He mourned the nights he and his brothers spent together leaping across rooftops and eating pizza. The street he was looking at had massive cracks in the concrete and in some spots it broke through to the subway below. The buildings around it were crumbling apart more and more every day. Dormant kraang bio-growth creeped around lampposts and snaked their way up old storefronts. The sky was an off-pink that it normally reflected at sunset, bathing the city block in a hideous fleshy glow.
And in the center of this hell stood…
…a…child?
The child was barefoot, wearing a very large and very loved old Hockey jersey, pajama pants that went to his calves, held a small stuffed turtle, and looked a little bit older than the last time Raph had seen him.
Casey.
Raph had absolutely zero clue how he got out here, and from the look on Casey’s face he was most likely lost and scared.
While Raph stood frozen in shock, loud siren-like noises sounded out from down the street.
A patrol.
Without another moment of hesitation, Raph darted out from his shelter. He didn't grab his weapon because he would not have a spare arm if he chose to take it. He jumped over a crack in the road and scooped Casey up before the younger even had a chance to become aware of his presence.
To Raph’s horror, the child in his arm immediately started screaming and crying. Raph shifted his hand to cover Casey’s mouth. Hopefully the kraang hadn’t heard that.
Flashing red and blue lights came from around the corner as the sirens continued to grow louder. They hadn’t a moment to lose.
With as much speed as Raph could muster he booked it back to his shelter and pressed his back against the wall facing the street. Little Casey had stopped trying to fight him, instead he went completely still aside for shivering and Raph could feel the wetness of tears on his hand. The terrapin gave a silent prayer to Pizza Supreme in the Sky and hugged Casey so close he thought the child would pop. The sirens came around the corner and filled both of their minds with a mangled wail. Red and blue lights pierced through the holes in the concrete and danced on the back wall of the shelter with a seizure inducing pattern. It couldn’t have lasted for more than a minute but it felt like an eternity. Raph expected gooey tentacles to rip to wall out from behind him and stab them both with zero remorse at any moment.
By the time the cries of the sirens began to draw out for longer and the light show disappeared from in front of them, Raph was incredibly close to crying from the sheer, intense fear built up in his chest. He tried to take a few deep breaths to manage the overwhelming emotions before he recognized the form that was still shaking in his arms.
“Hey buddy” he whispered in the most gentle and kind voice he could summon at this point, “I’m gonna let you go but you have to stay calm for me, okay?”
A small head moved up and down against him and Raph slowly realized his death grip on the child. Casey immediately scurried to the other side of the shelter before turning to face his captor. His young eyes were met with a tired smile and a familiar face.
“Waph?” he asked, voice as quiet as could be.
Raph chuckled a little and closed his eyes. “Hey buddy, it’s Raph.” Not a moment later did Raph feel two tiny arms wrap around him as best as they could. He looked down to see Casey looking up at him with an excited smile.
“Waph!” he said in a cheery little voice. “I missed you!”
And if Raph hadn’t been crying before. “I missed you too, little guy.” He took a moment to compose himself a little bit better before asking the question burning in his mind. “What’re you doin’ out here buddy?”
Tr
Casey smiled and simply responded “I was explowin’.”
God damnit this kid was gonna get himself killed.
Raph closed his eyes and let a low chuckle escape from his lips. How on earth had little Casey had gotten all the way out here from wherever the base was.
The base.
Holy shit.
Raph grabbed the toddler in front of him and looked him in the eyes with far more intensity than he meant to. “Casey,” he asked with complete focus, “Do you know how to get back to the base?”
Casey took a moment to process what Raph said before letting a smile take over his mouth. “Yep!” he giggled with zero regard for the weight his answer held. “I ‘membered so I could get back home. Weo told to always remember where home is.”
He looked so proud of himself.
Raph took a deep breath and let go of Casey. He took a long look around his shelter and made an easy decision.
“I’m gonna hold you to that, Jones.”
~
Following a toddler through an apocalypse-ridden wasteland was not good for Raph’s sanity. Casey had to stop a few times to recall what he was doing and made several wrong turns. Two more kraang patrols passed by them and both times Raph was confident he would pass out from lack of oxygen after holding his breath for so long.
They were still trotting through the dead city when Casey came to a sudden halt. It took all of Raph’s might to put the breaks on before he flattened Casey.
Casey looked around, turned to Raph, and smiled.
“I fink we awe close.”
“Then lead the way CJ, lead the way.”
Before either of them got another step in, they heard something. For a second Raph thought it was another patrol, but then he recognized the voice.
Leo’s over-dramatic screeching had never sounded so good.
Raph picked Casey up and started running towards his brother's voice. As the shouts became clearer, Raph could make out what Leo was yelling.
He was calling for a lost little kid.
“Casey! Casey you better not be out here but like you better be out here! Caseyyyyyyy!”
It was like Leo was making more pitiful attempts than actual efforts. He must have been giving up hope.
Luckily a whole new wave of hope was coming around the corner.
Raph picked up his pace and rounded a building. There, standing mid-square was his brother.
He was home.
Leo was facing the other way and Raph was tempted to call out when a smaller voice did it for him. “Weo!” Casey yelled. “Weooo!”
Leo whirled around expecting to feel the rush of finding Casey when a whole other wave of, shock? Ya, shock hit him like a truck.
It looked like Leo was trying to say something but his brother stole his breath from him. He gaped stupidly for a moment before taking a step towards the pair. And another.
In a matter of earth shattering moments Leo found himself in-front of his dead brother and all he could bring himself to do was stare. His never ending stream of words had found its end rather quickly when Raph was just… there.
Alive.
“…Raph?” His voice cracked when he asked.
Raph smiled his signature snaggle tooth smile. “Hey buddy.”
Before Leo could say anything else, (ask more questions because Ohmigosh), they heard sirens in the distance.
Leo grimaced, “Let’s get inside.”
Raph followed his little brother, (a sentence he never thought he would say again), to an abandoned pizza shop. They ducked inside and went to the kitchen in the back. Somehow the smell of pizza still lingered after all this time. Leo pressed a brick next to the pizza oven and it collapsed into the wall. Then he pushed the oven out of the way and revealed a long rocky tunnel that sloped downwards into the abyss.
Leo gestured for the Raph and Casey to enter then followed them himself. He manually pulled the pizza oven back over the entrance, (it looked heavy), and the three were bathed in darkness.
As soon as the light went out green lanterns on the wall lit up and marked out a slim path that curved down and to the right. Raph was about to stop walking when he felt it.
Arms wrapped around his torso and a head buried itself in his shoulder. Raph moved to return the bone crusher of a hug but suddenly Leo removed his octopus hold.
Leo stumbled away from Raph and gave him a suspicious look. Raph was confused for just a moment before his brother shouted out “Are you a kraang?!?!”
Raph’s face melted into a look of shock and a touch of hurt.
“Leo I—“
“—Answer me!” His brother shot back. “Are you a kraang in disguise because if so we won't fall for it!”
Leo looked completely manic and horrified, as if the idea had struck him in the head during the hug. Hard.
It hurt to be accused but Raph could understand where his brother was coming from. Paranoia was a part of the apocalypse after all.
“Leo,” Raph placed Casey on the floor and put his remaining hand over his heart. “I promise on every slice of pizza I’ve ever eaten, every good memory I have with you guys and my beloved football Lace Face that I am your big brother. I—“ he paused for a sob that managed to escape, “—I’m sorry I left. I never thought— it would get this bad but I’m here now. I’m home.” He ended it with the most sincere smile he had ever worn and looked directly into Leo’s scared eyes.
Leo didn’t look impressed. “I’m sorry Raph, but that may be a lie. I can’t know that you are who you say you are and I can’t let you in until I do.” Leo drew out his swords to show he would protect that claim. “I can’t lose anyone else.”
Raph sighed.
“Ask me a question only I would know the answer to.”
“What?”
“I said ask me a question so I can prove I am your brother.”
Leo paused and let his stance fall a little slack. He was clearly considering it.
Raph waited there for so long thinking he would be stabbed to death by his own brother before…
“…What— what is my favorite kind of pizza and why?”
Oh.
Now that was an easy one.
“Hawiian with banana peppers. It’s your favorite because Don says pineapple in general is a mistake and pineapple on pizza is the reason the kraang took over in the first place,” Raph chuckled at the memories flooding his mind. “You always made it a point to sit right next to Donnie at Hueso’s so he would give you the look.” Raph then did his best to mimic Donnie’s glare.
The swords made a clanging sound as they hit the rock floor. Leo paid them no mind as he rushed forward and hugged Raph with every ounce of strength he had. Raph returned the hug in full.
(And if his own face became wet, and his shoulder became wet as Leo sobbed and sobbed about how hard it had been without him and how bad it had gotten, no one had to care.
He was home)
~
After the tears ran dry Leo was left giggling like when they were young.
“I missed you soooooo much,” he laughed.
“Me too hermano, me too.”
Leo took a few breaths to steady himself as Raph slowly released him. Leo smiled at his brother with a wet shine in his eyes.
“Shall we?”
Both proceeded without another word. Raph scooped up Casey, who, exhausted from his big adventure, had fallen asleep against the rocky walls. He remained peaceful and quiet throughout the walk down, (which took “3-frickin’-years” according to Leo), and didn’t wake until they reached the iridescent lights of what must have been the main hallway of the base. Right before Raph stepped onto the shitty tile flooring Leo stopped him with an outstretched hand.
“Hold on hold on hold on,” he said. Then he yelled “Hey guys,” with a mischievous grin on his face, “Guess who I found???’
Immediately Raph heard a high pitched and desperate “Casey?” from around the corner. Three sets of thundering steps followed the voice of what must have been the missing’s mother.
Then… they were just…
…there.
Cassandra, April, and Mikey.
Raph took in a shaky breath and tried his best to imagine what was going through his family’s heads. Probably a lot.
Cassandra was the first to come forward with another cry of “Casey!” all though this time it was quieter. She came up to Raph and stared him dead in the eyes. “How—“
“Casey found me,” Raph interjected. “I think he might have saved my life.”
Cassandra just looked into Raph’s eyes and tried to take in what he had just said.
Her lips parted the slightest bit and she whispered a tiny “Thank you” before leaning into Raph and letting him hug her with his one arm. After a moment she backed off to let the rest of the family have their turn.
The moment Casey and her son were away from Raph’s hold he felt an incredible force slam into him from his front. That force had a name and its name was Mikey.
Raph looked down at his baby brother and smiled fondly. He knew enough time hadn’t passed for Mikey to look any older but he would always look too old for his mind to his oldest brother.
Mikey looked up and met Raph’s eyes with tears of his own and a huge juxtaposing smile to match.
“Raph!”
“Mikey!”
“How are you not dead?”
“I have little to no idea.”
“I love you,” he sobbed hard, “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you more than you know.”
Mikey was doing his signature ‘spider hug’ around Raph’s whole body with both his arms and his legs involved. It was oozing with love and care. Raph realized that it was all worth it. All of it. The fear, the hiding, the missing his family, the arm…
It was all worth it for this hug right here, right now.
And he would do it again and again for his family and their love.
Eventually another weight came to his side in another bone crushing hug. April, to be exact.
“Big red,” she said softly, “I missed you so much you wouldn’t believe.” That sweet message was followed by a whispered “I’m gonna beat the shit out of you when your brothers are gone. Don’t do that ever again.”
Goodie.
It was incredible to be home.
Raph couldn’t help but notice someone was missing though. Someone he really wanted to see and wanted to apologize to ASAP.
He took a deep breath.
“Where is Donnie?”
~
The terrapin in question was in an old part of the underground base that looked like it had been a bunker at some point. A sign that said “Donatello’s Laboratory” in sharpie hung over the curtain door. Raph carefully pulled the curtain away to find his brother sitting in a chair looking over crappy security footage. His shell was faced towards Raph, Mikey, and Leo.
Leo smirked at Raph similarly to how
he smirked at the entrance and sing-songed “~Ooooh Donatellooooooo. Guess who we fooouuuuund~?”
He spun around in his chair at top speed and shouted “Casey? You found Ca—“ and stopped when he saw him.
Donnie shakily stood from his chair and approached with great cation, as if Raph were some foreign monster. His mouth moved up and down attempting to make words. The look on his face was one of pure shock.
Or fear.
It might have been fear.
He stopped about 4 feet in front of Raph, not an inch closer. His face marched in the same look as when he encountered a puzzle or saw a new formula. Analytical.
“Raph?” Donnie’s voice was so quiet and it sounded as if it would break at any moment.
Raph responded at the same volume so he wouldn’t hurt the atmosphere or scare Donnie. “Hey buddy. I missed you.”
Donnie looked like he wanted to go in for a hug but he stopped himself. Raph really wanted to push the hug but held back because his brother would hate a forced hug.
He suddenly started backing away and whispering and mantra of “this can’t be real, this can’t be real, this can’t be real” to himself.
Raph remained stationary but Leo and Mikey chased after their brother as he crashed into his old, patchy spinny chair. Donnie dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and displayed all of his stressed signs.
Mikey and Leo both tried to comfort Donnie simultaneously.
“—Hermano please breath—”
“—Buddy, it’s okay now, Raph is back—”
“—Deep breaths—”
“—it’s real Donnie it’s gonna be okay—“
All at once Donnie’s arms flew out and he yelled “Be quiet. Let me think.”
He stood up and began to pace while muttering to himself. It was so regular for Raph to watch his little brother do this while thinking but right now it seemed so nerve racked.
It was terrible.
Raph began to move forward so he could… do something or something.
Just as he was going to meet Donnie, his brother’s hand shot up and blocked him.
“If you are really Raph and not some kraang imposter” he began, “you will let me run some blood tests. They should be able to tell the difference between kraang DNA and turtle.”
Raph dropped his hand from where he had it raised. It took a moment, but he nodded.
Donnie immediately launched into action, messing with an IV stand and some other stuff Raph recognized but didn’t understand. Donnie came over and grabbed his right arm, sparing a pitiful glance at the spot where the left once was and a concerned one for the dirty bandage on his shoulder, and pulled him over to sit down on a chair by the IV stand.
Throughout the process Raph stayed almost completely still and silent aside from a few small smilies. Leo and Mikey, specifically the former…
…did not.
“Donnie, this is ridiculous. It’s him, stop nerding out.”
“We can’t know that. You were stupid for believing that he's back this easily.”
Raph would pretend that didn’t hurt.
“Donnie” Leo walked up to Raph and put a hand on his shoulder “I already asked him security questions that only he would know the answer to. He’s cleared.”
Donnie turned to Leo sharply and snapped back with “You really are stupid aren’t you? You really think the kraang wouldn’t go as far as to kill Raph, invade his mind, and violate his memories? You have some sugar coated version of our fucked world stuck in your delusional head! There is nothing good left, nothing! Raph isn’t back.” Raph would also pretend that didn’t hurt. “Raph can’t be back! It can’t just be okay!” Everyone looked like they wanted to say something, Mikey even tried interjecting, but Donnie didn’t stop. He finished taking Raph’s blood and put it in some fancy machine before grabbing another vial of blood from a cardboard box on a shelf and putting it in there too. He pressed the go button and the machine started making a whirring noise. “Two minutes.” He finally stopped his rant and left the room in silence…
…For about a second until Leo shot in “You really don’t think it’s him? You really think this isn’t our brother?”
Donnie was still facing the counter and absently watching the machine. “Yes,” he said, “yes I do. In fact I believe you should draw your weapons and prepare for the inevitable attack when this kraang realizes he isn’t going to get away with pretending to be my dead brother,” as he said this he crossed his arms and glared at Raph with a great accusation behind his eyes.
Leo took a deep breath and tried again. “Donnie, you really can’t just believe this is him?”
“Ya Donnie,” Mikey chimed in, “this really isn’t something you can just science out. What does your gut tell you?”
“My gut” Donnie sat down his chair and stared at all three of his brothers, lingering on Raph with a hurt look “tells me that this is a kraang, Raph is dead, and you guys are too gullible for this sensitive matter.”
Leo was about to yell back at Donnie, but Mikey physically stood in front of him. “Why? Why do you think that? Don, please talk to us.”
“Not with the kraang in the room.”
“He’s not a kraang!” Leo stepped back in front of Mikey.
Donnie turned back around and yelled the loudest anyone had so far “YES HE IS! He has to be a kraang! Because—“ He broke off for a second “—because Raph can’t just be okay and alive. He can’t be alive because I don’t get a second chance. I was just supposed to go insane from knowing I did it. I killed my brother! And it was because I was too stupid and immature and dumb to watch my goddamned words! I was supposed to die, wallowing in my own self pity after my words killed one of the only good things left in the end of the world. Because— because it can’t— he can’t just—“ Donnie couldn’t finish his sentence. He was too broken up in tears and couldn’t get his shit together to talk.
Raph wordlessly got up behind him and opened up his arm. Donnie dove into the loving embrace and began to sob in the comfort of his big brother’s love. Leo and Mikey both came to either side and made the normal hug into a group.
None of them even noticed the machine ding with a positive green glow in the background.
They just cried tears of joy.
Raph was home.
(And almost intact too)
~
Leo eventually broke off to go address the resistance and Mikey had to go make dinner, leaving Raph and Donnie to apologize and cry until the tears literally ran dry, (Raph swore it was okay but Donnie insisted on making him “the single Greatest Robot Arm that has ever, does ever, and will ever exist in the past, present or future.”) Then they sat there in perfect silence. Raph could tell Donnie was about to fall asleep in his embrace and he felt bad for it but he couldn't help but laugh. It was just a small giggle, but it was enough to catch Donnie’s attention.
“Raph?” He asked softly.
“Sorry,” Raph giggled. “Raph’s just happy.”
“Me too big guy. Me too.”
Before it could fall back to the peaceful silence, Leo came charging into the room with an urgent look on his face. “Guys guys guys. You are not going to believe what Mikey did.”
Raph shot up with Donnie in his arm and chased Leo down the hall. It was a little different that Donnie was complaining about being held but that was all good with Raph!
Suddenly they reached the kitchen to see what Mikey had done, only to be mesmerized by the same thing that had stolen the rest of the rooms’ occupants’ attention. It sat on the counter with an angelic glow swirling around it. Angels came down from above to bless this perfect meal none of them had been able to indulge in since the beginning of the apocalypse. The heavenly scent wafted through the base and brought a tear to Raph’s eye.
Mikey made a pizza.