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“You’re not gonna give up on me, right?”
“Never.”
“Not even if I fail the last test?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Harry watched over him every night.
He sat down on his favourite chair at the corner of his room – now Eggsy’s – and watched the young Galahad struggle to get at least a wink of a sleep. He would toss around, sometimes facing the balcony separated by glass doors, sometimes hiding himself under his blanket, and sometimes he would just stare at the ceiling for hours. Harry watched him miserably, and he shut his eyes every time he saw Eggsy turn around to look at his direction.
The blond would look at him for a moment, before slowly glancing away with a heart wrenching expression on his face. Harry did not think Eggsy actually saw him. In fact, nobody actually could.
This was probably because Harry was dead, killed by a shot to his head. But dying now seemed so much like a punishment when he couldn’t leave right away.
“The mission is in… Kentucky?” Eggsy’s voice wavered a little as he spoke to Merlin. Merlin nodded; if he had realized the sudden change in the air by his confirmation, he was professional enough not to voice it. The blond looked down at the mission brief in his lap, before gripping it tightly. Then he gently soothed the wrinkles away and returned his attention to his handler.
“Near the church?” he asked again, and this time, Merlin shook his head. However, there was a clear hint of sympathy in his eyes.
“No, Galahad. However, if you think you are not fit to accept the brief, I suggest you tell me about it now.” Merlin reprimanded him sternly. Eggsy slowly smiled at him, and his eyes were closed as he nodded his head.
“I can handle it, Merlin, don’t you worry,” Eggsy raised the file in his hand until it covered half of his face, and said with assurance so blatantly fake in his most convincing voice that other people would have taken it as pure sincerity, “I know it’s time to give up on his ghost. I know I can’t live with it forever.”
Harry blinked his eyes from where he was standing behind Eggsy’s chair. His hands clenched and unclenched on his sides, and his shoulders stiffened with tension. He could see the way Merlin’s expression changed, fleeting from impassive, to worried, to impassive again.
He could also see the way Eggsy’s body became tense with anticipation towards Merlin’s reply.
And later, if the pat Merlin gave Eggsy on his shoulder did nothing to comfort Eggsy, Harry wasn’t sure how breaking the news that Eggsy had been living with a ghost since the day he killed Valentine, would make the younger man feel any better.
“I can imagine it ya know, ‘Arry, you and I, we, we will go to a lot of places together ‘Arry, and we’ll explode things or set them on fire or something. We’ll go on missions together, ‘Arry!”
“Those are big dreams.”
“I know ya can’t wait to make them come true with me yea? Don’ be shy, it’s okay to dream big, these are what we are meant to do an’way!”
“This one needs to go too, ‘Arry.”
Eggsy traced his thumb gently on a necktie that belonged to Harry. It was the dark blue necktie with silver stripes, and he slowly pressed it against his nose to breathe in what was left of Harry’s scent on it. Harry’s aftershave was already emptied, considering that it was now eight months after his death.
Harry sat next to his ex-apprentice, on the floor, ignoring the dirt tainting his suit pants.
Eggsy was now cleaning up the house; putting away most of Harry’s belongings that he would keep in the storeroom – he had said it out loud, as if he wanted Harry to know – and the others, small trinkets that Harry had collected from his missions – keychains, postcards, and surprisingly, mini snow globes – into a small chest that Harry knew would be stashed under his bed. The blond was only wearing Harry’s white button up Oxford shirt and a pair of shorts; the long sleeves of the shirt almost covered his whole hands, making him look fragile and untouchable.
Harry longed to run his fingers through the blond’s messy, soft locks.
Eggsy placed Harry’s necktie into the large box he would later tape and hide away; Harry could only watched mournfully.
“Ya know,” Eggsy started again, this time a small smile appeared on his face as he picked up Harry’s broken glasses, “I think I’m gonna keep this one with me.”
His voice broke a little at the end, and Harry continued to watch as he bit his lower lip to stifle a sob. Eggsy used the long sleeve to wipe away any tears threatening to fall, but his grip on the glasses were tight.
Harry never felt so helpless in his life.
“I thought… well, you said you were gonna come back. Not my fault I still feel like I need to wait.” He lowered down his head, whimpering quietly. Harry’s eyes softened as he reached out to touch the blond, but his hand went through the boy.
Taking a sharp breath in, Harry clenched his eyes close and hastily pulled away.
He did not need any reminder that he was no longer allowed to be with Eggsy. At least not in the way he wanted.
Eggsy was still staring at the glasses, face now flushed with exertion to keep his emotions away, but his eyes and nose were already red. He wiped away his snot with the sleeve again, and Harry could not help but to sigh fondly at his lack of manners.
“Hey, ‘arry.” Eggsy started again a few minutes after he had finally calmed down. Harry, in response, nodded his head slowly.
“Yes, darling boy?”
“I’m gonna… remember you, yea? For the rest of my life. Even if I actually met someone else, and be with ‘em, and… and let go of you, I’m not gonna… not gonna forget you.” He smiled quietly, and something in Harry broke down into pieces.
It felt a lot like his heart.
“Okay… okay.” He whispered back just as softly, and Harry watched as Eggsy took a deep breath in, and gently placed down the glasses into the chest.
“Until we meet again.”
And he closed the chest.
“Because you are worth it, no matter what the consequence is.”