Chapter Text
Evan felt sick. He had been feeling sick a lot lately.
When Jeff put out the call for questions on Twitter, Evan had been excited to answer them. But as the time to record the video drew closer, he began feeling more and more nervous. Though their content had been shifting towards more personal topics recently, he was still much more comfortable talking about health and fitness than talking about himself.
Ironic for a guy with 10,000 sets of eyes watching his every move.
He couldn't believe they had hit 10,000 subscribers. It was insane, and he was grateful to have such an amazing group of fans… But something about him still felt uneasy, like one wrong move and everything would be over because of him.
And then there was his little Jeff problem.
Jeff was always on his mind, his handsome features and easy smile, the way his muscles moved under his shirt. Evan couldn't deny the way his heart skipped a beat whenever Jeff looked his way. But he couldn't ignore the fact that Jeff was taken, and Evan had no right to interfere.
It was a constant battle within himself, his ever-growing love for Jeff warring with his undying loyalty to his friend and their group as a whole. Evan knew he couldn't just blurt out his feelings, not without risking everything they had built together. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Jeff as a friend, or losing Jessa's trust, or hurting either of them by trying to act on his feelings.
He constantly had to tiptoe around the minefield that was his feelings, careful not to let them show and risk everything that meant anything to him. Still, the thought of Jeff being with Jessa was almost too much for him to handle.
So, yeah, Evan felt sick.
As the video started rolling, Evan watched as Vinny introduced their Q&A session. He put on his best game face, ready to crack jokes and play his part in the group's usual antics. He couldn't help but smile at Vinny's unbridled enthusiasm. He knew that he was lucky to be a part of such a great team, to be able to be so successful just by having fun surrounded by the people he loved more than anything in the world. It was a privilege few got the chance to experience.
As the questions continued, Evan felt his nerves start to fade. He laughed along with his friends, feeling grateful to have them in his life. When Vinny asked if they ever got into disagreements or fights, Evan couldn't help but chuckle. Of course, they did. But he was glad they always resolved things quickly.
When Vinny mentioned their biggest fight had been whether or not to come clean about the Slenderman stuff, Evan couldn't help but shudder. He was glad they had finally come to an agreement and told their fans the truth, but the memory of their fight still made his skin crawl. He was glad when they moved on to the next question, but only for a moment.
“What is your favourite thing about each other?”
Evan's heart skipped a beat. There were so many things that he loved about Jeff, he could write a novel. But how could he answer any of them without revealing his feelings? Jeff glanced at him, and Evan wondered if he could tell what he was thinking, if he could see straight through the facade he worked so hard to maintain.
Eventually, Evan settled on the safest option: a joke.
“Nothing. I can’t stand these guys.”
Jeff lunged for him.
Before he knew it, Jeff had tackled him to the ground and they were wrestling like a couple of kids.
Evan couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement as Jeff pinned him down. Fuck. There was something about the way Jeff's body pressed against his that sent shivers down Evan's spine.
"Looks like I win this round," Jeff said, grinning down at Evan.
Evan couldn't help but let out a laugh. "You only won because you cheated," he said, playfully struggling against Jeff's grip.
Jeff just laughed in response, tightening his hold on Evan.
"Get the fuck up, idiots," Vinny sighed.
Jeff scrambled to his feet, then extended a hand to help Evan. Evan grinned up at him and took it, warmth spread through his chest.
He wished they could keep filming forever. He wished he could tell Jeff how he really felt, but for now, he would just have to be content with these moments that they shared together.
Once he had righted himself and caught his breath, Evan turned to the camera with a solemn expression.
“Jeff is my best friend and I love every one of his traits equally. I am not being forced to say this. If I don’t appear in any of our next uploads I do not suggest that the authorities look into Jeff as their prime suspect. Jeff is a completely trustworthy and sane individual.”
Vinny could barely contain his laughter. “Uhm, the next question… Is Evan single?”
Evan couldn't believe that someone had asked if he was single, and that the question had made its way into the video. He vaguely registered that he had to be very careful with his answer, but his mind was racing at a mile a minute. He was overcome with the sudden urge to tell the world that he was in love with Jeff, but retained enough sense to know that it would be a terrible idea. So he played it off, making a joke about being married to the grind. If there was one thing Evan had perfected, it was the art of hiding his heart behind a mask of humour and bravado.
As the video ended, Evan couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness. He couldn't help but wonder if he would ever find the courage to confess his feelings, or if he would forever be stuck in this torturous limbo of unrequited love. He wished he could be honest with his friends. He wished he could be honest with himself. But he knew that wasn't possible. So he put on a brave face and pretended everything was okay. Because that's what EverymanHYBRID was all about.