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Eddie’s heart is already in his throat even before he watches Buck lunge for the rope, swing across the gap, and slide to a stop. He doesn’t take a breath until Buck pulls himself to his feet, throws his hands in the air with a whoop, and jogs back towards the truck. He still hasn’t found any words or the ability to move as Buck comes to stand next to him, a broad grin plastered across his face. But the grin falters as he meets Eddie’s eyes and Eddie realizes that he hasn’t schooled his expression fast enough, probably still looks half horrified, half panicked at Buck's blatant disregard for his own safety.
It’s been a while if he’s honest. Buck’s been more cautious recently and has been goofing off less and throwing himself into less unnecessarily dangerous situations. Today caught Eddie by surprise, that’s what he tells himself anyway but Buck’s grin drops and he reaches toward Eddie.
“Eds?” Buck places a hand on his elbow but Eddie shrugs him off.
“Not here, Buck,” Eddie says but he knows Buck can be like a dog with a bone once he thinks something is wrong so he gives him a little. “At the station, okay. Just give me a minute.”
“Okay.”
Buck still presses close to Eddie’s side in the back of the engine and Eddie is a tiny bit grateful for the contact. The long firm press of Buck along his side is grounding in a way nothing else Eddie has tried will ever be.
At the station, after they’ve all showered off the grim from their last call of the day, Buck finds Eddie in the locker room just as he’s saying goodbye to Chimney. Buck and Chimney share a half hug as they pass each other in the doorway and then Buck and Eddie are alone.
“I’m sorry.” Eddie starts because it’s all he can think to say and because he is. “I didn’t mean to clam up on you. I just– I know you enjoy the high-adrenaline calls, and I know you know what you’re doing. I know you’re being safe and I know you’ll be okay but it still—it terrifies me sometimes, Buck. No, all the time.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says again.
“No, no, Eds. I am sorry.” Buck’s hands find each of Eddie’s biceps as he holds him in place and ducks his head to force Eddie to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I am careful, I promise. But I didn’t know you felt that way. That it–, that I scared you.”
“It does, it scares me,” Eddie admits with a sigh and lets himself lean into Buck’s hold. “I’m scared that one day you’ll slip, no matter how careful you are. Or something else completely out of your– our control will happen and I won’t be able to get to you in time.”
Buck nods, squeezing Eddie’s arms before dropping his hands. “Okay. I’ll try not to–”
“No, Buck.” Eddie laughs softly. “I’m not asking you to stop. I would never ask that of you. Just, be careful, yeah?”
“Always, Eddie.”
“I know.” Eddie smiles at him and a tiny grin quirks at the corner of Buck’s lips as Buck raises his arms just above his waist as if to beckon Eddie closer and Eddie goes willingly, stepping into the circle of Buck's arms and resting his forehead against the other man’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
Buck’s arms cage around him, warm and secure, and Eddie just breathes him in. When he turns his head to press his nose against Buck’s throat he smells like the basic eucalyptus shower gel they all share at the station. Buck pulls him closer and Eddie can feel the dull beat of his pulse against his cheek.
Thump, thump, thump. He’s safe. He’s alive.
Eddie needs nothing more than this.