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“Well, you may not have much love in your cooking for Roi des Roses,” Rook commented to Trey. “I’m sure that Monsieur Multi-Skilled does for Roi d’Or, however!” Rook said, turning to Jamil for affirmation of his claim. Jamil didn’t even think before he shook his head in disagreement.
“Well, no. I don’t think I have any love in my cooking for Kalim. I mean, when it comes to cooking for Kalim, it’s just for survival, really,” Jamil shrugged his shoulders. “When we were still both children, Kalim would get poisoned a lot. So much so that he can even still detect poisons quicker than anyone else I know by look or smell alone,”
Jamil remembers those times well. Back then, Jamil still considered Kalim a dear friend. He hated seeing his friend eat and that simple action always be a gamble of life or death. Of having to watch him doubled over on the toilet, his face shoved in the bowl puking his guts out. Sometimes Jamil had to force his fingers down Kalim’s throat just to make sure it was all gone. Everytime that Kalim was finally done throwing up, his body was tired and he always had to sit on the floor with Jamil to get any energy to stand up back. Jamil remembers he was always shaking from the anxiety after. He’d always rock back and forth with Kalim in his arms to hide it, not wanting his friend to get worried over him when he was the one in pain.
Even now, Jamil thinks those were some of the worst years of his life.
He was always afraid of Kalim dying. No day was guaranteed. He’d go to sleep at night only to hear his heart pounding in his chest while he walked to Kalim’s room in the morning, praying that he didn’t find the heir dead in his bed.
“Eventually, I was designated as Kalim’s official poison tester but the damage was already done. Kalim had major anxiety with food and wouldn’t eat anything that he didn’t personally watch being made or that wasn’t made by his mother,”
Jamil remembers that too. While he was Kalim’s official poison tester, Kalim still had a hard time eating anything that he didn’t watch getting made. Kalim’s mother had taken it upon herself to make food for her baby and Kalim would eat that but…
Well, Mistress Asim wasn’t the best cook. She was a noble and, due to that, she never had to cook before. Her meals were always lacking nutritionally and Kalim was consistently weak and underweight. He shook a lot from hunger.
“Mistress Asim, of course, wasn’t a good cook. I took it upon myself to start cooking his meals so he’d actually eat and get to a healthy weight again,”
When he had started making meals for Kalim, he had taken it upon himself. No one had asked him, he was simply just worried about his friend. He had asked his own mother to teach him how to cook. It took a bit but Jamil eventually got to the point that he could cook even better than Mistress Asim. He was no master at that point but as long as it was better than what Kalim was eating at the time, that was good enough.
Jamil had gone up to Master and Mistress Asim to request cooking for Kalim. They had allowed it due to the amount of trust he had earned from them as Kalim’s servant. The first time Jamil had cooked for Kalim, Kalim had thanked him profusely and looked overjoyed at the meal he was prepared. It was the first time in a long time that Jamil had seen Kalim so happy to eat.
When Kalim finally started getting to a healthy weight and color was coming back to his face, Jamil could have almost cried in relief.
“Due to this, I’ve been cooking his meals ever since,”
“Isn’t that a beautiful way to start cooking for him, though? The reason you had started your culinary journey was born from love, was it not?” Rook asked and Jamil thought for a bit.
Ever since then, he had always been trying to find new recipes and flavors to cook. Stuff that Kalim would like. Stuff he would also like. Recipes that would make Kalim’s face light up. Recipes that would make Kalim look so happy to eat. Stuff that he would eat without a hint of anxiety on his face. Kalim had his favorites, of course he did. Kalim also loved anything that Jamil would make for him.
Recently, Jamil noticed a change. After his overblot, Jamil noticed that anxiety go right back on Kalim’s face. It made sense. Jamil had betrayed him, no matter what angle you looked at it. No matter how much Kalim tried to defend him. Kalim probably knew that, if Jamil could betray him like that, he could very well poison his food.
Jamil had been angry at first. He only tried to kill him when his mind was taken over with blot! He never wanted to kill him in sound mind and Kalim should be able to see that! Does he really think he’d harm him in any other situation?! It was an insult to his character and an insult to his service to Kalim!
…Jamil still knew that it was only reasonable. Other than anger, Jamil felt his heart break. The years he spent building Kalim’s trust in food again and building Kalim’s security with food all came crashing down at once. If Kalim was simply kicked out of the school, his trust and security in Jamil’s food would’ve stayed intact. Kalim would’ve been none the wiser of Jamil’s betrayal. Now he was. It was something that Jamil could never take back.
Jamil doesn’t apologize for his reason of overblotting and Kalim understands as well. Kalim doesn’t want him to apologize and has, instead, been the one apologizing to him. It was nice. It was validating. Kalim’s been making steps to fix things between them ever since. One of those things was, at first, refusing to let Jamil cook for him since that was a servant duty.
Of course, Jamil won that fight. He still cooks for Kalim of his own volition, just like when they were younger.
But Kalim no longer looks happy to eat his food. He looks worried. He tries to hide it and, to anyone else, he’d have hidden it well. Jamil was different. Jamil knew Kalim since he was a child. Jamil can read even the slightest movement in his face and know what Kalim is thinking.
He knows that Kalim was thinking…
‘What if it’s poisoned…?’
It hurt. Surprisingly, it hurt a lot.
….
He could admit that him cooking for Kalim was born from love.
…
He could admit that, even now, his cooking was love in some form.
Which is probably why it hurt so much when he noticed Kalim’s silent rejection. Kalim still ate it. But he knew rejection when he saw it. He knew when Kalim would accept something only to be polite or keep the peace.
And now was one of those instances.
“…Yes. I suppose it was born from love. Even now, I still cook for him to ensure he’s not poisoned and he keeps his healthy diet. I suppose that’s… love too,”
“That’s so wonderful! I only wish to make my Roi du Poison as happy as your food makes Roi d’Or!”
“It used to make him happy. He no longer trusts me or my food,” Jamil interjected quickly. If Rook was to gush, he should gush over something that was true.
“Yes, I guess it’d be hard after… Winter Break,” Trey spoke up, an awkward smile on his face. Everyone knew of his overblot but some people, such as Trey, seem to be hesitant to point it out at times.
“Right. As long as he’s still eating, it’s fine. If he stops then I’ll just have to force feed him,”
“Non! Non! Your cooking was born from love and was a comfort to Roi d’Or all these years! You cannot force him to eat it if he gets to that point, you’ll make it a center of discomfort! If Roi d’Or stops eating then you’ll just have to build that trust again. Maybe starting with letting him watch you or even helping you in the kitchen could help,” Rook suggested. It wasn’t a bad idea. He didn’t like the prospect of Kalim watching him as if he were a criminal that had nefarious intentions for his food but if that helped build trust then he would. Kalim helping him cook was… less than ideal. Despite Kalim’s best intentions, things always end up a mess. He could also cut or burn himself in the kitchen.
Kalim HAD been wanting to learn to cook, though. Only to find another way to lessen Jamil’s load though. It was a center point of some of their arguments the first few weeks after his overblot.
…
Letting Kalim help him in the kitchen would be a hassle but… that could also help. At least he could help Kalim learn the basics to cooking in case Jamil has to go somewhere without him or something. Otherwise, he’s sure Kalim would starve himself or hurt himself trying to make something.
“…Okay. You’re right, Rook,” That was strange to say. “My food had been born from love and has been a source of comfort for Kalim for years. I can’t take that from him. Thank you for the advice,”
“Oui! I’m happy to help you repair your relationships as best I can!”
…
As long as Kalim was happy with his food again, Jamil couldn’t care less about anything else.