Chapter Text
He was pacing. He realized how ridiculous that was, but he couldn’t help himself. His mind was a fevered mess of worry and had been for over an hour, ever since he'd gone to her office and been told she wasn't there.
She had just barely gotten her key out of the lock and closed the door behind her, and he was upon her, hugging her hard.
“I didn’t think you’d be home this early…” she began.
He stepped back and dropped his arms, looking at the floor. “I stopped by your office to see if you wanted to get dinner but you weren’t there and your assistant said you’d gone to see your doctor. You didn’t answer your phone. Are you ok? What’s going on?” He lifted his gaze, searching her face. In his eyes she saw shadows of fear and grief and pain.
“I’m so sorry. I should have told you but I just wanted to slip out and get checked because I didn’t want anyone to think I was being silly if I was wrong… I should have told you and I should have called... I wanted this to be face-to-face.”
“Donna…” he whispered, voice broken.
“Oh, no, no, Josh, it’s okay, I’m so sorry I’m doing this all wrong and worrying you… I should have thought about how you’d...this is good news. It’s good news, not bad.”
“What?” Josh's thoughts all collided with each other at once and he had no time to straighten them out before Donna took his hand, looking at him almost shyly.
“I’m pregnant,” she said, then bit her lip, trying to conceal an expanding grin.
Josh blinked once, twice, then three times as his brain tried to adjust. He couldn’t think fast enough for words, so he just wrapped his arms around her and hugged with everything he had in him. He leaned in and kissed her deeply, slowly spinning them both in the entryway.
When they finally broke apart they were both a little dizzy, grinning like they’d never stop.
“So I take it you’re happy?” Donna asked. Josh still couldn’t speak, so he nodded. “And I am really sorry for scaring you like that,” she added, putting a hand on his cheek. Josh shook his head. “Are you going to find words at some point?” she teased.
“We’re going to have a baby,” he said, with clear excitement. “A baby!”
“Yes, we are,” Donna acknowledged calmly.
"A baby!"
“Babies are nice.”
“It’s going to be ours, we will be a...a family!”
“Even nicer,” she smiled, enjoying his inability to contain his joy.
“Is it...is it a boy or a girl?”
“Josh, it’s a ball of cells right now. They can’t tell from the pregnancy test...and even when they can we’re not finding out.”
“What?”
“As soon as you know you start putting all kinds of expectations on what the kid’s going to be like and people start talking about a boy being a ladies’ man and playing sports and girls loving princess and make-up and I don’t want to be saddling our child with stereotypes. We can’t plan out their life, it has to be theirs to live. We will love this baby no matter what, and we certainly won’t be limiting our child’s interests or personality based on antiquated ideas.”
Josh was dumbstruck for a moment, then he kissed her again. “You’re going to be such a good mother,” he whispered in her ear.
She started tearing up, and Josh felt his blood pressure spike.
“It’s...it’s ok. It's okay, dont cry,” he said hastily. “It’s been a long day. Are you ok? Come sit down.” He grabbed her hand and walked her over to the couch. “Here, deep breaths, you need ah, extra oxygen, right?”
This caused Donna to switch immediately from crying to laughing. “What are you talking about?”
Josh was bewildered. “I don’t know, you’re, uh, breathing for two right?”
“I think my normal air intake is adequate, Josh.”
“Well, ok, you know I haven’t read up on this. They don’t make briefing papers about this.”
“Actually, they kind of do…” Donna said, pulling out her phone. “I found a couple apps and websites that have pregnancy information, like week-by-week guides and forms to help you complete your birth plan, but it sounds like you need to read up even more than I do.”
“Uh, ok…”
“Relax, you don’t have to do anything tonight. Tonight we can just enjoy each other’s company and celebrate.”
“Yes, I’ll break out the champagne!”
“Josh…” Donna said in a questioning tone.
He had been halfway off the couch but collapsed back against it, almost hitting his head on the wall behind. “Oh my god. I forgot. Oh my god, I could have killed you!” he buried his face in his hands.
“That’s not quite how it works, fortunately, and I remembered. Don’t worry.” She patted him on the back.
“I...can you send me the names of those websites?”
“Josh, later. It can wait."
"Just send them to me, okay, I'll wait to read them," Josh pleaded.
Donna gave him an accommodating smile and tapped a few buttons on her phone quickly. "Are there still Chinese leftovers?” She asked absently.
“Yes, but, are you sure that’s…”
“You do know that I was already pregnant when we ate that this weekend, right? It’s fine, I’ll go heat it up.”
“No, no, let me, you just rest.”
As Josh got the food out and bustled around the kitchen, Donna told him from the couch about the great OBs her doctor had recommended. “There’s a bunch at the department at GW, that’s the hospital the practice is affiliated with, but I...I wanted to have other options so I asked and there’s one at Georgetown who she thinks is great, she’s an international leader in the field of maternal and child health.”
Josh came back with two steaming plates and a glass of milk for Donna. She scrunched her nose a little but drank it without complaint. “So...I need to let them know by tomorrow if I want to get in to see the doctor at Georgetown. What do you think?”
“Wait, why does it matter which hospital you see a doctor at?”
“I would deliver the baby at the same hospital and I guess I didn’t want...if we have to go in through the emergency room or...”
Josh closed his eyes for a moment and his shoulders fell as he leaned his elbows on his knees. Donna was right; if he never saw the inside of GW Hospital again, it would be too soon. But he didn’t want her worrying about him when she should be thinking about what was best for her. “GW is much closer to the White House,” he began.
“Only 10 minutes,” she countered. “And Georgetown is closer to here.”
“Whatever you think is the best choice,” he said.
“Georgetown it is,” she said. “I’ll let you know when the first doctor’s appointment is...if you want, I mean if you can’t come it’s…”
“No, it’s ok, I’ll talk to Sam and the President, let them know, and we’ll work…”
“Josh, we, we can’t tell people yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“All of the guides say to wait until at least 12 weeks to start telling people because before that there’s a very high risk of miscarriage or serious complication.”
“There...there is?” Josh’s whole body went cold.
“Well it’s not that high and the younger you are the better, so it’s a good thing you’re not the one having this baby.” Josh’s stomach twisted as he thought suddenly about what it meant to become a father at forty-five. How old would he be when his child was in high school? “And I’m healthy, and we had no problems conceiving,” she gave him a slightly salacious look. “But there is a chance, so to be safe, we wait. We can tell our immediate family members after the first OB appointment maybe.”
“O-okay” Josh stammered. He felt a pit open up in his gut, an empty, gnawing hole that somehow had physical weight as he started to think about all the terrible possibilities that now existed.
“Hey, it’s gonna be fine,” Donna said, rubbing a hand over his back. “We just have to keep this secret between us for a little bit. It’ll be fun. We can write each other notes with potential names in secret code and pass them back and forth.”
Josh pasted a smile on his face. “Yeah, it’ll be fine.”
She yawned. “Well, I’m going to start using the fool-proof excuse I have to go to bed early. You coming?”
“No…” Josh muttered distractedly, “I should finish up some...HR 2048...”
“Okay, well try to get some sleep,” Donna said, leaning over to kiss him. “I love you. I am so happy we get to do this together. I already can't wait to meet our baby." Josh couldn’t suppress his grin when she said the words “our baby”. He kissed her and watched her walk away towards the bedroom, somehow more beautiful than she had ever been. He wrenched his gaze away and reached for his laptop. He had a lot of learning to do if he was going to handle this.
------------
“Josh? It’s 2 am, what are you still doing up?” Donna spoke sleepily from the doorway.
“Hey,” Josh said, head jerking up from his computer screen. “Are you ok? Do you need anything?”
“Just getting some water,” Donna held up the glass. “Come to bed.”
“Okay,” Josh heaved himself up off the couch.
Once they were in bed together, Donna quickly drifted back to sleep.
Josh lay wide awake with the million new potential disasters he had learned about that night running through his mind. Pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, birth defects, hyperemesis...The pit in his stomach grew heavier.