Chapter Text
Maxi knew that becoming a Lifeguard came with big responsibilities and stressors but he didn’t expect it to take its toll on his mental health, not as badly as it did anyway. After half a year of working at Bondi, Maxi found himself having intrusive thoughts and thoughts on harming himself. He pushed them away at first, ignored them and kept up his happy personality but things got the better of him. He managed to keep himself safe for almost a year but he gave in to the urges.
He wasn’t an idiot; he knew if he hurt himself anywhere on his body, it would be noticed as he was topless and wore shorts a good amount of the time. He risked it by cutting on his upper legs, upper thighs and his hips. Having cuts and scars there would be less noticeable than anywhere else. The first time he ever did it, he cut only twice. Feeling immediately guilty and ashamed. He swore he wouldn’t do it again but after a few weeks of intense rescues and intense heat, he found himself cutting again.
After every rescue, when he could, he would cut. Sometimes it was during his lunch break or when he needed the bathroom or after work. Running though the rescues, thinking on every petty detail and every little thing he could have done wrong or done differently. Soon enough his thighs and hips were littered in scars. He didn’t care; it was a constant reminder of all the times he fucked up. There were times where he wished he never started, he wished he could stop, he wished he could tell someone. Everyone would hate him if he said anything. They would all be disappointed in him, look down on him, never speak to him again. Maxi would cry himself to sleep, he felt so alone.
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Maxi entered the tower in a decent mood for once, ready for a busy day. It was going to be hot, so the Lifeguards were expecting a lot of rescues today. On shift today was Maxi, Hoppo, Chappo, Reidy, Kerrbox and Deano. For the morning, Maxi was near backpackers with Chappo, Hoppo was in his office catching up on some work, Deano was in the tower and Reidy and Kerrbox were patrolling in the Rhino. The day started off quiet, a couple rescues here and there but the temperature was rising and more people were flocking to the beach. Hoppo had joined Deano in the tower by lunch time, ready to run to the beach if needed.
Maxi and Chappo were sat in their Rhino, Maxi scanning the water with binoculars and Chappo on the megaphone telling people to swim between the flags further up the beach. Sure enough, someone got into a spot of trouble and Maxi was the one that had to go in since Chappo had done the previous rescue. It was a pretty straightforward rescue; go in, get the person, get back to the beach but of course the board had to tip just before making it back. Chappo let out a laugh and teased Maxi for it. A half-hearted laugh escaped Maxi’s mouth as he put the board back on the side of the buggy. He wanted to go hide in the bathrooms and cut but he needed to stay at backpackers as a strong rip was forming.
Every now and again, Chappo looked over at Maxi. He and a few of the other Lifeguards (Hoppo, Kerrbox and Reidy) had noticed that something wasn’t quite right with the kid. They noticed he sometimes was quite distant and quiet which was far from his bubbly self, but even then, his bubbliness seemed a bit faked. Throughout the morning Chappo side glanced over at Maxi who seemed to be itching his upper legs through his shorts very often. He wondered if there was something wrong, some irritation from his shorts or the heat perhaps. He made a note of it and would possibly ask about it later on after things had calmed down a bit.
The number of rescues started to increase. Both Maxi and Chappo were kept on their toes. Hoppo was out on the beach with Reidy, nearer to North Bondi, Kerrbox had headed back to the tower and joined Deano. Maxi was getting agitated; he had lost count of how many rescues he had done. All he wanted to do was go and cut, it was really starting to get to him. He made an excuse to Chappo that he needed to grab some more water from the tower. Chappo nodded in response, keeping his eyes glued to the water. Jogging up to the tower, Maxi was anxious to feel the release he felt when he cut. He told the boys in the tower he was going to nip to the bathroom.
Locking himself in a bathroom stall, Maxi sighed as he pulled out a razor that he had just retrieved from his locker. He sat on the toilet with his shorts pulled down. He quickly went about doing it; cutting on his right hip about 4 times and then several more on his left hip. A few tears escaped his eyes as he held the blade in his hand. Quickly grabbing some tissue to clean up the mess he was making, Maxi wondered why he was doing this. He was tired of feeling the way he did. He had been cutting for maybe a year now and he so badly wanted to stop but just couldn’t; it had become and addiction. He also wondered if any of the others had noticed anything. Why would they care, he thought. Maxi sighed, his mind was feeding him lies, of course they would care. He was taking too long in the bathroom though. He flushed the tissue down the toilet and pulled up his shorts, hoping his fresh wounds wouldn’t be noticeable or bleed too much more.
Entering back into the tower, Chappo had swapped with Deano. Kerrbox was still in the tower and instructed Maxi to go back to backpackers. Maxi hummed in response, grabbing a snack and water before making his way back to his post. As he arrived, Deano was just finishing up a rescue. He was glad Maxi was finally back as more people were in trouble. Maxi barely had time to greet Deano as he was instructed to get right into the water. His fresh cuts stung as they came into contact with sea water. Maxi gritted his teeth and carried on with his rescues. After rescuing 3 people, Maxi ate his snack bar and gulped down some water, his hips feeling like they were on fire.
The rest of the day went by and packing up time was upon them. Deano and Maxi were back at the tower packing things away there while the rest were out on the beach packing away equipment. Soon enough, everything was in order. Maxi was just grabbing some of his belonging in the tower when Chappo approached him.
“Hey mate” Chappo greeted the kid.
“Hey” Maxi replied, a little less enthusiastic than Chappo.
Chappo looked around the tower to make sure they were alone which they currently were “Just wanted to see if you were alright.”
Maxi’s heart began to pound; the question he had been dreading had been put to him finally “Yeah, all’s good here” he flashed Chappo a cheeky grin in hopes it would convince him that he was indeed fine.
Chappo nodded “Okay, well I’ll see you tomorrow, think we’re both working aren’t we.”
“Uh… yeah, we are. Cool see you tomorrow.” Maxi proceeded past Chappo and exited the tower before anything else could be said.
Chappo leaned against the desk and pondered for a minute. Maxi was definitely putting on a front, making out like nothing was wrong when there was something bothering him. Chappo didn’t know how to approach it. He knew that Kerrbox and Maxi were quite close so he went to find him before he left.
Kerrbox was in the locker room with Reidy, they were chatting about the day’s rescues. Chappo entered and they both greeted him.
“Hey, um, guys. Can we have a quick chat about Maxi.” Chappo asked.
Both Box and Reidy nodded, facing Chappo now.
“There’s something not right and I’m not sure what to do” he admitted.
“Yeah I’ve noticed that every now and again, he’s a bit off, we’ve both noticed.” Reidy spoke up and gestured to Kerrbox.
Kerrbox hummed “I’ll try and have a word with him tomorrow.”
“Cheers. I tried asking him if he was alright just now but said all was fine” Chappo explained.
“Hope it’s nothing serious” Reidy said as he walked towards the exit.
Kerrbox made a mental note to find the time to talk privately with Maxi tomorrow. Chappo felt better knowing he wasn’t alone in his worried for Maxi and that Kerrbox was on the case tomorrow.