Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Lisa?”

Lisa’s eyes fluttered open in annoyance. She stared at the door mutely and considered not answering.

“Not here,” she grumbled sullenly.

There was a pause on the other end, before she heard footsteps fade away. Lisa scoffed, and buried her face on her pillow. She didn’t care. Not one bit. Jennie could partner up with whoever she wished. Lisa had no say in it. She screamed on her pillow in frustration.

A knock on the door broke her fit.

“WHAT?!” she shouted.

“I brought treats,” a soft voice on the other end replied.

Lisa blinked in confusion, and stood abruptly. “Chaeyoung?”

“Guilty,” she giggled.

She swiftly put her slippers on and headed for the door. On the other end, stood Park Chaeyoung. Her friend, maybe best friend, her roommate, and, quite possibly, her soulmate from another life, because Lisa could swear she’s known the girl for a lifetime, not just a year.

Chaeyoung beamed at her. “You look lively.” 

“This is your room too, you know. You don’t have to knock.”

Chaeyoung only smiled. Lisa stared in confusion, and shook her head. She frowned at the lack of treats. “Where’s the food?”

“I didn’t say food. I said treats. The treat is right in front of you.”

“Don’t see it,” Lisa played dumb.

A small pout formed on Chaeyoung’s face, making Lisa smile. 

“Alright, no treat for you then.”

“Wait, I changed my mind.” 

“It was a one time offer!”

And just like that, Lisa forgot all about her sullen mood, and grinned from ear to ear. Chaeyoung huffed, and held Lisa’s outstretched hand. She’s wearing my hoodie again. 

“Trouble in paradise?” she questioned as she entered the room.

“You know it,” Lisa sighed. “Jennie partnered up with Jisoo again.”

Chaeyoung hummed, and detracted her hand. Lisa frowned at the missing feeling in her hand. 

“Want me to talk to her?” Chaeyoung asked.

“What? No. Don’t be stupid.” Lisa looked at Chaeyoung in confusion as she removed the hoodie. “You can wear it, I don’t mind,” she assured the girl, and lied on her own bed.

“Thanks,” she said, but still put on one of her own. Lisa threw the girl a questioning look. 

“You have to be more straightforward if you want to catch her attention,” Chaeyoung continued, plopping on her bed softly. She’s always been delicate with her movements.

“How much more straightforward can I be?” she muttered.

Chaeyoung remained silent, and Lisa looked over at her to see if she had fallen asleep.

“You have to seduce her.”

“Easier said than done.”

Chaeyoung smiled. “I can teach you.”

“Alright, Marilyn Monroe,” Lisa snorted.

“The woman couldn’t hope to compare,” Chaeyoung grinned.

Lisa laughed out loud. She considered it for a moment. Oh well. What do I have to lose? 

“Okay, sure. Teach me.”

Chaeyoung smiled, and slowly rose from her bed. She swiftly took off the shirt she just put on, all while maintaining eye contact with her. Lisa tried to suppress her laughter, but could feel the blood drain from her face when she noticed the girl was taking her tank top off too.

“W-wait!” she spluttered.

Chaeyoung laughed, and fixed it back on. “Just teasing you, dummy.” She reached for the hoodie she had taken off before, and slowly walked towards Lisa.

“You know, I really love the smell of this,” she whispered. Lisa noticed the swaying of the girl’s hips and stared silently. Chaeyoung towered over her with a teasing smile. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“The smell of lavender.” She put a finger on Lisa’s chin, her touch light as a feather. “It intoxicates me.”

Lisa looked at her in utter bewilderment. 

Chaeyoung brought the hoodie close to her face, and hugged it tenderly.

“Oh, how I would love to wake up to this scent for the rest of my life…”

She tried to say something, but only a croak came out.

And just like that, Chaeyoung giggled, slowly backing away. 

“Hope you got the gist of it,” she said, as she threw the hoodie on Lisa’s face. 

She blinked, before snapping out of her musings.

“You can… keep it if you like,” she blurted lamely.

“No. Stinks of you.”

Chaeyoung laughed at Lisa’s puzzled expression. 

▢▢▢

Lisa huffed in annoyance when the teacher told them to pair up again the next day. 

“Your favorite activity.”

Her teasing smile ever present, Chaeyoung looked at her with laughing eyes.

“You know me so well,” Lisa retorted dryly. She hoped to pair up with Jennie today, and looked around for the girl.

“No partner yet?” 

“Working on it,” Lisa muttered, and continued her search.

“Pair up with me?” Chaeyoung suddenly asked and Lisa turned her head in question. 

“Us?”

“Us.” 

“You and me?” 

“Me and you, yes,” Chaeyoung laughed. 

Lisa stared at the girl suspiciously. “You never want to pair up with me.” 

“Untrue,” Chaeyoung refuted. 

“We’ve never paired up,” Lisa insisted. 

“I wonder why,” Chaeyoung hummed.

She supposes she had never asked her before. But neither had Chaeyoung, so Lisa was taken aback.  

“Why not-”

A voice behind her cut her off.

“Hey, Lili.”

She twirled, her eyes wide. “Jennie! Hey!” 

The girl smiled and waved at Chaeyoung. “I guess you guys have paired up already?”

Lisa felt her stomach drop. Damn it! Of all times, it had to be today!

“Nope, she’s all yours,” Chaeyoung suddenly said, and Lisa’s head snapped to the girl in surprise. 

“Chaeyoung-“ 

She winked at Lisa. “‘I’ll leave you two to it.” And before Lisa could say anything, the girl had walked away.

She looked at the girl’s disappearing figure hesitantly.  

“So…” Jennie snapped her from her thoughts. 

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I would love to partner up.”

Jennie grinned, but Lisa could feel a dull ache in her chest. She looked around for Chaeyoung, with no luck. She shook her head and looked at Jennie with a smile. 

“I was looking for you, actually,” Lisa said. 

“Were you?” Jennie smiled slyly.

Lisa felt herself blush, and lowered her eyes. Seduce her, she remembered Chaeyoung’s words. 

“You would think someone as good-looking as you would be easy to spot in this crowd,” she tried. 

“But my height makes it a bit hard, does it?”

Lisa’s eyes went wide. “N-no! That’s not what-” she said but paused when she saw the loop-sided smile. “You’re poking fun at me.” 

“A little.”

What the hell was even the gist of Chaeyoung’s lesson? 

As they got closer to start practice, Lisa thought hard.

“Wow,” Jennie complimented Lisa’s footwork, and she felt abashed. 

“Like this,” she guided the girl, drawing her closer. She could smell her shampoo. Her scent? 

“I think I got it,” Jennie smiled, and did not back away. 

Lisa gulped, and shot her shot.

“Lovely smell,” she whispered, as she continued guiding the girl. 

“Lovely dancing skills,” the girl said back. 

Now what. 

▢▢▢

Chaeyoung laughed out loud as she heard Lisa’s story, clutching at her sides. 

“N-no more. No more, Lisa, I can’t take it!” 

“Hey, shut up! People outside will misunderstand!” she shushed, which made Chaeyoung laugh even harder. 

“You’re a real piece of work, Lalisa,” Chaeyoung swiped at her tears. 

Lisa scowled at her best friend. “So much for your lesson,” she scoffed. 

“Lovely smell~” Chaeyoung repeated for the nth time, and Lisa bristled. She threw the girl a pillow, landing right on her face. 

“Lovely face,” she taunted.

When the pillow fell from her face, Chaeyoung’s face looked stunned. Lisa almost laughed, but the girl grimaced, her face contorting, and Lisa’s heart instantly dropped.    

“Ch-chaeyoung?” 

She brought her knees up and buried her face. Lisa quickly rushed to her side, cursing herself to death. “Chaeyoung, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” 

Her skinny shoulders trembled, and Lisa could swear she heard her heart crack. “Chaeyoung…” Her own eyes started brimming with tears. 

Chaeyoung suddenly lifted her head.

“Boo.” 

Lisa blinked in surprise, and the girl grinned. “Got you.” 

She stared at the girl’s eyes in disbelief. “Are you- Are you kidding me?” 

“‘Tis just a joke-” she said but Lisa had had enough. 

“Piss off, Chaeyoung.” She stood and headed for the door, but Chaeyoung hugged her from behind. 

“Wait, I’m sorry!” 

“Get off.” Lisa struggled to break free but Chaeyoung had gripped her like a vice. “What the hell-” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Like I said, leave me alone!” 

“Please don’t go. I won’t do it again.” 

Lisa gritted her teeth in frustration. “This is all you do. You only tease and make fun of me. Is this all I am to you? A joke?” She tried to turn but Chaeyoung wouldn’t let her. She felt the girl rest her forehead on her back. 

“No. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not sorry.” 

“I am. I wish I was better than this.” Chaeyoung loosened the grip on her, and Lisa turned, trying to look the girl in the eye.

“You’re an idiot,” she told her, but regretted it the moment the girl shrank even more to herself. “My idiot,” she blurted, and Chaeyoung’s head snapped to her. Her sad eyes stared at Lisa like an owl, and Lisa felt a sudden deep affection towards this girl. 

“Hey, you’re my best friend. You know that, right?” 

Her eyes flickered sadly, a small wavering smile appearing on her face. “As you’re mine.”  

▢▢▢

“What was the first lesson, anyway?” Lisa asked Chaeyoung later, as they both laid on her bed peacefully.

Chaeyoung turned to look at her silently.

“I suppose I was pretty vague. Let’s try this instead.”

She took Lisa’s hand softly, and Lisa looked at her in amusement. She gasped when Chaeyoung suddenly nipped at her thumb. 

“Chaeng?” 

“Know your partner,” she whispered, “so you can know me just from my bite.” She pressed a tender kiss on the finger, “my kiss.” 

Lisa could feel her heart stutter. Heat rushed to her face, and she couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.  

“Memorize my smell,” she murmured, and closed in on Lisa, hugging her close, “so whenever you smell strawberry, you think of me.” 

Lisa looked at the top of the girl’s head, and pressed her face on her hair. 

“It stinks,” Lisa mumbled. 

She had never smelled anything lovelier.

Chapter Text

Lisa woke to the smell of her best friend, and felt her heart flutter. She was currently spooning Chaeyoung, having fallen asleep last night while embracing each other. Lisa swallowed thickly, and considered slowly getting up, to not wake up the girl. But she couldn’t. This felt nice. Lisa felt… at peace. 

She buried her face in Chaeyoung's hair, and closed her eyes.  

When she woke up again, Chaeyoung was nowhere to be seen. Lisa rubbed her eyes tiredly and checked her phone. Her eyes almost fell from the sockets when she saw the time.

“10?! Oh, shit!” 

She couldn’t believe Chaeyoung didn’t wake her up and went to class by herself. The girl loves nothing more than to torment me!  

She quickly threw the covers away and dressed herself. 

The door opened and Lisa’s head snapped towards it. Chaeyoung was looking at her curiously. 

“Hey. Good morning.” 

“Mornin’” Lisa greeted back, and continued to dress herself. 

“Going somewhere?” 

She threw the girl a “are you serious” look, and the girl smiled amusedly. 

“Class? Hello? We are both late! Kind of you to not go ahead without me.” 

She tied her shoes and hurriedly made for the door, but frowned when Chaeyoung didn’t follow suit. 

“You coming?” 

The girl shook her head. “No. Not today. You have fun, though,” she said, and closed the door on Lisa’s face, leaving her bewildered. 

What was that about? Lisa frowned. She put the thought in the back of her head and ran to class. 

She did not expect to bump into her crush first thing in the morning.

“Lili! Good morning!”

Lisa felt her heartbeat accelerate. Dressed in black, and hair tied in a bun, Jennie looked absolutely stunning.

“M-morning!” Jennie smiled at her flustered expression. “Late for class too?” she asked.

Jennie looked at her peculiarly. 

“Lisa, it’s Saturday.” 

Lisa’s face instantly deflated. 

“What?” She took out her phone and looked at it in despair. 

SATURDAY

 10:05 AM

Jennie giggled, but Lisa stared at her phone horrified. She had already made a fool out of herself. And obviously Chaeyoung was involved. That girl…  

“Well,” Jennie interrupted her train of thoughts, “looks like my plans have been canceled.” She pocketed her phone and looked at Lisa. 

“Ah, sorry to hear that,” Lisa deadpanned.

“You wanna grab coffee? If you have nowhere else to be, that is.” 

Lisa’s eyes went wide in disbelief. Just what the hell is my luck?

“Yes!” she blurted excitedly, and blushed when she saw Jennie smirk. 

▢▢▢

She pushed the door wide open. 

“Chaeyoung, you won’t believe what just happened-” she cried out but paused when she found the room empty. 

“Not here, huh.” 

Lisa could not believe it. She went on a date with Jennie. Well, if one could call that a date. It’s a date in my book! Lisa felt giddy, and couldn’t wait to tell Chaeyoung. The girl would not believe her, Lisa was sure. Which is why she had uploaded a picture of them on Instagram! 

To small victories, Lisa thought, smiling about it. 

Hours passed, and the afternoon became evening, with Chaeyoung nowhere to be seen. Lisa frowned and took her phone out to call the girl. To no avail, though. The girl wasn’t answering. She started getting a twisting feeling in her stomach.

She grimaced, and made up her mind to go out and find the girl. 

As she was about to leave the room, the door flew open. 

Chaeyoung emerged, looking the same as always. 

“Hey,” Lisa said, and Chaeyoung returned a smile. 

“Hi.” She silently walked to her bed, throwing herself on it. Lisa stared at her in silence and disbelief. 

“Where were you?” 

Chaeyoung gave her a dry look. “Out.” 

“You’ve been out the whole day,” Lisa continued. “I was worried.” 

“Sorry ‘bout that.” 

When the girl did not elaborate, Lisa frowned deeply. She walked to her bed, and Chaeyoung turned to look at her curiously. 

“You don’t seem very chipper,” Lisa told her. 

“Not in the mood,” she said wryly.

Lisa studied the girl’s face, and Chaeyoung just stared back blankly. 

The girl was clearly not okay. Her face was calm like still water, but her eyes weren’t. Her chestnut lovely eyes spoke of melancholy.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Lisa asked the girl. 

“Not particularly, no,” the girl deadpanned.

“I really want to watch a movie with my best friend.”

Chaeyoung stared at her mutely. 

“How much?” 

“What?” 

“How much do you want to watch a movie with your best friend?” she asked, the corner of her lips turning upwards. 

“So so so much! More than anything I’ve ever wanted!” Lisa declared loudly.

Chaeyoung gave her a small smile, and Lisa was thoroughly charmed.  

“Okay, Lalisa. Let’s watch a movie.”

“You pick.” 

“God, why are you so lazy?” Chaeyoung complained, but took out her phone nonetheless. “My bed or yours?” she asked while scrolling on her phone. 

“M-” Mine she almost said, but cut herself off when she remembered last night. “Y-yours. Yours. More comfortable.” Lisa was loath to admit it, but Chaeyoung's scent was... nice. Her bed must smell like her.

Chaeyoung huffed. “Get the laptop. We are watching Hereditary.” 

Lisa blinked at the name of the movie. “What’s it about?” 

“It’s a very… romantic movie,” Chaeyoung smiled sweetly. 

▢▢▢

Lisa hid her face in Chaeyoung’s shoulder, feeling a shiver go down her spine from the horrifying scene. 

“I hate you so much.” 

Chaeyoung laughed. “Sorry. I wanted to tease you a bit but maybe this was too much.” She heard the girl shut the laptop, and Lisa tried to pull away, but Chaeyoung wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close again. 

“How did you like my present?” she murmured in her hair. 

Lisa scoffed. “The movie?” 

“No. The date.” 

That made her pause. She pulled back and looked Chaeyoung in the eye. “What do you mean?” 

“You think Jennie just happened to be there?” Chaeyoung smiled dryly. 

“Y-you did that?” 

She hummed in agreement, and Lisa felt conflicted. 

“So, she went on a date with me because you asked her to?” 

“That was all you. I just asked her to meet me, and then cancelled the plan.” 

Lisa stared at the girl in disbelief. 

“What the hell…” 

She hugged the girl tightly, feeling her chest swell with emotion. “You’re… amazing. The best. I love you.” 

Chaeyoung hugged her back with as much ferocity. 

“How much?” she asked. Lisa shook with laughter, not understanding the girl in the slightest.

“So so so so much!” 

“As much as the world?” 

“Even more!” 

“Well, I can’t say the same-” and Lisa gasped in shock, which made her giggle.

“Because I love you as much as the universe!” she clarified.

“You’re so annoying!” 

They both laughed to their heart’s content, without letting go of each other.

After calming down, Lisa buried her face in Chaeyoung’s hair. It felt soft. She couldn’t help herself but sniff at it, which made Chaeyoung go rigid. 

“...what are you doing?” she whispered. 

“Memorizing your smell.” 

But she was lying. She already had it engraved in her soul. 

She rubbed circles on the girl’s back. 

“The shape of your back,” she murmured. “Just how you taught me.” 

Chaeyoung forcefully pulled back, and Lisa got taken aback. Her face looked wounded, her eyes teary. 

“I’m going out.” 

And before Lisa could say anything, the girl stormed out of the room. 

She felt at a loss for words. What did I do? 

Chaeyoung did not return that night.

Chapter Text

Lisa stayed up the whole night, waiting for Chaeyoung to return. She had no idea what to do. She thought of going out to search for the girl, but her keys were here. So was her phone. She felt so powerless.

One hour. 

Two hours. 

Three hours. 

Seven hours. 

Lisa stared at the clock in silence. Her eyes felt heavy, her mind foggy. She felt extremely tired. But she couldn’t sleep. Not until Chaeyoung returned. She had to apologize. It was not her intention to make her uncomfortable. She was only trying to… what was she trying to do? A yawn escaped her, and tears brimmed on her eyes. 

8AM. 

A sudden knock on the door startled her. She rushed to it, swinging the door wide open.  

“Chae-” but paused in confusion at the figure standing in front of her. “Jennie?” 

A smile formed on the girl’s face. “Good morning.” 

Lisa rubbed at her tired eyes. “Morning.” 

They stared at each other in silence, and Jennie looked awkward. “Can I… come inside?” 

“Yeah. Sure.” 

She let the girl enter and shut the door. 

“You look exhausted,” Jennie commented, and took a seat on Chaeyoung’s bed. Lisa frowned. 

“What’s up?” 

“Oh. Just visiting. Thought I would drop by to say hi.” The girl looked fidgety, and Lisa raised an eyebrow in question. Jennie sighed.

“Alright, fine. I need to tell you something. Take a seat.” 

“...okay.” 

She sat next to her, and stared mutely. 

Jennie swallowed, and looked her in the eye.

“Chaeyoung asked me if we could… swap rooms.” 

Lisa stood abruptly. “What?” She could feel her heart squeeze tightly. “W-where is she?” 

“I don’t… The cafeteria, I think.” 

Lisa started breathing heavily. She felt light-headed, and the sleep deprivation did not help a bit.

“Did you guys fight?” 

Lisa did not answer. She locked her jaw and pondered about last night. She could not understand Chaeyoung in the slightest. One second she would be all cuddly and the next she would pull stunts like this. 

“I just can’t win against that girl.” She gave Jennie an apologetic look. “Hold that thought, yeah?” 

The girl nodded hesitantly, and Lisa stormed out of the room and headed to the cafeteria. 

She found Chaeyoung sitting on her own. Her friend smiled brightly when she spotted Lisa. 

Lisa remained silent and made her way to her. 

“Hey, good morning!” Chaeyoung said.

“Not that good, no.” 

Her face fell. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Lisa calmly sat down across from her.

“Where have you been?” 

“...out?” 

“Chaeyoung.” 

The girl frowned. “You’re not my chaperone, Lisa. I don’t need your permission to be out.” 

Her words were a hit in the gut. She clenched her teeth. 

“Fair enough. Do you want to explain to me what you asked Jennie?” 

Chaeyoung’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought you would be happy. I did it for you-” 

“Why the FUCK-” Lisa slammed her fist on the table, “would I want this?” 

Her friend smiled awkwardly, and looked around the cafeteria. “Calm down, Lisa. You’re making a scene-” 

“I waited the whole fucking night for you, you know. The whole night. Waiting while my heart ached, thinking I fucked up.” 

Lisa felt her eyes glisten with tears, and bit her lip painfully. Chaeyoung’s expression looked perplexed. 

“You don’t want to be my roommate? Fine. The least you could do is have the backbone to tell me yourself. Hah. Imagine my surprise when Jennie told me the news.” She swiped at her tears in annoyance. 

“I’m sorry.” Chaeyoung looked down on her lap. “I think it’s what’s best for everyone. For you.” 

Lisa laughed humorlessly. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me. I want YOU as my roommate. Not Jennie, not anyone else. Park Chaeyoung.” The girl did not meet her eyes. “But if you don’t want to stay with me, I understand. I’ll…” Lisa swallowed thickly. “I’ll do as you want.” 

Chaeyoung looked up at her. Her face was hesitant. She tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. She pulled a face, and then bit her bottom lip. Her eyes started watering at an alarming rate, and Lisa gasped. 

“I want to stay with you,” she whispered.

Lisa stood and hurriedly sat next to the girl. “You can. No, you must. It won’t work if it’s not you. You hear me?” 

Chaeyoung tried to mask her feelings, but tears were rolling down her face.

Lisa gently put her palm on the girl’s face to wipe her tears, and Chaeyoung closed her eyes and leaned her head on it.

“I’m sorry.” 

Lisa looked at the dark circles under her eyes, her puffy red eyes, her injured lower lip. 

“Talk to me, Chaeyoung. My heart aches to see you like this.”

A stray tear escaped Lisa's thumb.

“I can’t.” 

▢▢▢

“Sorry about that, Jennie.” 

“Happens to the best of us,” Jennie replied from the other line. “You guys sure made a scene.” 

Lisa laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, well.” 

“Can I tell you something?” 

“Sure.” 

“All this time, I thought you were hitting on me.” 

Lisa choked on her saliva.

“I had no idea you and Chaeyoung were dating.” 

Her heart seemed to stop. “What?” 

“Oh, come on, Lisa. All the campus knows. You don’t need to hide it anymore.” 

“No, no. What are you talking about? We are not dating. She’s my best friend.” 

The line went silent for a bit. “Are you sure?” 

“Pretty sure I would know if that was that case.” 

“Jisoo! Other people’s businesses really live rent free in your head, don’t they?” she heard Jennie shout. 

Lisa laughed.

“Tell her I said hi.” 

“Lisa says hi.” She heard a hi to you from the other end.

“But yeah, no. We are not. Dating, I mean.” 

“Oh, so you were hitting on me, then,” Jennie said, and Lisa could almost picture her grin. 

She sighed. “Honestly? Yeah, I was.” Lisa was surprised at her own admission, but for some reason, she couldn’t find it in her to care that much.

Jennie laughed. “How straightforward, Lili.” There was a long pause. “I’m sorry.” 

“That’s alright,” Lisa assured her, and it was. Lisa felt fine. 

“Great. I’ll see you around?” 

“See you around, Jennie.” 

She put the phone on the table, and sighed. “That’s that.” 

“Are you okay?” 

Lisa turned towards Chaeyoung, who was looking at her with a soft expression.

“I’m not. I could really use a hug right now.” 

Chaeyoung invited her with open arms, and Lisa jumped to cuddle her. 

“There, there. You’re okay,” Chaeyoung murmured, her lips on the crown of Lisa’s head. 

Lisa was lying. She wasn’t sad. She felt fine. Even more so now. She felt loved and cherished. And she was going to do her utmost to make Chaeyoung feel the same.

Chapter Text

Lisa’s eyes fluttered open, and the first thing she saw was Chaeyoung’s face. For some reason, she felt extremely nostalgic. The smell, the picture, the feel… It felt like… home? A sudden sharp pain went through her head, making her grit her teeth. She drew the girl’s body closer, her scent tranquilizing her. Chaeyoung stirred, and her sleepy eyes propped open. A small smile crept on her face.

“Morning…”

“Mhm,” Lisa murmured, and wiped the dried drool from the girl’s chin. “Good morning.”

She gave a strange look, but shook her head and proceeded to bury her face on the crook of Lisa’s neck.

Lisa felt serene. This was the happiest she’s been, she was sure of it. It felt like an endgame, one something would strive for their whole life. And Lisa had it. It was this girl right here.

“You can sleep some more,” Lisa whispered. “‘It’s still early.”

Chaeyoung hummed, burying herself deeper in Lisa’s embrace.

Her mind started wandering. She had gotten rejected by Jennie, and that was that. It did not bother her as much as she thought it would. In fact, she didn’t mind at all. She felt content.

She sneakily tried to press a kiss on top of Chaeyoung’s head, pretending she was just resting her face.

Chaeyoung suddenly shot up, startling Lisa to the core.

“Oh my god!” she cried out.

Lisa’s blood seemed to freeze in her veins. I messed up again. “I’m sorry-“

Chaeyoung ignored her and checked her phone. Her shriek of alarm made Lisa double back in alarm.

“I’m late, I’m late!”

She rushed to the closet and grabbed the first dress she saw. Lisa frowned and checked the time.

“Chaeyoung, it’s six in the morning.”

“I know!” Chaeyoung howled.

Lisa rose from her bed.

“Where are you going?”

Chaeyoung threw her a glance, before her eyes darted away.

“Out.”

This again. Her stomach started twisting.

“Meeting with someone?” she tested the waters.

“I guess so,” Chaeyoung gave back, and it felt like a knife. She shook her head and peered at her friend as she undressed.

Chaeyoung must have felt her gaze because she threw her a look of disbelief. “Lisa.”

“Sorry,” Lisa said, but did not avert her eyes. “Who are you seeing?”

“...someone.”

“A date?” The question had more bite than Lisa would like it to.

Chaeyoung’s look of surprise made Lisa press her lips in a thin line.

“What? No. Where’s this coming from?”

“Just curious.”

Lisa studied her and Chaeyoung stared back puzzled.

“Did you want to go somewhere together?” she asked.

“Not really.”

When Lisa did not elaborate, Chaeyoung sighed in exasperation.

“I won’t be long.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I know that look.”

Lisa scoffed. “Right. Cuz you know me so well.”

“You would be surprised,” Chaeyoung smiled. “Now stop sulking. I can’t leave you like this.”

“I’m not sulking,” Lisa refuted. Chaeyoung snorted and walked over to her. “It’s as you said. I’m not your chaperone,” she continued.

“Mhm.”

“Matter of fact, I don’t even care where you’re going. Have fun.” Lisa bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from going off.

Chaeyoung broke into a grin. She wrapped her arms around Lisa’s middle.

“You’re so cute, you know that?”

And just like that, her anger dissipated instantly. She sighed in defeat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” She hugged Chaeyoung back, burying her face on the girl’s hair.

“I know.”

Chaeyoung made to pull away, but Lisa pulled her back in.

“Just a bit more…” she exhaled.

“I believe I've successfully spoiled you,” her friend giggled. Lisa knew the girl was in a hurry, that she was being selfish, but she needed this. She craved her smell. Her touch.

Silence prevailed, and life was perfect, even just for a moment.

Chaeyoung suddenly spoke up. “Promise you won’t get mad if I tell you?”

Lisa pulled back and looked at her strangely.

“Why would I get mad?”

Her best friend shrugged. “I just feel like you might.”

“Unless it’s a guy, I promise not to.”

The girl raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“It’s not.”

“Shoot, then.”

“It’s a girl-”

Lisa gasped, and Chaeyoung threw her head back in laughter.

“A job.”

“...what?”

“I’ve got a job.”

Lisa looked at her in confusion. “What job?”

“It’s uh…” she mumbled, and pink patches appeared on her cheeks. Lisa’s stomach dropped at her expression.

“Modeling,” she finished.

“M-modeling?” Her head went blank. “What do you mean modeling? Modeling for what?”

“A brand, silly. Clothes, eyewear and the like.”

Clothes? Lisa’s imagination started running wild on what those people told Chaeyoung to pose in.

“Why?”

“Why does one work, Sherlock?”

“You’re broke?” Lisa asked in disbelief.

Chaeyoung huffed, and Lisa flushed.

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

“No, you’re spot on. I’m pretty much broke at the moment.”

“Oh.”

The girl did not look ashamed, which Lisa was glad of. There was no shame in it.

“Wait, but you are on a scholarship, aren’t you?”

“Having extra money wouldn’t hurt,” she said dryly.

“What would hurt is waking up at 6 in the morning for work and then having to attend classes the rest of the day,” Lisa argued.

Chaeyoung shook her head and tied her hair. “I can handle it. I don’t have to go daily, anyway.”

Lisa rubbed at her eyes tiredly. She’s modeling. Well, Lisa looked at the girl from head to toe, she’s got the body, to be sure. The face too. Chaeyoung is, quite literally, a beauty. But…

”Don’t believe me?” Chaeyoung snorted. “Not pretty enough to be a model?”

“I didn’t say that. You’re-“ gorgeous, she almost said but decided not to embarrass herself, “You’re alright.”

The girl smiled dryly.

“Why would I be mad about this?” Lisa asked curiously.

“I just had a hunch you would,” Chaeyoung shrugged. “Guess I was wrong.”

Lisa wasn’t mad. Chaeyoung would be out there with someone else instead of her, but so what? She needed the money. Who was Lisa to deny her that?

▢▢▢

“You’re modeling for Saint Laurent,” Lisa looked at the magazine in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“ The Saint Laurent.”

“Yves Saint Laurent, yes.”

“YSL.”

“My god. Yes, Lisa! YSL!” Chaeyoung said, vexed.

“How?”

“I get it. I’m not pretty enough-”

“No no. Don’t put words in my mouth. I just wonder how the hell a college student managed to land such a job.”

Chaeyoung just shrugged. “Lucky, I guess.”

Lisa shook her head and continued browsing through the magazine. It’s been a month since Chaeyoung started waking up early for work, and Lisa had made no complaint. She once offered to lend her friend some money, but Chaeyoung had gotten upset. So upset she had ignored Lisa for a whole day. “You look… great,” she complimented the girl. And she did.

“You think so?” Chaeyoung smiled shyly, fumbling with her fingers.

“Oh yeah.” The Chaeyoung next to her looked timid and cute, but the girl in these pictures… The way she carried herself, her grace and elegance… they made her look otherworldly. Lisa was thoroughly bewitched, and was left staring like a fool.

The magazine suddenly disappeared from her hands and Lisa threw Chaeyoung a scowl. “Give me that.”

“I have something for you.”

Lisa frowned at the girl’s expression.

“What is it?”

“Sit.”

And she did. Chaeyoung held out her fists, and Lisa looked at her in confusion.

“Choose.”

A prank?

Chaeyoung was slowly pushing one fist in front, trying to hide the other one. What game is she playing? Is she hoping that I’ll choose the one she’s pushing? And of course, because Lisa wasn’t the brightest across the board, she chose the one in the back.

Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow.

“Are you sure?” she asked, as she pushed the other fist out again, making Lisa shake her head.

"Yes."

"You're the boss."

She opened her hand and when Lisa saw what she was hiding, her eyes went agape.

“A necklace?”

“Happy birthday, my Lisapoop,” she said.

Lisa’s breath hitched. She had completely forgotten. The necklace, a small thing with an even smaller golden heart, shone brightly. She tried to look at it, for the treasure that it was, but the only treasure her eyes could see was Chaeyoung’s loving smile.

“Chaeyoung… t-this looks expensive. I thought you were short on money…”

“I lied,” Chaeyoung grinned cheekily. “Look, it even has an engraving on the back,” she continued enthusiastically, her animated face an arrow to Lisa’s chest.

L + C

She bit her lip to stop herself from crying.

“Turn around,” she told her lovingly.

She did. When nothing happened, she glanced back, and Chaeyoung looked at her in exasperation.

“The back of your head is no doubt a most endearing sight, my Lilipoop, but could you please move your hair from your neck?”

Lisa flushed, and hurriedly did as told.

Chaeyoung gently put the necklace around her neck, her touch light as a feather. The gold on her skin was cold but it warmed Lisa to her very core.

She turned to thank the girl, to tell her how much this meant to her, but her voice seemed to fail her. Only a croak came out, and Chaeyoung chuckled.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know.”

She chose instead to hug the girl as tightly as she could. She was Lisa’s happiness. A sudden thought occurred to her.

“What was on the other hand?”

“Oh, it was empty. I would have just given you a kiss.”

“Can I please pick again-”

Chaeyoung shook her head adoringly.

Lisa remembered which fist the girl was signaling her to pick, and felt her face heat up.

Chapter Text

Lisa felt a nudge on her shoulder, and startled awake.

“Whuh?” she mumbled, feeling confused and disoriented.

“Hey…” 

Lisa blinked, trying to get her eyes to focus. They slept with a small light on the other side of the room, but Lisa could make out a lithe body clutching at a pillow standing next to her bed.

“Chaeng?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” she whispered.  

Lisa put a hand to support herself and scrutinized Chaeyoung. “...what’s up?”

The girl looked at her reluctantly, squeezing at her pillow, and it was somehow the sweetest sight Lisa had ever seen. She got the memo and scootched. 

“A-are you sure?” her friend hesitated.

Lisa did not want to admit that she actually craved to sleep with the girl in her arms, so she just nodded. “Yeah. It’s a bit cold today, so I wouldn’t mind the extra warmth. Now get inside before I change my mind,” she told her, and threw open the blankets. 

Chaeyoung didn’t need to be told twice. She hurriedly threw the pillow on her own bed and got inside the blankets.

“Wait, the pillow-” 

“Won’t yours be enough?” she asked in a childlike voice, and Lisa couldn’t argue with it. 

They lied face to face, barely a breath apart. Lisa’s cheeks were no doubt coloured red, but thankfully there was barely any light so Chaeyoung wouldn’t notice. Can she hear my heartbeat? she wondered, because it was going crazy. 

“Sorry about this,” Chaeyoung muttered. Her breath smelled of mint. 

“It’s okay. I actually like this,” Lisa admitted, and bopped the girl’s nose. She scrunched her nose adorably, and Lisa bit her lip to not smile like an idiot. Because that’s how Chaeyoung made her feel lately. Like a fool in… 

Lisa shut her eyes tightly. 

▢▢▢

Life was perfect. Chaeyoung seemed to want to be around her the whole time, and Lisa could not complain. It was bliss, and she hoped the rest of her days were like this. 

“Lisa?” 

“Hm?” 

“There’s this new movie playing in the cinemas today. Wanna go?” 

Lisa glanced at the girl who looked busy on her laptop. 

“Yeah, sure. What movie?” 

“It’s called Smile.” 

“Oh yeah? Is it a romance?” 

Chaeyoung grinned. “Yep.” 

It was, of course, not a romance movie. Lisa gasped at the jumpscare, and turned to glare at Chaeyoung who was having too much fun looking at her. 

“You’re so annoying,” Lisa whispered. 

“You adore me,” Chaeyoung whispered back. “Have some,” she said, and put the popcorn in the middle. 

Lisa carefully eyed it, and had an idea.  

She waited for Chaeyoung to try and get some, and the moment she did, Lisa swiftly put her hand inside the container too. 

The touch felt like electricity, and Chaeyoung turned to look at her with wide eyes. Lisa smiled with uncertainty, and her… friend returned a shy smile. She intertwined their fingers, and turned to watch the movie happily. 

Well, that worked out better than I could have ever hoped, Lisa thought, and spent a good amount of time just staring at the girl. 

Chaeyoung momentarily peeked at her before darting her eyes away in panic. It made Lisa blink in surprise. She stared at their intertwined hands, and noticed Chaeyoung trying to retract hers. 

“My hand is getting sweaty…” the girl whispered. 

“Mine too,” Lisa admitted, and clasped the hand more firmly. Their hands were still in the midst of popcorn, and it was awkward, but Lisa did not want to let go. 

Chaeyoung did not look at her, but Lisa could see the pink patches on her face. She kept glancing at the girl throughout the whole entirety of the movie.

“Well, that’s that.” Chaeyoung suddenly said.

“Hm? What?” Lisa looked at the screen. The credits were rolling, and her eyes went wide in surprise. Oh. I guess it’s already finished. Chaeyoung pulled her hand away from the popcorn before Lisa could react. 

“So? You like it?” she asked. 

“The- Yeah! It was great. A bit sweatier and stickier than one would expect, but still a solid experience. Would definitely do it again.” 

Chaeyoung burst out laughing. “The movie, Lisa.” 

“Oh.” Lisa had no idea what the movie was even about. She made a meh gesture and Chaeyoung snorted. 

▢▢▢

“I was thinking of indian tonight,” Lisa suggested. 

“Sounds good to me,” Chaeyoung muttered, but did not look away from her phone. 

Lisa frowned and plopped next to her, trying to peek at her screen. “Who are you talking to?” 

“My boss,” she replied, and did not even try to hide her screen. “We are discussing our next concept.” 

“Huh.” 

Chaeyoung looked so focused, Lisa found it adorable. 

“You really like your job.” 

The girl gave her a small smile. “It’s acceptable.” 

“You must make a lot.” 

“I suppose,” she snorted. 

Lisa smiled as she looked down at her necklace. “How much was it?” Lisa had tried looking it up, to find how much her… best friend…? How much she had spent on it, but there was nothing online. The quality of it seemed outstanding, and Lisa could not dare imagine. 

The girl glanced at her, before hurriedly looking away. “Uh… probably around 300$?” 

“Chaeyoung.” 

She sighed and put the phone away. “Does it matter?”

Of course it did. Lisa had to match the price with her own gift. “Yes.” 

Chaeyoung narrowed her eyes in suspicion.  “Around six…” she grabbed her chin in thought.

“T-that’s a lot! 600$? Chaeyoung, you shouldn’t have…” 

Chaeyoung smiled sheepishly. “Thousand.” 

Lisa almost fainted.

“Hey, it’s fine. I don’t expect you to get me something as expensive!” Chaeyoung reassured her, but Lisa’s mind was in overdrive. 

I have to start working from today if I want to make it. She hurriedly grabbed her phone and called someone. 

“Lisa…?” Chaeyoung looked at her worriedly. 

“Hey! How are you? Yeah? That’s great. No, yeah, me too. I would hope so! Hey, listen, are you guys still looking for a part-timer? Yeah? Great! Send me the details! Thank you. You’re a life-saver. Yeah. See you around!” 

She put the phone away and looked at Chaeyoung, who was staring at her in exasperation.

“What?” 

“I said you don’t have to do this.” 

“It’s not a matter of buying something as expensive,” Lisa tried to explain. “It’s about buying something that’s up to your worth. And that’s going to cost a lot.” 

“Lisa-” 

“You can’t talk me out of this, Chaeng.” 

The girl rubbed at her temple, and smiled tiredly. “Thank god I didn’t tell her the actual price,” she muttered, and thankfully, Lisa did not catch it.

▢▢▢

“Please, give me as many shifts as possible!” 

Jisoo’s family owned a coffee shop, and they were currently looking for a waitress. Lisa was currently pleading her case to Jisoo’s father. He was a tall, bulky man, with a kind face and a weary voice. 

“Are you sure you can handle that? From what I hear, you are a student.” 

“Yes, please! I can do it! 

He pondered over it, and Lisa’s heart was beating wildly. “How’s six times a week sound?” 

“The more, the merrier,” Lisa smiled happily. She couldn’t believe her luck. I need to treat Jisoo to something later. “Thank you very much, sir! I promise, I won’t let you down!” 

After bidding the man a good day, she happily walked back to their dorm. She wanted to call Chaeyoung to tell her the good news, but decided to tell her in person. 

When she entered the room, Chaeyoung was nowhere to be seen. Lisa pouted and tried to get some work done in the meantime. After some hours, she stretched tiredly. She couldn’t wait to be done with university. 

She currently had no goals or plans after everything was said and done. The only thing that truly mattered right now was Chaeyoung. Everything else was just… there. Have I achieved happiness? Is this what the endgame looks like?  

A knocking sound interrupted her musings. She knew that knock all too well, and it made her heart flutter. 

When she opened the door, Chaeyoung gave her a beaming smile. 

“I was thinking of Italian tonight,” she said, lifting the two bags she was holding.

“Look at you go, rich girl, being able to afford take-outs on a daily basis,” Lisa teased.  

“You can’t complain since I’m sharing!” 

As Chaeyoung changed to her pajamas, Lisa set the table for them. 

“How did it go?” the girl asked, after they had sat down, devouring all the food in sight.

Chaeyoung had always been a big eater, completely contradicting her slim build. 

“Pretty good. I got the job.” 

“That’s great news, Lisa!” 

Lisa hummed, and used her thumb to wipe the sauce running down the girl’s cheek. It made her smile shyly. 

“I’m a bit sad I’ll have less time to see you,” she admitted.

“We are like a married couple already!” Chaeyoung grinned with a full mouth, and Lisa had a sudden realization, one she had been blind to for so long.

“Would that be alright with you?” 

Chaeyoung stopped eating and looked at her with questioning eyes.

“What?”

“Being married.”

“S-stop joking, geez,” Chaeyoung muttered, not meeting Lisa’s eyes. 

“What if I’m not?” 

She reached over and held the girl’s hand, and Chaeyoung looked like a deer in headlights.

“I love you, Park Chaeyoung.”

Chapter Text

Lisa saw the moment Chaeyoung’s face fell, and felt her stomach churl unpleasantly. She waited for something, anything, but Chaeyoung remained silent, looking lost.  

“Chaeyoung…?” 

That seemed to snap her out of her thoughts. 

“Lisa… please don’t do this…” the girl finally said, and it was worse than any blow Lisa could have hoped for. She pulled her hand back and looked at the floor in silence.

“I thought- I-” She did not know what she thought. “Why not?” 

“We can’t… You and I are not like that…” 

“What are we then, Chaeyoung? I was so convinced you loved me back. I was so sure,” Lisa said bitterly. Lisa looked up and Chaeyoung seemed to be on the brink of tears, and it just pulled at her heartstrings. 

“I do love you, Lisa. More than anything.” Chaeyoung stood from her seat and kneeled in front of her. “But we can’t.”

Lisa bit her lip painfully. “If you think we are just friends, you’re wrong. You’re so wrong, Chaeyoung. Friends don’t act like this. Friends don’t-” she cupped the girl’s face tenderly. “I can see it in your eyes. They reflect the same thing as mine. Utter love and devotion.”  

Chaeyoung looked in such agony. She closed her eyes, and a stray tear fell down her face. 

“Why won’t you remember?” she muttered, and her voice sounded accusatory.

Lisa blinked in confusion. “What?” 

“I’ve tried so hard to protect you, to keep you fed and happy. But I’m tired, Lisa. I feel so lost and alone. I don’t know what to do.” 

Lisa could not understand a single thing. Not a thing. She pulled away and looked the girl in the eyes. 

“What are you saying?” 

The girl suddenly broke down crying, and Lisa was left bewildered. What the hell is going on? The sobbing sounded devastating, and she did not know what to do. She wanted to hug her, to tell her that everything would be okay, but right now, she couldn’t truly believe it herself. 

Chaeyoung just looked so… broken.

“Wh-why? I thought we could- We would be happy. Together. I feel like I can do anything with you by my side, Chaeng.” 

Chaeyoung only cried harder, and Lisa just did not get it. She took slow steps away from the girl. For a moment, she considered just running away with no destination in mind. 

“J-just forget it. Forget I ever said anything. Let’s pretend this never happened, okay?” The thought that she might have just ruined everything was threatening to rip her heart apart. “I’ll get over my feelings, okay? I will. So please, don’t push me away. Please.” 

When Chaeyoung met her eyes, Lisa knew that nothing would ever be the same. 

That night, she dreamt of a young girl. She was a small thing, around five, maybe six, and she had short, dark hair. She was whispering something, but Lisa couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. The harder she tried to listen, the softer the voice got. 

S……s…..fo….er….

▢▢▢

Her alarm woke her up. It was time for work. She glanced towards the other bed and found it empty. It made her chest ache. Everything will be fine. It has to. 

She took a quick shower and left.

Lisa tried her best to seem cheerful to the customers. The tray almost fell from her hand once, which startled her and the customer. Jisoo’s father seemed to notice that something was amiss, but decided not to comment, which she appreciated. There was nothing to say. She messed up. She was in over her head and just confessed. Like an idiot. 

After a pathetic first day at work, she apologized and left in silence. What if she doesn’t want to see me? Lisa had nowhere else to go, so she reluctantly made her way to their dormitory. She wondered if Chaeyoung was back. 

Of course not.

She sighed after finding the room empty. At least her clothes are here. At least she did not bail on me. 

Yet, a mean voice in the back of her head seemed to whisper. Lisa pretended she couldn’t hear it.

After an hour of waiting around, it was time for class. Chaeyoung was still not here. Lisa considered skipping, but shook the thought away and got dressed. Moping around would only make things worse. She needed any kind of distraction. 

She bumped into Jennie on her way, who greeted her with a beaming smile, and Lisa tried her best to match her energy. 

“I heard you started working at uncle’s place?”

Lisa looked at her peculiarly. “Uncle?”

Jennie seemed to blush. “I’m close with Jisoo’s family.”

It made Lisa smile. “Yeah. I had a pretty rough day, and I probably embarrassed him.”

“I’m sure it’s fine. He’s a big ol’ softie.”

“Yeah.”

They walked in silence. Not because she felt awkward around Jennie, but she was just feeling… down. She considered texting Chaeyoung, but the thought that she would just ignore her text would be her final straw. 

“You wanna talk about it?” Jennie asked.

“Nothing to talk about,” Lisa replied. 

Jennie seemed to get the gist, and nodded. 

Lisa sighed. “Sorry for being a party pooper.” 

“We all have our days,” Jennie reassured her. “Whatever it is, it will all work out. I promise. Here, pinky promise,” she said, and wiggled her little finger in front of Lisa. 

It got a chuckle out of her. She locked their pinkies, and met her thumb halfway. 

“Pinky promise,” Lisa said. 

“Get a room, you two.”

Lisa pulled her hand away in shock, and looked at the owner of the voice.

“C-Chaeng! Hey!” 

Of course she would appear right now. I am God’s favourite, Lisa cursed in her head. The girl was smiling, and Lisa wondered if she was glad that she was with another girl. 

“Good morning, hubby,” Jennie said shyly, and Lisa turned to look at her in surprise. Jennie was fluttering her eyes, her cheeks colored pink. What the hell?

“It is, now that you’ve graced me with your presence, wifey,” Chaeyoung grinned. Lisa looked down and considered just ending it all.

“Stop looking so dejected,” Chaeyoung said, and patted her cheek as she passed them, and it seemed to scorch Lisa’s skin. “It’s a brand new day.”

“W-we have class!” Lisa reminded her.

“I know. Would be unbecoming of me to come with these clothes,” she pointed down her body. 

“I can wait for you. I mean, if you want.” 

Lisa threw Jennie a look of disbelief. 

“That’s okay, my teddy bear. You guys go ahead.” She waved at them and disappeared out of sight and it all just felt like a fever dream when she saw the look on Jennie’s eyes. 

“What the hell?” she asked. 

“What?”

“Since when have you two been this close?”

Jennie looked at her strangely. “Always.”

“A-always my ass. And what was that hubby and wifey?” She fumed just thinking about it. 

“What does it matter, Lili?”

“It matters!”

Jennie made a face and sighed. “Well, since you said you’re just friends, I guess it’s alright to tell you.”

Lisa knew what was coming, but she still had hope she was wrong.

“I like Chaeyoung.”

And there it was. Another knife. Lisa seemed to be getting stabbed on a daily basis since Chaeyoung came into her life. Jennie looked uncertain, and Lisa just didn’t know how to react. The girl she had a crush on not so long ago has a crush on her current crush. No. Calling Chaeyoung just a crush didn’t seem right. She was more. So much more.

A sudden memory resurfaced.

“It wasn’t me you wanted to pair up with back then.”

“What? Oh, our dance class. Yeah… sorry. I just went with the flow since I didn’t wanna seem rude.”

“How long?”

Jennie looked up in thought. “Too damn long,” she laughed.

▢▢▢

Chaeyoung looked as if last night hadn’t happened. She was smiling and talking normally. It’s what Lisa wanted. Right? 

“So how was your first day?”

Lisa studied her face, hoping to find something, anything, but her face was just… it was just Chaeyoung. 

“So-so.”

When Lisa did not elaborate, Chaeyoung poked at her cheek. 

“Is that all you’re gonna give me? ‘So-so’? Come on, Lilipoop. Spill the tea! What went wrong?”

Her animated face felt like another stab to her chest, and Lisa’s eyes watered. Chaeyoung’s smile faltered. 

“Lisa…”

“It’s nothing. It was alright for the most part. I just didn’t do all that well. I hope I didn’t embarrass uncle.”

Chaeyoung smiled. “Uncle?”

Lisa wiped at her tears. “I-I don’t know. I just- Jennie called him that before and I just blurted it.” Lisa had no idea why she did. It just came out so naturally. She did not know why she felt so sad and lost. 

Chaeyoung rested her head on Lisa’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Lisa. You don’t have to try so much. I’ll take care of everything, okay?” 

Lisa did not understand what Chaeyoung was talking about. She always said these cryptic things that just did not make sense. 

“I need to.”

“Why?”

Because I want to be worthy of you. 

“Because.”

Chapter Text

Life went on. Nothing happened for a while. She worked and attended classes. Exam season came, and Lisa felt a mess. She could barely stay awake, let alone study. It wasn’t work that bothered her. No, work was a breeze. She just couldn’t sleep lately, and felt drained throughout the day. And whenever she did sleep, she would wake up drenched in sweat. Nightmares, she figured, but she couldn’t really remember. 

Chaeyoung seemed to be doing alright. She was very busy nowadays, barely attending classes, but somehow, still acing the exams. Lisa was envious of her smarts. 

Things between them had gotten stale, to say the least. They talked when they could, but it was of no real essence. She wanted what they had back. If only she hadn’t blurted her feelings like an idiot. 

And so, just like that, half a year went by.

Lisa looked at her account balance and sighed. She could now buy Chaeyoung an expensive gift. And she would, when the time came. Her balance suddenly spiked up even more. 

Her monthly allowance from her parents just came in. She had insisted she did not need anything now that she worked, but they wouldn’t listen. It’s been a while since she had last seen them. Maybe she would visit them. She decided to ask Chaeyoung to come with. She picked up her phone and dialed her.

“Chaeng?” 

“Lilipoop. What’s up?” 

Lisa considered not asking for a second, but shook her head.

“I’m visiting my parents tomorrow. You wanna… I don’t know, maybe, if you want, come with? If you’re busy, It’s fine-”

“Sure,” the other line replied, and Lisa felt the weight on her shoulders lift. 

“Yeah?” 

“Of course, dummy.” 

“Great!”

 Her insides twisted in displeasure, and she just couldn’t understand why. “Don’t get take-out tonight. I’m cooking!” 

Chaeyoung laughed on the other end. “Oh boy, can’t wait to taste ashes again!” 

Lisa flushed. “A one time incident!”

“You almost got us killed!” 

“Boohoo, big baby.” 

She could feel the girl’s smile from the other end. “Alright, if you insist.” 

Warmth radiated inside her chest. “I’ll make you proud!”

“You always do,” Chaeyoung told her, and the randomness of it caught her off guard. 

“T-thanks. Anyway, I don’t want to keep you.” 

“Yeah, sorry. Gotta run. See you later, Lili.” 

Lisa sighed and lied on her bed. Gotta go buy ingredients, I guess. Her bones ached. Her heart ached. But she had to keep moving forward. 

If I look back, I’m lost. 

She tried to ignore the twisting feeling in her stomach. 

  ▢▢▢

“Lisa.” 

“Yeah?” 

“You said you would cook.” 

“Indeed.” 

Chaeyoung smiled sardonically, staring at the bowl in front of her fondly. “You cooked noodles?” 

“Noodles are pretty tasty-” she tried to defend herself.

“You burnt what you actually cooked, didn’t you? I can smell it.”

Lisa blushed and shuffled on her feet, caught red-handed. “Sorry. I tried but…” 

Chaeyoung chuckled. “I was actually craving noodles lately. We got any kimchi?”

“Yep!” 

Chaeyoung’s enthusiastic clapping made her smile, even though she knew the girl was only doing it to make Lisa feel better. 

They ate in silence. Lisa could not understand why sometimes things would seem like they used to, and the next moment, awkwardness engulfed them. 

“How was… work?”

“Not bad,” Chaeyoung spoke with a full mouth, and it made Lisa stare longingly. God, but she loved her so much her poor heart could not bear it. Her eyes glistened involuntarily. 

Chaeyoung’s expression shifted to pain and Lisa hurriedly tried to blink them away. 

“The noodles are just to die for. Tears of joy, these ones.”

Lisa wasn’t fooling anyone, not ever herself. 

Chaeyoung put her chopsticks down and sighed deeply. 

“What can I do to make things better?” she asked. 

I want your lips on mine, Lisa almost said.

“There’s nothing you could possibly do, Chaeyoung. This is all me. I’ll get over it. Promise.” 

She knew that she never would. Chaeyoung looked pensive and Lisa felt the guilt gnaw at her. 

“I’m fine, Chaeng.” 

The girl gave her a sad smile. “Alright.”

“So uhm, what time do you want to go tomorrow?”

“Whenever you want. Got no plans.” Chaeyoung continued to eat. She devoured her bowl within moments, and Lisa pushed hers towards the girl. Her eyes went wide, flushing. “I’m full, no need-” a loud growl interrupted her, and she grew an even darker shade of red. 

“You can eat it, dummy. Go ahead.”

“You eat it. You haven’t even touched it,” Chaeyoung countered with a frown, and Lisa wished she would just comply for once in her life. 

“Just eat it, Chaeng. You’ve clearly been starving yourself. Do you realize how much weight you’ve lost?”

The girl looked offended. “That’s not true. I’m just- I’m maintaining a look.”

“Well, congratulations. You’ve been sporting an anorexic look for a while now.”

“What’s gotten up your butt? Stop getting in my case.”

She grabbed a napkin and wiped at her pink plump lips. 

“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m just worried about your health-”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure. It’s not like I feel your ogling eyes trailing down my body on a daily basis.”

Lisa flushed. “What does this have to do with anything?”

“Do you want me to gain some more weight to be more to your liking, Lisa?” Her words were oozing with venom, and Lisa could not understand where this was coming from. 

“Like I said, I’m just worried about you. Your health. It’s all that matters to me. Why are you even pushing yourself so much anyway? For what reason? Money? Fame?”

Chaeyoung threw her head back and laughed humorlessly. “Screw you, Lalisa. What about you? Is the only thing you care about what’s under my clothes?”

Lisa felt utterly bewildered at where this was going.

“What the hell does this have to do with what I’m saying?” 

“Let’s face it. You don’t actually give a shit about me. You just want to get in my pants.”

She had never wanted to slap anyone more in her entire life. 

“Do you think so little of me?”

“That’s my line!” she shouted, suddenly rising from her seat. “It’s been half a year, Lisa. Half a year! Why aren’t you getting over this infatuation?!”

“I can’t just fucking will it to go away now, can I?” Her nerves were getting the better of her, but she couldn’t just say nothing. “I’ve been trying restlessly. I’ve tried hook-ups, I’ve tried dating. I’ve tried everything , but I’m still in love with you ! Your stupid humor and your hideous face!” 

Chaeyoung came around the table and stood over her wearing a scowl. “Everyone’s so superficial. Every single person! I thought you were different, you of all people. You had to be. But no. You’re just as bad as the rest of them. You-”

“Oh, forgive me , your Highness . A lowly peasant like me can never hope to be worthy of your love!” Lisa stood and shoved Chaeyoung back. “Get off your high-horse, asswipe. You’re nothing special.” 

Chaeyoung’s well-worn leather coloured eyes started flickering and it made Lisa bristle. 

“You’re crying? Seriously? After all you just said, you’re making it seem like I’m the bad guy here?” Un-fucking-believable!”

“It’s not easy for me! It’s not fair!” she shouted. She looked small and fragile, like a gust of wind would shatter her in millions of pieces. When she did not elaborate, Lisa just rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, go ahead, pity yourself. That’s all you’re good at.” She came off more strong than she would have liked, and the words left a bitter taste in her mouth. 

 Chaeyoung walked towards her and slapped her.  

“I am trying my best!” 

“Trying your best to make my life difficult, yes.” 

She hit Lisa's chest, her face a crying mess. 

“Why won’t you just remember- You promised! Why- why- why-” she kept hitting at her chest and muttering ‘why’ like a broken record. Her crushed face stared at her hauntingly. 

A sudden memory resurfaced.

▢▢▢

“Out of the way, Lisa!” 

Lisa felt the trembling clutches on the back of her shirt tighten. 

“Nope.”

“Stop protecting her!”

“Leave me alone!” the girl behind her shouted. Lisa wanted to peek behind her, to see who it was.

“You heard her.”

“She talked bad about me to the teacher!” Sol insisted. 

“I will too, if you don’t leave her alone,” Lisa declared loudly, hoping to impress the hiding girl. 

Sol just scowled and ran away. When she was out of sight, Lisa tried to turn, but the girl wouldn’t let her. 

“You can’t see me cry.”

“Everyone cries. It’s okay.”

“I don’t. I can’t. So don’t turn yet. Wait.”

 Lisa did as told, and waited. After a bit, she felt the clutches on her shirt loosen. She slowly peeked behind her and saw a small thing trying to hide on herself. She was wearing a pink dress, with short messy hair running in all directions, and she was very skinny. It was not a face she had seen around. 

“Are you new?”

The girl nodded, chewing at her lower lip. 

“If Sol tries to hurt you, tell me. I will deal with her. I can beat her. We’ve wrestled on the ground before and I’ve won, so she avoids me.”

When the girl remained silent, looking uncertain, Lisa scratched the back of her head. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything to you. What’s your name?”

The girl shifted on her feet and said nothing. It made Lisa upset. She was about to walk away but a small whisper made her pause. 

“Rosie…”

“Rozee?”

“R-Rosie!”

Lisa looked at the girl in thought. “That’s what I said, didn’t I?”

“It’s not Rozee. It’s R-O-S-I-E.”

“Ah. Okay. My name is Lisa. L-I-S-A!” 

Rosie’s eyes suddenly started watering, and Lisa felt herself panic. She quickly turned around.

“I’m not looking,” she said. 

She felt a tug on the back of her shirt, but didn’t turn. Soft sobbing sounds bounced off of her, and it took all her willpower not to turn. But she didn’t. She knew how it felt to be seen crying. She hated it.

After a while, the girl released her shirt. 

“You can turn now.”

And she did.” 

Rosie’s eyes were red, but she looked better than before. Had she been holding it in for long? How did she get here? She wanted to ask, but not yet. No, first, she wanted to see her smile. She thought hard about how to make her smile, and a sudden idea occurred to her. 

“Wait here!”

Rosie blinked but nodded.

She ran to the garden and tried to spot the flower she was looking for. When she found it, she made sure no one was around to see her, plucked one, and hurriedly went back to the waiting girl. Rosie was shuffling on her fit nervously, looking around. Her face lit up when she spotted Lisa, and it made her stomach feel weird.

“Here,” she said, and presented the girl with the flower. “It’s you.”

The girl looked at the flower in question. “Me?”

“Mhm. I made sure to pick one that doesn’t have thorns, one that’s pink, like your dress.”

Rosie looked hesitant to take it, and Lisa could not understand why. “It’s fine if you don’t want it...” she muttered sadly.

“No, wait! It’s just-” she shuffled on her feet, and Lisa patiently waited. “I’m a camellia?”

Lisa’s eyes bulged. “What? No, no. You’re a rose. See, It’s a rose!”

Rosie suddenly burst out laughing in surprise, but quickly covered her mouth to stop herself. 

“What’s a camellia?” she asked in thought, staring at the flower in her hand. 

“The flower you’re holding,” Rosie said, trying to hold back laughter, and Lisa felt her face get warm. She noted in her head to learn all about flowers. Especially about camellias. Rosie’s little smile was engraved in her memory.

▢▢▢

The image of the small girl suddenly disappeared, and in place of it appeared Chaeyoung’s crying face. Lisa felt her heart crack in half.

“Rosie…?”

Chaeyoung let out a heart-wrenching sob, and buried her face on Lisa’s chest. 

“No. Forget that name.”

Lisa tenderly cupped the girl’s face and stared at it stupefied. The image of Rosie’s small smile flashed in her mind again. 

“How is this possible?” 

Chaeyoung leaned her forehead on hers. 

“You can’t remember that name. It’s not real. It was all just a dream.”

Lisa could not understand what she was saying. The image of Rosie’s smile kept playing in her mind. 

“The camellia. I gave you a camellia. I thought it was a rose, and I wanted to make you smile. We were- We were in-”

She felt Chaeyoung’s lips on hers, and Lisa forgot all about what she was about to say.

Chapter Text

Chaeyoung pushed her tongue inside her mouth, and Lisa lost touch with reality. It felt surreal, something she only ever dreamed about. She kissed her back, and their tongues danced in fervor. Lisa felt intoxicated. Her insides were on fire. 

Lisa! 

Rosie’s smile flashed in her mind again and her head throbbed horribly. She pulled away and clenched her teeth in pain. 

“Rosie- No, Chaeng-” she tried to get out, but another sharp pain went through her head which made her hiss. “What the hell is going on?”

Chaeyoung grabbed her face and forced her to look her in the eye. “We were just eating, and we got into a stupid argument. It was my fault. I blurted stupid things, and the situation escalated. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lisa.” 

She leaned in and kissed her again, and Lisa could not understand why. 

“Smmphh-” She firmly held her shoulders and pushed her away. Her expression was miserable. “You don’t love me like that. Why are you doing this?”

“It’s… what you want.” 

“It doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t feel the same way, Rosi-”

“Chaeyoung. My name is Chaeyoung. Don’t forget it.” She closed in, “Don’t forget me,” she whispered, and a stray tear trailed down her cheek. This time, Lisa did not stop her.

▢▢▢

“Hoh?”

“That’s how it’s pronounced,” Rosie smiled. “Like Santa’s laugh. Hohoho.” 

Lisa frowned at Rosie’s teasing.

She had come a long way from the shy girl she once was. Now, Lisa couldn’t even remember how she looked without a grin on her face.

She scrutinized the next word. “I don’t remember this one.”

“That’s the opposite. Klein. It’s pronounced cla-een . ”

“Clan. Cleen. Kulaeen.”

Rosie covered her face in her hands and Lisa scowled. 

“Don’t laugh! I’m trying!”

“No, you’re doing good. Say it once more.”

“Klaeen.”

Rosie threw her head back in laughter. She had a nice laugh. Lisa wanted to make her laugh even more. 

“You’re laughing at me? I’ll show you!”

Lisa jumped at her and started tickling the girl. Rosie yelped and tried to shy away from her touch but Lisa had her pinned down. Rosie went from trying to hold back her giggling to hysterically laughing and Lisa was having too much fun to stop. Her laugh was contagious, and soon, she was laughing along. 

“That will teach you not to make fun of me,” Lisa breathed out between her laughter. Before she knew what happened, she was the one on her back with Rosie on top of her. 

“Or what?” the girl grinned cheekily. 

Lisa tried to break free but the girl was surprisingly strong. 

“I’ve gotten the hang of you, Lalisa.”

Lisa tried her best to not laugh at the stupid pun, but she couldn’t hold it in. Rosie beamed even brighter, and Lisa’s stomach felt weird.  

“Get off me, fatso!”

She was still all skin and bones, but Lisa wanted to tease her. 

“Fatso?!” Rosie gasped, her face coloured offended. “I’ll show you what this fatso can do!”

She was the one who got tickled this time around, and by the end of it, they both lied on the floor breathless. Rosie reached for her hand and held it firmly, and Lisa cocked her head in question. 

“What’s wrong?”

Rosie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Did someone bother her? 

“Do I have to beat someone up?” she asked seriously.

Rosie giggled and shook her head.

“It’s nothing. I just… I hope things never change.” Her voice sounded weary.

“They won’t,” Lisa assured her. “We’ll always be together.” 

She squeezed her hand, and Rosie beamed. 

“We’ll be… sisters forever, yes?” she spoke softly, her voice almost a whisper, like she was telling a secret. 

“Always,” Lisa promised.

▢▢▢

The first sight she was met with as her eyes fluttered open was Chaeyoung. Her hair was a mess, and her lips were swollen, and she was just so beautiful. She traced a finger on Lisa’s cheek, her touch light as a feather. 

“Morning,” Lisa greeted. 

A small smile appeared on the girl’s face. “Sleep well?” 

Lisa considered telling her about the dream, but Chaeyoung seemed like she didn’t wanna hear about it. She caressed the girl’s cheek and studied her face thoroughly. It was Rosie, alright. Grown and with much less baby-fat than before, but still Rosie.

Why couldn’t I remember until now? 

She had no idea things would turn like that. With them sleeping together. It wasn’t what she had hoped for. Last night, she worshiped every inch of Chaeyoung’s body, but…  it wasn’t…love. They had sex is all they did. There was no emotion behind it, no connection. Just desperation.

“Not bad,” she replied.

Rosie leaned forward and gave her a light peck on the side of her lips.

“That’s good,” she mumbled. She sounded tired, and Lisa wondered if the girl slept at all. She wanted to cradle her face, to reassure her that things would get better. For both of them. But she couldn’t even trust herself anymore. 

Is this real or am I dreaming? 

“Are we gonna talk about last night?” Lisa asked and Chaeyoung immediately shrank at the question. “I’m tired of secrets, Chaeng.” She almost blurted Rosie. 

Rosie. Rosie. Rosie. I can’t forget.  

Chaeyoung tried to rise from the bed but Lisa held her hip firmly. 

“Please.”

“I can’t, Lisa,” she muttered bitterly. “I can’t. I once was stupid to, but not again. I will not survive it this time.”

There was deep sorrow in her eyes, one Lisa could not even hope to decipher. The girl would not stop speaking in riddles.  

“What about us? What are we?”

“We are whatever you want us to be.” 

Lisa resisted the urge to scowl. “Did last night mean nothing to you?”

“It meant everything, Lili. Everything.”

“Then talk to me, Chaeyoung. Please.”

Chaeyoung blinked, and out of the blue, she… smiled. Her face morphed to that of a carefree child. It was all so sudden Lisa was left transfixed. She looked like Rosie more than ever.

“Enough about that.” she grinned. “When are we going to your parents? Or is it our parents now?” she whispered seductively, and giggled silently to herself. She cuddled closer to Lisa and wrapped her arms around her frame. “‘Tis a bit cold,” she murmured, her breath hot on Lisa’s skin. “Don’t get the wrong idea or anything.”

A deep sadness suddenly overtook her, and it threatened to rip her apart. She could not imagine what secrets this beautiful girl was guarding. The smile she hid behind, the strong facade she put. Maybe there was a reason for it all. Perhaps it would be better to live in ignorance. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t let Chaeyoung shoulder everything on her own.

Lisa placed a kiss on top of the girl’s head and inhaled deeply. 

Lisa! 

She tried to let the memory flow, but it wouldn’t.    

▢▢▢

“Hello, auntie!” Chaeyoung greeted happily, and hugged Lisa’s mother. It was a nice sight. Maybe she will call her mother soon. The thought made her stomach in knots. Does Chaeyoung even want this? It wasn’t even a day ago the girl did not want her. Not like this. But here they were, pretending. No, Lisa wasn’t. She was still madly in love.  

“Hello, darling,” her mother hugged the girl back tightly, her weary face lit up.

“You’re gonna make me think you love her more than your daughter,” Lisa quipped, and her mother scoffed. 

“Come here, you.”

She gave her mother a deep hug. 

“Come in, come in,” her mother said enthusiastically. 

“Where’s father?” she asked, as she scanned the house. A nauseous feeling of nostalgia overwhelmed her.

“At work, where else?” her mother shook her head disapprovingly. She had never liked that her father put work above everything. Lisa had tried to be more understanding. “You should have told me you were visiting. I would have prepared something good to eat.”

“We can do just that,” Ros- Chaeyoung said. “Right?” She looked pointedly at Lisa. 

“You want me to help?”

“You know what? You’re right.”

“No no. Now I’m helping just because of that comment.”

Yep, that’s right. You’re getting better.

Lisa looked around frantically for the voice. What the hell? Am I losing it? 

“You will do no such thing,” her mother scolded her. “My daughter in law right here, will do just fine.”

Lisa’s mouth fell open. “Your daughter in what?”

Her mother raised an eyebrow. “Either you marry her or I will.”

Chaeyoung laughed out loudly, and Lisa scratched the back of her head. 

“We uh… we are together,” Chaeyoung admitted shyly.

“About time,” her mother snorted. 

“In my defense, I haven’t even known her for that long,” Lisa said. 

But that’s not even true anymore. Does my mother know? Lisa tried to read her expression, but it gave nothing away. There was no way she didn’t. Is everyone around me fooling me? She didn’t know whether to feel angry or sad, but the sting of betrayal cut deep.

Her mother’s gaze softened, and she put a hand on her cheek. “You look tired. Go lie down while we make something.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Alright.”

Her mum smiled as she patted her cheek and made her way to the kitchen. 

“Hey.”

Chaeyoung hugged her and Lisa breathed in her smell. It tranquilized her, it upset her. 

It was not me! She tried to block the voice.

“I guess we have your mother’s blessing,” Chaeyoung murmured on her shoulder. 

“To small victories.”

The girl pulled back and pierced at Lisa with her gaze. “What’s wrong?”

“It's… It's nothing.”

“Talk to me, Lili,” Chaeyoung tried to cup her face but Lisa shied away from her touch, and her face fell.

“What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Only a day ago you hated the sight of me and all of a sudden, you what, love me? What the hell do you want from me, Chaeyoung?”

Chaeyoung looked taken aback, and it rubbed her the wrong way. “Hated the sight of you? If this is about the things I blurted last night, I said I was sorry-”

“Oh, fuck last night. Since the day I confessed, you’ve been distant towards me. But now suddenly you want to pretend that everything is fine? That we’re dating?”

Chaeyoung put a hand up. “There’s a reason for that.”

Lisa crossed her arms. “I got time.”

Chaeyoung frowned. “Is this not enough for you?”

“What is? Blatantly being lied to? Is my mother in on this?”

“It’s for your own good, Lisa.”

“I’m tired of hearing this shit, Ros-”

“DO NOT!” Chaeyoung shouted, “call me that.” She rubbed at her temple, and exhaled loudly. “Let’s not fight. Not here.”

Lisa shrugged. “As you wish. Let’s continue this at home.”

“Let’s not,” Chaeyoung scoffed, and left the room. 

Lisa felt like punching something. She turned to the wall and hit it with as much power as she had. 

Lisa… hold my hand. 

She looked at her hand and her eyes involuntarily teared up. She punched the wall again.

No one will keep us apart.

And again. 

I love you the most.

And again.

Open your eyes… Please… You promised…

Chapter Text

The wind blew the hair in her eyes, completely blinding her, but Rosie’s laugh guided her. It was sweet as a melody. 

“Wait for me,” Lisa whined, and tried to tuck her hair behind her ears, but the wind was too strong. She felt a hand clasp hers, and a wave of relief washed over her. She squeezed it and her stomach dropped when she noticed how unfamiliar it felt.

“Rosie?” 

She could no longer hear the laughter. What she heard was a door creaking, and her body went cold. She tried to draw away her hand but the grasp on her was too strong.

“Let me go!” she shouted. Her hair was still in the way and she could see nothing. She screamed and kicked and screamed some more, but no one helped her.

“Rosie! Help me! Rosie! Where are you? Help me please! I’m scared! Please!” A sharp pain on her head sent a shudder through her body. “Please…”

Lisa’s eyes shot open. She put a hand on her chest to feel her heartbeat, taking slow shallow breaths. I’m okay. I’m fine. She was drenched in sweat, and a shiver went down her body from the cold. The window was open, and Chaeyoung was missing from her bed. The balcony, she reasoned. She quickly changed to an oversized t-shirt, threw a jacket over her shoulders and stepped outside.

Chaeyoung was gazing at the sky, her posture oozing melancholy. She considered not disturbing her, but it was cold, and the girl was wearing only a tank top. She took off the jacket from her own shoulders and gently put it over the girl’s. Chaeyoung turned to her and a small smile caressed her face. 

“Hey,” she said.

Lisa put a hand on her waist and pulled her closer for warmth. 

“Hey,” she said back. Chaeyoung’s gaze drifted towards the sky again. “A penny for your thoughts?” Lisa asked.

She remained silent, staring aimlessly. “Just admiring the night sky,” she whispered after a while. “It’s baffling how vast it seems, how measly it makes us feel. We are but specks of dust, fated to fade in time.”

Lisa tried to meet her eye but Chaeyoung kept her sight glued in the distance. She didn’t know what to say. 

“Knowing that one day everyone we know, everything we’ve done, it will all be but a distant memory that will be forgotten.” She turned and smiled sadly. “It saddens me.”

Lisa never pondered about death. It was the inevitable, something no one and nothing could escape. She never would have thought that Chaeyoung of all people would fear it. The girl had always seemed strong and carefree, but at the end of the day, Lisa has always been a dense moron. 

“We better make the most out of it then, hm?”

Chaeyoung’s expression gave nothing away, but the light in her eyes ever so slightly dimmed, and Lisa knew she said the wrong thing.

“…yeah.” 

▢▢▢

“Oh, brother. You sure are a sight for sore eyes.”

Lisa looked up from her empty cup of coffee and was greeted with a dry smile. 

“Don’t look then,” Lisa grumbled at the girl. “Is it a habit of yours to show up late?”

“Fashionably late,” Jisoo corrected and sat across from her. “After all, I am the main character.” She gave such an unladylike grin that Lisa wondered where the hell this girl sprouted from. Definitely not her parents. There was a cap on top of her head, as always, her ears exposed. Jisoo always dressed and acted like a teenage boy, which could be endearing. Most times it wasn’t. She loved to tease and prank people.

“More like the side character whose sole purpose is to be hated,” Lisa said back, which made the girl cackle. 

“What’s up? It’s rare of you to ask me out. What, did you switch targets after Jennie rejected you?”

“In your dreams,” Lisa snorted. “You’re not my type.”

“What type am I?”

“The annoying one.”

Jisoo put a hand on her chest, looking utterly offended. “Whaaat? And here I thought I was your favorite.”

“You’re not Chaeyoung.” 

The girl smiled widely. “You guys okay?”

Were they? “I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “It’s been a difficult couple of days.” 

Jisoo hummed and raised a hand. “Can I have some hot chocolate?” she asked the waitress. 

“Cute,” Lisa said. 

“Stop. You’re not Jennie...” Jisoo said back with a pout, and Lisa’s eyes went wide in surprise. 

“What?”

“What?”

“You like Jennie?”

“Yeah, thanks for noticing.”

Lisa snorted. “Is that why you told her that me and Chaeyoung were dating?”

“Perhaps,” Jisoo avoided her eyes, which made Lisa burst out laughing. 

“Damn…” she pretended to clench her fists. “Trying to pull a fast one like that. Rude.”

“Winners keepers,” Jisoo shrugged. 

She’s awesome, Lisa chuckled. “You know, if you stopped dressing like a middle school boy then she might just notice you.”

“Oh, boohoo, she didn’t notice your ass either,” Jisoo said wryly.

They bantered for a while, and it was a breath of fresh air. After the girl got the chocolate, her expression turned serious. 

“Alright. Shoot your questions.”

“Can I expect honesty?” 

“To a certain extent.”

Good enough. She thought of what to ask first, and settled with a simple question. “How long have you known me?” 

Jisoo looked taken aback. “You hit your head in the morning? What is this?”

“I might have, but not this morning.”

The girl sighed and took a sip from her chocolate. She flinched back in surprise. “Shit, that’s hot.” With her tongue out trying to cool it off, she looked like a puppy.

“Jisoo.”

“Ye, ye, gimme a sec, gee.” She quickly downed a cup of water and sighed in relief. “Next question.”

“Seriously?”

“For real.”

“What the hell? Can you all stop treating me like an idiot for just a second? Just fucking tell me.”

“Have you considered the fact that if no one wants to tell you, and hear me out on this,” she leaned in, “that there must be a reason? Just a thought.”

“You people don’t get to decide what’s good for me. I have the right to know!”

Jisoo fell back on her chair with a conflicted look. “Even if that’s the case, it’s not my place to tell you. If Chaeyoung doesn’t-“

“Rosie,” Lisa cut in. “Her name is Rosie.” 

Jisoo’s face went pale. She took another sip from her drink and burned her tongue once again. “Bloody hell!” Lisa pushed her glass of water towards her and watched the girl down it.

“She’s been miserable lately, slowly breaking and I can do nothing but watch because no one will tell me anything. Please. I can’t lose her.”

Jisoo met her eyes and turned pensive. “I don’t know much to begin with.”

“Anything is fine. I’m starting to remember, but the memories are in shambles. I just need some help to piece things together.”

“You’re such an asshole for putting me on the spot,” Jisoo sighed.

“I learned from the best.”

The girl snorted. “Alright. What do you remember?”

“A… kindergarten?” 

“No idea about anything like that.”

Lisa studied her to see if she was lying, but she looked genuine.

“Any idea at all what happened to me?” she tried.

Jisoo took off her cap and looked up in thought. “From what I know, you got in an accident.”

Her heart seemed to stop. “What, am I dead? Is this all in my head?”

“A theory many believe, that the world, matter, is something our minds created to-“

Lisa looked at the girl with wide eyes. “Stop trying to change the subject.”

“You’re no fun,” she pouted.

“What about the accident?” 

“Like I said, you got in an accident back in the day. That’s the full extent of what I know about your childhood.”

Lisa nodded. “What else?”

“You have to understand there are some things I simply can’t tell you.”

“Just tell me something, anything.”

She rubbed her temple, looking defeated. “You and Chaengie grew up together.”

“I figured that much.”

“Right. You guys were inseparable, like you were glued to each other. Chaengie was very protective of you.” She snorted, “still is, I guess.”

It’s me. Rosie. I’m- We’re-

She tried to block the voice to hear Jisoo.

“I’m not exactly sure how or why, but you just woke up one day with an empty slate.”

“…when?”

“Two years prior, or something like that.”

Lisa felt sick to her stomach. Current her has known Chaeyoung for two years and she couldn’t imagine life without her. How had she felt when Lisa suddenly forgot her? 

“Oh, god…” she muttered, trying to hold in her sobs. Her chest was hurting so much she felt like she would combust.

“She doesn’t blame you,” Jisoo tried to reassure her.

I do, Lisa thought. I hate myself for it. 

▢▢▢

“Lisa,” she felt a nudge on her shoulder and turned to look at her best friend.

“Hm?” 

Rosie looked worried. “Are you okay?”

Lisa blinked in confusion. “Yeah, why?”

The girl put her palm on Lisa’s cheek and then on her forehead. 

“No fever,” she muttered. “Does anything hurt?”

“You’re being weird,” she frowned. “I said I’m fine.”

Rosie tucked some strands of hair behind her ear. “You have to tell me if anything is wrong, and by anything, I mean anything at all.”

“Okay, fine, just stop looking so worried.”

“Promise me,” she insisted, and Lisa promised. She suddenly remembered something she read about in a story, and raised her pinky. 

“Pinky promise.”

Rosie looked at the finger at a loss, and Lisa helped her. 

“Here,” she said, and locked their pinkies together. “And then we seal it with a kiss.” She wiggled her thumb in the air and waited for the girl to meet her halfway. 

Rosie looked at her eyes and the the hands, looking puzzled. “A kiss?” 

“Mhm,” Lisa nodded excitedly. She wiggled her finger again. 

Rosie suddenly leaned in and kissed her thumb and Lisa quickly drew her hand back. 

“W-what are you doing?”

The girl frowned. “I gave it a kiss?”

Rosie was very smart and gifted, but sometimes she could be very silly. 

“Not literally! I meant our thumbs touching!” She didn’t know why she got so rattled. 

“Ah,” Rosie exclaimed and nodded. “Okay, let’s do it again.”

“As if, stupid!” 

She ran away to hide from the girl. 

▢▢▢

She knocked on the door and waited patiently. 

“Coming~” came from inside the room, and Lisa’s eyes threatened to water just from the sound of her voice. As soon as the door opened, her heart dropped. The smile on the girl’s face lit up as soon as their eyes met and Lisa felt so undeserving of it. 

“I’m cooking your favourite, steak with rice,” she grinned. It wasn’t really Lisa’s favourite. Chaeyoung probably got that idea because Lisa had complimented her a lot when she cooked it. She loved to see her smile.

“Come here,” she said, and grabbed the girl’s hand to pull her in. Chaeyoung let out a surprised yelp before crashing on her. Their bodies fitted perfectly together Lisa thought they must be made for one another.

“I love you, Chaeyoung. I love you so much.”

She felt the girl shift her head before wrapping her hands around her middle. 

“What’s wrong, my lilipoop?”

“I just want you to know how much you’re loved.” She fell back and cupped her girl’s cheeks. “Even if I go blind, even if I lose my mind,” she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I could lose every sense and I would still know you.” She couldn’t believe she ever forgot her. “I’m so sorry, my love.”

A realization dawned on Chaeyoung’s features. “You… remember?”

“No, but I remember how much you meant to me. You’ve been my other half for all my life.”

Chaeyoung looked down and leaned her forehead on Lisa’s chest. “Lisa…”

“You were right. I don’t need to know. The past is in the past, and whatever happened back then shouldn’t concern us.” She lifted the girl’s chin with two fingers to meet her eyes. “And that goes for you too. Leave it all behind. All of it. Stay with me and I promise to make you the happiest girl in the world. I will kiss you when you want a kiss, I will hold you when you want to cry. I will be whatever you want me to be, and love you like no one could ever love someone.” She leaned in and pressed a tender kiss on the girl’s cheek.

Chaeyoung looked ready to break down, but Lisa saw the promise of a smile, and it was all she needed to know that she made the right choice. 

I love you, Lisa. 

She ignored Rosie’s voice.

THE END

Chapter Text

Life had gotten stale lately for Jisoo. Day after day, and week after week, it all felt like an endless loop. Same things, same motions, same boredom. Good lord but it was starting to become unbearable. Being in love with your best friend who barely glanced your way didn’t help. She wished nothing more than for a change. And sure enough, her wish eventually came true.

The apple juice almost came out of her nose. “…what was that?” she asked, hoping she had misheard the girl.

“Kiss me,” Jennie repeated, and Jisoo thought life could not get more bizarre than this.

She never considered herself a romantic, so she was surprised at the sudden randomness of it. Had she really become so desperate that she would have such a cliche dream? The amount of clarity she had was astonishing, considering this was all in her head. Is this what they call lucid dreaming? 

“Say please,” she teased, and Jennie flushed down to her neck. 

“If you don’t want to, just say so,” she mumbled, and took out her phone to pretend she was playing with it. The reflection behind her showed the girl scrolling through the weather app. It was very much cute. 

“I’m serious. Repeat after me and I shall grant you your wish. ‘I, Jennie Ruby Jane, wish to taste your scrumptious and plump lips-“ 

“Oh shut up!” 

“Fine, no kiss for you,” she shrugged. The hesitance on the girl’s face was priceless. 

“This is why you have no friends,” she scowled, and Jisoo burst out laughing. Perhaps she was right, but she didn’t need that many. These couple she had were enough for a lifetime. 

“What is this, a dare? Are you being punished?”

“I’m always being punished by talking to you,” Jennie pouted. Her squishy cheeks were the most appealing sight in existence. She wanted to take a bite out of them. 

“What happened?” She expected it to turn into a Changie rant, and sure enough, it did. 

“I just- I don’t know what to do anymore. She won’t look my way no matter what I do. It’s always Lisa this, Lisa that. Can’t she just-“ Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth. “What the hell am I saying…?” Her pretty eyes started watering, and Jisoo’s brain was in overdrive on ways to console her. “I don’t mean that. I love Lisa.”

“I know,” Jisoo assured her. She also had some bitter feelings towards Chaengie, but if given the chance, she would give her life for the girl.

“Being in love with someone all your life that doesn’t even spare a glance sucks.”

Jisoo could attest to that. “Such is life. Gotta accept things for what they are.”

The girl said nothing and glued her sight to her thighs. As much as she would love to say something, words were a mere consolation, and they were good for nothing. 

“I’ll give you that kiss.”

Jennie looked up in surprise. “Really?” 

“Yeah.”

Her friend appeared next to her in a split second, eyes wide and cautious. “Really really?”

Jisoo truly adored this girl, who was fierce as the sun and sweet as a peach. Speaking of peaches. “I will bite your cheek if you ask again.”

A pink tint lit the girl’s features. “I wouldn’t be against it.” 

She shouldn’t have said that. Jisoo caressed the girl’s jaw with her thumb and pondered if she should go through with this. “This is a risky venture.”

Jennie licked her lips and nodded meekly. “Make me forget.” 

How cruel. 

▢▢▢

And so they shagged like rabbits in heat for a while. Jisoo really enjoyed having the girl for herself, tasting every part of her, making her squeal and scream. It was nice. Life was good. It made her feel alive. But like all good things, it had to come to an end. 

It felt like a kick in the gut as soon as the words left the girl’s pretty luscious lips. 

“What do you think I should wear?” Jennie asked nervously.

Jisoo felt like crying, but she didn’t. She figured this would eventually happen. 

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Fair enough. Why am I asking you of all people about an outfit?” Jennie laughed. 

Normally, she would have laughed at the joke, but now, it seemed to upset her. 

“Why, what’s wrong with me?” 

A look of surprise crossed Jennie’s face. “Nothing. It was just a joke.” 

“You just love treating me like a joke, don’t you, Jendeukie?” 

“I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just-“

“I don’t care.” She felt defeated and so very tired. Life was indeed rarely pleasant, and it would continue to be so. “I don’t even care.”

Jennie looked alarmed. “Jichu-“

“Enough, fucking hell. Stop talking.”

“Why are you being like this?” 

Jisoo chuckled humorlessly. “Stop acting oblivious.”

Jennie looked utterly mystified. Jisoo wasn’t mad at her, not truly. She was mad at herself for hoping that anything would come out of this mess. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She gave Jennie one last long look before leaving the room to answer. 

It was Lisa. This was exactly what she needed. Someone to blow her ear off about relationships. She picked up anyway. 

“Jisoo,” a raspy voice came from the other end.

“Guilty,” Jisoo said. 

“Can we meet?”

“Not even gonna ask how I am? Just where are your manners, little lady?” Jisoo always thought fondly of Lisa, like a little sister she never had. 

“I’m sorry,” Lisa said. She sounded tired. 

“‘Tis fine. Where are you?”

“The dorm.”

“You need me to come?”

“No. Chaeyoung is sleeping. Can we meet in the coffee shop down the street?”

Anything to get away from here. “Yeah, I’m on my way.” 

▢▢▢

Jisoo left the coffee shop a while later than Lisa, with such a painful headache it was threatening to split her skull open. Lisa did not deserve this. She wanted to tell her the truth, about everything, but she had no right to. It wasn’t her place. She shook her head and thought of Chaengie, and how she was feeling about all this. She wanted to call the girl, see her, but Lisa was probably heading to her, so she put it off for now.

It was 20:32. Jennie had probably left the room, so she slowly made her way to the dorm with a heavy chest. Life could be a pain in the ass sometimes. She formulated an apology on her head to tell her roommate and settled with a simple, ‘I’m sorry for being an asshole.’ It should be enough. She would rather not keep things awkward with someone she lived with. 

She stopped in front of the door in silence. She was feeling bitter and sad. She remembered Chaengie carrying Lisa on her back and her eyes started stinging. She loved them both so much. Before she could unlock the door it flew open and Jisoo startled. 

Jennie was glaring at her ferociously. “Good of you to come back.”

What is up with this girl? “Yeah, hi.” She tried to step inside but Jennie wouldn’t let her. “What are you doing?”

“Do you have anything to say?” her roommate asked, tapping her foot on the ground impatiently. Jisoo noticed she wasn’t dressed. She was in her pajamas. 

“Don’t you have a date to go to?”

“No,” Jennie said. “I’m exactly where I need to be.”

“Uh, okay. Can I get in?”

“No.”

Jisoo pinched the bridge of her nose, her head throbbing horribly. “I’m really not in the mood for games, Jendeukie. Not right now.”

Jennie did not move. She crossed her arms, a resolute look over her. 

Am I being punished by God today? It’s true I wished for a life devoid of boredom, but this is just a pain in the ass. 

“Please step aside,” Jisoo said. 

“Not if you don’t say it,” Jennie refuted.

“What are you talking about?”

“Say it.”

Jisoo pressed her lips in a thin line. It had been a while since she had been this annoyed at someone. “I can’t read your mind.” 

“Say you love me,” Jennie let out, her lower lip trembling.

Jisoo gawked at the girl in surprise. “Where is this coming from?”

“Say it,” she repeated. 

Jisoo just wanted to get inside and lie on her bed, so without thinking much about it, she did. “Yeah, alright. It’s true, I love you.”

Jennie suddenly started crying, and Jisoo took a step back in confusion. “Not the kind of reaction one would expect after confessing. Wow. This is actually soul-crushing. Am I really that bad?”

The girl threw herself at her without notice and Jisoo barely caught her in her arms. She was sobbing like a child, and Jisoo felt so out of loop. From all the thousands of scenarios she had played in her head about the day she confessed her feelings, this one just wasn’t it. What did it even mean? Was she hiding her face because she could not bear to look at Jisoo’s hideous features? 

“I’m not sure what this means,” Jisoo said honestly, patting the girl’s back comfortingly. 

“Since when?” Jennie said in between sobs. 

“As far as I can remember,” Jisoo admitted. 

It made the girl cry louder. 

▢▢▢

The next couple of days felt like a fever dream. Jennie acted so bashful around her, and constantly wanted to be together. She would wake her up in the morning with a soft soothing voice, and even bring her breakfast on the bed. Jisoo started to think she had passed away. 

They were eating dinner and Jennie’s voice interrupted her musings. 

“Say ah,” she said sweetly, holding a piece of steak in her fingers. 

Jisoo gave her a dry look. “Are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on?” 

Jennie pouted, the food still in her hand. “Ah~”

Begrudgingly, she opened her mouth and nipped at the girl’s finger before she could retract her hand. Her face went aflame.

“This is so bizarre,” Jisoo mumbled under her breath and chewed on the meat. 

Jennie cleared her throat and excused herself to the bathroom. 

She tried to think of what could have transpired for this sudden change. First thing was first. They started shagging. It was great. Jennie got a date, which upset Jisoo, so she left and ended up meeting with Lisa. When she came back, Jennie suddenly had an epiphany. The confession made the girl cry. Totally reasonable reaction. Then, all of a sudden, Jennie started acting like a teenager in love. With who, me? She snorted in disbelief. I’m definitely being pranked. 

Jennie came back and sat on her seat in silence. Jisoo studied her features. Flushed cheeks, red eyes and nose. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

“…nothing?” Jennie replied, poking her food with a fork. 

“Why did you cry?” she persisted. 

Jennie looked up in surprise. “What?” 

“Your eyes and nose are red. You were crying.” 

“Okay, Sherlock,” Jennie laughed. “It’s just allergies. Must have been your saliva.” 

“What?” Jisoo uttered. 

“Yeah, you didn’t know? I’m allergic to turtles and rabbits.” 

She must have made a funny face, because Jennie almost pissed herself laughing.

“I’m starting to think you like me,” Jisoo huffed. And there it was. Jennie immediately got all shy and timid. “There! Why are you acting all shy!?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jennie mumbled, and took a bite from her steak. 

“If you like me just say so!” Jisoo said in frustration. 

Her roommate rested her chin on her palm and smiled sweetly. 

▢▢▢

“Hey, Changie,” she gave the girl a tight hug, and felt her melt into it. 

“Jisoonie,” she mumbled on her shoulder. “I’ve missed you.” 

“How are you, my little chipmunk?” 

“I’m okay.” 

Their schedules did not align and it had been a while since they had seen each other. The girl felt so brittle in her arms, and Jisoo’s chest ached terribly.

They strolled through the evening park hand in hand. She looked at the trees and remembered taking walks just like this back in the day. 

“Do you like trees?” she asked the girl, and it made her smile fondly. 

“Of course. I love them. Trees and flowers. All nature is beautiful.” 

“Good answer,” Jisoo grinned and bumped her shoulder. Chaeyoung burst out laughing and rested her head on Jisoo’s shoulder. 

“How are you, Jisoonie?”

“Confused,” she sighed. “Jennie is really getting to me lately.”

“Is she now?”

She threw the girl a suspicious look. “You wouldn’t have something to do with this, would you?”

“Preposterous,” Chaengie denied. “You might want to ask Lisa, though.” 

Jisoo’s eyes bulged. “What? Lisa?”

“She might have mentioned something about Jennie, I’m not sure,” she shrugged. 

“That… girl…” she mumbled. Was she getting back at Jisoo for all the years of  constant teasing? 

“I’m sure she had good intentions,” Chaeyoung smiled. “After all, it seems to have sparked something.” 

Jisoo did not deny it. Things had taken a turn to be sure, but whether for better or worse, she would have to wait and see.

They walked in silence, enjoying nature and the pleasant weather. Jisoo wanted to prode, but she wasn’t sure she should. 

“I can see you’re aching to say something,” Chaeyoung said. 

“Just astounded by your beauty,” Jisoo winked. 

The petite girl giggled. “We can talk about it. I’m okay.”

Jisoo stopped her friend and looked, really looked at her. She didn’t like what she saw. Big dark circles, sunken cheeks and dried lips. Just what the hell was going on with these two?

“Lisa came to ask me about the past some days ago.” 

“I figured,” the girl said.

“You think it’s happening again?” 

Chaeyoung smiled sadly. “Probably.” 

Jisoo bit her lower lip, and tried to stop the tears from coming out. “It won’t. I promise you it won’t happen again. She won’t forget you.” She pulled the girl for a hug and patted her back. “Not again.” 

▢▢▢

Instead of confronting Lisa, she decided to go for Jennie as soon as she returned to the dorm. 

“So. What did you hear?” 

Jennie raised an eyebrow. “About?”

“Me. Us.”

“I’m not following,” the girl narrowed her eyes. 

“What did Lisa tell you, Jendeukie?” 

“Ah. That.” Jennie looked up in thought and a vein popped on Jisoo’s throat. 

“What are you making up, a fairy tale?”

“No no, it’s just,” she forced a grimace and tapped her chin. “I think you’ll get mad, so I’m thinking of the best way to break the news.” 

Jisoo’s heart instantly dropped. “No you didn’t.” 

Jennie covered her mouth, hiding a smile. “I’m sorry.” 

“Jennie Ruby Jane, you did not.” 

“There is an explanation…” Jennie started, but Jisoo’s heart was beating so loudly she could feel it in her ears. 

“You got me. That’s a pretty funny prank, so say psyche. Please say psyche.”

“The intensity of my radiant smile shames even the sun, was it?” she said, and Jisoo immediately collapsed on the floor, covering her head. 

“Oh, I’m gonna kill myself. Oh, no.”

She could hear the footsteps of the girl and felt a hand on her back, running soothing circles. 

“I promise it’s not what it sounds like.”

“I don’t wanna hear it. Nothing. Please don’t talk.” 

“I swear I only read the latest page.”

“But why? Reading other people’s diaries is a no go. Why?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Jisoo looked up and shot the girl a scowl. 

“Okay,” Jennie raised her hands in surrender. “Lisa called me an hour after you left.” 

“…okay.” 

“She uh, I know this will sound stupid-“ 

“Spit it, you oompa loompa.”

Jennie burst out laughing in surprise and Jisoo gave her a swat on her shoulder. “She said… that you were sick, and that I should look at your diary for more information. She hung up before I could say anything. In panic, I headed straight for your diary, literally bawling my eyes out as I was searching for it. And I found it. I realized that she was yanking my chain when I started reading the poem-” 

“Nooooo!” Jisoo covered her head again. “I will drown myself in the bathtub!” She couldn’t believe that little shit really decided to mess with Jisoo right after the heart-wrenching revelations.

“Look at me, Jichu,” Jennie said, trying to pry her hands away from her head, but Jisoo wouldn’t budge. She would rather die than see the ridicule in the girl’s eyes.

“Alright, don’t. Hear me out, then. You are listening, right?” Jisoo said nothing, but yelped when the girl poked her sides. “Yeah, you’re listening. Okay.” She felt a hand on her back again. “I’ll be honest. I never even considered the idea of anything like that between us, and I thought you didn’t either. I was very surprised when I started reading. I went from ugly crying in worry to ugly crying in sadness. I thought of all the times we… had sex, and how it must have felt for you to see nothing but lust in my eyes. I love you very much, Jichu. So so much. And if you want me, despite all my flaws and wrongs, I want to give it a shot.” Jisoo looked up and was rewarded with the same loving smile she fell in love with. “I want to be with you.”

This was not the kind of outcome she expected this to have, not in a million years. “Are you… serious? Because if you say psyche now, I swear to god Jennie Ruby Jane-“ 

Jennie shut her up with her lips, and for once in her life, Jisoo was glad to have been born a blabbermouth.