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“Alex, it’s already-”
“I know, Aaron, I know! Fucking hell, I fucking hate Mondays!”
The next thing Aaron sees is Alex rushing to their bedroom only wearing his loose white shirt and underwear, swearing loudly on his way there. It’s hard to hold back a chuckle, and Burr smiles while also walking into the bedroom. The view is fascinating in a way - Hamilton has already thrown some clothes out of the wardrobe so they lie around on the floor and the bed, but he continues to look for something, panicking more and more.
“What are you looking for?”
“My black pants!” Hamilton shouts, yanking the blanket off the bed as if his pants would be hiding under it.
“Wait, I think I ironed them yesterday,” Aaron says and gets out of the room as quickly as he can because he knows that he will possibly get Hamilton’s socks thrown in his face if he doesn’t get these pants right now.
He grabs the clothing that’s hanging on the back of the living room armchair and sprints back. Aaron throws the pants across the room to Alex who grabs them and starts pulling them on while grumbling, “Of course, why not iron the goddamn pants and leave them hell knows where?”
“Hey, you’d better say thank you,” Burr snaps back, “without me you’d go on a trial looking like you’d been chewed up and spat out!”
“Now with you, I’ll be just late, and it’s-” the man unsuccessfully tries to pull a zipper up to the end, “-a very important-” tries again, grunting and huffing, “-trial for my career, what have you done to these fucking pants?!” The zipper slides down with a fast squealing sound, leaving Alexander’s underwear and stomach showing. Aaron can point out the problem, but it seems that Hamilton doesn’t.
“It’s not me, Alexander, it’s your gut getting in the way,” he states coldly. Hamilton doesn’t say anything back.
Of course, what happens next is kind of expected - Alex, overwhelmed by his panic and everything going wrong on such an important day, looks ready to break down in tears and powerlessly collapse to the floor. It probably would shock most of his colleagues, because in court Hamilton has always been one of the most persistent and immune to stress ones, but here he stands in their bedroom, with his pants unzipped and hopelessness in his big doe eyes. Aaron can’t stand seeing him like this.
“No way you’ve given up already, it’s gonna be fine,” he gets closer to the other man and grabs the top of the pants right where the button is. “Suck it in,” he commands and feels Alexander’s cold hands grabbing his bare shoulders, but also Alexander’s stomach goes back a bit, “a bit more, Alex, just a bit more,” and before Hamilton starts to whimper because of sucking his stomach in too much, Aaron does the button and pulls the zipper all the way up in the fastest way possible. “Here you go, nothing catastrophic. Now get everything else, quick, you still can make it on time!”
Despite the discomfort he feels around his waistline, Alexander starts to move and you can see that he has calmed down a bit and let go of the panic. Burr has helped him with the tie, too, and soon Alexander’s running out of their flat and down the stairs, not even waiting for the elevator. Aaron hasn’t even managed to tell him anything except “You’re gonna do great, I promise” while tying the tie around his neck. Glance at the clock - it’s five to nine, and he’s probably going to be late, however, it’s excusable for a lawyer so phenomenal as Hamilton, Burr thinks to himself.
After all of that, he just feels grateful for being able to work from home.
***
It must've been an extremely long and exhausting trial, because when Aaron opens the door, Alex looks almost ready just to fall into his arms, but still, he stands on his feet and even smiles at Burr proudly.
"We won the case."
"Congratulations, dear. I bet everyone in the court admired your perfect ironed pants.” He smirks, watching Alexander take off his shoes and put his thick briefcase on the floor.
“They sure did, so about that-” Hamilton undoes the button and pulls the zip down, which makes him exhale with such relief that Aaron finds it funny, but pretty concerning at the same time. He’s even more concerned when he sees the dark red marks on Alexander’s belly where the pants just used to be around his body.
“My fucking God,” Alex closes his eyes as if he’s about to ascend from the feeling of relaxation, but from exhaustion at the same time. He pitifully goes: “Aaron-”
“C’mere,” Burr says immediately and catches his partner in an embrace, holding him close and feeling his face buried in Burr’s neck. Aaron has never seen something like this before, and the more the vision of these red lines threading Alexander’s skin keeps popping up before his eyes, the more worried he feels. “Shit, that must hurt as hell.”
“Yeah, kinda,” Alex mutters, “but after such a long day I also got used to it, you know? I can’t use “I’m too fat for my pants, I should go” as an excuse, can I?” He laughs, tired. His arms are wrapped weakly around Burr’s waist.
“Let’s get you undressed and into bed.”
“I like the sound of that.” Hamilton smiles and follows Burr to their bedroom, where even the slightest sign of his chaotic morning routine is nowhere to be found. It’s a bit chilly here (just like Alex likes it), and the sun is only going down, its light shining bright orange through the curtains.
Hamilton falls on the bed face up, letting another relaxed sigh out. He rubs his eyes with his fists and yawns. Burr can’t help thinking of some chubby and fluffy domestic cat laying on his back and waiting for his belly to be scratched. He is a big cat person not just for nothing, after all. So he comes closer, but this time, instead of helping to get the pants on, he pulls the tight fabric around his partner’s hips down to free him from all the pressure.
“So… I’ve gotten fat, I suppose,” he hears Alexander’s quiet voice.
“No, you haven’t, you’ve gained weight, not “gotten fat”.” Aaron’s fingers find their way to Hamilton’s buttoned-up shirt, while Hamilton himself gets his tie off. “Two different things.”
“You know what I mean, Burr.” Hamilton sits up to take off the shirt, then stands up and goes to the wardrobe. After that, he grabs his favorite spacious sweatpants he usually wears to sleep and pulls them on. "Oh, finally something that's my size," he jokes gloomily.
Alex catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror and looks closer, and it would be hard for Aaron not to notice the disgust and disappointment with which Alex and his reflection are staring at each other. It's also kind of hard for him to comprehend and believe that his partner actually sees a problem in this change to his body. Of course, if you compared Alexander now to what he looked like seven years ago, the difference would be clear as day. He used to be a broke college student who didn't get enough sleep or food, so he appeared as a starving skinny boy with black circles under his eyes. But now…
"Alex," Burr calls, coming near his lover who is now intensely squeezing the flab of his stomach in his fingers. Aaron's warm hands carefully slide from behind and take Alexander's to stop him from hurting himself. "Alex, breathe."
Hamilton relaxes a bit with Burr kissing his shoulder softly, "I- I just-" he sighs and squints in some unspeakable frustration before blurting out: "I just feel so humiliated. By my own damn body."
"Why?" Aaron asks, still hugging Alex from behind and gently holding his hands.
"You can clearly see why." The man gets irritated a bit by this seemingly insincere attempt at calming him down, but then he reminds himself that Burr’s definitely not the one who’d lie to him just to make him feel better. Still, he’s angry, angry only at himself alone. "I’m out of shape and I look pathetic."
"Well, I don’t think you look pathetic,” Burr counters calmly, “I think you look healthy and also very loved by someone,” he smiles as he looks at Alexander in the mirror. “That’s just the relationship weight, you know?”
“We’ve been together for the whole six years, but I got fatter only now! It doesn’t seem to affect you, either.”
“That’s because I’m the only one who’s able to cook dinner without setting the whole kitchen on fire, dear, and you moved in not that long ago.” Aaron chuckles and carefully places his hands on Alexander’s stomach. Sure, it’s gotten bigger, and sure, Alexander’s figure isn’t as slim as it used to be, but it’s obviously alright - in general and with Aaron himself; he knows, that his opinion is important to Hamilton (no matter how hard Hamilton sometimes pretends that it isn’t), so he has to make it clear.
“Listen, it doesn’t matter how much weight you’ve gained. I’d say it happened because you finally got used to the comfort, which, I think, is a good sign. But after all, it’s just your body that has changed, it doesn’t make you pathetic, or out of shape, or whatever bad thing you’re thinking of yourself right now. You’re still Alexander Hamilton.” He leaves a soft kiss on his partner’s shoulder again, only to continue talking. “I want to remind you that you’re a wonderful person, Alex, you’re brilliant and beautiful, and no pants or clothes in the universe are worth feeling bad about yourself, do you hear me?”
The next thing Aaron sees is Alexander’s red face in the mirror. The man purses his lips and looks down at his feet - Burr hasn’t seen him like this in a while and doesn’t realize that his words had such an effect on his partner. Aaron makes Hamilton turn to him in a gentle move, only to hug him as tight as he can.
“You must be exhausted.”
“Did you mean everything you said?" Alexander's words come out quiet and muffled.
"Why wouldn't I?" Burr asks back and it immediately dawns on him that it's not a good time for this, so he continues, "Yes, Alex, I did mean it. Every word. So even if you don't think so, you should at least know that I do. And many people do. No matter how much you weigh or how you look or whatever else. Okay?"
"Okay." Alex sniffles.
"How about you get into bed, I bring some food, we eat and go to sleep? Are you hungry?"
"Y-yeah, I'm pretty hungry, actually. Haven't eaten much today, I really didn't count on these damn pants." Now it's Hamilton who smirks while getting on the bed and making himself comfortable. He lays his head on the pillow and exhales with even more relief, rubbing his eyes with a fist.
"I'll be right back." Aaron spends a few seconds making sure Alexander's alright and goes out the door.
***
"Hey, dear, are you sleeping already?"
"No… I smell pasta - I'm wide awake."
Aaron smiles as he sits on the bed and watches his sleepy Alexander squinting and wrinkling his nose after almost falling asleep and coming back from the short slumber. He takes the plate and the fork that Burr gives him and starts eating his late dinner while lying on his side and supporting himself with his elbow. This time he's relaxed and doesn't hurry as he usually does - maybe because of the still-present sleepiness. Burr also eats his portion of pasta and they sit in silence for some time. It's actually not awkward, but rather pleasant for both of them, just to enjoy each other's company like this. Aaron would ask Alex to tell everything about today's trial, but firstly, he'll learn every small detail about it either way and secondly, he knows that if Alex starts talking about it, he won't stop until he's done, and he really needs some sleep.
"That's so delicious, dear," Hamilton says with his mouth full, he's almost eaten all of the pasta and he looks fully satisfied with the meal. "Thank you for this."
"I was sure you'd like it, even though I had to microwave it."
"You know my tastes too well, Burr, no wonder I'm two sizes bigger than I used to be," Alex smirks and reaches out to place his empty plate on a bedside table; he notices a small plastic bucket on it. "Is that ice cream?"
"Yeah. I thought that you could treat yourself, you worked hard and won that goddamn case, so…" In seconds, the bucket and one of the spoons are in Alex’s hands, the plastic still cold and there's some frost on the cap. "It's vanilla, your favorite."
Hamilton just stares at his partner for a couple of moments. "What did I just say about you and my tastes?"
"You know that you don't have to eat the whole thing, right?" Aaron takes the lid off and eats the first spoonful of ice cream, which makes him smile and blissfully close his eyes. "That's delicious, man."
"Fine," Alexander sighs, as if he’s being forced to do this (he just can’t resist anything with vanilla flavor and also can’t let Burr get it all), and also eats some ice cream. Burr’s absolutely right, it is indeed delicious. They enjoy it without saying anything again, only the clinking of the spoons sometimes interrupting the calming quiet and them exchanging meaningful glances. For some reason, right now this ice cream seems to be the tastiest and the sweetest one Alexander has ever tried.
***
“I’m thinking about what you said earlier,” Hamilton’s voice sounds very raspy and very sleepy as Aaron lays down near him and gets under the blanket. He’s taken the dishes to the kitchen (they can be washed tomorrow - thank God it’ll be Saturday) and turned the bedroom lights off. It’s dark and his eyes haven’t gotten used to it yet, but he still can find Alexander’s hand. “About comfort and stuff. And I guess you’re right. Y’know, I have some good friends that I’ve known for the longest time, but… still, I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone as I do with you.”
Everything is warm and fuzzy in Aaron's chest after this. “It’s a pleasure to hear.”
"And I'm sorry for being so dramatic about this whole… weight thing." Alexander stutters a bit. "This morning, then also after work. It's stupid, but I just can't shake it off. Now I realize that I haven't even gained much, it's just-"
"Hey, I understand," Burr murmurs, wrapping his arm around Hamilton, and holding his side gently, "you need time to get used to it. Also, we should go get you some new clothes tomorrow, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it wouldn't hurt," Alexander grins. "And… I was a bit afraid that I wouldn't be that attractive to you anymore."
"Are you serious?" What Hamilton has just said seems unbelievable to Aaron, maybe, he has misheard that, but then the man nods. "Alex, that's nonsense. We've been through it all in these six years, we've seen each other in every possible state and I'd still choose you, no matter what. We just live and change, and that’s okay. And, by the way, a couple of pounds is definitely not an obstacle for me. To me, you look good." He can't help yawning and makes Hamilton yawn too, which brings them both a chuckle. "Look, we're both too sleepy to have this chat right now. You need some good rest."
"It’s been a good rest already, but yeah. Then… thank you, dear," whispers Alexander and reaches forward to leave a kiss on his lover's cheek, and just before he moves back, Burr kisses him softly on the lips - this makes him smile the most lovely way possible, the way only Alexander Hamilton can. Oh, if only he could see himself through Aaron's eyes.
"Good night, Alex. I'll be here tomorrow to remind you how beautiful you are."