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Chan doesn't know why he ends up at the cat toy aisle in the corner pet store by his new apartment. He doesn't have a pet. Anymore. Kind of.
It’s been five weeks since his breakup with Minho, and he hasn’t seen their cat - no, Minho's cat - for at least three weeks then. Last time he'd seen Soonie was when he had gone over to pick up the last box of his belongings Minho had reluctantly but kindly kept in storage for him at the place they used to share.
That day they didn't have the most civil of interactions. It had been two weeks since the breakup and things were still unresolved. A lot of bottled feelings and unsaid words bubbling under their skins and itching to come out translated into passive-aggressive comebacks and snarky remarks.
But at least in the midst of all of that, the orange cat wouldn't leave his side.
Minho even tried bringing out the big guns, a.k.a. Soonie's favorite treat - reserved for weekends only -, and crouched by the kitchen entryway, pspsps-ing him to come over and savor it, but even then, the cat would just stare blankly at Minho for a couple of seconds before turning his devoted attention back to Chan and his piled up cardboard boxes.
Chan, with still a bit of decency left on him, despite the tense atmosphere both him and Minho had created post-breakup, even tried to help convince Soonie to have his treat, but when Minho gave him one of his signature sharp looks he promptly stopped.
"Traitor." He heard Minho whisper to the cat once he thought Chan was out of earshot.
So it's no wonder that when Chan was walking back from the grocery store, the neon sign displaying in big, magenta letters "Interactive Cat Laser Toy now ON SALE!!!" instantly makes him think that Soonie would love that. So he crosses the automatic doors and goes straight to the cat toy aisle to buy it.
The box sits on his couch for at least another week before he has the guts to pick it up and bring it over to Soonie.
See, the problem wasn't Soonie. Chan loves that cat now, despite both of their initial reactions to each other not having been the most positive, they had learned how to coexist in peace for the happiness of their shared interest, Minho. It had been a rocky relationship at first, but after one and a half years living under the same roof, they grew closer and closer until one couldn't live without the other.
That was, until the breakup.
He misses the cat. But he misses Minho, most of all.
It's hard to admit it to himself that he fucked up.
It was stupid, really. Chan had gotten a job offer in the US and it would do wonders for his music career, he would get to network with other producers, co-write songs for popular artists and have more resources to create his own music on top of everything.
When he shared the news to Minho, he was really happy for him at first, and they both agreed this was an offer he could not turn down. So Chan had accepted it and started working out the contract with his new employer, as well as trying to figure out a way to make it work without completely cutting all his ties to the Korean company he was currently working for.
In the middle of all the negotiations, he failed to notice Minho growing distant with each passing day. Chan at first told himself it was because of work. Running a successful dance studio surely would be taking most of his boyfriend's time, and Chan decided to wait until they both had some free time to discuss the next steps of their relationship. Chan believed they could do long distance for a while. He was not planning to stay in the US forever, but he didn't know for how long he would be staying either. He couldn't ask Minho to leave his job behind for him, especially not now that the studio was growing steadily and bringing Minho such joy. So long distance was really their only option, and Chan was willing to fly back and forth to visit as soon as he had some financial stability in his new job.
He believed all they needed to do was sit down and talk and everything would fall into place, even though it wasn't the most ideal situation, he believed they were strong enough to make it work for the time being.
So Chan waited, and waited. And the moment never came. Weeks passed by and he was rarely seeing Minho at home. For three days straight they only communicated through a short thread of messages that mostly consisted in giving the other updates about Soonie's feeding.
By the end of that same week, Chan knew Minho was avoiding him. He didn't know what to do and how to turn things back to what they were before because they were at a point of no return. So he made the great mistake of letting Minho drift away when he should've held him closer than ever.
It didn't come as a surprise when Minho told him he wanted to break up.
Chan knew it was his fault. He had let Minho avoid him and had avoided Minho back, too scared to initiate the conversation they needed to have and have his worst fear become reality.
In the end, it ended up happening anyway. And now Chan has to live with it. In Seoul, Korea, in his apartment that he had to rent after two weeks of crashing on his best friend's couch because in the end he didn't end up leaving. And now he has to live with the agonizing reality of still being in the same city as Minho and not being a part of his life anymore. And it kills him.
He has to move on, he knows, but not having the closure he needs keeps him up most nights. He needs a conversation, or at least a civil interaction with Minho that will help him come to terms with how they ended things. He thinks it makes sense that his brain won't let him stop thinking about it because Minho was his life for two whole years and then he wasn't. It's not easy to move on from that on his own.
Chan decides to take the cat toy to Soonie the next evening. He figures Minho will be at home after work and he can finally go after the closure he knows he needs. And also he will get to see Soonie one more time. Hopefully not the last, because Chan wishes Minho would compromise and accept to be his friend, at least.
He stays planted in front of Minho's door for over ten minutes, cat laser toy box under his arm, trying to gather the courage to ring the bell. He feels his anxiety crawling on his skin and telling him to run away, let it go. But he can't just run away from everything all the time, he tells himself.
The problem is that he doesn't know what Minho has been up to these past weeks. He doesn't know if he's moved on, if he's seeing someone else, if he'll treat him nicely or with hostility.
He takes a deep breath.
The door opens in front of him.
"How long were you planning to stand there for?"
Minho, in is black tee and gray pajama sweatpants, holding a frying pan in all his glory stares at Chan like he's the dumbest person he's ever seen in his entire life. Chan can't really argue with him on that.
"Oh. Hi." He tries to smile, but it comes out all weird because he's nervous seeing Minho for the first time in three weeks. He looks as good as ever and Chan needs to tell his heart to calm down, but old habits die hard. "Um, how did you know I was here?"
Minho raises his eyebrow. Face still unreadable.
"Soonie wouldn't stop sniffing under the door and I came to check what was going on. Watched you there for about five minutes until I got bored."
"Oh, sorry about that, I was… Well… I don't even know."
The thing is, Chan is stuck. He's too embarrassed to say what he planned to say, can't even work out the words to ask Minho if he can come in, and Minho's not making it any easier for him. He won't stop staring at him and Chan feels overly aware of all the things happening in his body, his back is suddenly itching, he feels droplets of sweat forming on his forehead, his throat is dry and he feels this inexplicable pull towards Minho and he's trying so, so hard to keep himself grounded where he is.
Luckily, Soonie comes to his rescue with a loud meow.
Chan smiles and crouches to be closer to Soonie's height. He puts the box down next to him and the orange cat instantly curls himself around Chan's arm, asking to be pet. Chan has no choice but to indulge him.
"Hi, Soonie! Hi, baby!" He greets him in the horrendous baby voice he knows Minho always pretended to hate. "I brought you a gift, yes I did!"
He hears Minho groan and tries to hold back a smile.
"Sorry for stopping by unannounced," he starts explaining, social functions coming back to his control, apparently. "It's just that I saw this at the pet store and thought Soonie would like it."
Minho doesn't say anything, but he steps away from the door into the apartment, and Chan takes that as his cue to come inside, too.
The apartment hasn't changed much since before he moved out. He didn't even take much when he left, because everything inside was mostly Minho's, so it feels bittersweet coming in and being hit with a wave of flashbacks of all the times he walked through that door into what he used to call his home.
He doesn't have time to dwell on his feelings because Minho clears his throat and nods towards the box Chan was carrying.
Chan puts it down next to the living room coffee table and checks with Minho if it's okay to open it now. After he gets the go ahead - which is really just a nod, but at least they're being civil - he proceeds to open it and set it up quickly for Soonie to play with it.
Soonie sniffs at the new toy in front of him, pays attention to the laser for about three seconds before he paws at it disinterestedly and moves away towards Chan again.
Now he doesn't know what to do. He's too aware of Minho's presence, his gift to Soonie lays forgotten on the floor and he feels that he's overstaying his welcome. He did what he supposedly came here to do and he should be heading out, but he can't. Not yet. He doesn't need a lot of time to realize he misses Minho like hell. He's known it all along, he never stopped. He misses their life, their routine, their love.
So he just sits there on the floor, Soonie in his arms, looking down because he can't be brave enough to look at Minho without blurting out everything he's feeling.
Minho doesn't say anything for a while, and Chan thinks that maybe he's trying to find a way of telling Chan to leave nicely.
It surprises Chan when Minho sighs and Chan sees in his peripheral vision that he's now sitting down by his side. They still don't make eye contact, but its not hard to notice that with just that simple gesture, the mood in the apartment has completely changed.
It takes some long seconds before Minho speaks first.
"He just misses you, I guess."
Chan doesn't have to lift his head to know Minho's staring at him. He remembers the feeling of being observed like that all too well.
"Yeah. I missed him, too." Chan scratches Soonie's chin and finally looks up, ignoring the chill that runs down his spine. His eyes meet Minho's for a fraction of a second before the latter looks away. That is enough to give Chan some courage.
And I miss you, is what he doesn't say.
Minho stays quiet, almost as if he is waiting for those exact words to come out of Chan's mouth.
They don't.
"What are you even doing here?" Minho's tone comes out accusatory.
"Sorry. I- don't know. I'm sorry, I just really feel like we should talk. I don't like how we left things."
Minho scoffs.
"Trying to mend the bridges we burned before you leave for good?"
"I'm not. Leaving, I mean. Not anymore."
That catches Minho's attention and he looks at Chan with his big doe eyes.
"My old company didn't want to lose me, so they came to an agreement with the LA based one and I'll be working for both, but I don't have to leave. I'll still have to take some trips to LA from time to time but I don't have to leave Korea for good. So… Yeah." he blurts out.
"You're staying in Seoul?"
"I am. I've been wanting to tell you, but we didn't leave things on really good terms, huh? That's one of the reasons why I came here tonight, if I'm being honest. I need something Minho, and I think you're the only one who's capable of giving it to me."
"And what is it that you need?"
"To talk. Closure. I don't know. Anything you have to offer."
Chan sees something flash in Minho's eyes that looks a lot like hurt.
"Can we talk? And just be honest with each other? If you could tell me everything you felt back then, how things could've been different, I don't know. Anything." Chan pleads once again.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Please."
Being watched by Minho so intently sends a shiver down Chan's spine. The uncertainty of what's about to come out of Minho's mouth topped with the cold stare he's being given are enough to make Chan's flight instinct kick in.
"You never asked me to come with you." is all Minho says.
Chan is perplexed. A million thoughts flood his brain. Out of all the possibilities…
"Is that what it was? Minho, I-"
Minho turns his back to him, stares out the window. Chan walks over to him, raises his hand with the intent to touch his arm but stops himself when Minho moves his own hand to his eyes to wipe the string of a tear.
Chan breaks.
"Baby," he whispers. He allows himself to wrap his arms around Minho's waist from behind. And most importantly, Minho allows him as well. "I'm sorry."
That's all he says for a while. His mind is racing with so many things he wants to say to Minho, but he can't put anything into words other than his regret.
"If you had asked," Minho starts, voice soft and low, barely louder than a whisper. "I would've- I guess I just wanted you to have fought a little harder for me. You never said anything, and I thought you were having second thoughts about us. I didn't want to be the one holding you back from following your dreams because I knew you would do the same for me. And I was so selfish, because I wanted you to put me first and it wasn't fair of me to ask you to-"
"You'll always be first for me, Minho." Chan steps closer to him and takes his hand. "No job, no one, nothing, can ever be more important than you. Than us. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner, I'm sorry I was so stupid and I ruined everything, and if it's too late, I get it, but I need you to know that there hasn't been a day that I didn't regret the way I handled things."
Minho looks at their intertwined fingers.
"It's not too late," he whispers.
"What?"
"I'm sorry, too." Minho admits. "I didn't know how to deal with your moving and I thought shutting you out was the easy way out. My insecurities were telling me we wouldn't survive long distance and to shield myself from that hurt, I cut you out of my life to make it easier. I thought blaming you for it, feeling anger rather than hurt would be easier, 'cause I can handle anger, but I couldn't handle the pain of losing you."
Chan puts his arms around Minho, hugging him tightly. It feels like every cell in his body is reacting to the contact of their skin. It's electrifying, it burns, it takes his breath away. He'd been too touch starved for too long.
"We were both very stupid." he admits.
"Let's not let that happen again." Minho looks up at his from where his head lays on Chan's shoulder blade.
"I won't. I will do everything to make it right, even if I have to-"
Minho cuts him off with a kiss.
"Come home." he says against Chan's mouth.
Chan backs away to properly look at him.
"Do you mean…?" his heart rate picks up.
Is Minho inviting him back home? Does this mean he's getting a second chance to get his life back on track? To have the one thing he cherishes the most in the whole world?
"Soonie obviously misses you way too much." Minho deadpans.
"Soonie, huh?" Chan smirks and squeezes Minho's waist to bring him even closer to him.
"Yes. He's been acting like a brat lately. Separation anxiety and all that crap." And Minho fits in under his arms like that's exactly where he belongs.
Chan gives him a sly smile.
"Well then, for Soonie."
"For Soonie."
And Chan kisses him again.