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i love you harvey i dont care

Summary:

a non platonic barry fic. he's mentally disabled, but he's not a child. people with intellectual disabilities can and do have rich personal lives. people with intellectual disabilities can and do have romantic and even sexual relationships. infantilizing people with intellectual disabilities is ableist, whether you want to admit it or not.
( or loki is an ableist pos cop who was rude and unnecessarily intimidating to barry, did not listen to any of the man's requests while cruelly interrogating him why are we taking his word for barry having the iq of a ten year old.)

Notes:

put this on anon just in case i catch flack i dont want that attached to my other works.
i wrote this while listening to a lot of alex g, fleet foxes, and owl city. harvey and animals by alex g are big inspirations for sure.
barry's stuttering and halted speech is based on my own and the way people i know with mental disabilities/traumatic brain injuries speak

Work Text:

Barry is a good friend of yours, he lives a block or so away from you. You first found him kneeling on the sidewalk outside your front yard, talking softly to a calico cat that trotted along the stones in front of the fence.

“Is she y-yours?” He had asked when you approached the fence.

“No,” You answered, leaning on the fence, watching him stroke the feline. “She’s a stray I think. Started showing up like, a year ago.”

“Oh. W-well, she’s uh- Veh-very pretty.” His voice is light even as he stumbles over his words.

“You can have her if you want.” You shrug, reaching over the fence as the cat stands up, paws on the chain link to sniff your fingers.

“I couldn’t.. I live a few… Blocks a-awa-way from here.” He stands, the calico winding herself between his legs as he does so.

“You move in recently?” You ask, glancing at him as he stands. Your first impression was that he seemed to be a gentle giant, a big guy who speaks softly and gently runs his hand over the stray cat’s little head. 

“No, I moved in uh-... Eight mon-months a-ago I think.. Sorry, I’m B-Barry, I have a,” He trails off, poking his index finger against the side of his head. “Mmmental disability..”

You assure him he’s fine and introduce yourself. You offer a handshake but he declines. Which is fine. 

-

He comes by frequently after that to socialize with the cat that hangs out on your street. You learn about him slowly through these visits. Since Barry and the cat usually end up by your house.

He had never been outside of Pennsylvania before moving into the neighborhood, he hadn’t even been outside the small town he grew up in before now.

“The move here must have been Hell on you. Never having lived anywhere but there, after all.” You remark one day when he brings it up.

“I-I-I’m okay, I’m ha-happier here. It’s nice being…. Ssso far a-away from there.” He mumbles, dangling a long piece of yarn he had in his pocket in front of the calico.

“What, is it a bad place?” You lean over your fence again. Your own cat sticks his paw through the links, grabbing at the yarn when Barry teases him with it.

“Mmh..Not really, I-I just h-have bad meh-memories there. Some uh…Puh-People that um l-live there hurt me rrreally b-badly..” He says, pulling the yarn just out of reach of the tabby.

“I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s good that you’re getting along well here, though, it’s a nice area.” You don’t pry. You don’t ask about what happened. You glean enough from the scar in his hairline, the jagged one on his palm, the burn scars on the backs of both hands.

“It is. It has Miss Rosie Cat after a-all! Miss Ruh-Rosie Cat! Hi l-little girl.” He rubs the cat’s side, brushing dust out of her fur.

He’s taken to the cat quickly, calling her Rosie Cat, even mentioning that he’d love to keep her. You’re pretty sure Rosie Cat was friends with yours before you got him off of the streets. A lank orange cat you’ve simply dubbed Orange. They used to hang out together around the neighborhood, Orange liked you more than Rosie Cat, he didn’t freak out when you brought him inside.

If anyone were to make friends with that little calico of course it’d be Barry.

“If you ever end up taking Rosie Cat you have to promise to bring her over to visit Orange every once in a while.” You suggest as Orange sniffs at Barry’s fingers.

Barry, who just giggles and shrugs. “Maybe. Hey, Mr. Orange!” He reaches in the fence to scratch at Orange's head.

-

You learn Barry loves the summer, loves the sun and the bugs and all else that comes with the nice weather. He hates fall and winter something fierce. He says the cold, cloudy days make him sad inside. He was always too shy for Halloween, says his family never could afford much for Christmas, they stopped celebrating when he turned 18. He outright refuses to celebrate Thanksgiving.

“What about Easter? Do you celebrate Easter?” You ask, stopped by a display at the grocery store, a big metal basket full of rabbit stuffies. You go shopping with him sometimes, either really early in the morning or late at night. When there’s no one else but you guys and the employees.

Barry hums and picks up one of the toys. “Not-Not really. Did you know buh-bunnies don’t have um-... Paw pads like th-this? Like, uh they ju-just have hair on their f-feet. …This is wrong.” He mutters, frowning disapprovingly as he puts the toy back.

“I didn’t know that. Do you want to celebrate Easter?” You follow as he slips into the Easter section.

“I’unno.” He shrugs dismissively. Sometimes that’s the easiest for him to say no. He ends up getting Peeps and jelly beans anyway. You buy Easter eggs and candy the next time you’re at the store without him, and you hide them all over Barry’s house the next time you’re over, anyway. Barry’s not very good at pretending he doesn’t care.

-

Spring turns the world warm and sweet as summer approaches. You lounge with Barry on your bed, Orange sits on Barry’s stomach and kneads at the man’s chest. Making bread as Barry calls it. Later you’re supposed to go over to his house to play Mario Party with a couple of his other friends. It’s a small group of other disabled men that Barry’s found himself in, they’re good people.

“After the coo-cookies a-are done, of co-course.” He mumbles, scratching Orange’s head.

“Of course.” You agree, turning on your side to watch him pet the cat.

The two of you are waiting for the chocolate chip cookies to finish. Orange was no help at all, trying to lick the butter, but Barry certainly helped. He helped with the mixing, he was too afraid of getting burned to deal with putting the cookies in or taking them out.

“And then, wh-when they’re uh- done… We can go o-over and shuh-share them with…Everyone else, a-all of them.” He nods to himself.

“Sounds like a plan, man.” You nod back, to which Barry nods again.

It’s intimate, vulnerable almost just sitting around in bed with him. Not awkward by any means, just a little different. It’s been years since you’ve had a guy in your bedroom. You’re glad out of everyone in the world it’s him, Barry Milland, the gentle giant who’s currently apologizing to your cat for displacing him as he got up.

“Can we chuh-check the…Cookies now?” Barry asks, holding a hand out to help you up.

-

You stumble as he pulls up you with a little more force than was necessary. You’re at his place, previously laying in the grass and watching the birds on the power line, but the sun started to beat down hard and Barry suggested going in for popsicles.

He giggles as you right yourself, and he gives you that smile you know means he has something up his sleeve. Then he pushes you lightly, smiling harder. “Last one in ih-is a rrrrotten egg!” He shouts before making for the back door quickly.

“The only rotten egg here is you, Mr. Milland! For being so unfair!” You laugh as you follow him inside, just one step behind him.

“Umm… I’m ssss-sorry… You don’t feel ba-bad though, righ-right?” He asks meekly, digging through his freezer.

“No, I don’t feel bad. I’m just playing.” You assure him as you step over Rosie Cat to sit at the kitchen table. Orange is also spread out on the cool tile, you had to bring him to see his friend after all.

“Okay,” Barry says simply, breaking the cherry pop in half to hand you one. “You know, you’re my… favorite puh-person.” He sits himself on the floor to pet the cats.

“Really?” You ask quietly, grabbing a napkin from the table to wrap around the stick of the pop. 

He just hums and nods.

“Well, you’re my favorite person too, Bear.” You pass him a napkin as well.

“Th-thanks.. I think this i-is the ha-happiest I’ve ever been,” He gives you a smile, reaching out a hand for a fist bump. “Bump?” Which you gladly return.

It’s something he’s picked up from his friends, usually asking for a fist bump when things go your guys’ way. 

“So, would you say we’re best friends?” 

“Shh-Sure!”

You give him another fist bump, to celebrate being best friends and just for good measure.

-

“Look in the mirror, tell me what you think? Is that enough?” 

You stand together in his little bathroom, a towel around his bare shoulders and a pair of scissors in your hand. Barry wanted a hair cut but didn’t trust any local barbers, he said his aunt used to give him all his hair cuts, and he wasn’t sure what he’d ever do when he moved out.

“Uhh…” He trails off, brushing his free hand through his hair as he looks at himself in the mirror. “Cuh-Could you cut this he-here a little- little more? Like uh-..Up to here?” He indicates, pinching at the hair on the back of his neck.

“Sure.” You oblige easily, snipping the length he wanted before checking in again

You sweep up the hair from the floor when you finish and then he showers.

“How does um- H-how does i-it look?” He asks when he comes back out.

You crane your neck back to look at him before twisting around fully. “You look very handsome, Bear.” His hair isn’t fully dry yet, but it’s not like that would change your answer.

“Thank you,” He mumbles bashfully, coming to hover near the couch where you are. His face twists and he hums quietly. “Suh-Say, would you b-be willing to-.. Mmmake some chi-chicken nuggets?”

“Yeah, I was just going to ask what you wanted to do for lunch.” You laugh as you stand and venture to the kitchen with him.

“Oh, grreat minds think a-alike.” He laughs as well.

-

Rain pours down hard outside. Barry drove himself and Rosie Cat over in the rain because he had nothing good to do at home and would rather spend the rainy Sunday with you and Orange.

He brought pillows and blankets, stuffed toys and even snacks. It’s a struggle getting everything in without it all getting rained on but you two manage.

“I-I was w-wond-” He stumbles over his words, standing on your porch.

Any other time you’d let him finish but him and Rosie Cat are getting wet. “Come inside and then finish your sentence, okay?”

“O-Okay,” He agrees, stepping in and letting Rosie Cat go. “Um- So uh, I was wonder-wondering i-if I could- Uh, spend the day here? I-I brought..”

He points vaguely behind himself as he speaks. “I buh-brought, pih-pillows an’ blankets ‘n stuff, for uh-.. Pillow fort or something? You- You know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Let me get my raincoat and I can help you bring it all in.” You agree, watching Rosie Cat start washing herself.

“Oh man… I shu-should’ve brought mine..” Barry mutters half-heartedly, seemingly just now realizing how wet he was.

“I actually think you left it here, let me look.” You say, leaving to fetch the coats.

Barry did leave his coat here, but coat or no coat you manage to help him get everything in.

It is quite fun putting up the fort, despite the frustrations. You end up taking down one of your hanging plants to tie a sheet to the ceiling. It’s cozy, you put a few fake candles on the chairs that hold up the opening to the fort. The cats are curled up together on the couch while you and Barry sit on the floor together. He flaps his hands idly waiting for the nail polish you put on him to dry, and you mess around on his DS doodling the cats in PictoChat.

“Ssso, I was uh- Think-thinking ab-about um,” He fidgets, his knee bumping yours as he shifts. “Oh gosh, this is huh-hard…”

“It’s okay, take your time.” You send the doodle to his other DS before setting the device down to give Barry your full attention.

“I was thinking th-that, y-you know I like you a-a lot..And I-I-I was wondering i-if you wanted to be uh-..Buh-boyfriend and girlfriend?” He asks, palpably nervous.

“O-only if you f-feel the same wuh-way though..” His hands tremble.

“Really, Bear? You like me that way?” You ask cautiously.

“Ye-eah,” He squeaks, voice cracking. “Sssuh-sorry if it’s weird. I-I know I’m kinda uh-...” He trails off, poking his head again like he did when you first met him.

“You’re not. Weird, or messed up, or whatever you were gonna say, you’re not,” You assure him, curling your own hands around your shins, so you don’t do anything you shouldn’t. “I like you a lot too. You’re handsome, and you’re kind, and I think I would like to be boyfriend and girlfriend if you’re sure.”

“I-I’m sure. Th-thank you. Um- Ca-Can I kiss you?” His hand hovers by your shoulder.

“Yes, you may.” You nod, granting him permission. He touches your shoulder gently, and leans in to peck your lips.

It’s short-lived but it’s nice. You think if you really kissed him he’d taste like those gummies he’s been eating all afternoon. You don’t push it. Now’s not the time.

Right now, he’s giggling and hiding his face, and his laughter is contagious, you can’t help but laugh along. “I’ve never…Kissed a-anyone before.”

He’s being bashful, it’s sweet. You find you really do like him a lot. He’s Barry, your best friend, your Bear. “That’s okay! There’s a first for everything!”

“Ye-yeah, you’re rrright..! Thank- Thank you f-for being my first.” He nods, pressing his fingers to his lips before speaking again. “Can- Can I do it again?”

You can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of you as you nod. “Of course!”

And so he does it again. And again.

“A-actually, I think thi-this is the hap-happiest I’ve ever be-been.” He decides after a few minutes.

“I’m happy to hear that, Bear! I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been too.” You agree easily, returning his grin.

“I’m ssso glad I fuh-found Miss Rosie Cat… She lead me to y-you. I-I wuh-wouldn’t be here i-if not for her.” Barry sits up to lean over the couch to pet Rosie Cat, murmuring sweet nothings to the cat as he does so.

He’s such a sweetheart, really such a gentle giant. It’s hard for you to even begin to think about what happened to him. You know the gist of it, he doesn’t know that you know, but you do. A cursory Google of his name brings up articles about a boy kidnapped, a man trapped and tortured for days on end for something he didn’t do. Or something he didn’t mean to do.

He’s a good man. He really is quite smart despite his disability. Barry, as he is now, is nothing like the grainy photos of the dazed, sickly looking man you found online. He’s bright-eyed and excited to be alive.

“Oh, Bear..!” You laugh as he wraps you up in a hug. Your Bear, your big sweet man who gives big hugs once he realized it’s good to be touched.

“I love you,” He chirps, kissing your cheek. “I rr-really do, a-and that ffeels so n-nice to say..!”

“I love you too!” You peck his lips and it makes him giggle.

Barry Milland is your best friend. And you wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.