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Hawks' blatant adoration of Endeavor had always produced mixed feelings among those in the Commission who helped raise him. Endeavor was violent, hostile, aggressive. Well known to be heavy-handed in his arrests, which everyone did their best to overlook given how many villains he got off the streets. He couldn't stand teaming up with anyone, chronically disobeyed authorities and coworkers, and looked down on his fans with disgust. It was a generally accepted fact within the HPSC that Todoroki Enji was mentally unstable and almost certainly going to explode one day.
As for herself, she's far too old to be intimidated by him, but she understands why so much of the Pro Hero world is as he sits there in front of her desk, his expression somewhere between boredom and irritation. She can see the gloves of his hero outfit, indicating he’s wearing it beneath his clothes, but at least he’s dressed like a civilian. She always found his outfit a little inappropriate; unfortunately, All Might set the standard for that, and so nothing could be done about it without causing a ruckus.
She’s not intimidated by him, but she must admit it’s mildly offputting that Endeavor’s not saying anything. She is forced to break the silence eventually.
“I asked you here to talk about Hawks.”
She pays close attention to the way he immediately shifts his weight in the chair, the way his eyes widen just enough to indicate alarm as he asks, “Did something happen to him?”
“Not at all.”
His relief is visible. “Then…?”
“It’s your relationship with him.”
He’s silent at this. He only taps a finger against the arm of the chair.
"You're not denying it."
"Should I be?"
She sighs. She knew there was no chance she was wrong, but still she'd hoped.
Hawks was twelve or thirteen when his internet searches began to shift, which could only be expected for a boy his age. He began looking up sex, specifically sex between men. Anything truly inappropriate was blocked, but as he grew older, the kid was quite dedicated in hunting down whatever the firewalls the Commission had in place missed.
He seemed unaware that she and his closest caretakers could see every website he looked at, or if he knew, he simply didn't care. He was a teenager, after all.
Whether he was gay or not made no difference as long as he kept it quiet and never tried dating. He had already been on track to be in the Top 10 within a year of debuting despite still being a kid. She didn't want a scandal; most of the country were only outwardly accepting, but they'd be sure to balk if one of the top heroes went public like that. That and the Commission was already preparing to debut him as a sort of idol, hoping to grab up the young female demographic who didn't normally get into Pro hero fandoms. Assuming he grew up to be as cute as they were expecting, he would be a gold mine as well as a potential lure to encourage more women to join the ranks.
She’d hoped his infatuation with Endeavor was not related to his sexuality, but of course it was. Then she’d hoped that once he met his hero, he’d realize he was an asshole and move on. Sadly, that did not go as she’d hoped either. Still; nobody had expected them to hook up.
And they’re intimate. Hawks must know by now that she has full access to all of his medical records, that she saw he had an STI screening only a month after meeting Endeavor, the box next to Sexually Active now suddenly checked along with that for Homosexual. The fact that she never wanted to know this much about the life of her adopted kid aside - did every parent go through this? - she’d hoped it wasn’t Todoroki Enji. Hoped very much. But Endeavor’s attitude towards this questioning confirms her fears.
There are already a fair number of photos of them caught in public floating around the internet. They might not be groping one another or even holding hands, but the affection in their eyes, the way they lean towards another, is not going unnoticed by the general public. Not just when working together, not just after the fight against the High End or briefly interacting out of necessity. The two apparently hang out together sometimes, Hawks flitting up to Shizuoka now and then only for a thousand fans to snap photos of him and Endeavor hanging out, often in casual clothing. Plenty of Pros have friendships, but neither one of them have ever been exactly social. Either one of them being that close to someone else would be strange enough, but when they're both doing it, it becomes impossible to ignore, especially with such a significant gap between their ages. It’s not like they have much in common. There were also unfortunately questions about both of their orientations as it was, less because of their own individual behavior and more because of the kinds of fans they attracted, though. At least until now.
How do they not realize how obvious they are being?
“You two are being quite open about it.”
“I’m pretty sure two Pro Heros can go out for drinks together now and again.”
She sighs. She’d run this conversation through her mind a thousand times before calling Endeavor in. But now that he’s here, she suddenly doesn’t know what to say. Stop fucking my adopted son? You’re twice his age and taking advantage of him? You’re compromising the entire Pro Hero industry by looking like a groomer? It doesn’t help that he’s so obtuse. It’s unclear if he’s being difficult or just stupid.
“There’s starting to be a lot of talk that it’s more than that. The fact that you’re married is well known, and there’s also your ages and --”
He cuts her off. "It's nothing to do with you."
"He's an employee of the Commission."
"So you control every aspect of his life." It's a statement, not a question but an accusation.
She can't tolerate his haughtiness any longer. "How would you feel if your daughter decided to date a man your age?"
There's a flicker of flame around his left eye, the temperature in the room rapidly rising. "Excuse me?"
She ignores the threat in his voice. "I raised him."
Endeavor leans forward then, both feet on the floor and hands folded in front of his face now. The temperature is still rising, but he has the open flames under control now.
"What are you talking about?"
"I adopted him when he was a child." Perhaps she shouldn’t use this as leverage, not when she is as distant to Hawks as she is, but it’s her best bet at getting Enji to pay attention.
His reaction is slow, a low exhale not quite a sigh as the folded hands over his face shift to rub his eyes.
"Has he ever spoken to you about his past?"
"No."
"And you don't find that strange?"
"He tells me what he wants to. I'm not going to push anything." He says it like she's an idiot for even asking.
The answer brings her a sense of relief. It's unexpectedly respectful, caring, though it might well be because he's not exactly talkative himself and might just not care. But it must please Hawks, as quiet and unwilling to talk about himself as he is.
"Then I won't reveal so much. That's up to him. But I will say that I legally adopted him when he was only five."
Any other person might criticize her, might ask how he ended up being a hero employed by her, might question if it's a conflict of interest or even child abuse. And it probably is both of those things. But Endeavor can hardly say anything on that given how he's forced two of his own kids into attempted Pro-Hero-dom.
Endeavor's silent for a long moment before finally growling. "I know your sort are not above lying to manipulate others."
She unlocks the top drawer of her desk without saying a word, quickly rifling through it to find the small photo album she pulls out more often than she cares to admit. Removing one of four copies of the first photo in the book, she pushes it across the desk towards him.
In it, she holds a five-year-old Hawks, only a week or so after the HPSC had taken him in. She wasn't president then, only the Assistant Director a good four positions behind, but she was the one to put her name on the adoption certificate. They're both smiling, though Hawks is painfully shy, uncertain. It took nearly a year for him to accept they weren't going to throw him back out on the street. He's holding that damn Endeavor plushie, a toy he barely let go of for years and still keeps in his bed. It’s barely visible there, only a splash of vibrant orange that he’s curled around.
Endeavor’s slow to lean forward, as if he doesn’t trust what he sees, and she studies his expression as he does so. Suspicion giving way to surprise giving way to something that could only be love. Unbelievable.
Then he snorts, dispelling the thought. "He had the eyebrows even then."
"And that thick hair. Impossible to brush through."
"He's a little messy even now." There's that tenderness in his eyes again.
"Fortunately his fandom considers it a charm point. Otherwise his PR team would advise he keep his hair shorter and actually pull his pants up." She catches herself before she's able to continue, before she can criticize his earrings and his propensity to use too much slang, but Endeavor's already eyeing her oddly.
"You couldn't have sounded more like a parent if you tried," he sighs.
She can tell he wants to ask more, so much more, but he refrains. If he were anyone else, she'd believe this meant he didn't care about Hawks.
"Do you have more?"
She does. Of course she does. But she hesitates. Hawks might be embarrassed if he knew she was sharing these. Not that it matters when Endeavor looks so genuine.She places the photo album on the desk and turns it towards him, keeping her hands on the edges to prevent him from flipping the pages himself. The second half of the book is that girl, and those he can never see. She only needs to show him a few select pictures of Hawks; the rest are her own, all she has from a son - and that’s what she sometimes sees him as - who has distanced himself due to her own failures. Or, more likely, her misguided interest in him to begin with. After the mistakes they made with his predecessor, the Commission was eager to find a brilliant hero who was young enough to easily control, to train to be wholly obedient. Hawks was just that; she thought she knew better than to care about any HPSC prodigy.
Seven, sitting in Mera's lap as he tries to work. He was clingy at that age, affectionate and needy, as if trying to make up for all the years he missed when younger. It hadn’t lasted long, only about a year before he suddenly backed up, as if he’d absorbed all the affection he could handle for his entire life. They’d worried about him a lot in those early years, unable to determine how much of his standoffishness was due to trauma and how much was simply his heteromorph traits. They could train him to hide his less desirable Quirk traits, but they couldn’t risk him having a psychotic break.
Nine, practicing his flying with a couple of Pros who also had wings. Teaching him to fly in such a way as to keep up with his speed without hurting himself was impossible to do without hiring others who could fly. Hawks had always been quick, desperate to go as fast as possible, but this meant he crashed into a lot until he was ten or eleven. His hair was at its longest then, as they’d played with the idea for his image, but it simply wasn’t possible. His hair was too thick, too messy and unruly, and flying at the speeds he did only made it worse.
Eleven, around the time he began growing lanky, stopped being so cute even though he kept the baby cheeks even to today. He's crouched on the edge of a building, attempting to drink coffee and look cool at the same time, failing in both regards. He was always obsessed with the coffee Endeavor endorsed, though he clearly couldn’t stand it, especially not at that age. It's endearing.
He's fifteen, wearing his first iteration of his hero uniform. It's not so different than what he wears now, the boy always preferring baggy, soft clothing with few decorations. The eagerness in his eyes is too much. That was the last golden year before he started pushing back against the Commission a bit, finally aware that the papers he’d signed over a decade ago weren’t quite in his favor. But at fifteen he was still too happy to oblige, which somehow made the President more guilty than when he went rebellious.
Sixteen, only a year later, but slouching and sulking, clearly pissed she’d snapped an impromptu photo of him. He had been a pretty well-behaved teenager, as far as it goes, though he did have the inevitable outbursts. He’d exploded more than once when he heard someone badmouthing Endeavor. There were a handful of times when he simply refused to work and demanded to just have a day off, usually when there was some event he wanted to go to. Every so often he made threats to go do something that would completely destroy his brand, though everyone knew he wouldn’t, not when the Commission was supporting his real mother. This meant the president let it slide when he showed up one day with earrings. They’d made it work.
Eighteen at his debut. The third version of his hero suit, which he’s now on the fifth of. He’s shooting the camera a cocky look and a peace sign. He's holding the Endeavor plushie again, something she hadn't thought of before she flipped opened to that page. But Endeavor himself must know about it by now, right? Maybe not, because Todoroki Enji reaches out and touches the photo, runs his finger over the image of the toy.
“He kept it all this time?” he gestures towards the earlier half of the book, the photo of him at five. So he’d noticed it after all.
She hesitates before blurting out what might be Hawks’ deepest secret. He could deal. They’re apparently never going to have a deep conversation about what they mean to one another, so she might as well tell Endeavor this much at least. “He still has it.”
He nods and flips a few more pages, studying each one with just as much detail as the first despite Hawks at 19 or 20 being far more recognizable. There are a handful of photos of him in his downtime, playing video games or posing at tourist hot spots. The photos only ever show one side of life, but anyone who knows Hawks well can see the exhaustion in his eyes.
On stage at the Billboard announcements a few months ago. It was snapped just as Endeavor walked onto the stage, when everyone was focused on the new Number One. But the camera’s focused on Hawks, who is looking sideways at him with an expression that is clearly more than just awe at fame and power. He’d acted like a total idiot that day, probably because he was twenty-two and had no clue what to do with himself.
“Is that the way he looks at me?”
He really is as dense as he looks. “You do the same.”
He’s even more confused at this, so she flips a few more pages to one of the most recent. It’s a paparazzi shot, the only such photo in the book. A close-up taken at a clear distance of the two of them. Hawks leaning over Endeavor’s shoulder at a bar, the two of them laughing. She’d kept this photo because it was the first time, the only time, she’d ever seen a photo where Hawks looked genuinely happy as an adult. His permanent smirk is a lie, part of a PR stunt; he was in reality a solemn child who grew into a solemn adult. Except around Endeavor.
“Shit,” he sighs, leaning back in the chair now.
“I can’t stop you from…pursuing this, but I want you to understand why I am not thrilled. It’s far more than concerns over appearance, though this could truly be a disaster; I trust you to be more receptive to the concerns of a parent.”
He nods, not saying anything now, and she feels she can finally breach the subject she’d wanted to bring up from the beginning.
“You don’t have the best reputation, and as you recall, the Commission helped you cover up the hospitalization of your wife.” She’d been a part of that, too, hating every second of it but more concerned about the reputation of the top Pros.
He doesn’t even look angry at the accusation, only defeated. “I’d never do that to him.”
She doesn’t trust him, not particularly, but his attempts to be a better person in recent months are undeniable. She also knows that he bought a second house for the rest of his family. Either because he wants to give them space or because he wants his questionably young boyfriend to visit unnoticed, she can’t say.
All she can say for certain is that Hawks is happy with him, happier than he’s ever been in his life, and whatever she thinks of Endeavor, she doesn’t think she can refuse Hawks that after knowingly manipulating him, compromising his life so thoroughly. “Take care of him.”
“I’m trying.”
“And you must understand why this can’t be public, not when you’re married.” Or even if he isn’t, but she’ll phrase this in a way he understands.
He snorts at that, absently scratching at his chin, as if it weren’t worthy of a response. It probably isn’t, but she needed to say it, regain control over the situation.
“And Endeavor?”
“What?” The snap is barely suppressed, but he’s calm enough for it to lack bite.
"Next time he tries to use his Commission credit card for something inappropriate, please stop him."
He tilts his head to the side, barely perceptible.
"The love hotel?" she prompts.
He swears softly under his breath.
"The add-ons were quite pricey." She hadn't even known that love hotels could run that expensive, though Hawks had clearly ordered every single option they offered.
"He did that as a joke. We didn't go."
It almost makes her laugh, seeing this intimidating middle-aged man suddenly stammering to explain away a love hotel charge. At least they didn’t go; that would have been a PR nightmare no matter what kind of sex crime ring bust story they came up with. She raises a hand as if to stop him. "Doesn't matter. He sometimes uses it to buy questionable things to get a rise out of us. Just be aware of it when he flashes the silver card."
There’s only another grunt in response; he’s clearly embarrassed. If only Hawks knew what his little charge resulted in. Probably a good thing he doesn’t know, or he’d certainly do it again.
“Is that all?” he finally sighs.
“For now. We can hope I won’t have to speak with you about this again.”
He stands up, pushing too hard against the chair as if to make a point that he’s done with her, already pulling out his phone. Probably to text Hawks; he’s almost certainly the only person Endeavor talks to other than forced conversations with his kids. He won’t tell Hawks; she somehow knows this, not that it matters if he does or doesn’t. No, he won’t tell him, not because he doesn’t care, but because he doesn’t want to bring up Hawks’ past until he himself is ready.
When he’s gone, she sits still, the photo album remaining open on her desk. Hawks would never forgive her if he knew she’d shown it to Endeavor. No matter. It’s been a long time since she’s been able to look him in the eye.