Chapter Text
“You realize he’ll never actually pay attention to you aside from making sure you don’t cause trouble here, right?” The blue haired man stared at Childe with a rather unimpressed look. “Of all the people you want to try and get with, Diluc? Are you out of your mind? It took your coworkers nearly killing him before he stopped trying to destroy the entirety of the organization you work for in the first place. Or did you not know that?”
“No, I’m well aware of that, but look at him. Someone that strong. How could I not want them?”Childe glanced over at the redhead behind the bar. He and Kaeya, the bartender’s younger brother (who happened to be estranged, which Childe hoped he could help fix), were sitting off in a corner. He had hoped Kaeya could give him pointers on how to get closer to Diluc, but the Cavalry Captain seemed to have no answers aside from ‘You can’t.’
“You’re an idiot.” Kaeya said decidedly, like he was deducing a fact.
“C’mon, there’s got to be some way I can get closer to him without him trying to cut my head off.” Childe said, giving Kaeya a pleading look. “You know him better than anyone else. Surely you have some sort of answer.”
“I don’t. He probably already hates your guts just for being a Harbinger.” Kaeya said, shrugging. “And the only reason he hasn’t already tried to cut your head off is because he doesn’t want to send Mondstadt to war with Snezhnaya for killing one of their higher standing people. Really, my only advice for you is to forget this weird crush you have on him and just leave Mondstadt.”
“What about convincing him to spar with me?” Childe was nothing if not persistent. He wasn’t giving up on this just yet.
“Spar?” Kaeya sighed. “You have a death wish, don’t you? Do you realize how stupid you sound? You're asking to spar with the infamous Fatui Killer, as your people call him. He’d take that as the perfect chance to kill you and make it seem like an accident.”
“You’re sure?” Childe frowned. Now that he thought about it, a spar with Diluc was risky. It wasn’t that Childe didn’t think he could win, but he’d certainly take a beating in the process. Diluc was not weak by any means. ‘That’s just part of his appeal, though. Imagine if I had the chance to witness that strength firsthand. That would be the chance of a lifetime, wouldn’t it?’ “There has to be a way I can get closer to him. C’mon, help me out.”
“And what’s in it for me if I help you, anyway?” Kaeya grumbled, taking a sip of his drink.
“Um… I can think of a payment later, right? I mean, there’s always mora. I have lots of that.” Childe shrugged.
“I don’t need mora. I have enough of my own.” Kaeya said. “I certainly don’t need an endless amount.”
“Hm… what about fixing your relationship with your brother?” Childe suggested.
“I’m not sure how you think me helping you get with him will fix any of that mess.” Kaeya said. “It would probably only make things worse.”
“We can work on it in the long term.” Childe said. “C’mon, help me. You’re literally the only person I can turn to with this.”
Kaeya rolled his eyes. “And I already gave you the only answer I know. There’s no way you could get with my brother, and there’s no way I could help you achieve that. He might try to kill me for trying…” Childe was pretty sure he heard Kaeya mutter ‘again,’ but he figured it was best he didn’t say anything about it.
“I won’t leave you alone until I get a different answer.” Childe decided. “There’s got to be a way.”
“You stubborn ass.” Kaeya muttered. “Fine. Meet me back here in two days. I have to make a trip to Dragonspine.”
“What? Why?” Childe raised an eyebrow at him. The Cavalry Captain was already getting up to leave.
“I have to go visit the Chief Alchemist.”
~~~
True to his word, Kaeya met with Childe at the same table in the tavern two days later. He immediately shoved a drink toward him. “Drink that.” He ordered.
“What? Did you put something in this?” The Harbinger frowned at the drink. Would Kaeya try to poison him?
“Yes. But before you say anything, it’s not poison. I got this from a shelf where Albedo doesn’t usually store poisons. And he doesn’t usually make them, either.” Kaeya answered.
At least he was being honest, or at least, Childe assumed he was being honest. “Usually?” Childe narrowed his eyes at him.
“Relax. Albedo has used a potion similar to the one I put in that drink on me before.” Kaeya said, giving him a calm smile. Childe still didn’t like this idea, but if it helped him get the chance to get closer to Diluc, then… “Just drink it already, Childe.” The Cavalry Captain muttered, clearly irritated at his hesitance.
Childe took a deep breath and drank the whole drink in one big gulp. He waited a few moments, but nothing felt any different. “Did you actually put something in that?”
“Yes. And I lied. Albedo never used a potion like that on me before. Now, you might want to stay with me tonight. I wouldn’t suggest going back to your inn room.” Kaeya said.
“I… why? What does this do?” Childe stared at Kaeya, a slight panic setting in. When the blue haired man didn’t answer, the panic worsened. “Kaeya, what did you give me?”
“You’ll see. This is your perfect chance to get close to Diluc.” Kaeya said, his smile widening. “You’re lucky Diluc likes cats.”
~~~
What did Kaeya mean by that? Childe had no clue. All he knew was that now, as he laid in the guestroom of Kaeya’s apartment, he suddenly felt extremely groggy. All he wanted was to sleep, but he was worried. What if what Kaeya had given him really was poison?
‘I guess there’s nothing I can do about that now. And if it was poison, wouldn’t it have worked faster?’ Childe thought. He sighed, rolling over on his stomach and snuggling further into the blankets. ‘I might as well go to sleep. There’s no point in worrying about it now.’
~~~
Kaeya dropping by the winery randomly wasn’t an unusual thing, so Diluc didn’t really think anything of it when he stopped by the next day. It wasn’t until he dropped an orange cat with one gray tipped ear on his desk that he suddenly realized that there was actually a reason his brother was here aside from just bugging him.
“Why do you have a cat with you?” Diluc asked. “And why is it here?”
“I don’t have the time to take care of him, and well…” Kaeya had shown up with Albedo, which was also not a first, but Diluc was starting to realize that something strange was going on here. That was when he spotted the all-too-familiar Hydro Vision clipped to the cat’s collar.
“No.” Diluc stood up and glared at Kaeya. “I’m not taking care of him. What did you do?”
“Kaeya got into my potions a couple days ago. He stole one of them that I was considering throwing out and gave it to Childe.” Albedo explained. “Unfortunately… as I was planning to toss this particular project, there is not a potion that will reverse the effects. And I’m unsure of how long the effects will last or if they’ll reverse on their own at all.”
“I don’t have the time to keep an eye on him.” Kaeya said.
“And you think I do?” Diluc countered.
“Well, you are the infamous Fatui Killer.” Kaeya pointed out. “Who better to watch a Harbinger-turned-cat than you?”
Diluc was ready to throw Kaeya through the window behind him. “I can’t believe you.”
Kaeya just shrugged. “He’s your problem now. I’m not taking him back to my apartment. He wouldn’t stop meowing at me the whole time.” As if on cue, Childe meowed and stretched a paw toward Diluc. “And I think he’d prefer to stay with you, anyway.”
Diluc realized that he certainly didn’t have a choice in this matter. He sighed and sat back down in his chair. “Fine. But please find a way to fix this quickly.” He grumbled. He glared up at Kaeya. “And you. Why did you feed him a potion like this in the first place?”
“He asked for help on something I’m not allowed to disclose.” Kaeya explained. “This was my way of helping.”
“You… you decided that the best way to help was to turn him into a cat?” Diluc stared at Kaeya incredulously. “Are you serious?”
Kaeya answered him with a shrug. Albedo sighed and shook his head, clearly disappointed at his boyfriend for getting into his potions again. Kaeya had a terrible habit of that. “I will work on an antidote for this. I still have some of the original potion with me. In the meantime, could you please keep an eye on him and report if he starts acting any differently, Master Diluc? I think he has retained most of his usual mind, but he can’t speak. We’ve already figured that out.”
‘Most of his usual mind… meaning he’ll be destructive and aggressive in every way. Just great.’ “Fine. I’ll keep an eye on him.” Diluc decided. “Better than letting him wreak havoc somewhere else in this state. And there’s no telling what might happen to Mondstadt if he dies here.”
“Thank you, Master Diluc. I’ll keep you updated on any breakthroughs I have with the antidote.” Albedo answered calmly before turning and heading to the door. “Let’s go, Kaeya. You’re helping me.” Diluc didn’t miss the slight irritation in the alchemist’s voice.
“I suppose I did cause this mess.” Kaeya chuckled and followed his boyfriend out. Diluc turned his gaze back on Childe, who was sitting on his desk looking at him curiously.
“You better not be a pain in my ass, Harbinger.”