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Xiao needed rest.
The days seemed to endlessly blur together, and he was starting to remember that he has not stopped moving in years. Quite possibly just short of another century. His stubbornness in refusing rest had been creeping on him and has now caught up to him. It’ll only be for a short while , he told himself, no longer than a day .
He was hiking up a dirt trail with one hand over his opposing arm, occasionally squeezing the tender muscle until the soreness subsided for a while. Now and then he’s given the luxury of quietness, where he’s alone with no troublesome thought of threats nearby. With every step, he’s grateful.
Xiao reaches the clearing and notices out in the distance there was a large, palace-like building sitting on top of the hill. The golden glow of the coming sunrise cast a dazzling spectacle over its white walls and opulent architecture.
When he manages to get there, he cautiously knocks on the front door only to realize that it could be opened by merely pushing it. From inside, Xiao hears fluttering and out from the small slip of the door, a few feathers fly out. It must not be as private as Xiao suspected it to be and took a careful step inside, to which he peeked his head behind the door to take a look. He flinches, ducking his head down, when he hears the chime of a tiny bell over his head. He scoffs at himself before pushing forward.
He was surprised, to say the least. Despite its grand exterior, it was much smaller on the inside with the exception being it had a high ceiling. The first thing he sees is a towering cage in the back end of the room that almost extends just as high as the ceiling. All the cages before it were symmetrically placed, extending outwards towards the door. A counter to the left side of Xiao was present, and as he peered over to look, he thought to himself how whoever owned this place had only recently stepped out. There were papers everywhere behind the counter, and the date on one of them seemed to be for today. There was no sign anywhere of when the folks would return.
It was almost like a cathedral — this place — and it made Xiao step inside further. He peered up at the cages like a cat, pressing his fingers to the bars but never fully sticking any of his indexes inside. He watched the birds hop to adjust their roosting or fly to other perches. The many birds made the room too noisy with chatter, but it was a soft crooning that Xiao didn’t mind after a while.
The bell chimes out front, and Xiao perks up to the sound. His back was facing the door, so he shifted his feet to turn around. Some birds closest to him squawked and flapped their wings. Xiao raised his arm out in reflex when one of the birds extended its large, white wing out towards him. He kept his eyes on the birds as he walked over to the entrance. He took a quick second to look at the stranger, looked back at the birds then did a double take. Xiao had a sudden realization that the man who entered was effortlessly handsome.
The man slowly took off his hat and approached Xiao with a warm smile; his figure was backlighted by the sunny glow of the outdoors. “Uh, hey there,” the man saluted amicably, “Do you own the place? I wrote you a letter a couple of days ago, but I wasn’t sure if it got to you.”
Seeing as this wasn’t the owner of the place, Xiao kept a steady disposition. “No, sorry. I don’t know where the owner is.” He avoided scowling so as not to come across as too unapproachable, but he couldn’t help but feel a familiar air about this stranger. Someone he might have known long ago.
When the man came up to him, Xiao could see all the details on his face, including his little freckles he would’ve never guessed to be there. And just right under his eye, along the high of his cheekbone, was a deep, lonely scar. “Ah, I see. Don’t suppose you could help me?”
Xiao arched an eyebrow. “With what?”
Truthfully, Xiao wanted to tell the man off but felt inexplicably unable to do so. Maybe it was the way this man looked at him or maybe it was the fuzzy feeling he had brewing in his chest whenever the man talked. He didn’t understand, but these feelings weren’t entirely sold on him. He didn’t want to entertain any requests while currently serving another one, but he couldn’t say no.
“I’m looking for some birds. Lovebirds. Need them as a gift.”
Xiao pushed past the initial revelation that this grandiose place was just a mere bird shop; it wasn’t of his concern.
“For a lover, I take it?” Xiao muttered, looking down at the nearest table and pressing his index finger to the surface to polish off some nonexistent dust. When he looked up, he was greeted with the sight of bluebirds.
“For my sister,” the stranger clarified. “Her birthday is coming up, and she doesn’t ask for much nowadays ever since she got married. I figured I’d try to get her something even if it was a one-off comment she made when writing to me.”
Xiao looked up, and they locked eyes with each other. “Does she… intend to care for it? If you give her the birds?”
“I’ll make sure she does,” the man grinned from ear to ear.
That smile did him favors; it was the kind of smile that directed a man’s final decision. Xiao could tell this was a man that got what he wanted, and he knew how to work for it. But it’s in that smile that Xiao made the connection in his mind that he has seen this person before. He’s almost certain of it. However, the person that came to mind was someone he couldn’t see being here by his side.
That person was long dead, wasn’t he?
What was his name?
“So?” The stranger leans against the table, getting pretty close to Xiao, and looks down at him. “Think you can help me out?”
“I could… attempt to. I don’t promise anything.” He wasn’t sure why he was agreeing, but he felt lightheaded now that this stranger was beaming at him with a light, airy smile.
The two of them moved along to go look at the other birds, and as Xiao walked, he squeezed the sore spot on his arm again. He walked on over to the heart of the building, where all the birds chirped and chattered amongst themselves. The man seemed just as curious about the room as Xiao had been previously. “They’re… very active,” Xiao gestures with the point of his finger up into the air. He attempts to act like he knows what he’s talking about despite not having been that much longer than him at this point, and he wonders what compels him to try and impress this stranger this way. “Be careful where you put your hands.”
“I’ll be careful,” The man said respectfully. The gentleness in his tone tugged at Xiao’s heartstrings if only for a brief moment.
When Xiao turned around, he saw the man bent forward and putting his hat in front of and away from his face, as if playing peek-a-boo with the birds. The birds — Cardinals— tweeted and bounced towards this strange, funny man and occasionally cocked their heads to the side in wonder.
“You don’t look like a hat person,” Xiao said flatly. “Nor seem like a playful person.”
The stranger looked over to Xiao before straightening up. He laughed a little. “When my siblings were younger, I used to make up lots of stories for them, and I’d act them out just to hear them laugh. It’s an old habit.”
“You talk as if they’re no longer little.”
The man shrugged. “My youngest brother is turning 21 soon, so yeah, not so little.”
Xiao looked away but then heard him continue to say, “As for the hat, he’s the one who gave it to me, so I’ve been wearing it a lot. I’ll probably wear it until it’s all worn out.”
“You’re quite the family man,” Xiao said, walking off now and swinging behind a larger cage of pigeons now. His steps feel light and carefree for some reason. He glides his fingers over the bars of the cage and looks from bottom to top at how two pigeons occupied a different perch. They cooed and paid Xiao no mind. His heart began to sink further with suspicion. This person — whoever he was — had the same qualities as the man he was trying to remember. He wants to remember.
“I’ve been told that,” the man nods with an expression now melancholy. Xiao noticed the slight shift in his expression but didn’t have the time to ask him about it before he drew up his smile again. This time not as brightly. “Shall we continue?” The man asked. Xiao flinched and nodded in response; his words weren’t catching up with his response time.
He wished he could just stare at him for a moment longer and try to piece together the puzzles of his memory on who this person was. It was right on the tip of his mind; he couldn’t forget. Right there within reach. Maybe the further along he can get him to stay he’ll remember.
Xiao blinked his attention towards his attire and noticed that within his coat, he had a dagger sheathed away on his belt. He quickly moved away from eye view and ventured on over to a different table, where he looked over the birds carefully until he found the right cage he was looking for. A cage occupied with red, lemon yellow, and fern green birds bunched together in groups of 5 or more.
“Here. Here are the lovebirds.”
With a cool, brisk stride and his hands behind his back, the stranger comes up to Xiao’s side without looking at him. His eyes lightly dart around at the different birds before he nods, saying, “These are canaries.”
“Oh, you’re a bird expert,” Xiao said deadpanned.
The man chuckled. “No, I’m not. I just know these are canaries.”
“Then why not try to spot them yourself?” Xiao crossed his arms over his chest and peered up at the man. He felt like he was being tested in a way based on how careful the man’s eyes were on everything in sight.
Xiao could once again witness the golden glow from the outside reflected onto the man’s face, revealing a starry image of freckles along the bridge of his nose and cheeks. A fiery warmth within his eyes shone and twinkled, and Xiao took note of the little speckles of his iris.
He knows he’s staring too long when the man turns his gaze to him. “I know where they are.”
Xiao uncrossed his arms. “Show me.”
The man then pressed his hand down in front of Xiao, cornering him from moving away. “Aren’t you the one that’s supposed to be helping me?” His demeanor was light and playful, the way someone who gets a kick out of riling someone up might have.
“I also said no promises.”
Xiao kept his stride, putting his arms behind his back as he kept his eye on him. The man nods slowly and removes himself from being so close to Xiao. He turns away, looking up at the large birdcage centered in the back. Xiao turned and walked behind him, several paces away, as he simply watched him. He looked at the smaller cages as he kept his direction towards the main cage, gliding his fingers along the table surfaces and occasionally reaching up to touch the small bars of the cages.
“This place is really beautiful. I didn’t know what to expect when I decided to come here.”
“Yeah, it is,” Xiao said, looking at the back of the stranger’s head.
He slows his walk, almost feels like he’s dragging it out. He thinks until he overthinks, looking in every memory that he’s ever able to retain to find this man in his thoughts. He watches his footsteps, where his hands wander off to, where he turns his head. It’s all there, written out for him.
When the man abruptly stops, takes a few steps back then looks down at a silver cage, Xiao stops just short of where he was standing. He looked to where his eyes landed, and there, perched on their lonesome, were exactly two lovebirds all alone in their cage.
Xiao’s breath got caught in his throat. He released the tension in his body seconds later as the man turned his head and stuck out his thumb at the birds. Xiao could see the scar on his cheek from the angle at which he was positioned.
When their gaze met, Xiao’s eyes went wide with realization.
“These are the ones.”
“So it seems,” Xiao said quietly.
The man put his hands on his hips, warmly smiling at the birds and seemingly feeling confident that he was able to find them in a room as big as this. Then he looks up over to the front of the building and clicks his tongue. “Looks like I have to wait a little longer before I can take these little guys home. Can’t exactly steal these with an eye witness hanging around, now can I?” The man winks at Xiao, and his heart goes aflutter.
“Your scar…” Xiao said, almost in a whisper.
“Hm?” The man arched his eyebrow. Xiao walked up to him and then looked up at his face, cautiously about to reach up to his cheek but hesitated. “Did you… get that while fighting?”
The man watched Xiao’s hand but didn’t say anything about it. He raised his hand and touched the scar with the tips of his fingers. “This? No. I was born with it.”
“Born with it,” Xiao repeated, bewildered.
“I get asked that a lot. Whether I got it from a fight or something, but no. Why does it interest you all of a sudden?” The man tried to laugh it off but Xiao made it hard to keep the conversation light. He seemed so transfixed on him as if he couldn’t pull his eyes away even if he tried. “You remind me of someone… You remind me…” Xiao trailed off before pulling his hand away and taking a step back, feeling the shame of being impolite to this stranger. “Ajax,” Xiao mumbled to himself.
“Maybe I am that someone? That is my name after all.” Ajax chuckled half-heartedly, tinged with uncertainty on how to react to Xiao’s emotions. Xiao felt a shiver down his spine. “You are? Your name is Ajax?”
“It is.”
“But you’re— You’re not…”
Xiao knows Ajax to be human, another mortal in the grand scheme of things. He wasn’t an Adeptus like himself. So it didn’t make sense to him. How is everything aligning so perfectly to be him? The Ajax he knew fought him effortlessly at every turn, any time they met on sight. The Ajax he knew never faltered to smile despite Xiao striking him down, harder than the last. And he remembers that scar. A cut so deep as Xiao plunged down and just missed the center of his face. He had loomed over him, legs apart over his body and his head dipped low so that his hair nearly cast over Ajax’s face. Ajax had touched Xiao on his cheek, where in placement his fresh wound was, and whispered, “You just missed me.”
The Ajax he once knew is dead, lost in the time period he was born into.
“Hey,” Ajax whispered, careful with his hands as he grabbed Xiao by the arm. His touch even felt like his; his hands were marked with calluses, and Xiao even noticed the light scarring along his arms. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Xiao shrugged him off and sighed. “Don’t worry about me, I’m alright. I apologize for my behavior.”
Ajax kept his hands to himself but didn’t think to move away. “You know it’s funny…”
Xiao looked up at him when he spoke. Ajax scratched the back of his head as he continued, “I was thinking to myself that I knew you from someplace. I didn’t want to say anything about it because I thought I was just imagining things, but…”
Ajax beamed as he moved his hand away and leaned against the table. “I guess I wasn’t mistaken?”
“You were. I’m sorry but…”
“But I’m not the man you expected me to be.”
Xiao flinched. “Don’t be extreme. It’s nothing like that.”
Ajax laughed. “The look on your face is pretty cute.”
Xiao blushed and looked away, waving him off. “Forget it.”
Realizing he didn’t have anywhere to go except leave the building itself, he walked off slowly. Just like before, he half-heartedly decided to let it go. What good would it do to pursue a simple thing like love with a human? If that’s what he was feeling at all. He let it slip by him once, can he do it again?
“Hey,” Ajax called out as Xiao was a table away now. Xiao stopped, his eyes focused on the door now.
“I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“You didn’t.”
“I’d still like to know you. You know my name and all, but I don’t even know yours.”
“You don’t need to know me.”
“Not need,” then Xiao felt Ajax right behind him, so close that it made his heart race, “I want to know you.”
Xiao said nothing, his eyes never leaving the door.
“Tell you what,” Ajax said, and Xiao can hear him shifting around behind him. “I won’t stop you from going. But if you want to end it here, just keep on walking.”
Xiao turned his head slightly to get a glimpse at Ajax.
“If not…”
Xiao looked over at the lovebirds, crooning and nuzzling against each other. Content in their own little world.
“Tell me your name.”
Ajax eluded him once. Things won’t be different, he fears. Things will be complicated. It’s all suffering. But when is it not suffering? When does he get the chance to rest? Maybe this person isn’t the same as before. But chances like these are once in a lifetime, and Xiao has never been this fortunate.
“Xiao. It’s Xiao.”