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Chapter Text

When Fire Lady Ursa had gone into labour, the entire palace had held its breath. For a member of the royal family to be born at night was a bad omen, but on the night of the Winter Solstice? Everyone was nervous. The princess’s pained cries could be heard loud and clear throughout the palace, the midwives rushing to get to her chambers as quickly as possible.

All around, servants muttered prayers to Agni and Surya for a safe birth. Nervous anticipation kept its cold grip on every one of the palace staff members. Ursa’s screams rang louder.

(No one wanted to acknowledge that Prince Ozai hadn’t bothered to be by his wife’s side, hadn’t bothered to attend his child’s birth)

At long last, the princess’s cries quietened. A new member of the royal family had been brought into the world. A new heir.

Ursa smiled tiredly down at her newborn son. His golden—golden?—eyes blinked up owlishly at her, a small hand reaching out to touch her face. She gently grasped it, her heart swelling with love for the boy cradled in her arms. Zuko, she thought with certainty. His name will be Zuko.

Come morning, Fire Lord Azulon, Prince Ozai and Fire Sage all gathered in the princess’s chambers to meet the prince, who was happily playing with his mother’s hair. Prince Ozai took one look at him and felt disgust rise within him. There was no spark. The child had barely lived a day and was already a disappointment. “What is his name?” The Fire Lord asked. “Zuko,” Ursa replied. How fitting, the prince sneered internally.

“High Sage Yan?” The sage stepped forward and offered his arms, a silent request for the child. Ursa handed him over, her hands trembling ever so slightly. He frowned slightly, inspecting the child closely. “Well?” The Fire Lord demanded.

The sage sighed and answered, hesitance lacing his voice. “There’s a spark, your highness, but it is very small. Usually, golden eyes are the sign of someone with a strong inner flame, but the young Prince seems to be an exception. He…may not be a bender.” Pathetic, Ozai thought venomously, a member of the royal family cannot be a non-bender! The child was a disgrace, a shame on the family. He needs to be taken care of. Fire Sage Yan handed the infant prince back to Ursa. She cradled him almost protectively to her chest, grateful for the warm and comforting weight back in her arms.

The sage and Fire Lord left. Only Prince Ozai, Princess Ursa and their newborn son remained. “Hand me the child, Ursa,” Ozai commanded, his voice colder than ice. “Why?” Ursa asked, afraid of the answer.

Ozai curled his lip in disdain. “You provided me with a weak heir, a child with no spark. I can’t have a non-bender for an heir! He is a disgrace, and it would be better for everyone if he had no opportunity to bring shame to the family,” he spat. Ursa’s eyes widened. “No! Y-You can’t! Please, spare him, give him a chance. He could still turn out to be a bender. Please,” she pleaded.

(A mother pleading for her son’s life)

“Fine,” he relented. “But I will require another heir, I will not have my name tainted because of him.” He glared one last time at his son, turned on his heel and marched out of the room, head held high.

Ursa breathed a sigh of relief as the door slammed shut in his wake. She rocked the child in her arms, tears making their way down her cheeks. I will protect you, no matter what, she whispered to him. Zuko’s golden eyes gazed at his mother intelligently, and put a small hand to her cheek. He smiled.

(She had the oddest feeling that he understood her, but that was ridiculous. Babies can’t understand words so soon)

Outside the palace walls, joy-filled cries celebrated the news of Prince Zuko’s birth.

***

Two years later, Princess Azula was born at noon, on the Summer Solstice. This time, the servants had held their breaths and conversed in hushed whispers for a different reason. The birth had been more difficult, more painful. The servants flinched at every agonised scream from the princess. Oh, Agni, let her survive, they all hoped and prayed. Prince Ozai had not been present yet again, which was not really surprising this time around.

(In his room, Zuko covered his ears, tears prickling in his eyes. He didn’t want to hear his mom scream like that. It sounded like it hurt, a lot. He hoped she’d be okay)

When Fire Lord Azulon, Prince Ozai and Fire Sage Yan visited later, the sage announced that the child had a bright spark, destined to be a powerful bender. Ozai had smirked in cold satisfaction, something that had sent tremors of fear down Ursa’s spine.

(Outside the palace walls, the people rejoiced Princess Azula’s birth)

They had left the room to give her some time to rejuvenate from the exhausting birth. Ursa cooed at Azula as she babbled incoherently, far more energetic than her brother had been. She tucked her daughter into her side, careful to keep her away from the edge, and closed her eyes. Before she knew it, she was asleep, her dreams filled with her daughter’s beautiful amber eyes and small smiles. By the time she woke up, it was evening.

A young Zuko, accompanied by his Uncle, bounded into his mother’s room, eager to see his new baby sister. “Be careful, my nephew. You don’t want to wake your sister up, now do you?” Crown Prince Iroh chuckled at his nephew’s enthusiasm. For the past few hours he’d been begging to go see his new baby sister, but Iroh had refused, insisting that his mother needed to rest. He grinned apologetically at his sister-in-law, who was, thankfully, awake with a sleeping Azula in her lap.

“Mama! I wan’ see my new sister!” Zuko demanded. Ursa laughed. “Alright, my love,” she said, lifting her son up onto the bed with her. “Here she is,” she said, as Zuko adjusted himself to get a better view. The wonder and adoration on Zuko’s face as he gazed at Azula was the most heartwarming thing either of the adults had seen.

“What’s her name?” He asked in a whisper, almost reverently, as he reached out to touch her sleeping face. “Azula,” Ursa replied, silently enjoying the way Zuko frowned as he tried out the name. He looked adorable “‘Zula?” He asked, seeking confirmation. Ursa nodded.

“Would you like to hold her?” She asked. Zuko’s eyes lit up. “Really?” He breathed. Ursa smiled softly, and nodded. Gently guiding him into the proper position, she manoeuvred Azula to fit in his arms. All the movement had awoken Azula, and as Ursa watched, she saw Zuko’s eyes flood with love and adoration. “Hello, ‘Zula! I’m your big brother! We gonna have lots of fun,” he whispered to her conspiratorially and grinned. Azula giggled. The sight warmed Ursa’s heart. Yes, she thought, as she gazed contentedly at the pair. Zuko will be a great big brother. 

***

A few moments later, Lu Ten burst into the room. “So! Where’s my new baby cousin?” He inquired. Iroh pointed at the bed. Lu Ten moved towards it  and sat at the edge, greeted by the sight of Zuko holding his new sister, trying to make her laugh, and cheering when he managed to get some giggles out of her. Lu Ten smiled. “Hey, cuz,” he greeted, ruffling Zuko’s hair. Zuko glanced at him and beamed. “Look! Her name is ‘Zula!” Zuko declared, trying to show her to his elder cousin. Ursa snickered, and taking pity on him, helped to give her to Lu Ten. 

“So what’s her name Aunt Ursa?” Lu Ten asked, looking down at the little human in his arms. He shifted her and himself slightly to hold her more comfortably. “I told you! Her name is ‘Zula!” Zuko cried, pouting. Ursa shook her head again. “Her name is Azula,” she answered, pulling Zuko onto her lap. Lu Ten smiled at his new baby cousin, Azula. “Gimme her back!” Zuko demanded, clambering over Ursa’s legs and reaching out for her. Iroh and Ursa laughed as Lu Ten got attacked by a two year old, their joy brightening the room. 

As some of the older servants passed by, they smiled, as joyous and happy laughs filled the desolate palace. 

Chapter Text

Zuko did not remember much about the time before Azula was born. All he remembered was being bored and wishing he had someone to play with, and asking his mother if he could have a sister. His mother had smiled and ruffled his hair, agreeing. 

“Being a big brother is a big responsibility, my love. Do you think you can handle it?” She had asked. Zuko thought about it. Thought about what it would be like to have a sibling to play with, a best friend. Smiled, and nodded. “Yes, Mama. I wan’ a sister!”

Ursa had laughed, then, and taken him to the turtleduck pond.

Later that night, after Ursa had read Love Amongst The Dragons and tucked him in, Zuko fell asleep dreaming about a little sister who he would love and protect with his life. 

***

Zuko had been able to hear Ursa’s pain filled cries all the way from his room. He had hid under the blankets, sniffling, hoping—no, praying— the screams would stop. His mom was in pain and he didn’t like that. Uncle and cousin Lu Ten had come into his room and assured him that Ursa was fine, that this was normal for childbirth. Zuko had burrowed into his uncle’s side and whimpered, as another (much louder) scream rang out.

What seemed like a long time later, Ursa’s cries stopped. Zuko emerged from his uncle and glanced at his cousin. He was beaming. “Is Mama ok?” He asked, wary. Iroh looked down, smiled, and said, “Yes, and I do believe your sibling is here as well!”

Zuko gasped. “C’n we meet her?” He asked excitedly. He couldn’t wait to meet his baby sister! “Not yet, my nephew,” Iroh chuckled. “Your mother would be very tired now, so she needs to rest.” Zuko pouted. Lu Ten grinned. “Aww. Dad, doesn’t Zuko look adorable?” He teased. Zuko flushed, and tried to hide again. Iroh and Lu Ten laughed.

***

When Zuko first met his sister, his first thought was that she was beautiful and so soft. The urge to protect her, to keep her safe, hit him like a komodo-rhino. She was so small and delicate, he was afraid to hurt her. So he tried to be as gentle as possible and not disturb her too much as he tried to get himself comfortable holding her. But still, the movement had woken her up. Her eyes fluttered open and she blinked her amber eyes at him.

Zuko felt his breath catch when he made eye contact with his sister. Then she smiled up at him, and Zuko thought nothing else mattered in the world. He wanted to make his little sister smile as much as possible. She would never, ever be sad and no one would ever hurt her. “Hello, ‘Zula! I’m your big brother and we gonna have lots of fun,” he whispered to her and grinned. She giggled and it was the most amazing sound he had ever heard. He made a vow to himself, the same one his mother had made two years ago, that he would protect his baby sister no matter what.

(But who was going to protect him from her?)

***

After meeting his sister, Zuko had spent every waking moment playing and talking with her. He’d tell her about his day, and even though, logically, he knew that she couldn’t possibly understand, it always seemed like she knew what he was talking about. He’d make funny faces and tickle her just to make her laugh, and every time she did, he’d smile so wide his face hurt. He loved his baby sister. The only time he would leave her would be when she slept, or when his mother would shoo him out so Azula could have food.

(He didn’t get why, though. Why couldn’t he be there to watch Azula eat? He wanted to feed her, too! It wasn’t fair.

When asked, Uncle Iroh had choked on his tea. “When you grow up, you’ll find out,” he had coughed as he recovered, dabbing a handkerchief at his mouth to wipe the tea)

But there were times when he’d feel jealous, too, because now, his mother spent all her time with Azula. One time, when Ursa had left the room after (finally) putting Azula to sleep, Zuko asked why she needed so much attention, pouting all the while. His mother had scooped him up and explained, “Your sister is a baby, Zuko. Which means she can’t take care of herself. That’s why I need to spend more time with her.” Zuko understood, he did, but it was hard not to feel ignored. But he was her big brother, and if she couldn’t protect herself, he was going to protect her.

***

A year passed. Azula was a year old now, and Zuko was three.

They were having dinner together when Azula started reaching out towards him from Ursa’s lap. Zuko immediately put down his chopsticks and moved towards her, worried about the tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong ‘Zula?” He asked. She mumbled something when he was just in reach. When Zuko held her hand, her whole face lit up. She sighed happily and said “Zuzu!”

Zuko froze, gazing at her with wide eyes. “What did you say?” He whispered, thinking he’d misheard. Azula giggled, “Zuzu!”

Zuko sat there for a few moments, before a wide, overjoyed grin spread across his face. “Mama! She said my name!” He exclaimed. Ursa was shocked. Usually, a child’s first words were along the lines of either “Mom” or “Dad”. Azula’s first word was her brother’s name. She shook herself and smiled, ruffling his hair. Iroh watched, delighted, as Zuko made his sister laugh. A child speaking their first word at such a young age? This was a wonderful occasion! Azulon cleared his throat. “Prince Zuko, please, return to your seat and finish your meal. You can play with your sister after dinner,” he admonished, but anyone observant enough could see the Fire Lord’s lips twitching upwards at the corners. Zuko moved back to his seat after mumbling a quick apology, still beaming. Throughout the rest of the meal, he constantly shot Azula looks of pure joy.

(Ozai huffed. Weak, both of his children. This blatant, disgusting display of emotions was unbecoming of royalty)

After that, whenever Azula saw Zuko, she’d shout “Zuzu!” And Zuko could not be any happier.

***

Azula’s first clear memory of her brother involved fire lilies.

She had been three, so Zuko had been five. She remembered sitting in the garden, sniffling. She had been trying to climb a tree like how she’d seen Zuko do multiple times, but had barely gotten halfway up before she fell and hurt her ankle. She had tried to control her tears. She knew showing such weakness would get her scolded by Father, but it just hurt so much. Zuko had found her a few minutes later, trying to hide her tears. Immediately, he sat down next to her, worried. “What’s wrong, ‘Zula?” He had asked softly. She had thrown herself into his arms and told him everything, still trying to stop the tears. Zuko had comforted her, rubbing soothing circles onto her back and murmuring that she’d be fine, she was his strong baby sister, they’d go to the healer and she’d be fine.

He had helped her up and supported her as they walked towards the infirmary. He had stayed by her side as the healer inspected her, saying that she had twisted her ankle. “Give it a few days and it will be good as new, your highness,” the healer had said. “See? You’ll be fine!” Zuko had cheered.

Realising that she still seemed down, he went quiet. And just as suddenly, beamed and grabbed her hand. “C’mon! I’m gonna show you something!” He exclaimed pulling her off the bed. Azula winced a little when she put weight on her injured ankle. Zuko had noticed and smiled. “It’s ok, ‘Zula, we’ll go slowly,” he promised.

Zuko grasped her hand, taking her to one of the gardens in the palace, the one with the most beautiful flowers. She looked around in awe at all the different colours and flowers.

Her gaze fell on the most beautiful flower she had ever seen. It’s petals looked like small flickers of flame, the colours a beautiful deep red.

“What’s this?” She breathed, still gazing at the flower. She heard Zuko approach from behind. “That’s a fire lily. They only grow in the Fire Nation, and only bloom once every year for a few weeks. They’re one of the prettiest flowers, and they mean fierceness and passion, just like you ‘Zula!” He informed her. He gently plucked one flower from the plant and tucked it into her hair. “See? You look even prettier now!” Zuko giggled. Azula raised her hand to touch the flower, smiling brilliantly.

After that, fire lilies became her favourite flowers. Anytime she’d feel upset, she’d go the garden and sit there for a while, and instantly feel calmer. 

It was a place of comfort for her, and she was thankful for her brother to have introduced it to her. It was one of the few memories she cherished.

(The garden was abandoned after she started training with Father. She’ll never admit it, but in the first few months of Zuko’s banishment, she used to visit the garden. When Father found out, he ordered all the plants cut. That night she had scolded herself. Father had told her multiple times, something as pathetic as sentimentality and love was for weak fools. And a princess is not weak, nor is she a fool) 

Chapter Text

Azula was four when it happened.

She had been storming through the palace to get to her room, angry about…something—she couldn’t remember—and suddenly, there were sparks at her fingertips. She gasped, anger forgotten as she looked at her hands. She thought she knew what it meant, but…just to be sure…

She concentrated a little harder and the sparks burst into flames before her eyes. She jerked away on instinct, the flame gone, before her mind caught up with what happened, and gave a little delighted laugh. She could bend! Like Father! Her chest swelled with elation. And she knew exactly who would be the first person to know, immediately going on a quest to hunt her brother down.

She found him near the turtleduck pond, feeding them crumbs of bread, looking upset and more than a little angry. Oh, she thought, Zuzu will definitely feel better after seeing this! She called out to him, “Zuzu! Look at this!”

He looked up at her and his face lit up. He ran towards her and gave her a giant hug. “Hey ‘Zula!” Azula relaxed into the embrace, feeling at ease, warm and safe.

(When Zuko was banished, the thing she missed most about him were his hugs, which had never failed to make her feel protected and loved)

The moment wasn’t long enough, if you asked her, but Zuko pulled away, all traces of anger or sadness gone. Nothing but excited curiosity.

“What did you want to show me?” He asked.

Azula put out her hands and concentrated, her tongue sticking out, and finally a flame appeared in her palms. She beamed. “Look Zuzu! I can bend, just like Father!” She exclaimed. Her brother smiled and said, “Wow! That’s so cool!” And he sounded so proud of her. She felt her heart swell with pride.

(When she grows up she’ll realise that the tightness around his eyes wasn’t from pride, but jealousy. And yet, he had supported and encouraged her. What did that say about her?)

***

Zuko had gotten back from a…meeting, with his father, to see if he could bend. Every bender in the Fire Nation could bend earliest by the age of five, and latest by seven. He was six years old and still, could produce nothing. Nothing but a small, barely-there puff of smoke. Nothing to show for his efforts. Nothing despite practicing his katas every day, praying to both Agni and Surya.

Father had sneered at him, stating cruelly that he was a weak failure, a disgrace to the name of the royal family. He had stood silently, biting hard on his lip to stop it from trembling, to keep the tears at bay, even when each word felt like a blow to his gut. Tears were a sign of weakness, and he wanted to prove to his father that he was not weak. Ozai had dismissed him coldly. “Do not show me your worthless face again until you can bend,” he had commanded, his tone icy. Zuko had hung his head and shuffled out of the room, ashamed.

Why couldn’t he bend? He didn’t understand! He always tried so hard but somehow, it was never enough. Either he was doing something wrong, or there was something wrong with him.

And neither option was acceptable.

He went to the kitchens to get some bread for the turtleducks at the pond. The pond was a place of comfort for him, where he could feel calm and collect his thoughts. Besides, as an added bonus, the turtleducks loved him!

Not much time had passed when he heard Azula call out. He looked up at her, heart lightening when he saw his baby sister. He ran towards her and swept her up in a hug, breathing in her scent. “Hey ‘Zula!” He greeted. He didn’t want to let go, but remembered that she wanted to show him something. He stepped back and asked, curiously, “What did you want to show me?”

Azula cupped her hands together and frowned at them, her tongue sticking out in concentration. A few seconds a later, a bright flame kindled to life in her hands. She beamed at him. “Look Zuzu! I can bend, just like Father!” She exclaimed, gazing at him for approval. Zuko hesitated.

He didn’t really know how to feel. On one hand, he was jealous that she bent at four while he couldn’t even make sparks at six. On the other? He was so proud of her for bending at such a young age. It was amazing! He looked at her hopeful face and came to a decision. “Wow! That’s so cool!” He agreed proudly, burying his own feelings of jealousy and inferiority, and the cruel voice in his head telling him he was weak and pathetic-

Azula’s bright smile was worth it.

***

That night, Azula showed off her bending to everyone, conjuring flames and juggling with them. Ozai smirked in triumph as Iroh applauded gently and Lu Ten gaped in awe. “Well, it seems like Azula is a true prodigy, doesn’t it?” Ozai asked smugly, obviously not expecting an answer. “It seems so,” Azulon replied. Everyone sitting at the table looked happy and proud of Azula’s bending.

But if you looked closer, you could tell Ursa’s smiles were a little forced, that her eyes held more than a little fear in her amber eyes.

Fear of her own daughter.

(And the monster she feared Azula would become)

***

Azulon had decreed that Azula would train with Fire Sage Kiran, and she did. But barely a week had passed before Ozai had requested to train her himself. The argument had lasted two days, and it involved a lot of Ozai’s shouting afterwards.

Ozai eventually won the argument.

The next day, he commanded her to meet him in the training grounds and show him whatever she had learnt so far. She obediently followed, demonstrating the katas she had learnt as perfectly as possible, and heard him suck in air through his teeth in vicious disappointment. “That’s it?” He demanded. Azula nodded, desperately trying to hide her—minimal—trembling. Father scowled. “Clearly, I should have never let that useless sage teach you,” he huffed.

And thus, began her intensive training with Father. She mastered all of the firebending forms her father taught her quickly, but practiced nevertheless. She knew anything less than perfection would be unacceptable.

“You shouldn’t spend so much time with your brother,” he had told her during one training session. “He is weak, a failure, a disgrace, and it would do well for you to stay away from him.” She had nodded, biting her tongue as the overwhelming urge to defend him rose within her. He’s not weak! She wanted to shout. But she didn’t.

When Father found out about the garden, he had scoffed. “Things such as sentimentality and love,” he had spat in disgust, “are for weak fools. Are you weak, Azula? Are you a fool?”

So she learned to bury her emotions, to be in perfect control, to firebend perfectly, to be the perfect princess, the perfect everything.

***

Azula had never been close with her mother. It was a fact, and she didn't care.

(She vehemently squashed any part of her that dared disagree)

Ursa had never bothered spending time with her. She was always with Zuko. But Azula didn’t mind, she had Zuko, too, and Father. But there were times when she wished that Mother would take her to the turtleduck pond too, that she’d read plays to her . Not that she cared about either of those things, but it would be nice to just be wanted. By someone other than Zuko and Father, and for a reason other than training. Of course, that wish never came true.

But at least she used to talk to her. Now? Mother refused to be in the same room as her. Before, she could ignore the hurt whenever she saw Zuko and Mother together, laughing and feeding the turtleducks, by reminding herself that she had Father , and she had Zuko, too. That even if Mother didn’t love her, Father did, and so did Zuko. That used to be enough. Before, when Mother looked at her, it at least felt like she saw her. Now, whenever Mother looked at her, all Azula saw was fear.

That was when she realised she hated her mother.

Zuko got all the love from her, but when it came to Azula? All she got was a wary glance and nothing more.

If Mother feared her, when she had no reason to, then Azula would give her one.

***

A few days had passed when the storm hit. Thunder roared and lightning struck. Rain poured down with a vengeance.

Azula had been curled up in her bed, the blanket wrapped around her, jumping every time the clouds thundered and lightning flashed. She felt tears well up in her eyes. Why were storms so scary and loud?! She flinched as another bolt of lightning flashed. She hated storms. Hated that she couldn’t sleep without nightmares. And Father had been so shouty lately. He had sounded just like the thunder, loud and angry.

She wondered what Zuko was doing. Was he able to sleep, or was he awake, scared like her? Lightning struck again. Maybe, Zuzu needs some comfort too, she concluded. Mind made up, she snuck out of her room, and made her way to her brother’s room.

She opened the door softly, peering through the crack. She saw Zuko under his blanket, reading under the lamp’s light. He looked so calm. How was he so calm?

“Zuzu?” She said, quietly, afraid to disturb him. He looked up at her and smiled. “Hey,” he said, sitting up and keeping the scroll. He beckoned her over and patted the space next to him on the bed. She practically ran across the room and threw herself into his arms. He caught her easily. “Everything okay?” He asked, quietly worried, rubbing soothing circles onto her back. She clung to him tighter. “Don’t be ridiculous, Zuzu. I just thought you might need someone to protect you from the storm,” she said bravely, trying to hide the small quiver in her voice. Her brother nodded, smiling softly at her.

“Thanks, then. Would you like to sleep with me tonight?” he said, playing along, knowing exactly what she meant, always understanding, never mean, never dismissive-

Azula nodded past the lump in her throat. That night, they fell asleep curled up against each other, and Azula slept peacefully, not a single nightmare.

And that was what they did every storm night. She would sneak into his room, knowing Zuko would be up waiting for her. Then he’d either read to her, or sing a lullaby, and they’d fall asleep curled up against each other.

(When Ozai found out, he had separated them, giving strict orders to never do that again. And they never did)

Chapter Text

Zuko’s interest in swords had been awoken thanks to Lu Ten.

Lu Ten had been practicing in the courtyard, moving his swords with a confident, lethal grace. It was almost hypnotic. Zuko had been passing by in the hallway. He caught sight of his older cousin, someone he idolised, and immediately ran towards him, intrigued. He spent a long time interrogating Lu Ten about sword fighting, and had ended the conversation with begging his dear cousin to teach him. “Please, Lu Ten?” He pleaded, sticking out his lower lip in a pout, and giving him his best turtleduck eyes. Lu Ten had fallen for it alarmingly quick.

Lu Ten showed him a few moves. Which resulted in Zuko making multiple requests to learn sword fighting. Ursa had taken his request to Fire Lord Azulon, and he had agreed. Zuko radiated happiness for the entire week, cheering up the entire palace (except Ozai) before he went to train with Master Piandao for three weeks.

When he came back, the first thing he did (after hugging and catching up with Azula) was to show Lu Ten whatever he had learned. They had spent hours sparring, their loud laughter echoing throughout the palace.

Azula had spied on them from behind a pillar. Father had said that weapons were beneath benders, especially those who were part of the royal family. And although she taunted Zuko for needing swords to compensate for his non-existent bending, she was not above admitting that she was a bit jealous of Zuko. She wanted to learn to sword fight, too. She bit her tongue, reminding herself that she was the firebending prodigy. She didn’t need swords, not like Zuko did.

***

As Azula spent more and more time training with Father, she started acting differently.

She taunted and criticised Zuko constantly, sometimes to the point where he burst into tears. She disrespected the servants, sometimes going as far as to burn them when they did something she disliked. She became arrogant. She became mean, almost cruel.

He started disliking sending time with her, avoiding her as much as he could. But sometimes, she’d drag him into playing with her, and he ended up having a fun time. And yet, when she shot fireballs at him, saying she was “just practicing” he found himself wondering what changed. How his baby sister, who looked up to him and loved him, changed into someone who mocked him everyday.

But no matter how much her words hurt, how many time she made him cry, he couldn’t bring himself to hate her.

She was his little sister, after all.

***

When you live in a huge, ancient palace, there were bound to be secret paths to discover and explore.

And that’s exactly what Azula and Zuko did. They had spent many days finding any secret passages or doorways. Which is how they discovered the door in the kitchens, hidden slightly behind the shelves. It opened up into a large room, with plenty of space. It was completely empty. When they discovered it, they made a pact to keep the room a secret. It would be something just for them, no adults or outsiders allowed. They just called it The Room. Nothing fancy.

They decided to make it something of a shared room for them. They weren’t allowed to share anything except their parents really, so this was the next best thing. Especially since Azula was almost always training with Father. Whenever their parents would fight, they’d meet up in the kitchens, grab some snacks, and enter The Room. A safe haven.

And sometimes, a training ground.

Azula, at merely six years old, had perfected almost every firebending form. Yet, she practiced, because no matter how well she thought she executed it, Father would be displeased. Whether it was hesitation, or the fire didn’t come soon enough, or the fire wasn’t hot enough. So, she practiced relentlessly.

Zuko practiced his sword fighting. He’d been training with Master Piandao for almost two years now, and had become extremely efficient in wielding the dual dao.

One day, while Zuko was reading one of his many lame theatre scrolls and she was practicing her katas, she had a brilliant idea.

“Listen up, Zuzu,” she commanded, certain he’d listen. Zuko sighed and looked up. “What?” He huffed. Azula rolled her eyes.

“As you know, your bending is atrocious. You need a lot of work if you want to go past sparks, Zuzu,” she said bluntly, amused by the angry flush across her dum-dum of a brother’s cheeks. “So,” she continued, as he opened his mouth to argue, “I have decided that I will help you finally achieve something beyond your abysmal bending.”

Zuko blinked rapidly, looking quite stupid, before squinting at her suspiciously. “Why?” He demanded. Azula sighed and rolled her eyes. “Dum-dum,” she said exasperatedly, “Is it that hard to understand? I am a firebending prodigy. I’m certain I could help you with your bending.”

She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Zuko to come to a decision. “Well?” She scowled. He’d better accept the offer, she thought, I’m being gracious enough as it is.

He hesitated, before finally agreeing. She grinned. This was going to be fun.

Zuko internally panicked. What did he just sign up for?

***

Turns out, Azula was a great teacher. She ran through the katas with him, scowling when he made a mistake but calmly correcting him. True, she did call him stupid and a dum-dum multiple times. But he learnt very well.

During one such kata, he finally, finally, produced his first ever flame. A wide smile broke across his face as he excitedly turned towards Azula. “Did you see that?” He exclaimed, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. Azula smirked. “Yes. See, I told you I could help you,” she said, rolling her eyes.

A determined expression fell over Zuko’s face and he fell into the beginning stance again. He went through the entire kata and at the end, a flame burst out of his hand. He was overwhelmed with joy. “C’mon! I want to show Father!” He said, grabbing her hand and running out of the room. Azula freed her hand, shook her head, but ran with him.

There was a tightness in Zuko’s chest, like a hand wrapped around his heart and squeezing gently. It took him some time, but he realised it was hope. He was praying that maybe, just maybe, Father will be proud of him.

They reached the door to his room. Zuko took deep breaths, calming himself down, before knocking on the door. Azula smiled at her brother’s antics. It seemed like a long time before Ozai’s voice finally came through. “Enter.”

Zuko opened the door and walked in, Azula on his heels. Ozai looked at his children and felt a flash of annoyance pass through him. He was busy, and these kids had nothing better to do than bother him. “I assume you’re here for something important?” He said.

Zuko faltered at his father’s cold tone. He squared himself and said, as level as he could, “Father, I can bend now!” Ozai merely raised an eyebrow in response. Zuko felt the need to defend himself. “I could show you? If you’d like?” He asked hesitantly. Azula sighed inwardly. A prince speaks with confidence, and that was something he had not learnt. Ozai got up and gestured him to go outside. “Let’s see it, then.”

They went into the courtyard. Zuko hesitated. What if I can’t do it? He pushed that thought away, concentrating on making a flame kindle to life between his hands. It started out small, but eventually grew. Zuko looked up to his father, hoping that maybe he’d be proud. Instead, he saw thinly veiled disgust. “That’s it?” He demanded. Zuko flinched, the flame sputtering. He nodded. Ozai sneered. “Your sister has mastered almost every single kata. She was born sneezing sparks stronger than that,” he spat. Zuko hung his head.

(Personally? Azula disagreed. Zuko’s fire was beautiful, like a warm summer breeze or a soothing campfire)

“You know, when you were born, we weren’t sure if you were going to be a bender. A pathetically small spark in you. If it weren’t for your mother, I would have dropped you out the window like I had been planning to do,” Ozai continued, ignoring his son’s gasp of hurt.

“Your sister was born lucky. And you were lucky to be born. Don’t you ever forget it.” Ozai turned away and went back to his room. Zuko felt tears prickling his eyes. His heart hurt. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. But was it so wrong that he wanted his father to be proud of him? Just once?

He inhaled shakily, turned on his heel, and ran back to his room. But not before Azula got a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.

Azula looked at her brother’s retreating back, and felt anger rise within her. At him, for being so weak. At Father, for the way he spoke to her brother. And herself. She was ashamed to admit she felt a little smug when Father praised her and said she was born lucky. She should have helped her hopeless brother earlier.

But, how could Father say that? What Father said couldn’t possibly be true. He wouldn’t try to kill his own son.

Would he?

***

A few days later, Uncle Iroh and Lu Ten announced that they were leaving to finally take over Ba Sing Se. “The city can hide no longer,” Iroh had declared. He and Ozai had exchanged a curt glance, while Ursa hugged both him and Lu Ten. Azula remained indifferent, even as her heart gave a pang at the thought of Lu Ten leaving. Zuko, meanwhile, was openly weeping.

“Do you have to go?” He sniffled, clinging to his cousin like his life depended on it. Lu Ten chuckled. “Yes, I have to go. I’ll be back soon, though. Keep practicing with your swords, and then you can show me everything you learnt once I come back,” he said, ruffling Zuko’s hair.

Zuko gave him one last, determined, hug and stepped back, rubbing the tears away from his eyes. They waved back as Iroh and Lu Ten waved goodbye, shouting parting pleasantries.

But as they left, Ursa had the nagging feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong. She brushed it away, blaming it on paranoia.

But somehow, she knew that wasn’t the case.

Chapter Text

Zuko knew his sister had always been a bit…vicious. Eager to resort to violence. But he knew that under all the cruelty, was a sweet girl. She loved spending time with him and always looked for a reason to play with him. Sure, she taunted him every now and then, to the point he cried, but wasn’t that how all siblings were? He never paid it any mind. But that was before she started training with Father.

No matter what Father and Azula said, he knew he wasn’t stupid. It took him longer to grasp things, yes, but he was not stupid. He knew what Father required of them. And he knew Azula was exactly like that. Of course she’d hone that ruthless side of hers more. It was what Father required, and Father knew best. It was all fine.

Until, of course, it wasn’t.

They had been playing in the hallways. Zuko was chasing her and she was running from him, laughing loudly, freely. No vicious words or cruel laughter. They’d been having fun. It was almost surprising, really, considering most of their time together ended with his heart aching with hurt and anger, and Azula leaving after cutting him down with her taunts.

(When had having fun with Azula become a foreign concept?)

And that was when she collided with one of the servants. The lady—Ming, he remembered—had been carrying a tray with a teapot and some delicate cups. She lost her grip on the tray and it went crashing down, tea and broken glass spread everywhere. Instantly, Ming had dropped to her knees, gathering the broken pieces and apologising repeatedly, trembling.

Zuko had been about to kneel to help her when he caught sight of the expression on his sister’s face. He didn’t see the understanding or regret he expected. He saw the kind of haughty anger that made his stomach turn. He frowned, opening his mouth to ask her to help. But before he could do anything, Azula acted.

She grabbed the servant’s wrist, glaring. Fear shone in Ming’s wide eyes, her lip trembled. “What do you have to say for yourself?” Azula demanded. “I-I’m so sorry, your highness. I-I didn’t see where I was g-going. P-please forgive me!” Ming whispered, terrified. Zuko thought he saw a sheen of tears over her eyes. He felt sick.

“Azula, let her go,” he said firmly. “It was an accident, and she apologised. Let her go.” Azula turned her glare on him.

“No, brother. She should have watched where she was going. She’s a servant here, a mere peasant, and she needs to be taught a lesson,” she spat. She turned her attention on the servant, who was now petrified, still gasping out apologies.

They fell on deaf ears.

Zuko watched, unable to help, as the scent of burning flesh filled the air. Azula was smirking in cold satisfaction, her eyes dancing in sadistic pleasure. Zuko felt bile rise in his throat. When Azula was done, Ming collapsed, breathing harshly. “Pathetic,” Azula scoffed, and walked away. “Come on, Zuzu. Let’s continue playing.”

Zuko glanced at the passed out figure. His stomach churned as he ran after Azula, guilt eating away at him at failingto be a proper prince. Failing to help someone under his protection.

(Her scream haunted his nightmares for a long, long time)

***

If that were the end, Zuko could have ignored it.

Instead, similar incidents took place repeatedly, over the most mundane things. He watched her change into a cruel, merciless punisher. He tried to stop her and got burned for his troubles, though not as severe. It was nice to know she cared. A little. In a twisted way.

He wished she wouldn’t do such things. But as Father always said, he was weak. Father required, demanded,viciousness.

What could he do about it?

***

Azula disliked the Fire Nation Royal Academy for Girls. A lot.

She didn’t understand why Father had deemed it necessary. She already knew how their nation was superior to the Water Tribe barbarians and the Earth Kingdom peasants. She knew how great-grandfather Sozin defeated the Air Nation army. She knew all her katas and she could bend perfectly already.

It was alright for a while, checking if she remembered what the palace tutors taught her, proving to all of those girls that they were nothing compared to her. This pathetic school taught her nothing she didn’t already know.

Being taught how to be a proper lady did not count. The lessons reminded her of Mother’s scoldings.

Act like a lady, Azula.

Talk softly, Azula.

Don’t be cruel to your brother, Azula.

She really didn’t like those lessons.

On the bright side, she met Mai and Ty Lee. Though they were non-benders, they did have useful skills. Ty Lee’s chi-blocking and perceived innocence, Mai’s lethal skill with knives, and her unmatched bending and tactical mind would be unstoppable together. However, they could use some more practice and precision.

Of course, she didn’t consider them her friends, no matter how much they started to grow on her. No matter how much she started to enjoy tolerate their company.

If her Father taught her one thing, it’s that attachments and trust are for fools.

Fear is the only reliable way.

***

Azula’s inability to perform a simple flip was grating on her nerves.

She stumbled on the flip again and grit her teeth together. Unbelievable.

She watched as Ty Lee executed a perfect cartwheel and backflip, envious. She made it look so easy. If Ty Lee could do it, there was no way that Azula couldn’t. She was royalty. The blood of the noblest of families flowed through her veins. A princess has to be perfect in everything, no matter how small a skill it is.

She got up, ready to try it again, when she saw Mai blushing. Azula sighed, already having a guess as to who it was. She turned, and sure enough, there was dear Zuzu with Mother. She glanced at Mai again, and smirked as an idea formed in her head. Oh, this would be perfect. “Watch this,” she whispered to Ty Lee, who giggled when she caught on. Azula ran over to her mother, asking to let Zuko play with them.

Of course Zuzu thinks cartwheeling is a game. How stupid can he be?

Mother gave in, but not without a suspicious glance in her direction. Azula simply smiled, showing just slightly more teeth than necessary. Zuko came down to the pond, grumbling the entire time.

She plucked an apple from the tree, placing it atop Mai’s head, all while explaining the game. “Here’s how it goes. You just try to knock the apple off the other person’s head.” She stepped back. “Like this!” She shot fire at the apple, ignoring the way Mai flinched when the apple caught fire. She looked at Zuko, knowing his bleeding heart would force him to try and “save” her.

Ah, and there he goes…and he knocks her into the pond.

And she was right, wasn’t she? It was hilarious. She watched as Zuko stomped off, shouting “Girls are crazy!”

***

Uncle Fatso’s letter was enlightening. At least he was making progress. The gifts? Not so much.

Of course she’d get a doll, like she was some ordinary peasant. And even worse, wearing Earth Kingdom clothes. Disgusting. She glanced at Zuko’s pearl dagger. Her heart clenched with jealousy. Her uncle didn’t even know her enough to figure out she would never, not in a million years, want a doll of all things.

(It hurt, but only slightly)

Zuko started waving around his knife haphazardly. Azula rolled her eyes. For all his skill with swords, he couldn’t even handle a knife properly. “If Uncle doesn’t make it back from war, that means Father will get to be Fire Lord, right?” She asked. She already knew the answer, she knew how the line of succession worked after all. But she felt the need to mention it anyway, still bitter about her gift.

Mother looked at her disapprovingly. “Azula, we don’t speak that way. It would be awful if Uncle Iroh didn’t return.”

“Yeah. How would you like it if Lu Ten wanted Father to die?” Zuko demanded. Of course he would agree with Mother.

Azula scoffed. “I still think our dad would make a much better Fire Lord than His Royal tea-loving Kookiness,” she stated. She looked at the doll, as a twisted rage bubbled up.

She set it on fire.

Her mother gasped. Azula ignored her and her shout of “Azula!”. She watched as the doll crumbled into ashes.

How satisfying.

***

Azula was bored.

That didn’t really happen, considering she could have Mai and Ty Lee over, or terrorise her brother. But, alas, Mai was away because of her father, Ty Lee had a family event and her brother was studying. And she had nothing to do.

And one of the servants was really getting on her nerves. He didn’t bow when she walked past, and when asked why, he remained silent. He didn’t respond, didn’t lower his eyes. He continued looking at her without saying anything.

How rude. Clearly, no one had educated him on how to act around royalty. Perhaps, he required a lesson. All he did was flinch. Shame. She expected more of a reaction. And she was going to get one.

The screams of pain? Now that was a reaction.

A few hours later, as she dragged his dead body across the courtyard, her mother walked out. She took one look at the charred corpse and paled. Quite remarkable, really. Azula looked at her silently and raised an eyebrow. Her mother put a trembling hand to her mouth.

“You. You’re a. A monster,” she gasped, her voice wavering. Azula stared unflinchingly, and smiled, making sure to bare her teeth. Mother turned around and fled. Azula kept the smile plastered to her face, even as she replayed Mother’s terrified face and and monster again and again, almost against her will. The image wouldn’t leave. Her chest felt weirdly tight, and her eyes were burning. She blinked repeatedly until the feeling went away. She concentrated on her task.

The body was too heavy for her to move on her own. That was when her father walked out. He looked at the body, and smiled. He was proud. Proud of her for killing someone. And she basked in that pride, willing herself to forget the echo of monster monster monster-

Father helped her dispose of the body. She kept the smile on her face, but it started feeling more and more fake. Father couldn’t seem to tell. She supposed it was a good thing.

When Zuko finished his lessons for the day, he came out to find her practicing in the courtyard. He asked what she’d been up to. She smiled again. “Not much, Zuzu. Don’t worry about things that would hurt your excuse for a brain.” He scowled and stomped away.

She turned back to practicing her katas. Mother’s face swam into her mind’s vision and she said monster again. She growled angrily, and punched out fire again and again until the bright orange flames overwhelmed her vision. She stopped, panting.

Azula felt cold.

Chapter Text

Of all the things Zuko had anticipated for the letter to say, his cousin’s death was not one of them. He looked at his mother’s tear streaked face, and thought that his face probably looked similar, if not worse. His mouth was dry and it throat hurt to swallow. He looked at the letter trembling in his grasp.

No, there was no way he would have anticipated this news.

His cousin was the one who taught him swords, who comforted him when Azula’s taunts went too far and Mother was nowhere to be found. Zuko looked up to his cousin, his big brother. And now, Lu Ten was…gone. He wasn’t ever coming back. Which made him want to laugh and cry and scream because he had promised, promised, that he’d come back. Lu Ten had promised he’d come back and spar with Zuko. He’d promised to tell Zuko all about Ba Sing Se, and how he and Uncle brought it down.

Lu Ten was gone.

Azula had just scoffed and remarked, “He should have been more careful. Better. It’s his fault he’s dead.” And Zuko couldn’t understand how she could say that, not when he was sure that she cared about Lu Ten, too. He had run to his room and sobbed into the pillow for a long time.

Zuko knew he cared. He cared a lot.

***

Azula watched from her seat as Zuko waved his knife around, fighting an invisible enemy. At least he wasn’t still crying about Lu Ten’s death. He’d been puffy-eyed and sniffling for hours. Quite annoying, really.

She watched as he fell to the ground and feigned death, and rolled her eyes. “You waste all your time playing with knives, and you haven’t gotten any better,” she remarked dryly. He got up with a furious blush. “Put an apple on your head and you’ll see how good I’ve gotten!” Azula smirked. “Still upset about that, Zuzu?”

“You-” he started angrily, but she interrupted him. “Uncle’s coming home, by the way.”

Zuko hesitated, anger forgotten. Remarkable how he could switch moods so fast. “Does that mean..we won the war?” He asked. Azula shook her head and explained slowly. “No, it means Uncle’s a quitter and a loser. He found out his son died and just fell apart! A real general would stay and burn Ba Sing Se to the ground.”

You’d think Zuko would appreciate the news that Uncle Fatso was coming home, what with all the annoying tears that showed up whenever he remembered Lu Ten. Really, he should have been grateful she bothered telling him at all. But-

“How do you know what he should do? He’s probably really sad his only kid is gone…forever,” Zuko said, looking away and wiping his eyes. There were the tears. Azula rolled her eyes again. Mother came in the room, looking tired.

“Your father has requested a meeting with Fire Lord Azulon. Best clothes, come on, hurry up!” Zuko dashed out immediately. Azula gave a little laugh. “Fire Lord Azulon,” she mocked. “Can’t you just call him grandfather? He’s not exactly the powerful man he used to be,” she said, ignoring Mother’s growing horror. “Someone will end up taking his place soon.”

With a stern expression, Ursa reprimanded her daughter. “Young lady, not another word!” She watched as Azula ran past. What is wrong with that child? She thought, shaking her head. She left the room, hoping her husband wasn’t about to mess things up.

***

Azulon watched, tired as his secondborn son tried to impress him with his children. Funny how Ozai thought he could fool his own father. He saw right through the ploy, but entertained him nevertheless. Azulon rubbed his temples, feeling a headache building.

“-just like her grandfather for whom she was named.” Hmph. Azulon taught him better than flattery. He watched as the girl showed off her bending, ending with a high kick and a smirk. The girl was very good, confident. She had the control and precision that many much older and more experienced firebenders didn’t have. She could be very useful in the war. Azulon allowed himself to smile, slightly.

Ozai called his daughter back, who said something to his grandson that made him frown. The boy promptly tried to demonstrate what he learned. His interest was peaked. The child didn’t seem to be showing off. More…desperate to prove himself than anything else. His resilience was promising.

Unfortunate he couldn’t execute the moves well. Not as talented as his—twin?—sister, then.

The boy fell, and his daughter-in-law instantly moved forward to comfort him. He watched his granddaughter’s gaze turn icy. Interesting. He’ll deal with that later. But for now, he needed to speak with his son alone.

“Enough,” he said sharply, the flames rising slightly due to his impatience. “The rest of you, leave. I must speak with my son.” The room emptied, leaving Ozai alone. “What is it that you want?” He demanded. Azulon had no patience for dealing with him today.

“Father, I’m sure you must have learned of my brother’s failure at Ba Sing Se. He has lost his son. His bloodline is no more,” Ozai spoke. Azulon felt his temper flare, knowing exactly where Ozai was going with this. “But I am here, Father, and my children are well and alive.” Azulon narrowed his eyes.

“I am your humble servant Father, a simple tool. Use me, Father,”

Azulon glared. “You dare ask me to steal Iroh’s birthright? Betray my firstborn?” The flames rose higher. “No, I will not revoke his birthright. As for his failure at Ba Sing Se, I think losing his son is punishment enough. But you? Your punishment has scarcely begun!”

Ozai glanced up. “Father, if you wish for me to kill my son, I will do so,” he said quietly. The audacity.

The flames, almost blindingly bright with anger, crackled louder.

(From behind the curtains, Azula stared in shock as Father agreed to kill her, the prodigy)

***

“Father is going to kill you,” Azula sang as she bounced into Zuko’s room.

“Haha. Very funny, Azula,” Zuko grumbled, still half asleep from being rudely woken up. Azula always lies. “Really, he is,” Azula insisted. “After you ran away like a coward, Grandfather ordered Father to kill you,” she jumped on his bed, and deepened her voice to match Azulon’s.

“You must feel the pain of losing a firstborn son, and all that.” She smirked. Zuko’s eyes widened, then narrowed in suspicion. “You’re lying,” he accused. “Father would never do that, he cares about me!” He couldn’t believe it. Father would never kill him. Get angry and hurt him, yes, but Father would never kill him!

Would he?

“I was just warning you. It’s up to you if you believe it or not-”

“Believe what, exactly?” Ursa’s voice said. Zuko breathed a sigh of relief. Mom would fix this mess. “Father’s going to kill Zuko,” Azula said sweetly. Mom inhaled sharply. “Zuko, go back to sleep. Azula, we are going to talk,” Mom instructed, grabbing Azula by the arm and walking out the door. “But, Mom-!” Azula protested. “Hush, Azula, you can talk all you want later.”

The door slammed shut, their voices fading away. Zuko lay down, hiding under the blankets.

Azula always lies.

.

Zuko was technically correct. Azula had been lying.

Just not about the killing part.

(The pain of losing a favoured child)

She still couldn’t—wouldn’t—accept it. How could grandfather order her death? And how could Father agree? She was the prodigy! She was the talented firebender, so why her death?

I must have done something wrong, she thought and nodded to herself. She must have messed up during the demonstration for grandfather and made Father angry. Yes, that must be it. It was the only possible explanation for what happened. Father loved her.

Mother closed the door as they entered Azula’s room. She turned on Azula, eyes blazing. “I want you to tell me everything, leave nothing out. I want to know what exactly gave you the idea that your father would kill Zuko,” Mother demanded.

Azula crossed her arms, sat on the bed, and inspected her nails.

“After you both left, Father angered Grandfather by asking to be next in line instead of Uncle. So he said that Father would have to kill Zuko to feel the same pain as Uncle. Either way, Zuko dies,” she answered, feigning boredom. Except, it was my death grandfather ordered, she didn’t say. She looked up, maintaining a neutral expression, and saw Mother’s frozen form. Mother and daughter stared at each other in silence.

Finally, Mother unfroze and cleared her throat. “Thank you for telling me, ‘Zula,” she said, softly. Azula scoffed at the old nickname and looked away. As if Mother cared. She flinched slightly. She composed herself quickly though.“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure everything’s fine. Go to sleep, now.”

She left.

***

Azula had been trying to fall asleep when Mother came into the room. She grabbed her shoulder and shook her slightly. “Azula? Wake up, dragon,” she murmured. Azula sat up and snapped, cranky, “What do you want now?”

Mother sighed and hugged her. Azula stiffened. “I know the truth, my brave girl. I’m leaving, but I want you to know I love you so much. I’m sorry I can’t stay, but whatever I have done, it’s to help you both,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. She pulled away, and Azula stared up at her face, so identical to her own. Mother gave one last watery smile and left.

.

“-my love, wake up. Listen to me, everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you and Azula. I love you so much, Zuko. Remember this, no matter how tough things get, never forget who you are. Protect your sister. Goodbye, my love.”

The rustling of a red cloak.

That’s all Zuko remembered of his mother. The last time he’d ever see her.

(And he couldn’t even cherish it)

***

The next day, Princess Ursa was gone.

(The servants remained quiet about Mom’s disappearance Father didn’t say anything where was she-)

Fire Lord Azulon was dead, and Uncle was nothing more than a disgraced prince and general. Zuko was Crown Prince.

All hail Fire Lord Ozai.

Chapter Text

Zuko couldn’t believe this.

There was no way Father would agree with the general’s plan. It was cruel, it was wrong. It wasn’t honourable. In no world would sending untrained recruits for slaughter be honourable. He couldn’t make out Father’s expression from behind the flames, but he was sure that Father disagreed with the plan. Father was an amazing Fire Lord, of course he disagreed with this outrageous plan. Uncle had told him to remain silent, but Zuko could not—would not—stand for this injustice.

Zuko spoke out.

“You can’t sacrifice an entire division like that! They’re not even trained! Those soldiers love and defend our nation, how could you betray them?” He accused. He couldn’t imagine doing that to his people. He looked around, puzzled, when he was met with nothing but a stunned silence. He had expected someone to agree with him. Not this. Ugh. Why wasn’t anyone saying anything?

The crackling of flames grew louder in the silence.

Father’s voice carried from behind the flames with cold anger. “You dare show this blatant disrespect? In my war chamber?” Zuko paled and turned around. “I-I’m sorry, Father. I just-” His words died on his tongue as the flames rose higher. The heat was almost unbearable.

“For this insolence, you will fight an Agni Kai, tomorrow at noon. Am I understood?”

Zuko looked at the general, analysing him. Hm. Old and most likely spent too much time off battle, so probably rusty and weak. Zuko might not be a great bender, that was Azula and she always made that clear,  but even he could take this old general. He looked back at Father, with his head held high. “I accept. I’m not afraid.” Father ordered him to leave and prepare. Zuko nodded and walked out.

.

Of course, he met Azula on his way out.

“So,” she asked, sounding bored. “What trouble did you get in this time?” Zuko scowled. “Why do you always assume I got into trouble?” He demanded. Azula raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “Did you?” She asked, smirking. Zuko sighed, admitting defeat.

“Yes. I mean, kind of? I spoke out during the meeting and-” He was rudely interrupted by Azula’s groan. “Seriously?” She demanded. “What is wrong with you? You know you’re not supposed to speak up during meetings!”

“I know!” Zuko yelled, throwing his hands up to the sky. He took a deep breath. “I know,” he repeated, quieter. “But the general’s plan was awful, Azula. He was going to send new, untrained soldiers to die. Just to win one small battle. It, it felt wrong.”

Azula shook her head, and remained silent for a long time. “Who are you going up against?” She asked finally. “The general,” he answered. Azula muttered something about idiot brothers under her breath. Zuko huffed, offended. “I can take him!”

“Well, I’ll help you make sure you do. Meet me in the room, five minutes. Don’t be late.” She ordered, turning around and walking away.

True to her word, Azula did help him. Correcting his forms, none too gently. Trust him, Zuko was grateful alright, but he wished Azula wouldn’t insult him so much. He could understand instructions just fine, thank you.

After what felt like a very, very long time, Azula finally nodded in satisfaction. 

“You’re ready, brother. Make sure you don’t lose tomorrow. I refuse to be related to someone who can’t even win against a rusty old general,” she ordered again, inspecting her nails and feigning disinterest. Zuko smiled softly. “Thanks, ‘Zula,” he said, the old nickname slipping out. He watched as Azula froze and his stomach sank to his knees.

(The last time he called her that he got burnt. She hated being called that, he knew that. The last person to call her that had been Mother, and she knew what happened after that)

Azula looked at him with an unreadable expression. Zuko held his breath. The tension was stifling.

She finally spoke. “You’re welcome, dum-dum.”

***

Azula still couldn’t believe how stupid and naïve her brother was. It was remarkable, really, how he could never see the long-term benefit, or its strategic brilliance. Curse him and his bleeding heart. The Fire Nation hadn’t come so far in the war by being nice. They were ruthless, and it worked. There was a reason their nation was superior.

The plan made sense. But even she could agree that it was a bit excessive. There wasn’t a need to sacrifice an entire division. Not when she could have found a much better and efficient way.

But nevertheless, Zuko shouldn’t have spoken out. Why didn’t he tell Uncle Fatso so he could suggest another approach? Idiot.

If asked, she would deny it and then burn the person alive who dare make such comments, but Azula was worried—only slightly. Agni, she couldn’t believe she actually cared about what happened to Zuko. She despised the feeling. He had never been a remarkable bender, not like her. It had taken him a long time before he could bend without his form or flame faltering. But he had improved a lot. Zuko was more likely to win against the rusty old general than not.

But with someone like Zuko? Who knew.

When Surya was high in the sky, signalling noon, the nobles, generals, royal family and everyone else in the palace gathered in the chamber where the battle would take place. She nodded at Zuko as she entered.

She watched with Uncle as Zuko went up to the stage and kneeled facing away from his opponent, as was tradition. There was sharp intake of breath next to her. She looked to the other side, expecting to see the general. She froze with her smile still on her face.

It wasn’t the general.

She remained frozen as Father kneeled in the same position as Zuko. She tried to remind herself to breathe. Please, let this be a dream, she thought desperately. Her wish didn’t come true. One of the Fire Sages sounded the gong,  signalling the start of the duel. It sounded ominous.

She watched as Zuko got up and turned around, only for him to seize up in shock and fear.

(This shouldn’t be happening, why is Father here, where is the general-)

She watched as he knelt and begged for forgiveness.

(NO! She wanted to scream. Fight! Don’t be weak, you idiot-!)

She watched as Father walked towards Zuko and cupped his face, almost tenderly.

(She had never been a person who believed in spirits but in that moment she prayed to both Agni and Surya that Father would forgive Zuko, please just forgive Zuko-)

She watched as Zuko burned.

All the while, her smile remained frozen in place, looking manic.

***

Zuzu had passed out from the pain.

The paramedics gathered Zuko in their arms and hurried to infirmary, but not before she got a glimpse of his face.

Oh, Agni his face. The flesh on the left side of his face was burnt off, and what little was left was charred black. His blood dripped onto the platform, quite a lot of it. She dimly registered that that much blood loss would be bad for Zuko.

Even unconscious his face was screwed up in pain.

She didn’t want to, she really didn’t want to, but against her will, once again, the scene replayed in her mind. Funny how two completely unrelated and different events could make her feel the exact same way. Her chest felt tight and her eyes burned. Her breathing was shallow as she made her way to the infirmary where Zuko was.

(Firebending came from proper breath control and she was losing that control because she was being weak-)

She needed to see him. She had to see if he was strong enough to last. She-

She needed to make sure he was alive. She refused to lose someone who maybe-cared about her to leave her. She didn’t know what she’d do.

(But why would he care about her, no one loves a monster-)

When she reached the infirmary, she tried to calm herself down. She had to maintain her composure, be in control. She was a princess after all. She imagined locking all her emotions away and burning the key to ash. Sufficiently calmed, she proceeded to enter, but was stopped by one of the guards. 

“My apologies, princess, but right now, no one is allowed in. Prince Zuko needs rest and a lot of medical attention,” the guard had the audacity to say. But to his credit, he did look nervous. Azula glared, satisfied when the guard wilted under her gaze. “I am going to see my brother and I will not be denied, or there will be consequences. Am I understood?”

The guard gulped and nodded frantically. “My apologies, princess,” he said as he stepped aside. Azula marched in, her chin raised.

The sight was both expected and unexpected. The healers bustled around, shouting instructions such as hurry up!And bring the salve! And for Agni’s sake, Shi will you bring the bandages already! She looked at the bed and there was her brother, lying unconscious, with half his face covered up in bandages.

Agni, the wound was big.

He looked so small, curled up on the bed. She found herself moving automatically to sit near the bed and hold his hand. It wasn’t as warm as it should be. She hoped it was because he was unconscious and not because he was-

No. She refused to accept that as a possibility. This was Zuko.

She looked at him and let out a hysterical laugh. And then she couldn’t stop. She doubled over, laughing, and still didn’t let go of Zuko’s hand. The healers had frozen (when did that happen?) and traded unsure looks. She ignored them. She gradually calmed down, quiet—manic—giggles still falling from her lips.

“You know, what Father said after you were brought here?” She asked, despite knowing he wouldn’t answer. “He said, ‘Prince Zuko showed cowardice and acted dishonourably. For his disrespect to his nation, he is banished.’ Hear that? You’re banished.” She laughed again, high-pitched, knowing she sounded unhinged and insane.

“He said you had to capture the Avatar. Only then you could return home. Can you believe it?” she said, her voice growing softer as reality sank in.

Zuko was banished. He had to capture the Avatar, someone who hadn’t been seen for a hundred years.

She was eleven and her brother was leaving.

She glared at him.

Zuko’s remaining eye (Agni, would he even be able to use the other one?) flickered open, a small glimpse of his golden eyes. It was enough.

She leaned closer and spat, “I hate you.” And once she said that she couldn’t stop. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” She shouted at him. “You just had to speak out, didn’t you? You couldn’t handle the idea of people dying. We’re in a war, Zuko! People die! They’re supposed to die!” She could feel tears burning at her eyes, blurring her vision and threatening to fall. She didn’t care, even as the voice in her head that sounded like Father reprimanded her for her weakness.

“…Zula-” he rasped, weakly. He sounded terrible. She wondered if it was from all the screaming.

“But you? You’re too weak to come to terms with such a simple truth. You’re pathetic. Father was right to burn you, to banish you. You aren’t worthy of being Fire Lord. Now I’m going to be Fire Lord, while you’re off on a wild chase. I’m going to be here at the palace, while you suffer!”

I’m going to be alone, she didn’t say.

Azula felt overwhelmed and ashamed. The voice scolded her for losing composure in public. What was wrong with her? She had never been this emotional, this out of control, this weak. No one could get this much of an emotional reaction from her.

But then, Zuko always had been the exception.

Zuko tried to say something—really, he shouldn’t, it would hurt his throat—but she didn’t let him say anything.

She got up and marched out the door, but not before throwing back, “Goodbye, Zuzu.”

***

Azula knew aggression. She’d felt it. She’d seen it. It was comfortable, easy to fall into.

And that was how she bent that night in her room, like she had done on that day, trying to drown out Zuko’s scream and look of terror with bright, loud flames. She shot flames everywhere and at everything, for once hating the fireproof furniture in her room why wouldn’t it catch fire-

She continued even as her muscles started protesting. She continued until her body threatened to collapse. She screamed into her pillow, screamed until her throat was raw. She gasped and coughed and screamed some more.

She finally resurfaced to try and catch her breath, panting heavily. She stood up, even as her legs wobbled.

She fell into her katas with practiced ease, and concentrated on her inner fire. On her anger, her hurt. The flames that burst from her fingertips burnt hotter and brighter than before.

For the first time in generations, a bender bent blue flames.

Chapter Text

Zuko slipped in and out of consciousness for a few days, never registering much. When he was finally able to stay awake, he found himself staring up at a metal ceiling. He groaned, the movement causing pain to shoot through his face. The left side of his face felt weird. Stiff. He tried moving it and cried out in pain. Agni, that hurt.

He tried getting up, but his arms refused to cooperate.

Uncle came into the room, rushing to his nephew’s side when he realised Zuko was awake. “How are you feeling, nephew?” He asked, his voice full of concern. Zuko tried to answer. A violent coughing fit took hold of him, instead. He coughed as Uncle soothingly rubbed his back. Uncle handed him a glass of water as his coughing subsided. Zuko downed it in one go.

He took deep breaths to center himself. “What do you remember?” Uncle questioned softly.

“I-”

Memories flooded his mind.

The meeting. The Agni Kai. Father. Agony.

And Azula’s voice telling him she hated him. Which, for some reason, hurt. He didn’t understand why. It wasn’t as if there were any attachments between them.

(He knew that was a lie)

He answered Uncle’s questions, feeling detached. Yes, he remembered some things. No, he didn’t know where he was. He felt calmer, the process was almost relaxing. Until Uncle tried to light a candle.

All Zuko could remember was a soft caress, and then a palmful of fire on his face.

(The first thing the crew heard from their new commanding officer was a heart-wrenching, terrified scream)

***

It had taken a long time for Iroh to calm Zuko down from his hysterical panic. He’d kept sobbing out apologies, shudders racking his body, pleading for mercy. Iroh’s heart broke.

This was his fault. If he hadn’t let Zuko into the meeting, had stopped Ozai, hadn’t looked away-

Well. No point dwelling on the past. Iroh hoped that, with time, he’d be able to steer Zuko away from his Father’s…incorrect teachings. It had taken him the loss of his beloved son to see their nation’s mistakes. He could only hope that he’d be able to help Zuko before he lost something dear to him, too.

Iroh apologised to Zuko for scaring him, before promising he’d never hurt Zuko and that he was safe here. Zuko had promptly snapped that he wasn’t weak. And then demanded where “here” was.

He did not take the news of his banishment well.

.

Cold tiles beneath his hands and knees

“You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher”

Fire on his face

Zuko woke up screaming, his raw throat hurting more. He looked around the cabin, looking for Father frantically before he remembered where he was. He was on a ship. He was banished. He choked out a sob and curled up, letting the tears fall. He pushed the shame away.

No one was around to see his weakness anyway.

***

Father had summoned Azula to the dining hall.

She wondered why. Surely she hadn’t done anything wrong? She’d been perfect, performing her katas exceptionally. She’d even perfected her blue flames, bright cobalt shooting from her fingertips anytime she bent. What could she have possibly done?

Well, she thought, only one way to find out.

She dressed in her best outfit, knowing such an occasion would not occur again. Father had never deemed it necessary for all of them to eat together after Mother left. She and Zuko would eat in their rooms, or sometimes together. She sighed, frustrated that she accidentally thought of her brother. She checked her appearance one more time, making sure everything was perfect, before leaving the room.

“Ah, Princess Azula,” Father greeted as she entered. A formal dinner, then. Azula bowed and took her seat. A servant came in and placed the dishes, his head bowed down the entire time. She dutifully waited for Father to eat first before joining in. “You’re taking the news of your brother’s banishment quite well, I see,” Father said.

Immediately, Azula knew exactly why Father had called her here.

“He disrespected you, Father. He showed cowardice and acted dishonourably during the Agni Kai. Banishment is a fitting punishment,” she answered, carefully keeping her tone and expression neutral. She saw Father nod, satisfied, out of the corner of her eye. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

“Do you believe he will find the Avatar?” He asked after some time. Azula made eye contact with her father and answered smoothly, “The Avatar hasn’t been seen for a hundred years. Great-grandfather Sozin and grandfather Azulon had spent a long time looking for them and yet, they did not succeed. Zuko is already a failure. There is no way he could find the Avatar.”

Zuko isn’t meant to come home, she thought. She’d accepted it a long time ago. She felt lonelier.

Father smiled. “And this is why you are my true heir, Princess Azula.” The rest of the dinner went silently, with no conversation between father and daughter. He dismissed her and, after bowing to him again, Azula left for her room. She wondered if, somehow, Zuzu would find the Avatar as she fell asleep.

.

When Mai and Ty Lee found out about Zuko’s banishment, they had reacted quite predictably.

Ty Lee had started crying, and Mai had kept her expression as neutral as she could, but a slight twitch gave her away. She was upset about it, too. “Are there any terms to his banishment?” Mai asked. Azula had to give her credit, the girl had kept her tone completely level. No one would have been able to tell if she had been affected.

Azula smiled. “He has to find the Avatar.”

Ty Lee cried harder and Mai finally broke. “What?” She whispered. Azula laughed. “It’s a good thing isn’t it? Father finally got rid of the failure, and now Zuko can’t ever return. Father might as well name me Crown Princess now,” Azula stated. Mai hesitated for a second before asking, “How are you doing, Azula?” Ty Lee’s crying had reduced to sniffles now.

And she just laughed again. Trust Mai to know what was going on. “Me? I’m glad. My one obstacle to the throne is gone. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

***

Azula eventually got used to the silence in the halls, the strange loneliness she didn’t understand. It’s not like she missed Zuko. She had enjoyed terrorising him, not spending time with him. Honestly, he was more of a hindrance than anything else, always a nuisance. Yet, she found small things reminding her of him. 

She’d been walking by once, and saw the turtleduck pond. Suddenly angry, she marched over there. She glared at the turtleducks as they cowered away from her, still feeling unsatisfied.

She killed them all, delighting in the sight of the blood and feather-filled pond.

***

Zuko still couldn’t handle it when fire came too close to his face. He was getting better, but he still flinched away from it. He hated himself for it. Azula would have gotten back up in a fraction of the time Zuko was taking.

Azula. His baby sister was alone at the palace. His baby sister who hated him. He shook off the pang his heart gave at the thought. It’s not like there was any love between them.

Not anymore.

.

Zuko cried when his bandages came off and he saw his face. He looked hideous. Uncle asked about his hearing and vision, while Zuko let out loud, uncontrollable sobs. The healers informed them that the wound would scar. They told him that he, thankfully, would retain his vision and hearing on his left side, but it won’t be as good as it was before. His depth perception would be off.

He threw himself into relearning how to move with his messed up vision. He had to relearn how to fight with his dao. He may be getting better at dealing with fire, but he wasn’t ready for firebending yet.

***

Zuko knew exactly what his crew thought of him. He knew they thought he was a spoilt brat with an attitude problem. He knew that they thought he was wasting time on a hopeless quest. They thought he didn’t know the quest was hopeless. He knew.

Some part of Zuko knew that the search was pointless. His ancestors couldn’t find the Avatar, and they were much more accomplished than Zuko. But Father wouldn’t have sent him on this search if he didn’t know the Avatar was somewhere out there, that Zuko could possibly do it. Father loved him. It wasn’t as if he didn’t deserve the banishment, he had disrespected his father in front of his generals.

If the search really was pointless, then that meant he wasn’t supposed to come home. It would mean he had abandoned his people. That Father didn’t love him, that he didn’t want him. And that thought was too painful to accept.

So he kept going. He kept investigating any sign, any rumour that could potentially lead him to the Avatar. He kept ignoring the crew’s glares and their exasperated sighs whenever he demanded that they change course. He didn’t stop.

He kept going.

***

Three years later, a beam of light shot up from the South Pole. The Avatar had returned.