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You’re gone, but I’m still here

Summary:

Joseph celebrates his birthday in the manor, but he doesn’t feel excited about it.

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It was late March, and the Desaulnier family had been living in France for a while. A wealthy family meant that the Desaulnier twins had everything a noble could ever desire.

Fancy clothes, delicious food, pristine hygiene, their own rooms, and last bit not least, a large garden with a giant waterfall in the middle that bore a large marble statue.

Joseph and Claude were the two twin boys that the Desaulnier family had proudly bore. Claude was energetic, he loved to go out and explore the busy city of France while his twin brother, Joseph had rather kept to himself. Joseph had enjoyed to stay in his room and take photos of things and people that he had found remarkable, or important in his eyes.

The twins did everything together, dressed similar, ate similar, and talked similar too. The only thing that told them apart were their hairstyles. Joseph wore his hair down over his shoulders while Claude had tied his up in a neat ponytail.

The pair had been playing in their garden one day when all of a sudden, Claude had fallen down onto the ground suddenly in a coughing fit during a game of cat-and-mouse. Joseph had immediately ran to his brother in great concern. “Dear brother, are you alright?” He had asked, but Claude had responded by coughing more and more.

Running to get the nurse, Joseph had waited inside as he watched his family nurse usher the boy to his bed. “Is he going to be alright?” A then 12 year old Joseph had asked, standing at the doorway of his brother’s room. The nurse peered up and had frowned with a sad look in her eyes, “my dear, your Claude seems to have contracted an illness called Tuberculosis. Do you know what that means?” She had said slowly.

Joseph shook his head, hiding behind the doorframe as he felt deep regret as all he wanted to do was to play tag with his brother, and now this had happened…

”Tuberculosis…my dear, is a sickness that infects your lungs, it infects them making it hard for you to breath! I’m gonna recommend you to stay away from your brother for a few days while he recovers from his illness. I’m sure that he will be in tip-top shape by the end of next week!” The nurse had said cheerfully. Joseph felt devastated, after the nurse had left, he had taken a look at his dear brother laying in his bed.

He was sleeping, but he looked so…deathly pale…Joseph couldn’t bear to see his brother like this and had ran away, collapsing onto his bed as he did what any child would do in this situation, cry.

Waking up in a cold sweat in the manor, Joseph had gripped his mouth in shock. ‘A flashback to my childhood?’ He had thought in surprise.

Looking at his alarm clock, it had read that it was just barely morning; 7:30am. The sound of the songbirds had began to sing as the sun had slowly peeked through his curtains as if the sun had been saying a hello to the man.

Unable to fall asleep, Joseph had brushed through his hair with his fingers, slipping on his slippers, he had realized that today was his birthday…”

How had he not already realized this? He had been so focused with all of his matches that he had forgotten the most important day of his life, the day that marked him turning a year older??

Today would be a celebration for him, and he didn’t want to indulge in any of that at all, not today, why did it have to be his birthday?

This was the day that everything in Joseph’s life had came crashing down, the day that “he” left, the day that “he” abandoned him.

The day that “he” died…

Sighing in exhaustion, Joseph had brushed his hair, tying it back in the same way that “he” used to. Pulling on his trademark coat, Joseph had headed out to the kitchen where he had been met with Michiko.

Michiko had been one of Joseph’s closest friends since the moment that he had stepped up inside of the manor. She was kind and compassionate and someone that nobody could seem to really hate. Smiling at the long-haired man, Joseph had partially smiled back, pouring himself a cup of coffee as he had sat down in a chair next to the woman.

”Happy birthday…” Michiko had said softly, Joseph had thanked the woman as he had taken a long swig of his coffee, trying to wake himself up for the day.

”Are you going to be playing in any matches today, or are you gonna be sitting this one out?” Michiko had questioned, Joseph sighed. “I think I’ll sit this one out…” he had muttered in a low tone.

As the sun rose and rose, more hunters had began to rise from their bedrooms too. And soon later, everyone had gotten up for the day. Brushing their teeth and talking amongst themselves as they had sat together at the dining table.

Violetta had been the one to make the breakfast for the day, bumbling and giggling about once she had finished. Bringing out plates and plates of staggeringly tall stacks of pancakes, the other hunters in the manor had ooed and ahhed in great hunter.

During the duration of the time that the hunters had ate their breakfast and then checked the billboards to see if they had a match for the day, Joseph had received at least 7 “happy birthdays” in the span of less than a hour, much to his sheer annoyance.

Joseph used to love his birthday, but not after Claude had left, no. He stopped celebrating it after that, it just wasn’t the same without his cheerful voice screaming out the birthday song louder than all of the maids in the halls.

Returning back to his room, he had peered at thr old photographs that sat in the back of his closet, faintly smiled as he had came across a family picture where Claude had “ruined” the picture by holding up a large peace sign right as the cameras had ran, causing the image to become blurry.

Oh he had remembered the scolding that Claude had received that day, but his twin had seemed rather unfazed by that and went about the rest of his day without a care in the world.

Oh he had missed his brother’s immaturity. After Claude had left, Joseph had began to take on his brother’s unique style with his trademark ponytail. He had began to drive himself mad by sneaking mercury pills behind his parents’ backs and using them as a way to hallucinate seeing his brother again.

Joseph had gotten back into photography at a…unusually passionate degree. His photos and portraits had began to get a little…realistic.

After the disappearance of many of his subjects, the townspeople had begun to grow suspicious of the young man and had came knocking at the palace walls one day. They knocked loud and they were not happy. Scared and afraid, Joseph had taken one last portrait of himself, never to be seen again by his city.

The rest of the day had gone by quickly, the faint smell of vanilla had flown into the halls of the manner, leaving a delicious aroma behind in the halls.

That night, everyone had gathered around the dining table to celebrate the young man’s birthday. Presents were stacked onto the tables like a pyramid.

The lights had been flicked off and a small light had emitted from the distance in the kitchen. It was Violetta, and she had been holding a cake.

Singing that horrible birthday song, Violetta had placed the cake in front of the man, and with a glimmer in her eyes that had read “go on, make a wish…” Joseph had blown the candles out as everyone had cheered and clapped in celebration.

”I wish Claude could come back” Joseph had thought sorrowfully in his mind. But of course he couldn’t let anyone else know that, or else it wouldn’t come true according to Robbie.

Opening up his presents, he had received:

A clock from Leo

A dagger from Bane

A plushie from Joker

A doll from Violetta

A instant camera from Mad eyes and BonBon

A mask from Jack

A fan from Geisha
A small umbrella from Wu Chang
A sculpture of a camera from Galatea
A flower from Robbie

A glass jar from Luchino.

A notebook from Antonio

Thanking the others for the gifts, the hunters had began to eat the cake. The dessert was delicious, but Joseph wasn’t enjoying it as he had used to.

In the distance, Antonio had been secretly watching the man. He had noticed how Joseph didn’t seem to have a spark in his eyes when he had celebrated his birthday, which was supposed to be a happy day for everyone,

After finishing the cake, Joseph had placed his dirty plate inside of the dishwasher in the kitchen and had snuck out a bottle of red wine in his hands as he sorrowfully made his way back to his room.

Collapsing onto the floor, he had popped open the bottle, not even caring about being tidy anymore, he had guzzled the alcohol down sloppily. Wine spilled onto his white shirt, but Joseph didn’t care.

This was his birthday right? This was supposed to be his happy day…but how can he be happy if something so devastating had made it so that the most important day of his life was now the worst?

His mind had began to feel fuzzy from all of that wine. His head had spun around in circles. Recalling himself back to his childhood once more.

Claude had sat inside of his room, holding onto his brother’s hand with very little strength. Joseph had cried as he realized that this had meant. “Take care of them brother…” Claude had whispered out softly, before he had closed his pale eyes and had drifted off to eternal rest.

Joseph didn’t even know how much he had screamed and cried that day. He had ran out back to the garden and wondered to himself, “was I the reason for all of this?” Sitting down besides the fountain, he had peered at his reflection and realized that no matter what he did or where he was at, everything would remind him of his brother. Everything.

Walking down the halls, Antonio had felt the urge to check on the young man. Knocking gently on his door, Joseph had become alarmed by the noise and had groggily gotten up to answer.

Opening the door, he had come face to face with the taller man as Joseph had tried to compose himself. “Ah-do…you need something?” Joseph mumbled, words slurring in a drunken haze. Antonio frowned. “You’re drunk aren’t you?” He had said quietly.

Nodding, Joseph had welcomed the older man inside. Grabbing the bottle of wine and had offered it to the musician, but had been politely declined. “How much have you drank? It’s nearly half empty!?” Antonio exclaimed, picking up the bottle as Joseph had frozen up.

All of this wine, but none of it had drowned out this sorrow he had felt from years prior. “I…I’m sorry Claude…” He had mumbled in a haze, grabbing his mouth as he realized what he had just said.

”I-I mean…I’m sorry…Antonio…I didn’t mean to…” Joseph’s voice had dropped down to a whisper as his voice began to tremble and shake. Doubling over, Joseph hid his face between his knees, tears flowed down his face like raindrops on a stormy day.

Gently caressing the photographer’s back, Antonio had moved his hair out of his teary face as Joseph had sniffled. “I don’t get it…” Joseph had muttered, voice wavering as he spoke.

”This is supposed to be my happy day…but it doesn’t feel the same…It just doesn’t feel the same anymore…I-“ Joseph began to cry as his back had heaved in a quicker manner as the bottle of wine he had held fell to the ground, shattering to pieces everywhere.

”Hey…Joseph…it’s gonna…it’s gonna be okay.” Antonio had tried to reassure, patting the man on his back as he cried and wailed. “I wonder what he would think if he saw me now…would he be disappointed with what I’ve did and become? I…I don’t know what to do without him anymore…we did everything together. We were mirror twins, everything he did, I did too, everything he said, I said too. But now he’s gone and I’m still here and…I don’t…I don’t know what to do with myself anymore…I can’t…I can’t stop getting high just to see you again Claude…it’s bad for me…but I keep on thinking…if I take too many…maybe I could just see you again…If I could just…die…” Joseph had cried into Antonio’s arms for what seemed like hours and hours.

”Joseph, I’m sure that your brother doesn’t hate you for what you’ve become, I think he’d be very proud of where you are and who you’ve became. You’re a great hunter Joseph, and wherever Claude is…im sure that he’s proud of you no matter what…” Antonio had mumbled quietly.

There was a long period of silence before Joseph had spoke again. “Really? Do you…mean it?” He had said shakingly, a faint glimmer of hope lingering in his voice. Antonio had smiled at the man, “I do.” He said gently, holding him close as the sun had seemed to peek into the room brighter as the wine on the ground had began to dry out.