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Ushijima Wakatoshi and Oikawa Tooru were the ideal Alpha/Omega couple. Both professional volleyball players. Both forces to be reckoned with. Their relationship was strong despite having played on two different teams when they first started their professional careers and even having played against each other in the Olympics.
The couple had a lot, but they didn’t have it all, not until they welcomed their beautiful baby boy, Junpei. Then the ideal couple of Japan became the ideal family and things were going great for the three of them. Until Junpei caught a cold that just wouldn’t get any better.
Oikawa was the first one to take a leave of absence from his team, preferring to stay at home until the young pup got better. But several months went by with no change, so Ushijima followed Oikawa’s lead and took a leave as well.
It was after several doctors, multiple specialists and a couple hospital overnights that they finally learned what was making Junpei so sick. The couple assumed that with a diagnosis things would go up from there; a named condition had a treatment, right?
Ushijima tried to keep it together as he kept Oikawa from falling to the ground, the Omega wailing from the doctor’s words.
There’s nothing we can do.
Oikawa refused to leave the small boy’s bed, stayed curled up next to the boy who was a perfect combination of the two of them. He had Ushijima’s olive colored hair, but Oikawa’s fluff locks and big brown eyes.
How was it fair? Why did they only get four years with Junpei? They were supposed to have more time, the pup had just presented as an Omega. They were supposed to get to watch him grow up. To learn his likes and dislikes. To see if he would be a setter or a spiker or if he even liked volleyball at all. Ushijima was supposed to glare at whatever Alpha came over as Oikawa helped Junpei get ready. They were supposed to watch their son go off to college, to forge his own path in life, but always be there if he needed them.
But the biggest thing they were supposed to do was go before Junpei. They weren’t supposed to live a life after Junpei. That’s not how it worked. They were the ones who were to teach Junpei everything he’d need for a life without them, not the other way around.
It wasn’t fair.
That’s what their families and friends said when they told them that Junpei was sick and would be staying at the children’s hospital.
It wasn’t fair.
That’s what the funeral conductor said over the cries and sobs that filled the small room full of grieving parents, relatives and friends.
It wasn’t fair.
That’s what Oikawa would scream when he woke up sobbing in the middle of the night as Ushijima found him in Junpei’s room, pulling him into his chest until the Omega eventually cried himself to sleep.
* * *
Suddenly the two that had been together for years, no longer knew how to act around the other. It was like walking on eggshells, like trying to put together the same side magnets — no matter how hard they tried, it was like putting together two pieces from two different puzzles.
Oikawa retired early, not that he had much of a choice when he could barely get up in the morning. He bundled up in baggy sweaters with leggings, some days not even bothering to crawl out of his nest. His life no longer held much meaning. There was a before Junpei, sure but there was never meant to be an after Junpei.
Ushijima ended up retiring early as well, but he took a job as a sports commentator. He was home most nights, though there was a bit of travel occasionally. It helped him stay busy, to have some semblance of normality, allowed him to continue on so that everything felt somewhat okay.
And for a time, that worked for the couple.
After several months, it felt like it had gotten a bit easier to breathe for the Omega. He was now able to get dressed, prepare himself a meal (even if it was just heating leftovers Ushi made) and leave the house at least once a week. His sweet honeyed scent started to fill the house instead of the mute and stale one that had been and while there were still tears in his eyes, now he could smile when he thought about his pup.
These changes in Oikawa also led him to see how…differently his husband was handling things. Before they had even got married, the Alpha had this stoic nature about him which Oikawa learned to love. The Alpha wasn’t always as expressive when it came to his emotions and thoughts like the Omega, but that was fine. Though one could argue that slowly changed even more when he became a father.
Once Junpei was born, the public obsessed over the shots paparazzi got of the neutral looking Alpha with such a soft smile on his face as he looked at his baby boy. Or the post-game interviews where Ushijima was holding Junpei and would laugh when the young pup would say ‘Mama’s’ when asked which team was his favorite. But ever since they learned Junpei was sick, he had reverted back to the stoic, expressionless Alpha.
It was fine at first. Everyone handles grief differently, right? Some people keep it bottled inside while others scream it out until their throat is raw. There was no proper way, right? No matter what the books said or the support groups, mourning had to be done in whatever way worked for that person. So Oikawa figured that after a few months of processing the change and settling into the new ‘normal’ that his husband would open up to him.
He did not.
No, instead the Alpha acted as if nothing had ever changed. Oikawa noticed it in the smaller things first, like how his hand would avoid Junpei’s favorite cup still in the cabinet next to their coffee mugs or the way it seemed he would avoid looking at pictures of Junpei that were still scattered throughout the house.
Then it was bigger things, like how he would skip over Junpei if he came up in conversation. Either pretending he didn’t hear it or answering in a way that scooted around the young pup. But everything came to a head on the year anniversary of Junpei’s passing.
Ushijima, Oikawa, their parents and a few friends all gathered at the gravesite to leave flowers and reminisce on their favorite memories with and of the young boy. For such a hard and heartbreaking event, the overwhelming presence of love helped all those present hold it together. It was beautiful in a bittersweet way and the Omega politely invited those who were there to come over for a light lunch.
Both sets of grandparents opted to head home which left Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, Hanahaki, and Tendou all eager for a meal and to hangout with friends since it’d been so long. The six of them were all pretty close since it’d been over ten years since Ushijima and Oikawa got together and group hangouts were a must for the Omega.
Everyone had already eaten and was just sitting around, casually chatting when a loud commotion grabbed their attention. It had come from Junpei’s room and Oikawa was halfway down the hall before the others could even get up.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” Oikawa screamed as he looked around the room that was once filled with his son’s personality and now had tons of boxes in it.
“I’m taking the bed apart.”
Oikawa shook his head, the words came out as if Ushijima was simply telling him the weather, “why?”
The Alpha looked up at his husband as though he had grown an extra head or two, “because I’m packing up the room.”
“Well stop! This is Junpei’s room! Leave it the way he left it, Toshi!” Oikawa tried to grab whatever tool was in Ushijima’s hand but the Alpha wouldn’t let go.
“This stuff is just taking up space in a room we can use for something else.”
“THIS STUFF!?! Stuff? This is ALL we have left! It’s not just stuff! These are his clothes, his toys, his drawings. You can’t just pack him up and put him in the attic, Toshi.” Tears started to stream down Oikawa’s cheeks.
The four visitors stand in the doorway, unsure of whether to leave or not. It was an impossible situation, neither one was technically in the wrong although talking it through would’ve been the best approach. There’s no one way to grieve, but doing something so drastic on such a heavy day…maybe not entirely the best.
“No one is using the room, it’s just going to waste.”
“Of course no one is using it! IT’S JUNPEI’S ROOM!”
“Tooru…”
“Say it, Wakatoshi. Say that it’s Junpei’s room. Say it! You never say his name anymore! You never talk about him. It’s like you don’t even care!” His voice broke with each word he said, his emotions poured out of him.
“Of course I care, how could you even think I don’t?”
“Look at what you’re doing! You are packing away all that we have of our son like it’s just seasonal decor. You never talk about him, you never scream or cry. It’s like you just moved on as if he never existed, you got a new job and carry on as if a huge part of your heart isn’t missing.” He wiped his face with the sleeves of his sweater, “did you lose part of yourself or was that just me?”
The Alpha stood there, expressionless and silent. The words his Omega spoke hit him in a way that he wasn’t expecting. In a way that cracked the resolve he had tried so hard to keep secure.
“We are supposed to be a team! We are supposed to be there for each other, but you left me to deal with it all on my own! How can you call yourself an Alpha when you aren’t acting like one!?”
“BECAUSE IT JUST HURTS TOO MUCH!” Ushi’s voice cracked, “I couldn’t save him! I couldn’t fix him! All I could do was watch him get worse. All I could do was watch you fall apart. I couldn’t do anything to stop any of it! Nothing is okay, nothing is fine, my entire being is shattered and the only thing keeping me from losing it, is forcing myself to act like this is somehow normal.”
Ushijima walked past Oikawa and their friends who were still gathered at the doorway. None of them had ever heard the Alpha raise his voice before, let alone at Oikawa of all people.
The Omega sniffled, dragging his sweater’s sleeve across his face to wipe away the half dried tears on his cheeks. Taking a deep breath, he turned towards the door, “Iwa-chan, can you help me put Junpei’s bed back together?”
Iwaizumi really wasn’t sure what to do, it would be rude to go over another Alpha’s decision but he couldn’t say no to Oikawa either. “Of course.”
* * *
Things never really got better for the couple. Ushijima ended up taking longer work trips, still avoiding saying Junpei’s name or even going back to the room at the end of the hall. Oikawa took every chance he had to intertwine memories of his pup into his daily life and would often find himself just sitting in Junpei’s room.
It was as though the married pair lived two separate lives under the same roof. So it was to no one’s surprise that Ushijima came home one day, three years after the incident in Junpei’s room, to divorce papers on the kitchen counter. It was to no one’s surprise that Oikawa had already signed them and that the only thing he wanted was the house.