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Regulus opened the door to his room, barely having the energy to close it before his knees buckled and he landed on the ground, a sob racking through his body. He covered his mouth, trying to be quiet as the tears started rolling down his cheeks.
What did he do?
Why did he do that?
Regulus straightened his collar, taking a deep breath as he fixed the pedals from the rose that he was holding in his hands. He put it behind his back before he rang the doorbell. The door opened but to his surprise not his boyfriend opened the door but his mother.
"Mrs. Potter, uhm- good evening. Is- Is James home?" Of course he was. It was Christmas Eve and he had texted him already ten minutes ago that he was waiting for him. Of course he was home.
Why was he so nervous? Regulus was trained to not show any emotion. It got burned into his mind from young age to be the perfect son. However, he was not used to meeting the mother of his boyfriend.
Regulus cleared his throat, driving a hand through his hair.
"You must be Regulus then. It's so nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you" Euphemia said, pulling him in a hug. Regulus just froze, thoughts drifting off to the rose that he ought to protect.
"You must be cold, let's get you inside" She said, only pulling away from the hug to rest her hand on his shoulder and usher him inside. Regulus rested the rose on the wardrobe, being careful to not flatten it before he took off his coat and shoes.
"James! Your guest is here!"
"Coming!"
Not even ten seconds later, a James was running down the stairs, fiddling with his hoodie. He came to a halt in front of him, already blushing.
"Hey" James smiled softly, looking back at the living room to see if anybody was watching them before looking back at his boyfriend.
"I- I got you a rose" Regulus whispered, reaching it to him "It's from our garden"
"That's so cute of you" James mumbled, blushing. He held the rose in one hand while he cupped Regulus' cheek with the other in order to kiss him "thank you, Reg, really"
"The real present is waiting under the tree"
"I told you, I didn't want any presents!" James scolded, to which Regulus could only chuckle.
"And I told that to your parents too but Sirius has already told me that there were a few for me" James shrugged.
"Well, yes, they're my parents"
"And I'm Regulus. I'll buy my boyfriend a present whenever I want to"
"You're such a marshmallow"
"A what now?" He asked, starting to laugh.
James just kissed him again.
The rest of Christmas break, Regulus just stayed quiet. Returning to Hogwarts was even worse because now he had to see James again. He had to see him at breakfast when he returned from his morning drive on his broom. He had to see him in classes, joking around with his friends and laughing until one of their professors shut them up. He had to see him during lunch break when he wrote some last minute homework down. He had to see him walking to or from Quidditch practice when their schedules overlapped. He had to see him at dinner, sometimes being too tired to keep his eyes open, so Remus held him up, so that he would eat something.
James seemed happy too. That was probably the worst to be honest. James was happy. He didn't have red eyes from crying and he didn't seem to loose sleep over him either. James was okay. Yes, he pushed Quidditch practice even more, giving every free moment to the sport but Regulus thought that it was only because of the upcoming game of Gryffindor versus Slytherin.
When Slytherin nevertheless won, James glared at him. He didn't say anything and then just walked off the ground. They never had a problem with being on different teams and having to fight for the win, since both were the seekers of their team. They just kissed and said that next time would be different.
Now he just left.
And that hurt. Regulus knew that it was his fault that James had put up his walls again but his stomach still turned knots and his chest tightened.
Regulus didn't go to the Slytherin party at first. He didn't plan on going at all to be honest. But then Evan and Barty just dragged him out of the dorm room and plunged him into the couch.
"You need to stop sulking"
"I'm not sulking" He mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Of course you are. Now," Evan smirked, reaching him a red cup "drink this and ease up a bit"
"I don't like alcohol" Regulus mumbled. He didn't necessarily go against it, he just didn't like the way it made him loose control over himself.
"Shhh" Barty mumbled, leading the cup up to his lips "just drink"
"You are annoying. Can't believe that we are friends" Regulus mumbled, took the cup though. That was the first one.
By the fifth cup, he felt confident enough to talk to James. He got up from the couch and walked through the hallways before arriving at the Gryffindor common rooms. He cleared his throat, leaning against the wall.
"James, I love you. Please forgive me" He said to himself before shaking his head. That was ridiculous, he couldn't just walk in and say that.
He stayed quiet, waiting for someone to come and open the portrait for him, which was a poor first year old.
"Hey, you!" Regulus called into the common room. The first year old turned around “Do you know James Potter?”
"Uhm, yeah? Why?”
“Would you get him for me?"
“I could…?”
"Please, thank you" He tried to smile kindly. Maybe he looked more threatening that way. He didn't care. The portrait stayed open as the young Gryffindor disappeared. Though when there was still no sign of the Gryffindor seeker, Regulus groaned.
"Jaaaaames!" He called again, this time louder.
"Regulus? What are you doing?" Someone asked, though it wasn't James who walked through the portrait. Sirius came instead. The younger Black groaned, throwing himself against the other wall, face to the wall. He groaned again, turning back around to face Sirius, pointing to the portrait.
"I need... to talk to James"
"Are you drunk?"
"A little bit. Can you get him?"
"I don't think that this is a good idea, brother" Sirius said softly, approaching him.
"I need to apologize, it's important"
"Regulus, right now is not a good time. James is not in the mood to talk"
"I don't care. Let me talk to him, now, Sirius"
"The evening was nice. Thanks for letting me stay here with you" Regulus whispered. Both were laying in James' bed, exhausted from the day but nevertheless smiling softly as they cuddled.
"Of course" James hesitated before he sat up, turning to face him "Regulus?" He hummed, rolling on his back to look at him.
"What is?"
"I know that you are afraid of coming out — I get why. I understand your reasons here, okay? But I... I can't do this anymore"
"Do what...?"
"I can't be closeted about my relationship anymore, Regulus. I just can't, I'm sorry..." Regulus sat up, furrowing his brows.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That... That I want to at least tell my family and our friends"
"And if I don't want that...?"
"Then I'll break up with you. I'm done hiding — I- I can't anymore, okay? Not around the most important people in my life"
"James, you can't be serious..."
"I can't be closeted anymore. I hate lying around the others about where I'm heading and who I like. I need a public relationship" James confessed, reaching for his hands "I don't want to hurt you and I definitely don't want to break up with you and I get it, okay? I get that you're afraid of your parents, I would be too, but I can't be closeted anymore"
"I'm sorry too, James..." Regulus whispered, untangling himself from his still-boyfriend in order to stand up.
"What are you doing?"
"Going home" Regulus took a deep breath before walking over to the door. He opened the door, though then turned around to face James again "Goodbye, James"
And with that, he left the Potter house in the middle of the night.
Regulus hesitated before knocking softly on the door to the Marauders' dorm room.
"James? It's me. Can we talk?"
No reply, though there was shuffling.
"Sirius said that you're in here. I just... I- I'm kind of drunk, to start off. Barty and Evan gave me something. I don't know. It doesn't matter. This isn't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the fact that I miss you. I miss your sweet smile and you were so good to me that I don't know what to do without you anymore. Maybe it was wishful thinking that we could just stay behind closed doors. Maybe it was mindless dreaming of me that we could have... just stayed us, you know? If you give me a chance, then we will do it right this time, okay? I understand if you don't want to but, James, I'd go downstairs right now and yell at the top of my lungs that I love you because I do. I love you to the point of no return"
"Are you serious?" James asked, voice a whisper and barely audible. Regulus hummed, leaning against the door.
"Yes. 100%. I know what I said back at Christmas but I came to realize that you're more important then anything else in my life. I would give anything to be your boyfriend again"
"You would come out?"
"For you? Yes. I could go downstairs right now and out myself or wait until breakfast tomorrow and do it then in order to tell everyone"
"What about your parents?"
"I don't care. I don't care anymore, James. I love you, okay? I need you in my life. I don’t care about what my parents will do to me, as long as you are there with me"
"Okay"
"Okay?"
"Yes, okay. Let's try again" James said before opening the door and hugging Regulus "Don't come out if you don't want to though. I don't want to force you into anything"
"You're not doing that"
"Promise?"
"Promise" Regulus looked back at him before kissing him softly "Let's go tell the world that you're my boyfriend"
"What? Now?"
"No closets anymore, James. I promise. Let's go" Regulus had that smile on his face again and James knew that smile. He was daring now, no way of coming back. Regulus pulled away from the hug and grabbed his hand before heading downstairs to the common room. Regulus took a deep breath, looking back at James while smiling softly.
"You know, you don't have to right-"
"I'm in love with James Potter!" Regulus yelled instead, exhaling relieved when it was out before going to kiss the captain of Gryffindor's quidditch team.
"See? Wasn't that ba-"
"JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!"