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“Luce?” Lockwood tentatively called her name as he walked up the stairs to her attic room. “Do you mind if I come up?”
His ears strained to hear a muffled grunt from her before he carried on making his way to her room.
“Luce,” he stopped when he saw Lucy curled up in in ball on her bed. Her eyes were shut tight, and concern ran through Lockwood’s body. He placed the tray of food down on her dresser and sat next to her on the bed. His hand began to stroke her hair, like a reflex. Neurons firing, wanting to comfort her before his brain was able to compute what was happening.
The crease on her forehead faded away as Lucy shuffled herself closer to him. She took a deep breath of Lockwood’s woodsy scent and wished she could bury herself in it.
“Is everything okay? I came up with some food for you, you barely touched dinner tonight.”
Lucy just shook her head, not wanting to talk or open her eyes. She just wanted Lockwood to stay there with her. It was taking all her self-restraint not to hold onto his shirt to make sure he wouldn’t move.
“Luce, you’re worrying me a bit. Is everything alright?” Anxiety laced Lockwood’s voice and it was enough to get Lucy to look up at him.
“I just- there’s this buzzing in my ears Lockwood and I can’t get it to go away.” Her voice broke, “I feel like I’m going to go crazy.”
Lockwood felt an ache in his chest, he could tell how much Lucy was suffering and he knew this wasn’t the first time it had happened. They’d had a tough case last night and it had been overwhelming for her. He should have kept a closer eye, should have made sure that she was okay.
He went to stand up, but Lucy caught the sleeve of his shirt, halting him. “Please, don’t go.” Her voice was quieter than what he was used to. None of the usual strength or authority in her request.
“I’m just going to grab that glass of water for you,” he nodded his head towards the tray he’d put down. “And then I’m going to be right back, I promise.”
Lucy kept biting her lip for a moment before finally nodding and letting his sleeve go. Lockwood moved with all of his usual grace he had when he was fighting with his rapier, before helping Lucy sit up and take a sip of water.
“Wait a second,” he stopped her before she could lay back down.
“Lockwood, please. I just want to curl up again, I don’t have the strength for this right now.”
If Lockwood could, he would wrap Lucy up for everything that was hurting her in this world. Everything that caused her the smallest amount of sadness and pain. Every time he saw her in any kind of discomfort, it was like a clamp formed around his chest and the only thing that would loosen its vice was finding a way to fix things for her. But that wasn’t always possible. There were things about Lucy’s past that he didn’t know about, that she wasn’t quite comfortable to share with him but he saw her sometimes space out when someone would mention her family or her life before coming to Lockwood & Co. and there was nothing he could do to change what she had been through. No way that he was able to take away years of pain from her. So, he worked on making her life here with him and George as happy as possible but that was easier said than done for an agent.
“Two seconds, Luce. I promise, just give me two seconds.”
Lucy didn’t have it in her to even argue with him. The sound of her own voice had begun to grate on her ears when it was mixed with all the buzzing. It wasn’t often that she would let Lockwood get his own way, at least not without some kind of fight but today was his lucky day it seemed. So, Lucy just nodded, closing her eyes again in the hopes that somehow that might dull the sound that wouldn’t leave her alone.
She felt the mattress dip beside her and thought that Lockwood had just sat down again but she could feel him shift around. Curiosity got the better of her and Lucy opened her eyes to see Lockwood leaning against her headboard with his legs on the bed.
“Come on,” he eventually said when Lucy just furrowed her brow. Any cockiness and certainty he usually spoke with was gone. Instead, he was shy and unsure and Lockwood wasn’t quite able to meet her gaze. When Lucy didn’t move, Lockwood shifted slightly and finally looked at her face.
“Just come here, Luce. Lean back against me.” He held out a hand for her and when Lucy just stared and didn’t make a move, Lockwood wanted to die of embarrassment. What did he think he was doing? Who did he think he was? Anthony Lockwood, prize idiot.
Lucy finally took his hand and shuffled herself over to him, sat between his legs with her chest resting against his back but Lockwood knew that she wasn’t relaxed. This was the most physical contact they’d ever had. There were the sleepy heads on shoulders in the library, hands clasped together as they ran when they were on a job, his hand brushing against her back as he moved past her in the kitchen. All subconscious movements, contact that came naturally to them, that they never thought twice about. But this was different, this was purposeful and that was a line that neither of them had crossed.
“I’ve got you,” Lockwood wrapped his arms around her waist and Lucy’s hand automatically drifted to cover his. And slowly she felt herself relax against him. The tension in her shoulders slowly eased and she shut her eyes again.
“Any better?” The whisper made a shiver run through her body and she slowly nodded.
“A little, the buzzing though-“ whilst it had eased, and hadn’t completely disappeared.
Lockwood began to gently hum a lullaby he remembered him mum used to sing to him when he was having a nightmare. The song had always managed to lull him back into a deep sleep, forgetting about whatever was chasing him in the dark and he hoped that maybe it could do the same for Lucy. Even if it only gave her two minutes of relief for the incessant noise that she couldn’t get away from. He just hoped he wouldn’t make it worse.
Lucy could feel his chest vibrate as he continued to hum, and as she focussed on every note, she was able to stop paying attention to the humming as it began to quieten down. When the lullaby eventually came to an end she frowned. She wasn’t ready for it to end yet, she wasn’t ready to leave the embrace that Lockwood had her in. Just a few minutes more. That was all.
“Lockwood, can you sing that again please?” She asked in a quiet voice. She couldn’t see the smile on Lockwood’s face when she uttered those words. It was gentle and warm and everything that she made him feel.
“Of course, Luce.” He wrapped his arms around her just that little bit tighter and began the lullaby all over again. And he didn’t care how many times he would have to repeat it, as long as Lucy Carlyle felt safe with him.