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Mordecai entered the caves of the Lackadaisy alone. Nico and Serafine didn’t know he was here, and there was no way Asa would find out either. He had personal business to attend to, business he had to deal with alone.
Horatio let him in despite the fact that Mordecai lacked the necessary club pin on his lapel, the same pin he had easily replaced with a blooming marigold. A sign of his new loyalties. A symbol that Atlas was dead. It was like he was branded with the damned flower saying that he belonged to the Marigold now, and by extension, Asa.
Mitzi met him at the door to ask “Now why on Earth have you come back, Heller?” in her smooth Georgia accent. She had changed more since their business lunch. She seemed more…Occupied. Like something was constantly tugging at her mind and she needed twenty different ways to solve the problem.
“I’m here to discuss some private matters,” he said as he looked around the large cavern. It was speckled with a handful of patrons and the familiar faces he knew when he worked under the May name. He caught a glimpse of Viktor before Ivy was all up in his face.
“Hey! What’re you doing here?” She demanded. She looked angrier than he had expected from someone so tiny. He vaguely remembered that Ivy had latched onto Viktor as a pseudo-father. Did she know about the way the old work partners had separated? Even if she did, it didn’t matter. He was here for a reason.
Mordecai made an annoyed expression as his ears flicked back. He calmly said, “I’m here to see Viktor, so please move young lady.”
Ivy growled and refused to move out of his way. She spat back, “No! He doesn’t want to see you! You’re the reason his knees don’t bend anymore!”
Mordecai huffed and looked at Mitzi to silently ask her to remove Ivy from the situation. It worked, and Mitzi took Ivy out of Mordecai’s way.
He sighed and looked towards the bar once more. There was Viktor. The big orange cat he once loved, but this is not the same man he knew when he originally left. He can see it in his cold gaze. It made Mordecai’s gut tighten with…was that guilt? With the way he left, a normal person was bound to feel guilty. Strange that Mordecai felt such an emotion now of all times.
Mordecai’s heart had begun to beat quicker with anticipation. His mind raced with what he would say after so long. He slowly makes his way to the bar in an attempt to not seem desperate. “Viktor,” he started.
Viktor narrowed his one remaining eye and growled, his ears low and his thick fur bristling.
Mordecai’s ears went down. “I want to talk. Please,” he said. He was hoping Viktor would catch on to his silent request to speak somewhere private.
“Fine, ve talk in garage,” Viktor said with a cold tone. He moved out from behind the bar and led Mordecai out of the main cavern. It was just as grimy and gross as he remembered. Did anyone clean around here? Ugh, clearly his efforts in cleaning the artillery room before his departure were in vain.
Mordecai forced his fur to lie flat when Viktor shut and locked the door. It was hard to be so close yet feel miles away at the same time. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to convince Viktor to retire again, explain himself for what he had done, but he couldn’t find his voice. There were so many words left to say, yet he couldn’t find even one.
“Viktor, I want to apologize for how we- for how I left you,” he said. He already had to correct himself to take accountability. He was the one who shot Viktor in the knee, he was the one in the wrong.
Viktor was silent. He looked aside, his ears back as he tried to think of his response. “It vas right there. Vhere you shot me,” he said in a way that tried to stay cold, but his emotion peeked through regardless.
“I know- I’m sorry for shooting you, Viktor, really I am. I just wanted you to retire-”
He was cut off by Viktor putting his hand up. “You kill man you knew vhen you pulled that trigger. You made him die little each day. He is long gone. He is dead and cold. Just a story told by those he trusted, those who moved on, those he loved.”
Mordecai’s heart stung at the last word. How could he stand so close when he was still so far away? Mordecai knew well and truly that Viktor had loved him, he knew they could have kept their relationship going, if only he hadn’t impulsively shot Viktor that day. He really had ruined everything. But he knows the Viktor who truly loved him is still there, he can see it in the pained look on Viktor’s face. The ghost of the man he loved was still there in his voice.
Mordecai looked at the ground and tightly curled his tail. “Can either of us really ever be free?” He asked quietly.
Viktor's mouth tightened as his ears pinned down. Viktor stared at the wall to avoid looking at Mordecai. “No,” he eventually responded. The heartbreak was clear in his voice. Mordecai knew he was right.
Viktor would never leave the Lackadaisy unless he was shot in the head, and Mordecai was stuck at the Marigold considering he could never return to the Lackadaisy in good faith. He could never return to Viktor, he could never be held in his arms again. He lost everything all over again. First he lost his family when he fled from New York, and now he's lost the only man he felt he could truly trust.
Viktor seemed to be dealing with his own internal demons. So much was in his gaze at once. His orange fur was prickling along his neck and tail. Viktor sighed softly and rubbed his face. “I vill never forgive you, Mordecai. I just- I cannot,” he said with a tight voice.
Mordecai’s heart sobbed when he realized the degree of emotional pain Viktor was in. He swallowed the lump in his throat and responded with, “I never expect you to.” And it was true, he really didn't expect Viktor to ever forgive him.
"I still love you, little killer. Not same vay I used to, but is still love," he declared as he slowly turned his head to gaze at Mordecai.
It only rubbed salt in the wound to know Viktor still loved him after all this time, especially after everything he did. Mordecai knew he still deeply loved Viktor. After so many years he had never stopped loving Viktor. The time apart only made Mordecai's heart yearn for him more. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself into Viktor's arms and cry into his chest, but no. He can't do that now. Not anymore.
"I still love you too," he eventually muttered in a quiet voice he wanted only Viktor to hear.
With so much broken, so much damaged, there were no words left to say.