Archive of Our Own ^beta

Steve clutched the letter in his hand tightly, biting his lips and wondering if he should just do it. His brain was telling him that yes, it was time, but the thundering of his heart and the heat on his face told him otherwise.

He stared at the large pile of cards and gifts Tony had received from fans and family for Valentine's Day; the other Avengers all had similar collections, all triple cleared by security and ready to be opened and consumed.

But right now he didn't care about the others, no, all he cared about was his Valentine's day card and if he should throw it into Tony's pile, give it to the man in person, or wait another year.

Steve was concentrating too hard on his problem to hear the soft footfalls of Natasha, and when she slapped him hard on the back in greeting he startled and the card fumbled right out of his hand and into Tony's giant mess of gifts, chocolates, and letters.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Steve," Natasha said, though Steve had a hard time hearing her over the quick breaths he was taking in.

His letter! He'd dropped it and-- he ignored Natasha, and started fumbling through the cards and chocolates, trying to find his letter but they all looked the same! and the more he looked the worse mess he made--

Natasha cleared her throat and Steve froze.

"You okay Steve?"

"Yup," he said not getting up.

"Are you busy?"

He looked down at the hundreds of cards beneath him, his own lost somewhere in there.

"Nope," he answered, swallowing down the panic rising in him.

"Good, let's spar."

Steve wanted to stay and find his card, he was not ready to have Tony see it, but he couldn't say no to Natasha without giving away his reason and he was not ready for that either. He got up, gave the pile one last forlorn look then jogged to catch up with Nat who was already halfway down the hall.

With his mind on the letter he was distracted all through their match, and Natasha managed to land more blows than she usually did. She didn't comment on his state of mind though, for which Steve was grateful if a little suspicious, and they ended quickly. Natasha gave him an out: she had a date with Clint she had to get ready for and make sure Clint was ready for too; reservations at the place were hard to come by.

Steve was skeptical but definitely not going to question, and after a quick shower and change of clothes he was running right back to the rec room, ready to find his card and even confiscate all of Tony's gifts if need be.

But Tony had beaten him to it, Steve saw as soon as he entered the room.

Already he'd gone through half his pile, an opened box of chocolates at the ready and reading letter after letter.

"Hey Cap," Tony said not looking up from his card.

"How was sparing," he asked, smiling and chuckling at the letter.

"This one's gotta be the cutest one yet; little seven year old Marie wants to be just like me. Or marry me. Adorable."

He placed it carefully into a box with other opened cards; He had filled six and was on his seventh.

"Steve?" Tony asked, looking up since Steve hadn't answered his question.

"You okay buddy? Want some chocolate?"

"Uh, no, no thanks. How are the uh, cards?"

"They're great, I recognize some people. They always send me a card for my birthday too, my biggest fans supposedly, it's cute."

"Anything, different?" Steve questioned, crossing and then uncrossing his arm: that was a defensive position and he had nothing to be defensive about. He took a few steps toward Tony, surreptitiously glancing at the unopened cards to see if he could spot his own.

"No, not really, why?"

"No reason." 'All the reasons, please don't find my card! God I hope I just dropped it under the couch.'

Tony sent him a look: raised eyebrow, slight quirk of the mouth, and Steve knew Tony knew something was up, but found it amusing rather than alarming.

"Alright, sit down. Have some sweets, open a card or two."

Steve was just about to take Tony's advice, and he had his foot raised to take that step when he saw it: His card! He debated simply launching for it or if he could pick it up casually but before he could give it two thoughts, Tony was leaning down and picking that card right up.

Steve tried not to panic.

"'To Tony,'" Tony read, "well that's a bit forward," he commented and then continued, "'From Steve' oh ho ho, is this from you Steve? Aww, you shouldn't have," he said, looking up at Steve with a wide smile and a fluttering of his eyelashes.

"Tony no, wait," Steve said, moving forward to stop him.

"Relax Steve, I'm only joking, unless-- is this really from you?” he asked, bringing the card close to his chest.

"Don't open it!" Steve shouted in a panic, arms raised in supplication.

"Aw Steve, are you declaring your undying love for me?" Tony joked, opening the envelope.

"Tony!" Steve couldn't handle it; he needed that letter back, now! He lunged at Tony, but Tony evaded, sidestepped the blond and ran out of the room. Steve was so surprised by Tony's quick movements it took him a few seconds to give chase.

But Tony had been working out with them, had to keep up with super soldiers, spies, and gods, and apparently he'd learned a thing or two. No matter how fast Steve chased, Tony managed to slip away, hiding out in rooms, using secret passages, and by the time Steve had tracked down the man, he suspected he’d already read it.

He managed to find Tony in the hallway just outside the living room, out of breath but unmoving and with his back to Steve.

When Steve took a step toward him, Tony didn’t move, didn't run away, and Steve saw why: Tony had the letter opened in his hand; he knew, he knew.

"Tony," Steve started, "listen, just forget everything you've read, okay Tony?"

Tony didn't respond, and when Steve turned him around he moved willingly. Facing him, Steve saw that his face was red, his eyes glassy, and it was obvious he'd been crying.

"Steve?" Tony said, with feeling and a little bit of a sob.

Steve swallowed hard, not sure what else to do but reply, "yeah?"

Tony wiped at his face with his sleeve, and when he spoke it was slightly muffled, "you're so fucking sentimental."

"Tony, are you okay?" Because this was not a reaction Steve had been prepared for, not that he was really sure of what Tony was going to say.

"No I'm not okay," Tony shouted, pushing away the hand that was still on his shoulder and shoving the letter in Steve's face, "what the fuck is this?"

"I, I think you know."

"Is this for real? Are you really," and he read the letter, "'so completely head over heels in love with me, that you don't know what to do?’ Is that--"

"Tony--"

"Is it true? Did you mean it?" Tony asked, with what sounded like hope to Steve, but with his heart beating so fast and so loud he couldn't be entirely sure.

Steve took a deep breath, and looked up at Tony. "I did," he shook his head, corrected himself, "I do, it's all true. Every word of it."

Tony nodded, and sniffed.

"I didn't mean for it to go this way-"

"Can I kiss you," Tony asked, interrupting and stepping up into Steve's space.

"Uh, what?"

"Kiss you, can I? Is that something we can do?"

"Why would you want to kiss me Tony?" What was Tony trying to do? Take pity on him? Make fun of him? He couldn't--

"Why???" Tony threw his hand up, exasperated. "Hello Steve! You're in love with me!"

"Yeah but--"

"But what?"

"You don't love me back," Steve said in a quiet voice.

Tony stopped, "Who said that?"

"You?"

"When?"

"I mean, you can't be."

"Why not? Why can't I be so in love with you," and he read off the letter again, "that 'every time I see you it causes me pain to stop myself from touching you, from holding you, from kissing you, because we're not together but everything is telling me that we should be. It'd be a natural extension of myself, to be with you. And sometimes I forget that. But I always catch myself. And I wonder, what would you do if I didn't? If I kissed you goodbye just before missions, or if I held your hand while we were watching movies, laid my head on your shoulders when we're doing work side by side, or kissed you goodnight while you worked on a big project?'" Tony said softly, and reverently, smiling while his eyes glistened.

"Enough, you don't have to read it all," Steve said, his hands clenching up, head drawn to the side.

"But I want to. Steve, look at me," Steve did. "I want to read it so many times I memorize it, I want to get it tattooed on me so that I'd never forget."

"Tony?"

"Because I love you too, Steve. As deeply as this letter tells me you love me, I probably love you a thousand times more. So I'm asking you again, can I kiss you? Cause I've waited years and I don't think I can last much longer."

"Are you serious?"

Tony walked right up to him, "as a heart attack."

Steve smiled, brought his arm around Tony's waist so they were completely flushed.

"Can I kiss you," Tony whispered as his eyes fluttered shut and he tilted his head up.

"Yes, Tony, you can," Steve said back, leaning down, and captured Tony's lips in a heated kiss that quickly had them pausing for breath.

"Wow, was kissing always this intense," Tony said, dropping the letter so he wouldn't crush it, and wrapped that arm around Steve's neck, bringing them even closer.

They kissed again, Tony standing on his toes for better leverage, and it was good, and hot and--

"Too fast slow down," Tony muttered in between kisses.

"I can’t, I can't," Steve replied, and lifted Tony up. Completely wrapped around Steve, and in his strong embrace, Tony’s toes barely skimmed the ground. Tony did not mind one bit, because it was good, no, better than good; it was great, amazingly, heavenly good. Steve was so warm, and his tongue! where'd he learn to do that?

When they broke for breath, Tony kept his head close, pressed his forehead against Steve's. They stayed that way, sharing the same space, breathing in the same air.

"Steve, you're amazing, I can't believe this. You're in love with me?" Tony breathed out.

Steve pecked Tony's mouth with a quick kiss, "I'm so in love with you Tony; you read my letter. Every word of it is true."

"And you weren't gonna tell me?" Tony pouted, rubbing his nose against Steve’s.

Steve laughed, "To be fair, were you planning on telling me?"

"Uh, I might have had a thing planned for my birthday," Tony said smiling, looking into Steve’s clear, azure eyes.

"That's in, May?" Steve said, as if to say, that’s too far away.

"Yeah, well, it was gonna be big and spectacular, and so amazing that if you weren't already in love with me, you'd totally fall for me. I'm sure,” Tony replied, with big hand motions, and expressions, and if Steve hadn’t been holding on to him so tightly he might have fallen over.

"You're that sure."

"Absolutely. I'm so positive about it," he kissed Steve. "Like," kiss "so positive, you'd totally,” kiss "fall for me."

"So you really love me?" Steve asked, because he still couldn’t believe it.

Tony stopped kissing him, looked down at Steve and said in a voice that meant he was stating the obvious: "you're my next of kin Steve. You're the only one with codes to my arc reactor. If you wanted to, you could rip it out and I couldn't do anything to stop you."

"You have me keyed in for that?" Steve said amazed, and he already knew that, hadn't Tony told him?

"You and Pepper."

"And Rhodey?"

"He has the armor codes. Which you also have," Tony said, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck, and playing with the hair at his neck. Steve closed his eyes, and leaned his head back, saying,

"I literally have your heart in my hands, huh?"

"My heart, my life, my everything."

Steve squeezed him tight, gave him a small smile, "So years huh?"

"Yeah, well, don't let it go to head, okay, kiddo?"

Steve let him down. "I'm older than you Tony."

"Yeah but I've been awake for longer, so there."

"I love you more," Steve said grinning, as Tony bent to pick up the card.

"Oh let's not start that okay? Because you'll definitely lose."

"No, I don't think so," Steve said, crossing his arms and standing tall.

"Yea, Cap you will. Oh, wait, did I say years? I meant to say decades."

Steve froze, "Tony?"

Tony smiled, "what?"

"What do you mean decades we've only know each other for 8 years??"

Tony shrugged, and threw him a wink.

"That's not fair Tony, tell me."

"Hmm, no."

And he started walking back to the living room because he had chocolates to finish.

"Hmm, yes. How could you be in love with me before we had even met?"

"That's my secret Cap."

"I think I oughta know."

"Ugh, what are you two nerds fighting about now?" Natasha asked, coming out of nowhere and popping one of those chocolates liqueurs into her mouth. She had a whole, melting handful of them, and looked amazing in a low cut evening dress.

"Uh, what? We weren't arguing?" Tony said, and, giving Natasha a once over, "Going somewhere?"

"Yeah you were," Natasha replied, and "I have a date."

"Yes we were Tony."

"Wait, a date, with whom?"

"So, what about," Natasha asked, ignoring Tony's question.

They both froze, and stared at each other, and then back at Natasha; were they going to tell her?

"Uhm...."

She saw the card in Tony's hand.

"Oh, did he finally give you that card?" She asked casually, still eating her chocolates.

Tony tried to hide it, "What card?"

Natasha rolled her eyes, "The love note he'd written 3 years ago but had been too chicken to give to you."

"Three years?" Tony screeched, and turned on Steve with wide eyes.

"Decades????" Steve shouted, throwing his arms out wide.

"I-" Tony faltered.

"So you guys made up," Natasha interrupted.

"No," Steve said, staring at Tony.

"Yes," Tony said, not looking at Steve.

"That's cute; just make sure to keep the volume down okay. I like to get my beauty rest," she winked and pulled out her phone from somewhere.

Steve spluttered, "Natasha!"

Tony grinned, "I'll make sure JARVIS amps it up, just for you sweetheart."

"Tony, no."

"I'm only joking."

"This decades thing?"

Tony sighed, and turned to face Steve, "alright, you might not remember it, but we met before very briefly."

"What, when?"

"Let me, let me finish the story okay?"

Steve nodded.

"I was four, you were twenty seven and about to do time under the sea. It was pretty much love at first sight. Didn't help that Howard talked about you as much as he could, and twice as much when he was drunk."

Steve made a motion to interrupt but Tony lifted his hand and continued, "You were my first crush, my childhood idol, my hero. I had all your figures everything.

“And when I found you,” Tony paused and looked straight at Steve, “it was the greatest moment of my life. And then we got to know each other and you were better than I thought you'd be. And I got to learn about the man behind the legend, and let me tell you he adds up, he adds up and more. And I was already in love with Captain America; I fell head first for Steve Rogers too and never looked back."

Steve nodded, and grabbed Tony's hand, "That first time you called me Steve, and it was to push me out of the way of a shot that would have probably killed me. All your weight on top of me-- You had lost half of your helmet, and with your hot breath huffing out at me, well, I felt a stirring that day. And then again two weeks later, when you nearly broke a leg trying to defend a puppy against an army of doombots, and then again when you actually broke a rib saving a cat and her little owner from a tree. And-- Do you want me to go on? I could."

"No, no, I think I got the gist of it."

They stared at each other, each with varying dopey smiles.

It was quiet, and--

"Wait, where'd Nat go?" Tony asked, looking around.

"She had a date."

"Yeah, okay, but with whom?"

"Clint?"

"They're dating?"

"Pretty sure they're married, Tony."

"When did that happen?!"

Steve shrugged, "Budapest?" Even he wasn't sure of the details, but he'd seen Natasha with a gold ring around her finger sometimes, and on Clint too, and when she didn't have that she always wore her gold arrow necklace.

"Well, that's weird."

Steve laughed, "as weird as us?"

"Uh, no, hon, we’re normal. They're the weird ones, and also, rude, not cool that they got married before me."

"Ahuh," Steve replied softly, his thumb running across Tony's hand.

Tony smiled at him, "So, you want to sit on the couch, be sickeningly sweet and share some chocolates?"

Steve smiled bright and laughed, "I don't mind what we do, Tony, as long as it's with you."

"Starting off strong are we. Good, I like it. We'll drive the others crazy in no time."

"How about we don't do that," Steve said, leading them to the living room and sitting down on the couch.

Tony cozied up next to him, and Steve brought his arm around the back of the couch.

"Listen," Tony said, and pulled a large box of chocolates between them, "I need some revenge for the whole secret married thing."

"Yes," Steve said, opening the box and feeding one to Tony, "but I rather like where you are right now, next to me," he smiled and kissed Tony's chocolate lips, "but most importantly alive."

"Point," Tony said, and fed Steve a piece of chocolate, watching with dark eyes as he licked his fingers, "I do like being alive."

"Mmm, me too," and Steve leaned over to kiss Tony, their mouths sweet from the chocolate.

"I love you," Tony said, pushing the chocolates off to the side, grabbing Steve by the shirt and pulling him down.

Steve went easily, stopping only to say, "I love you more."

"I love you, first."

"I--" Steve leaned up, "Tony, we’re not making this into a competition."

"Just watch me."

Steve rolled his eyes, and kissed him instead, and when that shut Tony up effectively, kept on kissing him, until they rolled off the couch and landed in Tony's Valentine's Day pile. Even that wasn't enough to stop them, and when Natasha and Clint returned from their date late at night, they found the two men barely clothed, covered in melted chocolate and cards that had stuck on to them, and--

"I don't even want to know," Clint said shaking his head and shutting the light back off. "Let's go, Nat."

"Use protection," she shouted as she followed Clint, "and keep the noise down or else."

She smiled satisfactorily when she heard Steve curse, and then curse louder when they banged their heads against the table in a scramble to see who had spoken and if they'd seen anything.

"Was that Nat?" Steve asked, breathless and shoving his pants back on.

Tony leaned up on his elbows, a happy and satisfied expression on his face, "Is it bad that I don't care?"

"Tony we can't just do-- this! in the living room, God what's gotten into me?!" Steve said, and rummaged for his shirt.

"I'd say me, but I'd be lying, and what a shame."

"Tony, help me find our clothes."

"Uh, no," and Tony grabbed Steve, brought him back down and with Tony's mouth on his own, and his hands all over his body Steve was weak to protest.

"Okay," he said in between kisses, "but just for ten minutes."

They ended up staying the whole night out there, and when the Avengers found them in the morning they were sleep deprived, half naked, and still covered in melted chocolate and stuck on cards and other stuff.

"Is that lipstick?

"Uhm," Tony slurred, "I can explain."

Steve just looked sheepish.

"But maybe not right now, because I feel like I'm gonna pass out and what time is it even, Steve? I thought you said ten minutes."

"I lose track of time when I'm with you?" Steve offered as an explanation.

"Aww, that's really cute," Tony leaned in for a kiss.

"Ugh, gross! Could you not do that here?" Clint gagged.

Steve only blushed a little, "right."

And in a move that proved he too was suffering from the effects of too little sleep, too much chocolate, and way too much Tony, he lifted the other man up, bridal style, and carried him to his room, stepping over a mess of cards and gifts and chocolates and discarded clothing.

Tony only giggled and kissed him from the new angle.

The Avengers could only stare, equal parts horrified, intrigued, and happy for them.

"This is gonna be weird," Bruce said handing over fifty bucks to Nat and Thor.

"Aye.”