Archive of Our Own

Wylan knew he had woken up, but his eyes stayed shut. He didn’t want to open them, especially not after what happened yesterday. He was probably going to pay for that one forever. His cheek was pressed against a pillow, and it was surprisingly soft, so he let himself sink deeper into it and pulled the covers over his head. 

Being under the covers let him escape for a little while. It let him breathe a tired sigh and listen to the birds that sung sweet songs outside his window. It was just turning spring, which Wylan would usually love, or at least he used to love. His mother had died around spring time, and the flowers kept reminding him of her and her perfumes, as well as the paintings she did outside.

He felt himself squeeze his eyes shut even more, and shamefully, he wrapped his arms around himself tightly. The weight of yesterday’s problems pressed down on his chest, quickening his heartbeat. All Wylan wanted in that moment was to disappear, to go back in time, to experience relief again. But his bed felt very soft, so he figured he may as well stay for a while, until his father forced him to get up. 

Wylan breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself down. The thought of his father bursting into the room made his throat tight and his heart race, blood running cold. He knew that his breathing was too quick for normal, and when he’d had these bouts of panic before, it usually helped to sit upright. He took his face out of the pillows and came out from under the covers to sit up and do some breathing. 

Wylan jumped. His stomach swirled as he took a gaze around his room, or rather, the room he was in. Shaking, he knew this wouldn’t help his panic. What the hell had happened? Had he been carried to a different house, had he been put in his country house as a punishment for yesterday? His mother had died in the country. Maybe he would share her fate.

The first thing he noticed was the sun streaming in through the windows, even though he knew that in Ketterdam it rained throughout spring. The window was a little bit open and there was a comforting breeze coming in, making the sheer curtains flow around. Birds twittered outside, and for some reason, Wylan felt his panic subside a bit. Wylan brought the covers close to him. 

The second thing he noticed was the fact that this wasn’t his body. These weren’t his arms, certainly not, with dark Zemini skin and larger hands with slender graceful fingers on the end. 

Oh, had it happened? Wylan knew about soulmates switching bodies, he had heard it many times before, that one day in their life, 24 hours, Wylan would have to live in his soulmate’s house and deal with what came with that. It was a way to learn everything one could about their soulmate before even meeting. He’d heard the stories from his mother.

But he never assumed it would happen to him. Everyone got soulmates, yes, but would he? For a second, Wylan’s heart skipped a beat and he let himself smile. He had dreamed and conceptualized what could possibly happen on this day, and who it would be, but his hopes were always dampened by the truth of what he was. He was broken. 

As he lay in this person’s bed, Wylan wanted to cry. He had a soulmate, but the negatives of that were undeniable. It was someone else whose life he would ruin, someone else he would betray with his affliction. There was somebody in his body at the moment, likely feeling the wrath of his father, or finding out things about him that he couldn’t take back. So this wasn’t a very good thing at all. He would be a burden again. 

Wylan laid back down and stared at the ceiling, listening to the birds and the slight rustle of leaves outside the window. Where was he? Was he in the Kerch countryside? 

He looked down at the body he was in for a second and peeked under the covers, thanking Ghezen that he wasn’t naked. He could be in Novyi Zem. He had been there before, to Weddle and Cofton with his father when he had still treated him like a member of his family. From what he remembered, it was extremely warm and extremely beautiful, with rolling fields for miles and delicious food and farms and—

Was he on a farm? Wylan drew the covers back and stood out of bed shakily, like he had forgotten to walk. His soulmate was tall, very much taller than him. Wylan was fourteen, and not exactly the tallest person, there were many girls that he had seen at his father’s work parties who were taller than him. He wished he was tall, because then, maybe his father wouldn’t tower over him so much and he wouldn’t be as scared. 

He pulled back the curtains. The sun instantly blinding, Wylan shielded his eyes as he gazed across the jurda fields that were spread out before him.

Was it possible to feel the opposite of home-sickness? The feeling that if he ever left this place, he would never feel so whole again? Because this was amazing. Wylan had never felt more at peace. There was a voice in the back of his mind thinking about what his soulmate was going to have to deal with, and what he would think of him, but it went quiet. He took a deep breath in and out, the countryside scent going through him.

The orange blossoms of jurda swayed in the wind like a crowd of people. Wylan leaned out the window slightly and looked down, before noticing he was on the ground floor. This was all so different to Ketterdam, and the Geldstraat, Wylan could hardly believe it. 

But Novyi Zem was so far away from his home. How could he and his soulmate ever meet? He knew it was guaranteed that eventually they would come across each other, but Wylan could hardly wait.

Looking down at his soulmate’s fingers, Wylan heated a little. The real owner of this body would be inside his body right now, and had likely already found out about his affliction, and may have given up on him. Yet, Wylan still wondered what it would be like to be wrapped up in his soulmate’s embrace and have his long fingers run lovingly down his arms. 

He shook himself and looked around the room for a mirror, suddenly noticing how messy everything was. There were clothes strewn about the ground, socks over the desk and mugs on the nightstand. There was a bookshelf on the wall and Wylan felt a bubbling of nerves in his veins. Did his soulmate value reading? Would the universe be that cruel to give him someone like that again? 

There was a mirror on the wall, and once Wylan had gone over to it, he hadn’t given himself enough time to ready himself. 

He jumped when he looked into the reflection and saw somebody else staring back at him with stormy gray eyes and an annoyingly beautiful face.

Slowly, Wylan reached up to touch his sharp cheekbones and frankly perfectly shaped lips. They were all there and real, this was really happening to him. As much as Wylan didn’t want to dwell on the sentimental notions of what could happen between them, he smiled in the mirror and felt something warm in his chest when he did it. 

He had a soulmate. This was his soulmate and he was handsome. Wylan had never considered himself so lucky before. 

He stared and stared at the reflection, and could do so for hours on end. He tried smiling, and instantly, the dimples that showed up on his soulmate’s face made Wylan grin even harder at himself. But he stopped.

What would he think of Wylan? Wylan and how short he was, Wylan and his freckles and skinny arms, Wylan and his illiteracy, too. 

Wylan was about to get back into bed and hug himself when a knock came at the door. He tensed instantly, an automatic reaction. 

A muffled voice called, ‘Jesper?’ Wylan stared at the door and didn’t answer. ‘Are you awake yet?’

Wylan looked around numbly, and wondered how his soulmate, Jesper , would react. Jesper was a beautiful name, Wylan wondered, even though he probably didn’t have enough time to think about that. After another couple of seconds, Wylan called back,

‘Y-yeah, pretty much.’ He jumped at the deep voice that came out of him. He wanted to say more, so that he could hear it again, the rumble of it made him smile a little. 

The voice on the other side of the door came again, ‘Okay, well, breakfast is ready, just letting you know.’ Wylan listened to them walk away and sighed with relief. 

The voice was also deep, a man’s for sure, and Wylan thought about who it could be. Possibly a servant, was what he thought automatically before hating himself for it. Not everyone has servants, you idiot, Wylan told himself, going to the bed and sitting back down. 

Eventually, he knew that he would have to face this person, whoever they were, whatever ties they had to Jesper, and probably even reveal the fact that he was Jesper’s soulmate. But was that safe? What if Jesper had enemies or he was in a situation like Wylan where any mention of a soulmate would bring the conversation to a halt, turning it into another argument. 

Wylan stood up and brushed himself off, looking in the mirror at himself again, a trill going through his stomach. Of course his soulmate was way out of his league. It seemed already that his whole life was way out of his league too, and probably exactly what Wylan secretly desired. Peace. Tranquility. 

Placing one hand over the handle, Wylan thought about what would be on the other side of the door. What if he walked through and woke up from this lovely dream where he had a soulmate and a chance at love? He shut his eyes and turned the handle, opening the door into the hallway. 

The hallway opened out into a small living space, and as Wylan walked cautiously through, he breathed in the scent of breakfast. 

He thought about how he should be acting around people now, seeing as he was another person altogether. Would the universe put together two people who were different or acted the same? It was probably best just to keep to himself for the next 24 hours, stay out of everyone’s way —he had gotten used to it— and act neutrally. He looked outside the window in the living room and thought about going for a walk around the fields of jurda, so he could have at least one peaceful day in his life.

Wylan soon found himself in the kitchen, the scent of food attracting him. He usually made his own breakfast sometimes, as his father often forgot to tell the cooks to make him some, so it was different to be the one sitting at the table.

Waffles. Wylan had never had them before, and usually just had plain toast for breakfast since it was really all he could make. Just as he was about to tuck in ravenously, someone else walked in. Wylan looked up instantly, wondering if he should do anything.

A jolly-looking man with red hair, pale skin and a mustache smiled at Wylan casually, getting a plate from the counter and putting it down on the table. Upon closer inspection, the man had gray eyes, exactly like the ones that Wylan had seen in the mirror just moments ago. 

Oh no. These were not the circumstances in which he wanted to meet his soulmate’s parents. 

Maybe he wasn’t though, maybe he was mistaken, maybe—

‘Morning, son,’ the man said, grabbing his utensils and cutting off a bit of his own waffle before eating it. 

Say something, Wylan’s brain screamed at him. He felt a little shaky and blinked rapidly to try and stop the nerves from overtaking his body. ‘M-morning.’ Stop stammering. 

Jesper’s father looked up and frowned a little, sending alarm bells ringing in Wylan’s mind. Chewing, he put his elbow on the table, indicating that this place clearly was not as formal as Wylan was used to. ‘You alright this morning?’

Wylan was taken aback. He sounded genuinely interested. ‘Um… yeah, I’m okay. Just tired,’ he replied, itching his cheek in apprehension. So he didn’t have to talk anymore, Wylan cut into the waffle and ate some, focusing heavily on Jesper’s fingers as he inspected them. 

‘Hm. Okay then,’ Jesper’s father said, shrugging. To Wylan’s dismay, he carried on. ‘Did you not sleep well or something?’ 

A follow up question? Wylan wasn’t cut out for this, he was going to reveal himself, he could feel it. ‘I don’t know.’ It wasn’t exactly a lie, he really didn’t know anything about Jesper yet.

‘Did the sun wake you up? It woke me up, sure is getting brighter everyday, isn’t it?’ 

Wylan didn’t know how to react. Small talk at breakfast was something he definitely hadn’t been subject to in his whole life. If there was ever a time where he ate dinner with his own father, it would have been in awkward silence and would only have been broken if his father wanted a serious conversation. 

He nodded as he chewed, instead of speaking, trying his best not to look as nervous as he felt. But for some reason, he didn’t feel scared. Fear was different to feeling awkward, he found. 

‘You’re awfully still today, Jes,’ Jesper’s father continued. Still? Wylan wondered how moving around and being annoying could be anything other than bad. There came a small laugh from across the table. ‘That’s not like you.’ 

‘Sorry,’ Wylan mumbled, wishing he could stop his heart from beating so fast. Jesper’s father frowned again.

‘Well, I’m going to need you to come down to the farmer’s market with me today, I’m afraid. Lots of things to carry,’ he continued, looking at Wylan with sympathetic eyes. 

‘Oh, okay,’ Wylan quickly conceded, before wondering what this would bring. So much for keeping a low profile.  

‘You… you want to come?’ 

Wylan nodded, taking the last bite of the waffle. ‘Of course, I’ll help you.’

Jesper’s father widened his eyes a bit, and Wylan almost froze. But he couldn’t take it back, really, in case he was rude and got Jesper into trouble. Once they had both finished breakfast, Wylan stood up in an instant and grabbed both his plate and the man across from him’s and brought it over to the sink. 

‘Wow— thanks,’ he said, confused in his expression. ‘You’re awfully helpful this morning, Jes. Are you feeling well?’ 

Wylan took a shaky breath and tried to look him in the eyes. ‘Of course I am s—‘ Sir, he was about to call him sir. He had a slight suspicion that wasn’t the way they did things around here. 

‘Hm. Okay, well, get ready because we are leaving in… half an hour.’ 

Wylan opened his mouth to say something, but decided it was best to just nod and walk off, but not before he heard Jesper’s father let out a laugh of disbelief.

♡ 

Jesper sat up. As soon as he had awoken, he knew something was different. He could hear the slight patter of rain on the window behind him, and the room didn’t smell like his. The light was cold and dim rather than warm and homely, and the bed was inexplicably softer and bigger than his own. The duvet was feather, and while the mattress was kind of hard, Jesper found two pillows behind his head rather than just one. 

He grinned. This was the day. 

He had thought about what might happen when the day he was to switch with his soulmate came. He spent hours sometimes in the fields when he was supposed to be working for his da, daydreaming about what this day might bring. Already, it seemed that things were looking up for him. The bedroom was very elaborate and the bed frame was quite ornate and regal. The wallpaper was nothing that he had never seen in Novyi Zem, with intricate paintings of flowers and waves and birds.

Jesper whipped the covers off of himself and stood up in a flash to look around the room. There was a small clock on the wall, which told him that it was actually quite late in the morning, which was expected for him, he did like to sleep in. He wondered if sleep schedules transferred from soulmate to soulmate. 

As Jesper searched for a mirror so he could finally see who he was supposed to end up with, he found various things. While the room was mostly tidy, there were a few inconsistencies. On the desk, there were papers and papers piled up. All of them had sketches on them, some of them rough and of little objects or landscapes, and some of them were of animals and people that Jesper didn’t recognize. He could feel himself smiling uncontrollably. So he had an artist for a soulmate. That he could get used to. 

Upon closer inspection, his soulmate wasn’t just an artist. Jesper found a music stand and a sheet of music left on it, and below it there was a leather case. When Jesper opened it, he smiled at the flute and almost picked it up, before he realized how dumb it would be if he broke something within the first ten minutes. So he had a musician for a soulmate?

However, Jesper also found notes with various numbers and difficult looking graphs, along with what looked like… chemical equations. Jesper smiled, but he felt a little pool of unease in his stomach. His soulmate was amazing, evident in how many talents they had. And Jesper was just a simple farm boy. 

The only other things of notice in the room were the stacks of books alongside the desk that looked like they’d been roughly treated, and he opened a drawer to find sheets of paper with a few shaky sheets of notes. 

All that, and absolutely no mirror. Jesper felt like he knew everything about his soulmate and yet nothing at all. 

Jesper walked over to the door and put his hand on the handle, turning it slowly before peeking out. The corridor seemed almost endless, the wall paneling mahogany creating an illusion of darkness in the late morning. Saints, where was he? Walking over to a window on the other side of the hallway, Jesper noticed how much shorter he had gotten. It wasn’t too much, but it was still jarring.

The rain splattering on the window blurred the vision of the outside a little bit, but Jesper could still see some of the outside world. From what he could spot, the house was huge. Was he in a mansion? That couldn’t be real. Jesper looked out the window again in disbelief and noticed he was in one of Ketterdam’s most wealthy areas, so it probably belonged to a mercher, maybe even someone on the Kerch Merchant Council. He laughed at himself. He couldn’t possibly be that lucky. Imagine what you could do with all that money, he immediately thought. Jesper shook himself. Just because his soulmate was in the house of a rich person, didn’t mean he had any money. 

The next thing he should really do was search for a washroom, so he could finally look into the eyes of his soulmate, and maybe even figure out his role in all of this. 

Because he had a slight suspicion that his soulmate was way out of his league. 

But as soon as he started to walk down the grandest staircase he’d seen in his life, he spotted someone at the foot of the stairs, glaring at him. Jesper froze as he stepped down onto the first step, and the automatic reaction to the serious face coldly staring at him from the ground was to quirk his lips into an awkward smile. 

Jesper could read emotions pretty well, and the look of rage on the man’s was ten-fold, which was pretty hilarious. ‘What are you smiling about?’ He suddenly snapped.

Jesper couldn’t help it. He snorted a small laugh, an automatic reaction that he usually had when his father was yelling at him. But he was swiftly silenced again with a shout so loud it shook him, like it had come from deep within this man’s diaphragm.

‘ Wylan Van Eck!’ Jesper’s muscles tensed and he stopped. The shout echoed. Despite everything, all he could think of was how his soulmate’s name was pretty. But he didn’t smile. ‘Don’t ever be that casual with me again.’ 

Jesper nodded dumbly, and found himself wanting to laugh again. But his mind raced. Was his soulmate dealing with this kind of stuff on a daily basis? He suddenly felt a rush of feelings and empathy for him. The man seemed to calm down, but it was a slow process.

‘Son.’ Oh dear. ‘Your tutors have been waiting for hours . How can you have the gall to do something like this after what happened yesterday? And looking like that.’ 

Jesper looked down at his soulmate’s body hesitantly and noticed he was still in his nightshirt and some loose trousers. He hadn’t even realized, too busy exploring. What was he supposed to even say? 

‘Get dressed ,’ Van Eck scoffed, a scorn on his face. ‘And then stop moping in your room all day and see me in my office immediately.’ Then he turned and walked away.

Jesper released a breath and didn’t laugh this time. His soulmate was a troublemaker or something? He couldn’t think of any other good reason for Wylan’s father to be treating him like this. Van Eck  had said something about what happened the day before, when his soulmate was still in his own body. Also, another huge revelation was that his soulmate was rich. Filthy rich. He would have liked it if it didn’t give him a strange feeling that perhaps soulmates were not so perfect after all. A pampered, likely spoiled rich boy was supposed to spend the rest of his life with Jesper? 

It was a lot to ask. Jesper knew he was high-maintenance. 

Trudging upstairs, Jesper considered just staying in Wylan’s room again, but he had a feeling that would only cause further problems for his soulmate and that wasn’t exactly fair. Wylan was interesting. The house suggested that he was just a two-dimensional, stuck-up person but Jesper knew deep down that was just his immediate stereotypes. As he found his way back into the bedroom, he looked around it again. His soulmate’s belongings suggested that he had some interesting skills, some truly remarkable talents. Jesper wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. 

Once Jesper had found some smart clothes and gotten dressed, he quickly realized he had no idea where this office was. He didn’t panic, though, as he rarely did, and just walked casually downstairs and peered his head through every door on the ground floor, until he found the office, which was a dismal room. 

The dark wood panels on the walls again, made the room seem darker, and the presence of Wylan’s father sitting at the desk in the middle of it didn’t help to make Jesper feel any less uneasy. 

Don’t laugh , Jesper thought as he suppressed one. He wasn’t sure why he laughed in situations like these, but it was all too much. The seriousness of Van Eck along with the fact he had no idea that his son was not really his son was hilarious.

‘Are you still smiling at me, Wylan?’ Jesper winced at the tone of voice. It cut through him like a blade. Jesper shook his head again. ‘ Speak.’ 

‘Nope. No.’ 

Van Eck frowned. Jesper wasn’t sure how Wylan spoke or carried himself, but he tried his best to mimic someone of this status, placing his hands in his lap. He still fidgeted a little though, but that couldn’t be helped.  

‘No? No what?’ 

Jesper furrowed his brow slightly, before he realized what Wylan’s father probably wanted. Don’t. Laugh. Jesper. ‘Uh, no sir.’ 

Van Eck nodded and Jesper shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He could sense that he was going to speak again, and he couldn’t take this anymore, so Jesper said quickly, 

‘I actually needed to talk to you about something, first. It’s kind of important. Uh, you know how soulmates can—‘

‘This again?’ Van Eck rolled his eyes and Jesper felt anger bubbling inside him. ‘Don’t try to change the subject or avoid what happened yesterday, Wylan. It was humiliating. Your progress fell short of a child’s.’

Jesper glanced around him, as if he was looking for someone who also found this ridiculous. ‘It’s just that soulmates eventually—‘

‘It never gets through to you, does it?’ Van Eck snapped, and the glare that he shot stunned Jesper into silence. ‘We have been through this time, and time again. You should know that the universe would not be so cruel to give someone like you a soulmate.’ 

Jesper blinked once or twice. ‘Someone… like me?’ He asked incredulously. 

‘An imbecile.’ 

Jesper refrained from dropping his jaw, but Van Eck carried on like nothing had just happened, and Jesper was surprised to hear a somewhat sympathetic tone in his voice. 

It was laced with something akin to kindness, which almost worked if it wasn’t for the words. ‘Would it really be fair to you, if the universe gave you someone who would resent you and eventually leave you?’

Jesper opened his mouth and wanted to say something to prove him wrong, but nothing came out. 

‘But you see, it’s different with me, because I’m your father,’ he sighed almost tiredly. ‘I’m expected to take on your burdens since I brought you into this world. You can’t expect someone who doesn’t know who you are to do the same. A soulmate would only bring you misery, wouldn’t it?’ 

Jesper almost automatically agreed with the evil words laced with kind intentions, until he shook himself. Textbook manipulation, he thought. 

Hearing these words of vitriol directed at his soulmate made Jesper almost tremble with anger, feeling his face contort into a little scorn. We’ve been through this time, and time again , Van Eck had said earlier. Did that mean that Wylan had heard these words multiple times? Just for daring to believe that he had a soulmate like everyone else?

There came a roaring, red rage, in Jesper’s ears. The world turned tinted slightly red. He could shake off what Van Eck had said, but he wasn’t sure if he would have been able to do that if he had grown up with him as a father like Wylan had. 

Suddenly, the faux sympathy in Van Eck’s voice was replaced by a mean-spirited amusement. ‘Or did you think your soulmate would love you? Perhaps if you were both illiterate, but I doubt there’s anyone out there like you.’

Jesper barely had time to register it, but all he could gather from that was that his soulmate wasn’t spoiled, he wasn’t a troublemaker, and he certainly didn’t deserve to be treated this way. He clenched his fists —or rather, Wylan’s fists— and pressed his nails into the palm of his hands, leaving little half-moon marks. 

He could have told Van Eck about the fact that he was wrong, he could read something out because Jesper was pretty sure the ability to read had come over with his own mind, or he could have cursed Van Eck out and told him exactly what he thought. But all of those led back to hurting his soulmate in the end, leaving a great big mess for Wylan to clean up when the 24 hours was done. So, instead of punching his lights out like he wanted, Jesper did his best to look Van Eck in the eye. 

Calmly, he said, ‘Everyone gets a soulmate, though.’ 

Van Eck slowly blinked and then leaned forward as if he was talking to a child. It was odd, Jesper hadn’t been spoken to like this since he was, well, a child. ‘Get that out of your head. It’ll only lead to disappointment for you.’ 

Jesper could feel himself recklessly speak again. ‘But—‘

Van Eck stood up so fast and suddenly that Jesper thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He squeezed his hands on the arms of the chair but he held eye contact. He wouldn’t lose this for Wylan. For his soulmate.

‘Don’t ever speak out of turn again,’ Van Eck snapped, walking towards him. Jesper felt a shadow cast over him. 

He took a deep breath before standing as well, just then noticing how short he was in Wylan’s body. He was used to be able to tower over others in his own body, but he still stood his ground. 

Surprise flitted over Van Eck’s face. Evidently, Wylan had never done this before. That meant he usually would cower… or back down. Something like dread swirled in Jesper’s stomach.

‘Haven’t I tried everything?’ Van Eck said, tiredly, and even Jesper felt a little guilty at the tone, let alone Wylan. He shook himself though. ‘I mean, even pain wasn’t a suitable motivator.’ 

Pain? Jesper squinted slightly so his brain couldn’t imagine anything that it didn’t want to. 

‘I’m running out of options,’ Van Eck said, though it seemed he was saying it more to himself than anyone, as he looked away from Jesper. Then suddenly he looked back at him with the most disgusted look Jesper had ever seen. ‘Get out.’ 

Gladly , was what Jesper wanted to say. Instead, he breathed a small sigh and turned to walk through the office door. His fists were still clenched and pressing fingernails into his palms. 

He felt Van Eck’s eyes burning into the back of his head, and fought not to look back at him for fear of getting the most hateful glare in the world. It took all of his strength not to turn around and rant at him. 

On his way back to Wylan’s bedroom, Jesper padded slowly down the hallway and couldn’t stop thinking about the way Van Eck had said, I’m running out of options to himself. And the piercing glare he had given his own son, or a person who he thought was his own son. It wasn’t familial, it was murderous, sadistic. Chilling. 

Once Jesper had reached the same door he had come out of before, he hesitated and backed away. He stepped down the hallway quietly and poked his head in another couple doors before he finally found a washroom. This was nothing like his life back home. His mouth practically hung open as he stepped into a bathroom that was the size of a bedroom.

The walls were tiled intricately and the bath in the center of the room was honestly huge. The mirror above the sink was framed with gold, and when Jesper turned to look at it, he jumped, remembering suddenly that he was in another person’s body. 

Oh. Oh wow. 

At first glance, Jesper figured he had gotten himself a cute soulmate. But upon closer inspection, his soulmate could also be described as beautiful, along with many other words.

Blue eyes stared back at him from the soft face in the mirror, with a few freckles that were dotted over his nose and cheeks and everywhere , contrasting against pale skin. At least, pale except for his pinkish cheeks that grew even redder when Jesper leant closer and looked at his lips. Red-gold curls framed his face and Jesper couldn’t help but grin at his reflection. So luck was on his side for once in his life; his soulmate was pretty . He was gorgeous.

The smile in the mirror was still very Jesper-like, and he knew immediately that he wanted to see his soulmate smile at him personally as soon as possible. 

Jesper bounced up and down slightly, and watched as the curls shifted on his face. But something was wrong. 

Even though it was Jesper’s soul that gazed at the mirror, he could still see the remnants of a deeply instilled pain in Wylan’s eyes.  

It hurt Jesper physically, wrenched his heart over and over, that he couldn’t do anything about it. He wanted to run away for Wylan but knew how much hardship that could bring his soulmate if he got caught. It just wasn’t fair. 

The only thing he could do was to stare into the eyes of the boy he was destined to love and whisper across the plane of existence, ‘I’ll find you.’ 

♡

Wylan found that Jesper’s body was much stronger than his, deceptively strong even, as he managed to lug two bags of grain at once onto Jesper’s father’s cart. He found that he liked it. He liked being strong enough. 

Jesper’s father had offered to help, which made no sense to Wylan, since wasn’t he the one who was helping him? It was slightly awkward with him, as he kept giving Wylan odd looks like he knew what was going on but just couldn’t put his finger on it, and Wylan could sense that the responses to the questions he was asked weren’t very Jesper-like. It was when they had gotten onto the front of the cart and had begun to ride down to the market when the conversation finally turned.

‘You’re not… Jesper, are you?’ He asked as the trotting of hooves filled the awkward silence that followed. 

Wylan spluttered. He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to hide it, maybe he was just used to it. ‘Um… why would you think that?’ His voice was too high to be believable. 

Jesper’s father gave him another look, incredulous but it wasn’t mean-spirited.

Wylan slumped. ‘No, no I’m not Jesper. Sorry for lying to you it’s just—‘

He swatted his hand slightly. ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s nice to meet you though…’

Wylan blinked. ‘Wylan.’ 

‘Wylan, right,’ Jesper’s father said, smiling as he put his hand out for Wylan to shake. He hesitated for a moment, but eventually he took it. ‘I’m Colm Fahey, and to answer your question, I knew you weren’t Jesper as soon as I heard ya.’ 

Wylan felt himself heat up, impossibly warmer in the already high temperature of the Novyi Zem fields. ‘Oh… why?’ He laughed nervously. 

‘Because Jesper is never awake when I knock on his door. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t got plenty of energy, that one,’ Colm continued as Wylan smiled and listened intently. ‘When you sat down at that breakfast table and didn’t immediately ask what we were going to do that day, that confirmed my suspicions. And forgive me for speaking ill of my son, but he’s not as polite as you are, Wylan.’ 

Even though this probably should have concerned him a little, Wylan found himself grinning and chuckling along with Colm. Then he quickly stopped himself once he realized that he probably shouldn’t be so casual in front of his soulmate’s father.

He rubbed the back of his neck. It had gotten very warm with the sun beating down and the fact he was nervous out of his mind. But maybe he shouldn’t be. 

‘Yeah, I mean his room is very messy.’ 

Colm chuckled and Wylan couldn’t help smiling. No one had ever laughed with him before. ‘Usually it’s messy yes, but particularly so recently. He’s packing up to go to Ketterdam university soon.’

Wylan perked up. ‘Really?’ 

‘Yep, I’m very proud of him,’ Colm said, sighing happily. Wylan felt warmth in his heart and fiddled with his fingers, or rather, Jesper’s graceful ones.

‘I- I live in Ketterdam, actually.’ 

Colm stared at him, a smile spreading across his face. ‘Isn’t that perfect?’ Wylan shrugged and nodded. ‘Maybe that’s where you two were supposed to meet, or something.’ 

Wylan looked down and nodded again, but deep inside his chest, his heart wrenched knowing that he would never amount to such an achievement. It went quiet, but Wylan felt it not to be awkward at all, and found himself settling into his seat on the cart as it rolled down the track road. 

‘What’s he like? Jesper, I mean.’ 

Colm smiled like he had been waiting for this question. ‘Oh I know I must have been giving you a bad impression of him, but really, he’s a good lad. He would talk your ear off though, but look at me, so am I.’

‘That’s okay.’

Colm smiled back, and there was a twinkle in his eye. ‘You would like him though, I promise.’ Wylan nodded, and felt like he meant it. Suddenly, he could see Jesper’s father get quite wistful, looking in the distance. Wylan raised his eyebrows, not remembering the last time he was sure of someone else’s emotions. ‘Boy, I’m gonna miss him around the farm, y’know. And Ketterdam is…’  he said as he shook his head. Wylan almost copied him. ‘I know he wants to go, but it’s quite dangerous for… someone like him.’ 

Wylan sat in silence pensively. There is no one else out there like you, he heard his father say to him in his head. 

Wylan took a deep breath before the big question. ‘Is- is he—‘

‘Are you… Grisha, Wylan?’ Colm’s voice was serious, but Wylan was surprised to hear that it wasn’t stern or cutting like his own father’s. Did that mean that Jesper was grisha? He couldn’t help but give a little smile at that, never before considering that it could be a possibility. Despite his first impressions, and the fact he had never met the real person, Jesper seemed like someone he could fall in love with. If he wanted to reciprocate. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind that told him there was no chance of that happening.

Wylan shook his head. ‘Why? Is Jes—‘

‘He’s not. He’s just… Zemini, that’s all.’ 

Wylan frowned and nodded again, feeling a twinge of disappointment but also a hint of unease at the fact that, from the look on Colm’s face, this wasn’t true. 

‘And he’s a very… unfocused sort of boy. I mean, I love him very much, but I worry. Fathers always do,’ he said as he sighed before letting out a chuckle. Wylan nodded and looked at his hands. All of a sudden, he felt himself getting choked up. A lump in his throat grew, but he couldn’t cry, not in front of his soulmate’s father, no way. ‘You’re quiet.’

‘Oh— oh, sorry.’ Wylan shook his head at himself, remembering all the times when his father had told him when to speak and when to shut up.

‘No, no. It’s not a bad thing to be quiet. You’d be very good for my son.’ Then Colm looked back at the road. 

Wylan sniffed and let a single tear escape from his eye. But he was smiling. 

♡

When Jesper walked in the tannery with guns on his hips and wearing a bright lime and lemon waistcoat, Wylan barely recognised him as the same boy from the farm. But then again, he figured he didn’t look too similar to his younger self either. In fact, upon first impression, Wylan assumed in a second that this was just another man who had been sent by his father to kill him. 

But then he saw those lips. The lips he had spotted in the mirror almost two years ago and had wanted to kiss. 

Wylan didn’t know what to do, because he was pretty sure Jesper was coming over to him and he wasn’t ready. In actual fact, he hadn’t had time to think about his soulmate in a very long time. When he had been dropped into the Barrel like a pristine white kitten in a pile of muddy dogs, Wylan hadn’t begun to think about what Jesper was doing and whether he’d see him at the university. For a second, he had thought about running off there, but his thoughts had been cut short when he was mugged by a few older men.

When Jesper spotted him, Wylan saw him freeze. Did he really recognize him under all this dirt and new memories? Then Jesper sauntered over to him before stopping on the other side of the large vat he had been stirring. For some reason, Wylan kept himself turned away, pretending like he hadn’t just seen his own soulmate. Of course he’d seen him in the flesh and could somewhat remember what Colm had said about him, but that wouldn’t necessarily be akin to the same thing.

‘Wylan?’ Jesper asked when he finally reached him. Wylan swallowed and turned slowly to meet his gaze, shamefully.

Jesper had seen him at fourteen-years-old. Before it all went south. And clearly he was shocked to see him from the look on his face, the eyes that scanned his body. 

Wylan felt himself weaken, despite what he had told himself to do.

‘Jesper.’ 

Jesper’s face broke out into a beaming grin, and Wylan knew that smile. He had seen half of it in the mirror, but that was not like the real one. ‘Saints, it is you. I…’ He rushed towards Wylan, and they grinned at each other for a second, soulmate to soulmate. Wylan flinched when Jesper used his thumb to rub some dirt off his cheeks. ‘There are those freckles.’ 

Wylan felt himself blush and he laughed it off. He should have expected someone with a lot of energy to be flirtatious, but he’d never had this kind of attention before. 

But then Jesper’s eyes slightly squinted, almost suspiciously. He pointed a finger at him.

‘I thought you were a merchling.’ 

Wylan bit the skin on the inside of his cheek, so he wouldn’t bite his thumbnail, which was somehow more embarrassing. ‘Oh, um… a- a lot can change in two years.’

Jesper’s face changed from one of excitement and confusion, to one of concern at Wylan who turned back to what he was doing. Jesper had expectations of him, he thought he was a rich, sheltered boy, one with smarts and skill. But he was just a boy in the Barrel now. 

Jesper stepped forward again. ‘Hey… aren’t you happy to see me?’ His voice was soft and soothing. Wylan bit the inside of his cheek again and stopped. ‘I mean, I get that you don’t know me but—‘

‘Of course I am. At least I’m supposed to be, because ‘now my life can start’ or whatever everyone says when they meet their soulmate,’ Wylan mumbled the last part, quickly blushing, feeling a little terrible. 

Jesper’s shoulders slumped. ‘Disappointed, then?’

As soon as Jesper took his hands off the vat, indicating his desire to leave, Wylan turned back to him, swifter than anything. ‘Wait— I…’ He sighed. ‘I’m just sorry.’ 

Jesper’s brow furrowed and Wylan could see what his father had meant about fidgety, in the way that Jesper was constantly moving around somehow. ‘Sorry about what?’ 

‘That I’m not… what you expected. I guess.’

Jesper tilted his head , brows upturned, as Wylan looked down and rubbed his arms. They itched from all the stink of the tannery. Ghezen, he really needed to get out of here.

‘Look… I’ll admit that I didn’t expect to find you here , but I mean, did you really expect to see me here as well?’ Jesper asked.

Wylan considered it. That was when he really, really looked at Jesper and what he was doing with his hands, resting them on his guns like they were his pets. ‘N- no. Not really.’

They stared at each other for a moment. Jesper was the first to speak up again. ‘I want to talk. Really. Just… not here. It stinks.’ 

Wylan snorted a little laugh and nodded, making Jesper give a lovely smile. It lit up the world around him. 

Once Wylan had grabbed his satchel and they had both walked outside the tannery, Wylan breathed in fresher air. It wasn’t exactly fresh per se, because they were in the Barrel, but he had begun to get used to it. The one thing he couldn’t get used to, however, was how everyone stared at him. 

Wylan looked at Jesper and how everyone seemed to stay out of his way. He only blushed when Jesper said,

‘Admiring the view?’ He winked.

‘Um— well,’ Wylan said slyly before nodding jerkily. He had to admit, in the past two years, Jesper had cleaned up well. 

Jesper laughed but Wylan quickly carried on before he could say anything that embarrassed him even more. ‘Are you- I don’t want to assume but… are you part of a gang or something?’ 

Smiling at him endearingly, Jesper replied smugly, ‘Yeah, the Dregs, sharpshooter as you could probably tell.’ 

‘Kaz- Kaz Brekker’s gang?’ Wylan tried to ignore the questions clamoring in his brain about what the hell happened to Jesper going to the university, and what Colm thought.  

Jesper snorted. ‘He’s in it, yeah. Heard of him then?’

‘Well, obviously. He sounds kinda…’

‘I know, I know, the rumors are mostly true. Especially the one about him being a bastard.’ Wylan couldn’t help but giggle at that until someone tried to grab at his satchel. He panicked and froze, but they quickly cleared off when Jesper pulled Wylan over to him by the sleeve and showed his guns. 

‘Thanks,’ Wylan said quietly, feeling himself heat up. He was really not equipped for a place like this. He knew it, and it seemed everyone else did too.

‘No problem,’ Jesper said, genuinely smiling. ‘You’ll be protected once you’re in the Slat. It’s not a coincidence that you haven’t been plucked off the streets yet.’ 

‘Excuse me?’ 

‘Kaz. He asked me to get you, which I was very happy to do, of course.’ With that, Jesper opened the door to a very ramshackle looking house and before Wylan had a chance to say anything, all words were drowned out by the raucous noise upon entering the room. ‘Keep your head down and follow me.’ 

Wylan said nothing and did as he was told, following behind Jesper like he was a shield as he saw people tipping back shots, people shouting across the gambling tables, even Jesper greeted lots of scary looking members. 

The door to Jesper’s room closed, and the noise was drowned out. Jesper sighed, hands on his revolvers. Wylan kept his hand tightly on his bag strap and looked around the messy room. He couldn’t help but grin at the memory of Jesper’s messy room back at the farm. They awkwardly smiled at each other.

Jesper was the first to speak again. Wylan blushed at the soft tone. ‘You have a home here, Wylan, you know that right?’

Wylan opened and closed his mouth with surprise. ‘I do?’ 

Jesper pretty much ignored the question. ‘How… how did you get here?’ His voice was gentle, caring, and as he stepped forward, Wylan felt himself relax and even felt tempted to tell him everything about what happened to him. 

But instead, he asked, ‘How did you get here? I mean, weren’t you going to go to university?’ Wylan trailed off at Jesper’s expression faltering. ‘That’s- that’s what your father said anyway.’ 

‘Got distracted.’ His laugh wasn’t as light as before.

‘Oh. I’m sorry I didn’t meant to—‘

‘It’s okay Wylan.’ 

‘No, really, it’s just I don’t know what I’m saying—‘

‘Wylan,’ Jesper said, louder, before Wylan noticed that he had gotten a lot closer than before and had grabbed both of Wylan’s hands in his. Jesper suddenly seemed like he noticed what he was doing, but Wylan didn’t want it to end, so he squeezed back. Jesper’s voice reduced to a volume little over a whisper.

‘What happened? Did he…’ Jesper’s eyes went sympathetic and concerned again. Wylan felt his stomach swirl a little, knowing what Jesper was talking about. 

A million questions ran through Wylan’s head about whether Jesper knew about how his father treated him, whether he knew the reason for it, whether he had experienced it first-hand. 

‘Wylan…’ Jesper slightly raised his hand from Wylan’s, going up to his cheek and wiping. That was when Wylan realized he had let a tear escape. Heat rushed to his face. But he didn’t move, no matter how much his instincts told him to. 

‘You met my…’ Wylan started, hoping Jesper would finish the sentence for him, but he stayed silent, waiting for Wylan to finish. ‘My father.’ 

Jesper let out a breath and removed his hand from Wylan’s face, and he found he missed the contact. ‘Unfortunately.’

Wylan gulped and closed his eyes so the tears would stop, and so that he could gain the courage to ask, ‘Do you know that… I can’t…’ This time, Jesper sensed that he didn’t want to finish. 

He nodded, and Wylan felt his heart leap. Jesper knew this the whole time, and he still saw him, he still stroked his cheek and let him into his room, he still empathized with him and held his hand. Wylan felt a surge of affection, and it required every bone in his body not to fall into his arms. 

He knew how it would feel if he did: safe. 

‘Your father is a fool , okay? He has no idea what he’s talking about.’ Wylan nodded slowly, feeling his mouth turn up into a small smile. ‘And I don’t know what he did for you to end up here, but I can assure you, I won’t let you get hurt. No matter if you want a relationship or not.’ 

Wylan stared up at him with cerulean eyes. ‘What are you talking about?’ He could feel his voice shaking, but he was determined to push through it, needing to know what he meant. 

‘I… I understand if you don’t want to be with me, or anything like that,’ Jesper said, before laughing nervously and itching his neck. ‘I know I’m probably not the best soulmate in the world.’

Wylan shook his head. He knew exactly how Jesper felt. ‘I want this, Jesper. I’ve wanted this since I spoke with your father all day about you.’

Jesper rolled his eyes, but Wylan saw his grin. ‘Saints, what did he say about me?’

‘That you’re messy and full of energy,’ Wylan said, stepping forwards. Jesper looked down at him with treacherous determination in his eyes. ‘But also that you’re kind, and have a big heart.’

‘That’s— that’s kind of true, I guess.’

‘It is,’ Wylan whispered, smiling smally. They shared eye contact for more than just a few seconds, and he could feel it burning through him in a good way. 

He opened his mouth to break the silence, but Jesper enveloped him in a hug, wrapping his arms around him. Wylan’s breath caught in his throat and his muscles went stiff at first, waiting for Jesper to pull away and say that it was a mistake. 

But that wasn’t what happened. He leant into the hug, and relished in the feeling of Jesper’s chin on the top of his head, the hands on his back, the sound of Jesper’s heartbeat. 

He was right, being in Jesper’s arms did feel safe. 

‘Thank you,’ Wylan whispered, closing his eyes and letting the tears escape. He felt Jesper brush some of them away, but he didn’t tell him to stifle them.