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"Luz, I'm so happy I had you as a big sister."
She suddenly snapped awake in a sweat, quickly looking around the room in distress, until she realized she was exactly where she knew she was. Home. Her home, in the human realm, where her mom once waited for her to return to. Where they all were, now. King's words haunted Luz nearly every night. Almost all she could think about was how Eda and King must be doing right now, and how incredibly guilty she felt.
She sighed, head down. "All of this is my fault, I can't believe I let myself get tricked so easily."
She looked around to see Vee's tail dangling off the bunk, and turned to see Willow fast asleep, mouth agape. But was surprised to see Amity's bed was empty. Luz was a relatively light sleeper, so she thought she would've heard her get up. Regardless, she realized how thirsty she was after that nightmare and wanted to get a drink.
After coming back from the bathroom and sitting back down she started to become curious where her girlfriend was. They didn't have a very big house, and she didn't see her anywhere upstairs on her way to the bathroom.
Luz, using her definitely fully awake brain thought, "Maybe she's cooking something downstairs?" As soon as she realized what had just occurred in her brain, she realized how stupid of a thought that was and promptly facepalmed herself.
Either way, she decided that she should probably try and get more sleep, even if she knew that probably wasn't going to happen.
Maybe it was the horrible recurring nightmare, or her slowly growing worry for Amity, but either way she could not fall back asleep. She checked the time. 3:12 AM. Roughly 40 minutes had gone by since she had woken up and Amity still wasn't back yet.
"She probably just went down to the basement to talk to Hunter and Gus." she thought to herself. They sometimes stayed awake down there playing games late into the night…Without her mom's knowledge, of course. Maybe Amity wanted to join them?
But even so, there was that lingering feeling in the back of her mind that she couldn't shake. She hated it. She hated thinking about it. That fear of losing yet another important person to her. She knew with absolute certainty that Amity was completely fine, but she couldn't shake that fear after everything that had happened.
In any case, she realized she wasn't going to get any sleep like this, and as soon as she started to stand up she heard the door slowly creak open and saw Amity tiptoeing back in with the biggest smile on her face.
"Holy crap, how did I get so lucky with someone as cute as that?" Luz thought.
"Hey!" Amity whispered.
"Hey! Where you been?" Luz questioned, also whispering.
Amity let out her hand, inviting Luz to grab it. "I want to show you something!"
With a smile beaming greater than her biggest light glyph, how could she refuse? Not that she wanted to, anyway. Beats laying in bed staring at the ceiling all night.
Luz took her girlfriend's hand as they both tiptoed out of their room. Luz had no idea what she wanted to show her, but if she wanted to show her in the middle of the night instead of waiting until the morning she knew it must be important. Not to mention that whatever she was doing she had been doing it for at least nearly an hour by now.
Amity took her down the stairs and ushered her to the backdoor of the house. She quietly slid open the door, careful not to make any noise.
"Can you close your eyes?" Amity asked.
Luz gave her a confused look, then proceeded to shut her eyes as her girlfriend pulled her by her adorably small hands out of the house into the backyard. Amity quietly closed the door behind them and with her free hand she put it on Luz's back, slowly pushing her forward.
"You can open those eyes now, batata."
Luz opened her eyes and immediately realized what she wanted to show her. The ground was illuminated by not only a nearly full moon, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky obscuring the array of stars and planets spread throughout the sky.
"Wow..."
"I know right?!" Amity exclaimed. "I woke up due to being next to Miss Snore and saw this out the window! I've never seen so many human stars! I've been out here for a little while but I just had to come and show you!"
“Typical Willow,” Luz laughed to herself. "It's beautiful. I had no idea the stars were out tonight."
"Yeah...It reminded me of that night we watched the stars back in the demon realm."
After a few seconds, Amity turned to Luz and asked, "Will you come lay down on the grass with me?"
"I would literally rather do nothing else, hermosa." Luz smiled.
Amity smiled back at her as they both laid down, still holding each other's hand.
Amity stared in awe at the night sky, filled with stars everywhere that the eye could see. This was her first time seeing the stars in the human realm without any clouds obscuring them. These stars somehow twinkled brighter than the ones in the demon realm. She wondered how something could be so breathtakingly beautiful. Until of course, she was reminded exactly how something could be that beautiful when she turned her head.
Luz had a dumb but adorable grin on her face looking up at the night sky, and Amity felt incredibly glad that she had shown her this. But looking at her face, she noticed something. That look in her eyes. She may have been smiling, but comparatively her eyes drooped, and told a completely separate story. Amity knew that look. She knew that Luz had been having nightmares, and she would always offer her support to her, but Luz herself had never told her what the nightmares were about. She could guess, given everything they'd all been through, but she knew Luz had a hard time opening up to people.
"It's been so nice and peaceful since we arrived here. Back then, at the library you said you'd show me around the human realm someday, and I never thought I'd see the day where we could just lay here like this, together." Amity said, softly.
Luz's smile faded. She quickly tried to smile again as she turned to Amity and started to respond, but Amity had noticed.
"I'm...really glad you think so, sweet potato. And same."
Amity not only noticed her smile fading, but her pause while speaking, too. She wasn't going to wait any longer. She had to tell her.
"Hey, do you remember the brawl?"
"How could I forget?" laughed Luz.
"No, what I mean is...well, I learned something about how you act that day, and I never got the chance to bring it up until now."
"Oh." Luz's smile faded once more.
"Don't worry, I'm not upset," Amity quickly reassured.
"I know." Luz replied. "I can actually count on one hand how many times you've gotten mad at me for real. Well, assuming you don’t count before we started dating, haha."
"Well, you're actually doing it right now."
Luz looked puzzled. "Hmm?"
"When you told me about...that at the tree, when I heard the yells of people at the brawl and got up to go help, I looked back and noticed something I had never seen in you."
Luz went quiet.
"You couldn't stand, and..." Amity quivered. "You smiled at me, and even cracked a joke. But your eyes...You were so full of pain, yet you still tried to act like everything was okay."
Amity noticed Luz stiffening. She couldn't look her in the eyes anymore.
Amity continued. "That day, I realized that you did that so much more often than I had ever known. Ever since that day it started to become so hard to tell what was a real smile, and what was just a mask carrying all that pain. I realized that you had always done that, like when you didn’t tell us you talked to your mom after getting that titan blood. And even right now, you're still doing it! I just…I wished you knew it was okay to ask for help." She clenched Luz’s hand.
They laid in silence for a moment, before Luz finally spoke again, though she still could not match her girlfriend's eyes.
"I…I'm sorry. I just..."
She couldn't. How could she tell her? That she helped Belos meet the Collector, that she taught him the light glyph, that everything that happened to them was her fault? But if she didn't? How long would it be until she figured it out? She wouldn't stop worrying. Amity stared at her with so much concern it made Luz just want to disappear.
Luz’s voice echoed in her mind. “She shouldn't have to deal with you.”
"I-I really messed this up."
"No, Luz! I just...I don't know. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy!"
Luz's eyes finally locked with Amity's again, wavering.
"Can...can I hold you?" Amity asked.
Luz hesitantly crawled into her girlfriend's arms, laying her head on her chest as she looked up at the stars. Cuddling with Amity was always nice, at least.
“Heh, usually I’m the one who does this for you,” said Luz, barely a whisper.
“You clearly need it way more than me right now, Luz.”
“Titan, how is she so patient with me? I’m not worth it.”
"I know you have such a hard time opening up like this, Luz. Even with your mom, or-" She didn't want to mention Eda. That's not what she needed right now.
Amity sighed. "I just want you to know that I am always here and I always want to listen to you, Luz. I would never be angry or disappointed in you with anything you have to tell me."
“Of course she would say that. If only she knew what you’ve done.”
"I want to, I really do. I just..." Luz's mind flashed with the horrors she saw in Belos' mind with Hunter those weeks ago. Yet another thing she never told Amity, she realized.
“She’s too good for you. You don’t deserve her.”
"It's so much," Luz blurted out, immediately regretting it.
"Mm. It’s okay. Do you think you could start with just one small thing?" Amity said, playing with Luz’s curly hair.
“Why did you say that? Now there's no going back. She's going to hate you. How could she not? You caused her to be separated from her home. From her family.”
“I…I guess.”
Luz hated every second of this. She wished she hadn’t said anything, but at the same time she wanted to scream it so loudly and cry harder than she ever had. But either way, with Amity looking at her like that she had to say something.
“I miss Eda and King so badly...I just wish I could see them again,” Luz choked.
That wasn’t a lie, she certainly did miss them a lot. But it wasn’t what was truly eating at her.
“Is that what those nightmares you’ve been having are about?” Amity questioned.
Luz nodded. Amity gave her a reassuring smile.
“I miss them too. I miss Em, Ed, and even my dad. But even so, I know we’ll find a way to get back to them. And…” Amity trailed off.
Would now be a good time? Amity wasn’t sure, but she wanted to help. So badly. Titan, Luz looked so tired.
“You…”
Amity thought to herself for a second. “Just say it.”
“You feel responsible for everyone being trapped here, don’t you?”
Luz’s eyes widened.
“You do, don’t you?”
Luz clenched Amity’s shirt. She wanted to cry, but nothing came.
A moment of silence followed.
“Heh, how do you always know so much about me?” Luz asked, wiping her eyes, even if nothing was there.
“I thought that’d be obvious by now! You’re my Luz. I care about you too much not to notice these things. And…you clearly care too, if you’re placing all this blame on yourself.”
“I…guess that’s just how I am.”
Amity kissed her head. “I know, and I admire that selflessness so much. It’s part of why I fell for you in the first place. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn and grow from blaming yourself for other people.”
“I can’t believe she’s putting up with you like th-” No. She cares for her. Even at her lowest moments. She knows that. Luz didn’t want to listen to that voice anymore, only Amity’s right now. It was far prettier anyways.
“I know, I don’t mean to fight change, I just…it’s so hard for me. It feels selfish. You all have gone through so much already, you all don’t need another burden to worry about.”
“That’s not true, Luz! You’re not a burden, you never were! You seriously don’t think I’d say something if I thought you were one?”
“I don’t know, I mean look at me right now! You just wanted to show me the stars and yet I’m here dampening the mood with my own pity party! I’m so sorry, Amity.”
“Ugh, alright We are going to work on that self talk soon, Luz. I’m tired of seeing you beat yourself up when you’re literally the kindest and nicest person I know! But…It’s okay. I’ll be here every step of the way. I don’t want to lose you.” Amity squeezed Luz tight, and Luz did the same.
After a few minutes of holding each other and looking at the stars, Amity pepped up again.
“Is there anything else you want to talk about? It’s okay if you’re not ready for more just yet.”
This was it. Luz had a decision to make. Continue lying after everything they talked about, or confess her deepest sins. She didn’t know what to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ENDING 1 (in line with canon)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well. Maybe she didn’t necessarily have to lie.
“I..I do. But I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
Amity could tell Luz still had some deeply troubling things she was keeping to herself, but she trusted her. Luz saw the slightly disappointed look in her eyes. Expected, but this was better than breaking her heart.
“That’s okay. We have time, Luz. I’ll always be ready whenever you are.”
Luz was surprised to feel Amity’s lips touch her own, but gladly returned the favor. The night was quiet and serene. They didn’t care how much time was passing. They didn’t care about anything else in that moment.
…
“HEY GUYS!” a voice shouted.
They were both so startled they bonked each other’s heads when pulling away from each other, knocking Luz off of Amity. They hadn’t even noticed, but someone was standing outside with them next to the newly opened door.
“Gus! Keep your voice down! It’s like four in the morning!” Luz shouted back. She tried to be quieter, but actually ended up being louder than him.
“Heh, sorry, are we interrupting anything?” Hunter poked his head out the door.
“YES. But it’s whatever, you guys can stay,” said Amity, clearly flustered.
“Wooooah” they both gasped as they looked up at the sky.
Luz smirked. “Now do you see why we’re out here?”
They both nodded without averting their gaze.
“You guys want to lie down with us?” asked Amity.
“Yeah!” Gus excitedly laid down next to them, Hunter shortly following.
Luz already knew the answer, but wanted to ask anyway. “So why are you guys here, exactly? Why are we all awake, haha.”
“Oh, we had just finished a game of…what was it called? One? Oh, Uno!” Hunter exclaimed.
“And we were getting some extra blankets, but saw you two out here on the ground,” Gus chimed in, grinning.
Amity’s face went red with that remark.
Luz looked incredibly disappointed. “You guys seriously need to consider sleeping more,” she said, deadpanned.
“Says the girl who’s outside at four in the morning!” Gus retaliated.
“Hey, that’s not fair, Amity brought me out here!”
A group of snickering followed.
After a short while, the four of them were all silent, watching the stars glisten.
Luz looked at her friends, all watching the stars once more. She leaned her head against Amity and smiled. Even if she couldn’t tell them yet, she would enjoy this moment. She’ll tell them. One day.
—
“See, this is why you’re so useful, Luz. You’re so desperate to help people, you even helped me meet the Collector.”
“...What?”
Unfortunately that chance had been taken from her by the very person who caused all of this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ENDING 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was done lying. She was terrified still, but she would accept whatever Amity would think of her. She had already gone through the scenario at least a thousand times in her head. A small part of Luz wanted to believe that she wouldn’t hate her, that she’d still love her despite what she’d done. But that was just wishful thinking, right?
“Yes, I…I do.”
Amity looked at her tenderly. “I’m ready for anything, Luz. I mean it.”
Luz took a deep sigh and got up from resting her head on Amity. Here goes nothing.
“It’s…hard to explain. After the parade, me and Lilith discovered these time pools. I wanted to use them to find that human while he was still alive, Philip Whittebane.” Luz winced saying that name. She continued. “In the end, he tricked both of us. And in the process I taught him the light spell! I helped him meet the Collector in the first place! I didn’t put the pieces together, I didn’t know he was Belos!”
Amity looked utterly shocked.
Luz continued on. “If it wasn’t for me, the day of unity would have never happened. If I wasn’t so desperate for knowledge on how to make a portal home none of this would have ever happened! You’d all still be in your world with your families, the Collector wouldn’t be free, and you wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of MY actions!”
Luz started to cry. She was fully standing now, hands covering her face. She couldn’t look at Amity after that. She was so scared, Amity hadn’t made a peep. But it did feel oddly relieving to finally have that out of her.
“I-I’m sorry, Amity. I know you hate me. I don’t d-deserve to be forgiven,” muffled Luz.
After a moment of silence, Amity finally spoke.
“I…I need a moment.”
Amity got up and went off into the house, but left the sliding door open.
Luz wasn’t shocked. Despite knowing that this is how it would go, it didn’t hurt any less. She started fully sobbing now, and crumbled into the grass beneath her. How could she have done this to them?
She didn’t know how long it had been. A minute, five, ten? But she was surprised to hear voices again in the distance.
Luz lifted her hands off her face and turned to face the door, and had no words to describe what she was seeing.
Amity, followed by Gus, Hunter, Willow, and Vee were all running out the door straight towards her.
“AAAAH” Luz yelped.
“Welp, I guess this is how I die.”
To her surprise, she was not dead. She snapped out of her shocked state and opened her eyes to realize that she was surrounded by people embracing her. She may not be dead, but she was about to be with how little air she could get with her lungs being pressed this hard.
“Guys?!” Luz exclaimed. Or choked, rather.
The five of them loosened their embrace, if only by just enough to let her breath.
Finally, Camila walked out the door, tears in her eyes looking directly at Luz.
“Amity told us, mija. About how you were…deceived.”
“About helping Belos meet the Collector…” Gus said solemnly.
“Luz, I am so sorry you had this bottled up all this time,” said Willow, softly.
“What?” The air barely left Luz’s mouth, quieter than the wind.
“I cannot believe you thought we would hate you, Luz.” Vee replied.
“You were tricked. That’s what Belos does. He tricks people. And if not you, it would’ve been someone else. And then there would’ve been no one left to fight back.” Hunter said, determined.
“I…I don’t know what to say.” Luz said, probably more shocked than she had ever been.
“You don’t have to say anything, we’re here for you.” Camilla said, joining their embrace.
“Haha…hahahaha…” Luz’s laughter quickly turned to sobs, hugging them back.
After a short while, they all let go, save for one. A certain cotton candy haired goddess.
She finally spoke again. “You know, I remember after we had just started dating, I thought I had to earn your love. Prove to you that I was worthy of it by being useful and getting that blood.”
Hunter looked ashamed.
“But you showed me…you showed all of us unconditional love, a level none of us had ever had before.”
They all smiled at her. Real, genuine smiles. If Luz had any tears left to give, they surely would have started welling up.
“The point is, why would we hate you when you’re the light in our lives? After everything you've done? You deserve the world and more, Luz. Never forget that,” Amity said, as she leaned in to kiss her overly considerate girlfriend.
Luz breathed a deep sigh of relief. What a night.