Work Text:
"Dear Marina,
I’m not good at writing letters, so I’m sorry for any mistakes I make… re-writing would only make me worry, so I promised myself I wouldn’t restart.
How’ve you been? I hope things are better than they were during the festival. After leaving I don’t think I could ever go back to Prehevil, even if that means never being home. I’ve been drifting around the continent for the past two years. No matter how hard I try or how far I travel, the festival won’t get off my mind. Even drugs won’t help anymore. I think you’d be happy knowing I’m trying to stop taking them, but withdrawal is less a than kind experience.
I bought myself a motorcycle, ever since I was a kid I’ve always wanted one. If you were here we could go for rides together, there’s a road lined with flowers that I think you’d enjoy seeing.
You really liked Vatican City, I can see why now. I’m currently staying here until I get some repairs done. This place is great, so many things remind me of you and our old conversations. It’s nice but I would’ve liked it more if you were showing me around. Once in the speakeasy beneath that jazz bar you told me about a cafe you went to, I got the chance to go there yesterday. You said the risotto was really tasty so that’s what I ordered, I can’t say I liked it, but I tried to like it. I pretended you were there beside me, laughing when I spat it out.
Mari, I think you were meant to win the Termina festival. If you just ignored me I’m sure you’d have been the one to survive, I weighed you down. I wish you had been more selfish
That night you transformed, you kept speaking. I didn’t know if it was really you or not but I kept trying to talk to you. Daan said that we should put you out of your misery. Karin agreed, I didn’t. Were you truly suffering? What if you wanted to live?
I’m only admitting this because I trust you, but I cried a lot. I started crying when they began hurting you, Daan restrained me and I screamed at Karin to put her gun down. They just wouldn’t listen to me. In the morning we buried your body by the church, I tried to look for flowers that I could give to you. This is going to sound dumb but, I started crying again. The flowers were so pretty and I wanted to pick them with you. I hate being such a crybaby, but I think that time it was justified.
Karin and Daan didn’t last much longer than you did. They died that same day. With everyone else gone by the afternoon, I was able to leave. I barely processed it.
For a while, I settled down in Oldegård and met someone new. He was witty and smart, quite handsome too. I thought that maybe I could move on and have a life with him, but I still loved you. Part of me wanted to blame you when I left him and Oldegård behind. Because of you, I couldn’t love him the same way he loved me.
This all sounds so cliche, I don’t know if I should’ve written this letter at all. I sound too formal like I’m trying to be smarter than I am. Smart or not, I’m sure of at least one thing. I really, really miss you Mari. Every day since I first saw you I’ve thought about you. There’s so many things I want to tell you about that I’ll never get to say. I’m always imagining what things could’ve been like if we both made it out of that horrific festival alive.
You were my first and last kiss, a fact I’ll always cherish. It was nothing like how others told me it would be, it was so much better. When I grow old, I hope I forget everything but you. If I’m lucky I’ll trick myself into believing you were my wife.
Let’s meet again when I die, I don’t mind if it’s in heaven or hell. As long as I end up with you.
From Levi."