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Isagi was sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching the large television in front of him. In Munich it was barely noon, and in Tokyo it was already getting dark. Yoichi picked up the huge teddy bear next to him and hugged it while watching an interview that Kaiser was giving live about his last match at that moment.
Unconsciously, Isagi brought his right hand to the bottom of his neck, feeling how his fingertips brushed against the mark Kaiser had left on him over ten years ago, and began to feel his chest tighten as his heartbeat quickened. He had heard that being separated from your partner for too long could weaken the bond; it could even break. Suddenly several tears started to come out of his blue eyes and run down his cheeks without stopping. Yoichi hated to get so sensitive about these things but he knew it wasn't his partner's fault, especially...
He knew it wasn't Michael's fault that he had to go back to Germany for five months to be part of the soccer season of his country's national team.
And he knew it was his obligation as a professional player. The two of them had always tried to get yearly contracts to be on the same team together, but this was the first time it would not be that way.
Despite knowing that Kaiser accepted the offer more out of duty than whim, Isagi simply couldn't help but think that his alpha had broken the promise they had made together years ago.
Yoichi really hated that they were emotionally and psychologically attached to each other because of the brand. Sometimes he wondered if Kaiser felt the same stress and agony because of their separation. Sometimes he wondered if Kaiser was also desperate to see him again.
Michael left in September, and it had barely been less than three weeks. Isagi didn't like the idea of spending Christmas and New Year's alone, but he never let his alpha know that. As best he could, he wiped his tears with his pajama sleeve and began to pay attention to his partner's interview. They were clearly speaking in German, but Isagi could understand very well what they were saying.
"Kaiser, how does it feel to be back playing for your country of birth after two years?"
"It's rewarding. I really missed the weather and the food here."
"I can imagine it." They both began to laugh.
Isagi began to doubt, and his head filled with negative thoughts. Was he holding Kaiser back? Was he ruining his life in some way? He shook his head to get those absurd ideas out of his head and continued listening.
"We already talk a lot about soccer; if I may, can I ask you more personal questions?"
"Yes, sure. Go ahead."
"You are 30 years old, and your partner is the famous striker Isagi Yoichi, right?"
Kaiser laughed nervously. "Yes, that's right."
Isagi quickly noticed his alpha's discomfort and felt his insecurities grow even more.
"You've been together for over ten years already. Why hasn't your omega given you pups yet?"
Kaiser was silent for a few seconds—seconds that seemed like forever to Isagi.
"Well, we've both been too focused on our careers as professional players. And I don't think it's the right time to be parents yet. I'd rather talk about other things, if you don't mind—"
Isagi turned off the TV and threw the teddy bear Kaiser had given him on Valentine's Day on the floor as he stood up with a start from the couch. If it were years ago, Kaiser would profess his love for him in interviews without hesitation and brag to the world how much he adored him. Now? Now he was just embarrassed and would just deflect questions if it was about his omega.
Did he no longer love him?
Was there no longer between the two of them the love they claimed to have for each other?
Or maybe Isagi was overthinking it; what if this was all his fault?
The last time they had sex was to get through Kaiser's alpha rut a few days before he left Japan. Isagi felt dizzy and suddenly felt like throwing up his dinner. He ran to the bathroom as fast as he could and threw up everything he had eaten all day.
At the time, he didn't really worry about it. Maybe something he had eaten had gone bad or stress was the cause of his discomfort; whatever the cause, he washed his face and went straight to sleep.
That night, Isagi spent it crying in the bed he shared with Kaiser until he fell asleep. He missed him; he missed his smell; he missed the warmth of his body; he missed his kisses, his caresses, and his hugs. Kaiser usually called and texted him every day, but for Isagi, that wasn't enough.
One thing he abhorred about being an omega was that his feelings tended to overpower his sanity. That side of him demanded to feel protected by his alpha. He wanted him by his side, and he wanted him right then and there.
To calm his instincts a bit, he started sleeping surrounded by various items of Michael's clothing; somehow it worked quite well for a few days.
Isagi tried to continue with his daily routine: wake up, go for a run, go to his team's training, come home, answer Kaiser's messages, and go to bed. But lately he was feeling really bad, and he always felt like throwing up every morning, so he asked for a leave of absence for the rest of the week.
He also started to feel fatigued and in a bad mood, so he thought that this little vacation would help him to improve his mood, but it was the opposite.
A pair of days later, an exclusive came out in the media that ended up breaking Yoichi and confirming all his fears.
«Michael Kaiser has been spotted leaving a restaurant with the daughter of the manager of his soccer team! Is this beautiful woman the new lover of our German soccer legend?!»
The photos were of Kaiser next to a pretty and attractive German girl as he opened a car door for her.
The only thing that kept repeating in Yoichi's mind at that instant was, "She is an omega; she is an omega younger than me; she is an omega fertile and ready to impregnate."
"She is better than me."
To say Isagi felt destroyed was an understatement. Would Michael really be able to cheat on him? His mind said it was impossible and that it was just an exaggeration by the paparazzi. But his omega side was telling him that Kaiser didn't love him like he used to and that it was his fault for not giving him children.
It was his fault that his alpha was looking for another mate who would give him all the pups he wanted. Isagi was devastated. He locked himself in his room and threw away all the things he came across, turned off his cell phone, and covered himself with the sheets.
He didn't care about his friends knocking on his apartment door for hours or his mother's calls to get him out of that room. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone. He wanted to be alone.
When Kaiser realized this news, he called Isagi and left thousands of messages, but none of them were answered. He was so angry about what that magazine was doing to him that he didn't care about anything and took the first flight to Tokyo to explain to Yoichi that it was all a lie and that he would never be able to cheat on him with another person.
In thirteen hours, Kaiser was in front of the building where he lived with Isagi. He went up to the apartment, took out his keys, opened the front door, and saw a broken frame lying on the floor containing a photograph of the two of them embracing. The kitchen clock read 11:03 p.m. When he went to the room they shared and tried to open the door, it refused to budge.
Isagi had locked it from the inside. Kaiser took a deep breath and sorted out his thoughts. He knew Isagi would be very upset. Maybe too much, even with the fatigue of the flight and the abrupt time change, he closed his eyes and knocked on the door.
"Yoichi, open the door for me please."
Isagi didn't answer him.
"Yoichi..."
Silence.
"Yoichi, I came all the way from Munich to here on a crappy flight just to talk to you. Open the door."
Another few more minutes of silence until...
"Get out of here."
"Excuse me?"
"Get the hell out of here. Go with that stupid omega. Fuck her. I don't care. I don't want to see you."
Kaiser was losing patience.
"Yoichi, open the fucking door!"
Kaiser couldn't see it, but Isagi began to cry again and drowned his wails and sobs in the pillow so the alpha wouldn't hear him.
"Fine, I'll go with that damn woman like you ask me to, then don't regret it!"
In less than fifteen seconds, Isagi opened the door and Kaiser was in front of him. Yoichi's blue eyes were red from crying so much; his appearance looked deplorable. Kaiser was heartbroken to see him in that state and tried to hug him but the omega resisted.
"Why did you come back?" Isagi averted his eyes.
"Why? You were literally answering none of my calls or texts."
Isagi was silent. But he couldn't stop the tears from coming, and he hated himself for it. He hated looking so vulnerable in front of Kaiser.
"Yoichi, what you saw is false. You know me; you know I would never cheat on you with anyone. That woman is just an acquaintance. That day, her father and other players were with us, and those damn paparazzi just took pictures of the two of us and they made an unnecessary fuss. I..."
Isagi abruptly interrupted him.
"We have been together for over ten years, Michael. I have dedicated a good part of my life to you. With you, I experienced what love was, and you took all of my first times." Isagi gave a long sigh as he vaguely recalled those moments nostalgically. "You had me in your hands from the moment we met."
Kaiser was surprised that Isagi called him by name. He swallowed dryly and continued to listen to him.
"In all this time... This is the first time I feel so miserable when I'm supposed to feel happy by your side. Be honest with me, do you still love me?"
Those words made Kaiser's heartbeat quicken. "That's a stupid question, Yoichi."
"Just answer it."
"If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have taken a lousy thirteen-hour flight just to see you. I didn't even care about the contract I made with my country's national team. You're my only priority and that's why I'm here."
"It's not enough; I hate feeling this way."
"Yoichi..."
"I want us to separate."
"What? Yoichi, please think about what you're saying—"
"Then tell me three, no, five, no, ten reasons! I want you to tell me ten things you love about me. Ten reasons why this is all worthwhile. Ten reasons why we're still here."
"Ten?"
"Yes, give me ten reasons for all the tears I shed for you."
"Yoichi..."
"Ten. One for every year we've been together. You have to say them all right now, and I have to believe every one of them, or for me everything we built in this decade will be meaningless."
"Yoichi, I could give you more than a thousand reasons."
"Then do so."
"I love that you act like a mother when you're with me."
"I act like a mother?"
"Yes, you are very motherly. You worry about me and remind me of important things that I easily forget. You take care of me when I'm sick and pamper me when I need it. You make my life meaningful. Honestly... I don't know what I would do without you."
Isagi blushed and looked into Kaiser's eyes. He could tell he was telling the truth. "You're nine short..."
"I love the way you look at my thighs when we train together or are in the middle of a game."
"What—?"
"Did you think I wouldn't notice? You're not very discreet, Yoichi."
"I'll take that into account. You have eight left."
"I love that you still maintain your innocence despite the years. I love it when you invite me to watch Ghibli movies with you while you explain the scenes I don't understand."
"I love that you always listen to me." Isagi replied.
"I love that you will find good things in me and that you love me despite all my flaws."
"But you're already perfect..."
"I'm not, Yoichi. I will always be grateful that you chose me over all your suitors."
Isagi started to laugh. "You're exaggerating."
"I love when you laugh and are happy. I love to see your smile; I love that you get excited like a kid when I buy you some Kintsuba."
"Okay, that last one counts for two."
"I told you I could give you a thousand reasons." Kaiser took Yoichi's hands in his own.
"I love that you often take me to the aquarium just to see the spiny lobsters."
"That doesn't count."
"It does count because you have a strange fondness for that animal."
"It sounds like you're jealous."
"Shut up."
"I've lost count..."
"I think I'm four reasons short. Never mind, I'll say as much as it takes until you forgive me." When Kaiser said that, Isagi lightly tightened the grip of his hands with those of the man in front of him. "I also love that you are flexible in bed."
"You're ruining it."
"And I also love when you moan and scream my name."
"Kaiser!" Isagi was turning red with embarrassment.
"I love making you angry easily and that you always have your eyes on me. And I love that you've also tried to learn German even if it's a little hard for you to speak it so you can understand me."
"You also tried to learn Japanese."
"But I think I've already mastered it better than you."
"Yeah. Sure." They both laughed again.
"I love that in your spare time you draw and paint pictures. I really think you have a talent for art."
"Wouldn't you like me to do a portrait of you?"
"You haven't done a drawing of me yet? I accept. Draw me like one of your French girls."
"Don't quote Titanic."
"But we could have sex in one of our cars if we keep the Jack and Rose roles."
"You always find a way to spoil the mood."
"I know you love that about me."
"I do, unfortunately."
"I love that you are honest and tell me things straight. I love that despite the hardships, you always get up again and again. I love that you never give up on anything or anyone. You're strong, Isagi Yoichi, and that is one of the things I love most about you."
"It was actually thanks to you that I started to grow and improve in several aspects."
"No, you're wrong." Kaiser shook his head. "The truth is, I was the one who learned to grow and become a better version of myself since I met you." He leaned in a little and deposited a kiss on Isagi's forehead. "I love that in these ten years you've tried to learn to cook for me."
"And I love that you eat everything I make for you without protest."
"I wouldn't mind dying if it was with one of the meals you prepare for me, Yoichi."
"Silly."
"I love that you still put up with me and still love me after ten years and that you didn't run away from me when I told you I was in love with you."
"I would never run away."
"That's why I think I had a bit of an advantage. I also love that you are possessive and jealous with me. If you asked me to go to hell with you, I would do it without hesitation. I am yours until I take my last breath in this world. I can let you do with me whatever you want, but I cannot bear for you to leave me."
"You're a romantic."
"I am. Isagi Yoichi, I don't care about soccer or my professional career if you're not by my side. And I love that nothing in my life is complete until I've shared it with you."
Isagi again felt a huge urge to cry but only limited himself to a smile as he looked Kaiser in the eyes. "I love you, Michael Kaiser."
"I just love you, Isagi Yoichi."
Kaiser leaned in again and closed his eyes as he captured Isagi's lips with his own. He had missed him too in almost all that month that he hadn't seen him. He missed kissing him. He missed holding him. He missed feeling the warmth of his hands.
"Then will you forgive me?"
"I have nothing to forgive. I know you would never cheat on me with someone else. Besides, your smell is still the same."
"That puts my mind at ease."
"Kaiser..."
"Yes?"
"I have something important to tell you…"
"What's wrong, Yoichi?" Kaiser began to worry.
"I really don't know how to do it..."
"Well, just do it. Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."
After several seconds of silence, Isagi said, "You're going to be a dad."
Kaiser tried to take in the last thing Isagi had said to him; he was speechless. He opened his mouth but couldn't say anything.
"I'm expecting your pup." Isagi let go of Kaiser's hands and put his hands on his flat belly.
"You're not playing a joke on me, are you?"
"No. I'm probably three or four weeks pregnant."
Michael remembered that he had spent his alpha rut with Yoichi, but normally an omega is most fertile when they have their own heat cycles, although it wasn't impossible for an omega to get pregnant at any time either, especially if it was within an alpha rut.
"Are you absolutely sure, Yoichi?"
"Yes. I was thinking about a lot of things before you left, and I forgot to take my birth control pills since four months ago; I probably got pregnant when we went through your heat together." Isagi caressed his belly very gently. "I haven't taken a pregnancy test yet, but all this week I've been feeling tired and also have morning sickness and vomiting. I'm definitely expecting a pup."
Kaiser covered his face with the back of his hand to keep the tears that were building up in his eyes from falling. He couldn't believe it; that explained why Isagi was more sentimental and sensitive than ever. It would no longer be just the two of them; a new member was on the way, and he didn't know how to react to such news.
"Kaiser? Are you crying?"
"No..." All at once, Kaiser grabbed Isagi in his arms and lifted him off the ground.
"Put me down!" Isagi had to hold onto his alpha's shoulders to keep his balance. "You'll make us fall!"
When Yoichi looked into Michael's blue eyes, he was stunned. He rarely saw his alpha cry, but this time they were tears of pure happiness. Neither of them was ready to be a father, but if they were together, everything should be fine. His cheeks flushed and he wrapped his arms around his neck to hug him.
"You just made me the happiest man in the world, Isagi Yoichi."
"I thought you already were."
"Then I'm back to claim the title." Kaiser gently put Isagi down without taking him away from his body.
"What will you do with your contract in Germany?"
"Fuck them. I'm going to stay with you until our pup is born."
"I have to take a leave of absence from playing too..."
Kaiser took Isagi's hand and led him back to the room they shared, closing the door behind him.
"I really want to make love to you." Kaiser took Isagi's chin and deposited a small kiss on his lips.
"I wouldn't refuse, but we're both exhausted. Especially you from the trip."
"See? You act like a mother."
"Maybe I do."
"Fine, you win. We rested for today, but tomorrow I won't let you out of this room."
"I'll take that as a challenge."
The two of them—well, it wasn't two anymore; now there were three. The three of them lay together on the bed with their hands intertwined and closed their eyes. Within minutes Michael and Yoichi were fast asleep with their foreheads pressed together.
At the end of the day, everything had gone well. Perhaps they needed this conversation to reaffirm their bond and their love for each other.
Isagi felt that he had freed himself emotionally, which gave him a sense of peace after overcoming his insecurities and fears next to the person he loved, and now he was preparing to start a new stage in his life.
This overwhelmingly emotional experience was what the Greeks called catharsis.
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