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Too much. Too much, too much, too much, it was all way too fucking much. Nikolai had just gotten out of a meeting with the Decay of Angels, and as soon as it was over, he’d used his ability to teleport himself into a dark closet in the building. Even so, he was unable to block out the constant ‘hum’ of electricity, he could hear the distant fans, and he could hear the footsteps that were most definitely not within a range he should’ve been able to hear. There was no escaping it. He certainly couldn’t escape the way his clothes felt like they were rubbing against his skin, the way that every movement of his felt off, the way that no matter how he sat himself, something was still wrong. It was all wrong.
He tried to breathe his way through it, but that was of little to no avail. He tried stimming, but any movement would remind him of his clothes and how uncomfortable his own goddamn skin was, and the way his throat buzzed when he tried to hum or even whisper felt horrible. He had nothing here to calm himself. He was hyperventilating, shaking, with seemingly no escape.
Footsteps came down the hall. Had he been too abrupt in leaving the meeting? He could hear a slight echo through the halls, someone calling out his name. Fuck. He tried pulling on his cape, to teleport himself out of hiding and greet whoever it was, but he couldn’t stifle a cry of discomfort upon feeling the scratchiness of it. The footsteps came closer. They’d heard him, they’d heard him and now they were coming to scold him for whatever the hell it was he did this time -
“Kolya?” A soft, yet deep voice called out.
Nikolai felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. It was him. He couldn’t stop himself from letting out a weak sob.
“H-here,” he hiccuped, reaching up to unlock the door.
The handle turned, and Nikolai shielded his eyes as light flooded the small closet. Noticing his discomfort, the figure entered the room, softly shutting the door behind himself.
“What happened?” Fyodor gently asked, crouching down, and holding out one of his hands for Nikolai to take.
Nikolai looked awful. His outfit was far more messed up than it usually was, his twisting and pulling having done far more harm than good. His whole body was trembling, and now his eyes glistened with still unshed tears as he slowly reached up to take Fyodor’s hand.
Nikolai drew in a shaky breath, before speaking slowly, “I.. I don’t know, I guess the meeting was just a lot for me today,” he mumbled.
Fyodor’s gaze seemed to soften, “is there anything I can do?”
Nikolai gave a slight shrug, shaking his head at the same time, which promptly caused his body to jerk from the excessive movement. Nikolai’s chest heaved as tears rolled down his cheek. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what he or Fyodor could do to calm him from this. His mind was blank of helpful ideas, instead filled with the buzz of electricity and Fyodor’s breathing, why did he have to breathe like that? It was irrational - Nikolai knew that something was, at least.
“Would you like a hug?” Fyodor offered, and Nikolai shook his head once more. “Would you like me to leave you alone?” Nikolai shook his head at that, too.
There was an almost desperate look in his eyes. He wanted to be soothed. He needed Fyodor there with him if he was going to calm down anytime soon.
Fyodor was quiet for a moment, “may I try something?”
“What is it?” Nikolai rasped, and Fyodor gave a slight laugh(another awful sound).
“If I tell you, you’re going to say no.” Fyodor said in a mildly amused voice, “but I think it may help, if you allow me to try.”
Nikolai hesitantly nodded his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He opened them to see Fyodor crouched in front of him.
“Just trust me, alright?” Fyodor asked, before reaching out to Nikolai’s face.
He began to gently trace his fingers over Nikolai’s skin. At first, Nikolai repetitively flinched away from it, and he was about to smack Fyodor’s arm to make him stop, as his slight whimpers didn’t seem to send the message, but… it started to feel good. Fyodor used his fingertips to draw little shapes on Nikolai’s face, barely touching him, yet drawing all of his attention to the movements. The sounds of the building seemed to fade into the background, and all Nikolai was able to focus on was the gentle movements. The way Fyodor’s fingers seemed to glide over his skin, tracing little circles and stars…
As Nikolai’s eyes closed, his focus purely on the sensation, his breathing seemed to calm down, and the shaking subsided - Nikolai wasn’t even aware of it, his mind unable to fully process what was going on.
“Feeling better?” Fyodor’s voice was like a hum, but this time, the rumbling didn’t bother Nikolai nearly as much.
“Yeah,” Nikolai said in an odd tone, “I am… Thank you.”
Fyodor chuckled, “let me know when to stop.”