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Sean Morrisey fell to his knees as he surveyed the broken, bleeding body before him. The tip of the large sword strapped around his back and in its case clanged softly against the hard floor. A Guardian always carried his sword. Always. That was part of his responsibility because a Guardian had to be ready to send a shifter to dust at any time. The alternative, letting a fellow shifter’s soul be captured and controlled by some maniac Fae who was looking for a battle-beast servant, was unthinkable. That’s why Guardians were so important to shifters. That’s why, even after all this time, the role of the Guardian had remained a staple of shifter communities. Being chosen as a Guardian was an honor, a privilege, and a duty unlike anything else.
Once chosen, it was also a role that could not be rejected.
He grew to accept that his purpose was to be a vehicle for ushering shifters into a peaceful afterlife. Sean had served as a Guardian without complaint, diligently accepting his duty each and every time someone had needed him. And over the years, many people had needed him. Too many, in the feline’s opinion. Sure, it got easier for Sean to remain calm or to mask his grief, but actually using the sword never got easier to do.
Sean didn’t think he would ever forget the feeling of running his trusty, magical sword through his younger brother’s heart, watching as Kenny’s body evaporated into dust before his eyes.
“Sean…”
The voice, weak and strained, brought Sean back to the present. His breath came in short, ragged gasps as his blue eyes swept up the form of the poor wolf shifter lying on the ground. She was ripped to shreds, the many wounds oozing blood. Bruises marred her obviously fractured limbs. She was crying softly, her profound injuries preventing her from screaming in agony Sean was sure she felt. The feline scooted closer, strong hand reaching for the hilt of his sword until he met the woman’s gray eyes.
No. No. It couldn’t be her. How could it be her?
“Andrea,” Sean croaked, gut churning as he gingerly gathered her close and pulled her so that her head rested in his lap. “Andrea, my love. Everything’s gonna be okay now. You’ll be fine. I promise. I’ll take care of you.” He raked a hand through her silky hair, pushing it out of her eyes and forcing himself to ignore the blood clinging to the strands. “What happened?”
Andrea stared at him sharply, shuddering against his hold. “Sean… Help me,” she cried through a groan. “Please…”
Swallowing hard, Sean pretended not to know what Andrea was asking of him. She had every right to ask that he ensure she could die a peaceful death. He needed to be strong.
But this was Andrea. The love of his life. The mate of his heart.
“Andie, love.” Sean suddenly realized that he had begun to cry. “Andie, I… I love you so much. Please, you’ll be okay.” He was about to lift Andrea up into his arms and take her away from wherever they were. Sean didn’t recognize the area, nor could he remember arriving, but none of that mattered. Not when Andrea was so gravelly hurt.
He would take her to Zander to be healed. The polar bear was an eccentric lunatic, running around the Alaskan wilderness like a fool, but he was the best healer Sean had ever known. Or, if Zander were too far away, maybe he could summon Andrea’s father, a powerful Fae warrior who was an arrogant son-of-a-bitch if Sean ever met one, but he loved his daughter without reservation. He’d not hesitate to save Andrea, if Sean could only get her to a leyline and into Faerie. Or maybe-
Andrea’s head lolled across Sean’s thighs. “Sean,” she begged, fingers reaching out for the touch of her mate. “Y-You hav-v-ve to.”
Sean blinked through large tears. When he reached out to take Andrea’s hand, he was shocked to find that the hilt of his sword already filled his hands. He stared in awe, discovering that the point of the blade was resting precariously on Andrea’s faintly beating heart.
“I’m sorry, my love,” Sean sobbed. “I’m so sorry.” Summoning every ounce of strength he had, Sean pushed down onto the sword so that the blade would strike Andrea through the heart. He watched helplessly as Andrea stiffened and spasmed, blood gushing out of the impalement. Sean waited, trying to soak in every little detail of Andrea before her body evaporated into dust. “Andie, I’m so sorry.”
In the distance, Sean swore he could hear Andrea’s warbling wolf howl, low and urgent.
How could that be? Andrea was dead. Dead by Sean’s hand.
Her howl rang out again, stronger and more urgent…
“Andie…” Sean tossed and turned on the bed, shoving the pillow off of the bed as he fought with whatever he was seeing in his sleep. “Sorry… No, no!”
Andrea Gray, fully shifted into her wolf form, trilled and howled in Sean’s ear, desperate to awaken her mate from whatever awful nightmare had Sean writhing and crying out in his sleep like this.
With a heart-wrenching yowl, Sean bolted upright and opened his eyes into full wakefulness. “Andie, Andie!” he murmured, the chill of the night air hitting his bare, sweat-soaked chest. “What…? Where…?” Sean fumbled with the twisted sheet to free his legs, only to find a gray wolf nosing her head into his check and tail thumping against the edge of the mattress.
Andrea initiated a fluid shift, strong jowl and soft fur giving way to her beautiful face and human skin. “Sean, what’s wrong?” she asked, concern dripping from her tone. When Sean continued to stare at her without moving a muscle, Andrea framed his cheek in her palms to guide Sean’s wild gaze to her. “It’s okay,” she soothed. “I’m right here. We’re safe.” It unnerved Andrea to see Sean so silent. Usually, Andrea could depend on Sean to be the one to comment on anything and everything.
Sean slowly stretched out his hand, taking Andrea’s arm at the elbow and dragging his hand up her bicep not unlike a cat using his paw to inspect a new, unfamiliar object. “You’re okay?” he whispered, half-delighted and half-confused.
“I’m okay,” Andrea quickly assured him with a few short nods. She took Sean’s exploratory hand and pressed it to her beating heart. “See? I’m totally fine.” Andrea held Sean’s palm there, waiting for the rhythmic pulse to sink into his brain.
The steady thump-thump-thumps of Andrea’s heart held every bit of Sean’s keen attention. He let his hand linger against Andrea’s chest. There was no trace of his sword’s blade penetrating her supple skin, no blood, no scar. Sean breathed a sigh of relief and pitched forwards, letting his forehead meet the nape of Andrea’s neck. “Andie.” The tension he did not realize built up in his body melted away when he fell into his mate. “Andrea, Andrea” he repeated like a prayer. “My love, I…”
Shortly after being chosen as a Guardian, Sean learned firsthand that there was more to the role than simply wielding a big, heavy sword. Part of the Guardian’s job entailed keeping the sadness he felt contained within himself. To be present and decisive when he was needed, but fade into the background to let those grieving honor their loved ones in peace. Sean had taken that practice to heart, always retreating into isolation before he might’ve allowed himself to indulge in grief.
But here, in the arms of his strong, loving mate, not even Sean Morrisey had the wherewithal to keep himself composed. It took strength and stamina to push away the never-ending guilt attached to his Guardian role, and Sean’s horrific nightmare had drained away his fortitude, leaving him raw and vulnerable.
“I had to send you to dust,” he confessed, wrapping himself around Andrea. “I had no choice. You were dying, begging me to, and so I… I…”
Andrea pulled Sean closer into her body, briefly glancing at the sword that stood in its case next to Sean’s nightstand. The sword was never more than a few feet away from Sean. “Okay, okay, Sean,” she hushed, letting her hand rub small circles across her shaking mate’s back. “It was just a dream. We’re alright now. Everything's fine. It was a dream.”
“It was a dream tonight,” Sean corrected, pulling out of her grasp to look at Andrea. “But it might not always be. One day, I might have to… To…” His face crumpled into a desolate, pitiful frown. “Damn that sword,” Sean cursed through clenched teeth. “And damn me for using it.”
It wasn’t hard for Andrea to figure out what Sean meant to say. It was hard for her to figure out how to heal the pain that he had clearly repressed until he no longer could. She bit her lower lip, heart breaking at the sight of Sean buckling under the weight of what it meant to be a Guardian.
“How do you stand it?” Sean beseeched, hunching further into himself like a cat trying to wrap his tail around himself. “How can you stand to be around me?”
To the broader shifter community, Guardians were bringers of death. In essence, a Guardian represented mortality. As necessary and vital as Guardians were, it was no secret that shifters often kept themselves at a distance from Guardians. That was one reason why to be chosen as a Guardian was usually synonymous with never taking a mate. No one would want to chain themselves to a living, breathing reminder of eventual death. Sean had long ago resigned himself to that fate, until Andrea had, quite literally, stumbled off of her bus and into the Austin Shiftertown where Sean lived.
Andrea didn’t flinch away like everyone else. She pressed closer to Sean so that their shoulders bumped together. “Well, I’ll admit, your sense of humor can be a bit much sometimes,” she remarked. “But your accent is sweet to hear when you prattle on, so it all balances out.” She kissed Sean’s cheek.
Having moved to Austin, Texas from Ireland long ago, Sean was quite accustomed to people commenting on his pronunciation and choice phrases. Pushing back at the existential, Guardian dread that thrummed through his check, Sean gave the same answer he always gave when someone said something about his speech. “Would you believe County Kerry was giving this accent away for free the day I was born?” Austin offered Sean and his family a chance to start fresh, but the family of lion-shifters certainly had no intention of letting their accent (or love for a nice cup of tea) fade.
“What a deal,” Andrea softly giggled before she turned serious, not wanting to let Sean interpret her teasing diversion as a refusal to answer his question. “Sean, I don’t just ‘stand’ being around you. I love you. You’re my mate.” She tipped her head so that her forehead gave Sean’s a feather-light touch. “I want to be with you, in all ways, at all times.”
Sean wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, but they remained puffy and damp. “You’re the only one who doesn’t get skeeved out by what I stand for,” he reported. The simple statement wasn’t tinged with anger or bitterness. It was like Sean was stating the simple, irrefutable fact that he should live out his life separated from his community. “And not only that, but you mated with me,” Sean lamented. “ A mated Guardian. Who ever heard of such a thing?”
Darragh, another feline shifter who served as the Guardian for a Montana pride came to Sean’s mind. Unmated. Paulie, a black bear shifter who served much of the East Coast as Guardian? Also unmated. Neil, the Las Vegas lupine shifter Guardian? He, too, had the good sense to remain unmated. It was like an unspoken code amongst Guardians. The only thing you could expect to be at your side was your sword.
Andrea scoffed, twirling her index finger around a lock of Sean’s jet-black hair to push it into place. “Well, if you’re going to get concerned with public opinion, I’d sure be screwed,” she noted. “A half-lupine shifter, half-Fae healer?” Andrea gave a short, mocking bow, having found the confidence to embrace the fact that she was, indeed, of both shifter and Fae heritage. “Who ever heard of that? And yet, here I am.”
Andrea was right. Her identity seemed like it should be outright impossible given the deep animosity between shifters and Fae. Still, here she was, in all her glory. In her old pack, Andrea had been ostracized due to her Fae blood, even though she had been granted the rare gift of healing. Bloody bunch of idiots, as far as Sean was concerned. Their loss was his gain, obviously.
Sean couldn’t help but laugh at Andrea’s autobiographical quip. She never was one to shy away from asserting her complicated heritage, even if just to watch others’ faces stare at her in dumbfounded confusion. “There you are.” He loved the way her eyes sparkled, like she was a beacon of light against the darkness that threatened to smother him. “And the world is better for having you in it.”
Andrea dodged Sean’s compliment, genuine as she knew it was, to stay on task with uncovering whatever it was that disturbed her mate’s sleep. “The same goes for you.” She let her hand cup the side of Sean’s neck, forefinger stroking the column of his throat.
“I don’t think that’s exactly a majority opinion,” Sean grimaced. The too-tiny smile that flickered onto his face faded away. “And, some nights, Love, I’m included in that majority.”
Andrea surveyed her mate, the anguish radiating off of him in thick, smothering waves. “Sean?” She tipped her head to the side, as if the new position would give her a perspective she could use to understand and to untangle Sean’s sorrow.
“I… I…” Sean could barely bring himself to verbalize the thought that had been plaguing him endlessly for far, far too long. “They hate me, don’t they?” His lower lip trembled and fresh tangs sprang up from his eyes. “Dad. And Liam” The hard glare of his father and the grief-stricken look of his brother flashed before Sean’s eyes. “They can barely stand to be near me,” he admitted, like he had committed a mortal sin. “They think I don’t notice the way they keep themselves at an arm’s length.” Sean sucked on his teeth. “I notice. And I don’t blame them one bit. It was me who sent Kenny to dust.”
Andrea tightened her grip on Sean. She ached to interrupt him with assurances that his role as Guardian did not and could never override his humanity in his family’s eyes, but she sensed that Sean needed to unburden himself more. So, she waited for Sean to continue, but steadfastly reminded him through touch that she was with him.
“And I worry, what if you grow to feel the same way?” He snatched Andrea’s wrists, nails digging into her with utter desperation. “It’s bad enough my own family sees me as a grim reaper armed with a broadsword. I suppose I am. But if you saw me like that, too…” He trailed off, a sob catching in his throat. “If you did, too, I don’t know what I’d do.” Sean wept at the mere thought of his beloved mate growing distant over the years, finally unable to tolerate the fact that death and destruction followed in his wake. “The worst of it is, you’d be right.” He dissolved into tears, finally breaking under the massive weight the Sword of the Guardian had bestowed upon his shoulders.
“Oh, Sean, no, no,” Andrea crooned. “Hey, it’s okay now,” she repeated, taking Sean in her strong, protective arms. For a moment, she let Sean cry, knowing that sometimes that act held a healing power more comprehensive than her magical healing ability. “Sean, I’ve watched you serve our people as Guardian for a long time now. And do you know what I think of it? Truly?” She paused, causing Sean to raise his eyes to hers for a moment as he focused on smoothing out his breath. “I think you’re amazing.” She rocked her weight back and forth a bit, knowing the motion might help calm Sean as he spiraled.
Sean’s brow pinched, like he couldn’t conceptualize what Andrea had just said. “What?”
“I think you’re amazing,” Andrea repeated, pressing her lips to the wrinkles that puckered across Sean’s forehead. “So strong. So protective.” She gave him another kiss, eliciting a small sigh from his distraught mate. “You are the best Guardian. You take your responsibilities seriously, and everyone knows they can depend on you to do the job you were chosen to do. Dylan and Liam included.”
Sean longed to believe Andrea, but he didn’t feel convinced.
“I know the role takes its toll on you. And I know you try to keep all of that inside.” Andrea’s palm drifted down Sean’s front, landing on his chest. “But you don’t need to. You can be a good Guardian and still let yourself feel.” She let one of her legs hook around Sean’s underneath the thin sheet. “You provide so much to our community Sean. You give people the security to know that when their time comes, you’ll be there to help them find their peace.”
Sean nodded wordlessly, his mouth dry now that he had calmed down.
“I’m sorry that doing a good job as our Guardian means that some people avoid you.” There was no point in denying that happened. Andrea had seen the way people averted their eyes or crossed the street when they saw Sean stalking their way, even if it was just to pick up a few groceries. “But Dylan and Liam love you, Sean. You’ve got this idea in your head that they blame you for Kenny’s death, but Sean, it’s just not true.” She pinned Sean with her solid, gray gaze, making it impossible for Sean to look away. “You were there for each other when your mother died, formed a bond stronger than most people could ever hope to know in their lives.” She squeezed Sean a little tighter, warm fingers curling into his shivering skin. “Kenny’s death was a tragedy,” Andrea acknowledged, knowing how deeply Sean missed his younger brother. “But even something as awful and unfair as Kenny’s death could never, ever draw you and your family apart.”
Sean hadn’t realized how he craved to hear someone say that until Andrea whispered it to him. “It feels like it does, sometimes.” He rested his cheek on Andrea’s shoulder, a healing comfort unlike anything else Sean knew seeping into body. “It was a hard sight for Dad and Liam to see. Kenny was near death already, and then to see him be run through with my sword before his body disintegrated... ” Sean trailed off, trying to keep the memory at bay.
“Hard for all of you to see,” Andrea corrected. “I can’t imagine how hard it was for you that day, Sean. I’m so, so sorry you had to do that,” she sympathized. “But as hard as that was for Dylan, Liam, and you…” She emphasized the last word, as if to remind Sean that he could be both an unflinching Guardian who faced death frequently and a grieving brother. “I can’t imagine how much harder it would’ve been if you hadn’t helped Kenny. If you hadn’t been able to use your sword.”
The mere thought of his brother’s soul wandering the world without rest or worse, being captured and enthralled by some ruthless Fae made Sean’s lion come alive and growl. He felt his claws begin to push through his nails, teeth elongate, and blue eyes flicker into cat-like slits.
“Of course I’d never let my brother suffer like that,” Sean responded. It took all of his might to keep his lion from coming into being with a great roar.
“I know you wouldn’t,” Andrea hastily agreed, her own wolf pawing and whining when she sensed that her mate was in distress. “Because you’re a good man who would do anything for the people he loves.” She let her palm cup Sean’s chin, stroking the faint stubble that had already begun to grow. “So even though it was hard for you, you made sure to take care of Kenny. I guarantee Dylan and Liam feel the same way as you. Don’t you see?” Her small smile was like a life-preserver that kept Sean from drowning in grief. “Your family knows what was at stake for Kenny. And even though it was a horrible, unfair situation, even though Kenny’s death was senseless and tragic, even though it hurt like hell, you did exactly the right thing. You didn’t just give Kenny a safe death. You made it so that Liam and Dylan don’t have to worry about his soul. ”
Sean didn’t know how many times he had replayed Kenny’s last moments of life in his head. Hundreds? Thousands? It very nearly consumed him, though time did wonders for healing. Every time, it had been the same for Sean. The same horror in Kenny’s eyes. The same gut-wrenching guilt when Sean gripped the hilt of his sword. The same sorrowful recognition in Liam’s and Dylan’s eyes as they dropped to the ground and wept for Kenny.
Up until this moment, it had always been the same sickening scene rolling on a loop in Sean’s mind.
Andrea hadn’t even been there. Hadn’t known Kenny, or any of the Morrissey family. And yet, Andrea’s compassionate, empathic perspective had somehow changed everything for Sean. He had been so focused on the profound loss of that night, and his part in that tragic outcome, that Sean hadn’t even let himself consider what he had been able to preserve by doing the job he had been chosen to do.
“Guardians are chosen for a purpose,” Andrea added. “You weren’t chosen because you’re some outcast pariah who’s supposed to cope in isolation forever and expected not to be affected by the difficult nature of what you do.”
Sean blinked, jaw hanging open as Andrea so easily encapsulated his experience ever since the choosing ceremony.
“It means that despite those difficulties, we can count on you to do what we need,” Andrea continued. “And we’re thankful for that. So very thankful, Sean.” She felt him nod against her clavicle. “So, in return, let me give you the support you need. You don’t need to shoulder the aftermath all alone. I…” Her voice cracked. “I don’t want you carrying around all this guilt like you carry around your sword. I’m your mate.” The words lilted across her lips like the sweetest song Sean had ever had the pleasure of hearing. “I’m here for you, always.”
“Always,” Sean echoed. “Did you know Kenny never treated me differently when I was chosen?” he recounted, voice growing a little thicker and raspier as the adrenaline of the dream and tumultuous emotions drained from his body. “Not once.”
“He sounds like a kind man,” Andrea noted. “I wish I could’ve known him.”
“Me too,” Sean agreed, briefly indulging himself in a thought where Andrea and Kenny could’ve met. Kenny and Andrea, laughing together and conspiring to find every opportunity to embarrass or tease Sean. They would’ve gotten along well, Sean thought to himself.
Silence hung in the air, but both shifters could sense that there was still something causing Sean unease.
Sean hesitated, almost afraid to ask what was on his mind until Andrea threaded her hand through Sean’s hair. The motion sent waves of relaxation and comfort through Sean, and a noise that suspiciously sounded like a purr hummed in his throat.
Andrea was right. He had to bear the burden of being a Guardian, but he didn’t have to bear that burden alone. “Y’know, my dream might not be all that far-fetched. I might have to run you through one day. That thought ruins me,” Sean revealed shakily. He slid his palm to Andrea’s face. “It really ruins me, Andie-love.”
“I don’t plan on that time coming for a long, long time.” Andrea leaned into Sean’s palm. “But when it does, there’s no one I’d rather run me through than you,” she pronounced bravely. “My Guardian.” She turned her head to kiss Sean’s calloused palm. “Mate of my heart.”
Sean could’ve started crying again, this time out of relief. Andrea was a rare type of person, able to see Sean as more than his status as a Guardian. But more than that, she had taken it upon herself to walk along that path with Sean, hand-in-hand, unflinchingly, to help him navigate the challenges that came along with every thrust of his sword. She was amazing, and he was so lucky to have her in his life. He planned to spend the rest of his life showing Andrea all the love and kindness she deserved.
“Mate of my heart,” Sean responded in kind, bringing Andrea in for a slow, sweet kiss that left her breathless. “I love you so much,” the Guardian said just as a yawn gripped him.
“I love you, too,” Andrea hummed. She laid back onto the soft pillows and kept her hold on Sean, coaxing him to come along with her. “Think you’ll be able to go back to sleep tonight? We can stay up if you’d like.”
Sean could already feel his eyelids begin to grow heavy once his head hit Andrea’s chest. “Sleep.” He curled around her, his breathing beginning to even out. When he felt Andrea’s hand begin to card through his hair again, Sean felt himself begin to drift back to sleep, safe in the arms of his loving mate. “
Andrea continued to lull Sean into a deep, restful sleep with her slow, steady caresses. Only once Sean began to snore softly did Andrea allow herself to join him in slumber.
Sean Morrissey may have been a damn fine Guardian, but from that night on, it was Andrea Gray who guarded her mate from the harrowing challenges of being a Guardian and the nightmares that came along with it.