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“Alhaitham, what in the Lesser Lord’s name is this?”
Alhaitham sighed as his headphones once again failed to muffle the familiar voice despite all of the upgrades they’d undergone so they could do just that. So the extra insulation and white noise generation hadn’t helped at all then, had it? Hm. Perhaps he should try training them next. Although the Akademiya had rules against creating sentient machines, he doubted that teaching them to filter out certain sniveling tones would come anywhere close to meeting the threshold. After all, it did not take intelligence to find Kaveh’s mawkish melodrama objectionable.
“Alhaitham, I know you heard me,” Kaveh said, prompting Alhaitham to turn away from his piles of paperwork, pull off his headphones, and observe his roommate’s scowl.
“Ah, so you found your birthday gift,” Alhaitham said, glancing at the brown sack of mora that Kaveh dangled high in the air. On its front was pinned a small piece of white paper that simply read “Happy Birthday”. Though they technically comprised a handwritten note, the two blocky words bore no signature.
“This is what you call a birthday gift?” Kaveh said, wildly waving his free hand at the sack.
“Yes,” Alhaitham said, turning back toward his desk. “Happy birthday.”
“Alhaitham!” Kaveh exclaimed as his mouth curled up into a poor imitation of a snarl. Despite his current ire, Kaveh was far too soft for a truly harsh expression.
“What?” Alhaitham asked, turning back toward Kaveh.
“You just don’t give people money on their birthday,” Kaveh said.
“Oh, really?” Alhaitham said.
“Yes, really!” Kaveh said. “It’s inconsiderate! But then again, it’s not like I should have expected anything else from you.”
“Well, if you don’t like it, then I can just take it back and count it toward your debt repayment,” Alhaitham said, shrugging.
Kaveh made a sound akin to choking.
“You wouldn’t!”
“So you do like it, then?” Alhaitham asked.
“No, that’s not what I said,” Kaveh said. “But if this is all I’m getting from you, then I’m going to spend it on what I want.”
“Good,” Alhaitham said. “That’s exactly what I intended. Now, are we done here? I have work to do.”
“You really don’t get it, do you?” Kaveh said, his furious words gradually turning into a tired sigh.
“I don’t get what?” Alhaitham asked.
“Why I’m…why this isn’t acceptable,” Kaveh said.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Alhaitham asked.
“You’re supposed to put thought into gifts, Alhaitham,” Kaveh said. “It shows you care.”
“And? I thought about what you needed most,” Alhaitham said.
Those words reignited the raging fire in Kaveh’s eye, but he soon smothered it in favor of a gentler expression.
“Everyone needs money,” Kaveh said, soft but strained. “But it’s not a good gift. When you’re giving a gift, you’re supposed to think about what that specific person likes and cater to their interests.”
To this, Alhaitham rolled his eyes.
“I’ve already tried that, Kaveh,” Alhaitham said, leaning forward and looking Kaveh right in the eye. “Far too many times to count. So, instead of wasting my money on you myself, I decided that this year, I’ll let you do the honors instead.”
And that was the end of Kaveh’s careful restraint.
“Oh? Name a single time you really tried, Alhaitham,” Kaveh said, the semi-snarl returning to his face. “One, single time!”
“Four years ago I bought you some traditional treats from the market. You said they were uninspired and bland,” Alhaitham said. “Three years ago, I got you a cake from a Fontainian bakery. You spent the better part of an hour complaining about how it tasted artificial. Two years ago, I got you wine from Liyue. You drank it all, threw it back up, and blamed the osmanthus flavoring for making you sick. And last year, I brought you flowers from Mondstadt. You whined the entire day about how they didn’t match any of our décor.”
Kaveh’s mouth fell as he blinked, once, twice, thrice in shock.
“It’s clear I don’t know what you want,” Alhaitham said, shrugging. “So why keep guessing? At this point, it’s more efficient to just let you choose what you’d like.”
Kaveh’s mouth opened and closed, but no words came. Alhaitham thought it made him look something like a landed fish, but knew far better than to voice the observation.
“Fine,” Kaveh said. “While I’ll admit you’ve been…generous…in the past, none of those were gifts I actually wanted. You didn’t take my preferences into account at all.”
“Then what should I have done instead?” Alhaitham asked, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.
“You really can’t be this clueless, can you?” Kaveh said, sighing as he shut his eyes and dropped the bag of mora to his side.
“Hm, I guess I am,” Alhaitham said, though it was less an admission of guilt than a way to move the conversation along.
“Well, in that case, you just should have asked me what I wanted, Alhaitham,” Kaveh said, each word threatening to wilt away into a whine. “I could have even made you a list, if that would have been easier for you. But all you had to do was ask!”
Now, it was Alhaitham’s turn to furrow his brow and scowl, not at Kaveh, but at himself. Despite coming from Kaveh, the suggestion was actually quite logical, an extremely straightforward solution to an equally simple issue. There was absolutely no reason at all why he shouldn’t have been able to think of it himself, much less have to discover it through a sophist’s histrionics. Oh, Alhaitham, how could you have been so dense?
“Hm,” Alhaitham said, grimacing as he somehow forced the next words out. “For once, it seems you’re right. I’m sorry, Kaveh.”
“Did you…did you just…?” Kaveh stammered.
“Give me the mora and tell me what you’d like,” Alhaitham interrupted as a sudden heat rose to the surface of his cheeks.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Kaveh said, lifting the bag of mora and holding it to his chest. “But I want you to come with me when I spend it. That way, you’ll know what to get me next year.”
“I don’t need to be with you for that – “ Alhaitham started.
“Please. Consider it part of your apology,” Kaveh said.
The last word turned Alhaitham’s grimace into a glower.
“Or not,” Kaveh said. “If you’re going to be so sensitive about it, then I suppose it could just be a nice outing amongst close companions.”
“Some might call that a date,” Alhaitham said, his glower seamlessly shifting into an irking smirk as he seized his chance at reprisal.
Kaveh made the choking sound again.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kaveh sputtered. “I’d never date such a self-centered, spoilt, obnoxious – “
Alhaitham turned back toward his work and slipped his headphones on, tapping the right earpiece twice to switch on the white noise. Though not perfect, the incessant buzz was able to dull the risible rant until he could almost ignore it. Good. He’d hate for Kaveh’s tirade to put him in a bad mood for his date.