Archive of Our Own

The two of them snuck out not long after midnight. Naesala didn’t particularly care to be caught on the other end of one of Reyson’s boring lectures, and Leanne didn’t want to see an argument break out between the two of them. Still, for as pure as he knew her intentions were, the lack of reluctance she had at creeping out her window made Naesala worry that he’s become too much of a bad influence on her.

Gallia was no Kilvas. Its land was, naturally, built more for cats than it was for birds. Not to mention how stifling it felt to be around so many set on edge by his presence. He knows he’s a showstopper, but honestly, he could do without all the glaring. None of it would deter him from what he set out here to do, however: rebuild his broken relationship with the heron siblings, Tibarn’s suspicions be damned.

Then again, given how he’s entertaining Leanne’s wish to see tonight’s starfall, maybe he was right to have them. They were rather strict with the poor woman, but given that the last time Tibarn let her out of his sight she’d been kidnapped, he couldn’t entirely blame him either.

Seeing in the dark was terribly difficult, too. It’s why Naesala had been extra cautious as the two soared off into the night, and attentive as he could possibly be when he and Leanne had finally found the perfect cliff to perch upon. The sweet sound of her laughter ringing out made their journey all worth it. “What? What’s so funny?”

“This is...fun! Our own adventure! You agree...yes?”

“This? This hardly qualifies as an adventure,” Naesala replies snarkily. “But I have to admit, I am having fun. I can’t remember the last time I saw you so rebellious. Tired of being tied down, Leanne?”

Leanne hesitates, but ultimately nods. “Tibarn and Reyson...worry...for me very much. I...”

A pause. Under Nealuchi’s tutelage, she’s been working diligently to learn modern tongue. But given the furrow in her brow, it seems she’s come to the limit of what she can confidently speak like this. The last of her response comes in the Ancient Language instead. “I do not want to upset them. I know the two of them are only looking out for me. But still, I don’t want to remain locked inside either! If war ever again comes to Gallia, or Phoenicis, or Kilvas... I want to help.”

Finally, Leanne smiles. “That’s why I am having so much fun tonight! You make me feel safe, Naesala, but you also make me feel free. This side of you has never changed.”

He’s...undeserving of this. Of being granted such happiness after all he’s done. And...with all he knows he has yet to do. Guilt twists in Naesala’s stomach, led by a charge of elated butterflies. “Leanne—”

“Oh! The stars!”

Her exclamation cuts Naesala off, and relief washes away the giddy butterflies that had emerged. Thank goodness. What on earth was he thinking? If she hadn’t interjected... He might not have been able to bite back the hope that so foolishly held onto the tip of his tongue. They’re not children anymore. And nothing would be as simple as when they were ever again. Even still, more than anything... He longed to let all his culminating feelings go.

Twenty years. That is how long she slept. And for twenty excruciating years, he mourned her, believing her light to have been unjustly snuffed out far before her time. Without her kindness, without her smile, grief overtook him. Naesala was always a selfish man, yes; Kilvas would always be first, and no matter what happened, this would never change. But... He should have done more. Reyson was still alive. Why did he not put his trust in him then, to confide his grief in him when he most needed to be seen? And the worst part is, if it happened again all this time later, he knows he’d do the same thing.

It wouldn’t, though. Naesala would not let it. Leanne would never be ripped away from him ever again. Even with all the riches he’s secured for Kilvas’ future... No treasure had ever been more precious to him than Leanne.

Naesala takes a deep breath, trying fruitlessly to push away his thoughts as he follows her gaze up to the racing stars. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Yes,” replies Leanne. “Naesala, let’s make a wish! Come on!”

By the time he’s parted his mouth to interject, Leanne has already squeezed her eyes shut tight and clasped her hands together. It’s instead an exasperated sigh that leaves his lips, as Naesala turns back to the stars.

Wishes... He hasn’t made any since the Serenes Massacre. It feels childish to make one now when in the years since, he’s taken all he’s wanted by his force and cunning. Still, one is mortifyingly quick to come to mind.

I wish I could kiss her.

...Yeah, great going, Naesala. Bring those feelings back front and center after you just resolved not to, why don’t you? Can you honestly not think about anything other than her and how beautiful she is right now? Ugh. Great to know! Twenty years later, and just the sight of her leaves him as jumbled up as ever.

His musing halts when he hears Leanne scoot closer to him. “Do you mean it?”

“What? Mean what?”

“Do you want to kiss me?” Leanne asks, and Naesala finally meets her eyes. Intent as ever, and paired with unusually pink cheeks. That’s when everything clicks.

“How many times must I ask you not to look into my soul, Leanne?” The Raven King frowns, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t pick up on his quickened heartbeat next.

“My apologies. But I felt so many emotions welling up inside you. Happy ones... Sad ones... And longing. I wanted to understand them, so... I wished for it.”

“In other words, you took the opportunity to read my thoughts.” He was right; he was becoming a bad influence on her, if his cunning was rubbing off this much. “Well? Are you satisfied? Did you find the answers you were looking for?”

She pauses. “No. I understand even less now. If you want to kiss me, then... Why haven’t you?”

“Why on earth would I?! You don’t deserve to have me plague your mind any more than I already have, Leanne.” Naesala couldn’t help but cringe. He was getting so worked up, and for what? Why? He’d been able to keep these emotions under wraps with Reyson. Why is it that Leanne brings them out so easily?

Her hand presses to his reddened cheek, and he finds his answer.

“You are not a plague, Naesala. I want to think about you. And I want to have you. Do you understand?”

It is Leanne alone who can make him unravel like this. Leanne alone who sees past the ugly parts of him, and straight into his heart. She alone makes Naesala feel as though he is worth loving, even if guilt and self-hatred try and fail to rein in his overflowing heart. And when his lips press selfishly to hers, after a lifetime of waiting...

For just this one moment, Naesala feels complete.