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The dice clattered and rolled across the table as a collective breath was held.
As it stopped, Donnie scrambled through his various stacks of notes. The flustered rush caused them to cascade across the table. Each found purchase by the other players, but no one of them moved to help return them.
“I can-!” Donnie choked on the idea as his spell sheet crumpled underhand.
Unable to see the dice from behind his screen, Mikey had to stand before he sullenly slunk back down to record the roll. “That’s a two…”
April moved next and offered a weakened smile. “At least you still have one more to go, right?”
You couldn’t take in Donnie’s response as you stared down at your own worn character sheet. The egregious zero you had doodled out after marking out the last of your healing HP glared back. You sent a meek look towards the perpetrator.
“Yeah, yeah, Donald rolls on his next turn.” Leo hadn’t noticed you or anyone else. He simply waved off the doomed aura of the table with his eyes glued to his phone.
“Leo!” Raph scolded.
“Pay attention, fool! That was his second death-saving throw! If he fails the next one, aka the last one, then he’s dead dead!” April shot to her feet and used the momentum to slap Leo’s phone straight down onto the table.
The indignity at the action caused the words to click in the slider’s mind. “Wait what?”
“There’s… nothing we can do?” Raph turned to Mikey.
From behind his DM partition, the box turtle grimaced. “Uh… so you and Leo are too far after the cliff situation. April’s attacks missed and she closed out her turn by moving towards you guys. Y/N had the healing juices once, but… again, cliff.”
It wasn’t intentional on anyone’s part, but you took it as a painful reminder of your failings.
“So this is happening all because you had to swing from that vine!?” Raph turned his worries into vengeance and zeroed it in on Leo.
“I thought I could jump on the dude’s back!” Leo folded his arms as if he couldn’t be swayed on the matter.
You knew how reckless Leo’s bard was. It was you who used all the HP from your pool instead of reserving some for a case like this.
Raph tried to match it with a glare, but Leo’s stubbornness won out. “Potions… Potions! W-we had potions, didn’t we guys?” In an attempt to snatch up his inventory sheet, Raph knocked his dice clean off the table.
From where he was once a boiling pit of nervous lava, Donnie had shifted to a chasm of ice. “I won’t allow retroactive moves.”
April rolled her eyes away from the soft shell to watch the way the snapper bumped the table as he tried to gather his bobbles back up. “It doesn’t matter anyway; Leo used his eating that green sludge in the cave. Raph, I think you used yours when we fought the Cloakers on the sky ship and I… didn’t pick any up from the merchant because I didn’t trust the way that fool sang. Y/N whatcya got?”
“I gave my last one to that raccoon when it got injured during the communion with the deity.” You sighed, slinking further down into your seat of failures.
Set back once again, Raph’s little mumbles were the only sound.
“I just thought…” Mikey murmured under the pressure of silence and tried to sneak a glance at Donnie.
“Thought what?” Donnie gave an chilled hiss. “That you would destroy your established enemy curve on a whim? How very on brand.”
Mikey jolted with a bitterness stinging his eyes. “Well, excuse me! I was just trying to make sure you were having fun since it seemed too easy for you!”
“I was having fun because I was winning!” Donnie growled and slapped his spell sheet back to the table. “And now…”
“Got ‘em!” Raph popped up and took in the air. “Oh…”
It also seemed cruel that none of them seemed to acknowledge that this stemmed from you. It was your whole paladin’s identity to help the team in any way possible. You were supposed to be the shield and the failsafe. Now, there was an ever growing chance that you’d never see Donnie’s sorcerer again.
From where you were wringing your hands in your lap, you squeezed your fingers until they stung from the force.
April gave a sigh. “Let’s just...” She gave a long once over the group and the brothers settled indignantly into their seats. “Priorities! The real issue is The Reaper is about to go.”
“… And he’s still targeting Donnie.” You mumbled nervously. You tried to reason that it was totally normal and not biased that you knew that since April had mostly kept track of potions.
“How’s that work again?” Leo held up a hand as if he were whispering to April though he used his regular voice.
She placed a fingertip to the appendage and gently pushed it until it squashed back into the slider’s face. “I’m banning phones if this keeps up!”
“You have no authority!” Leo threw a finger out at Mikey in demonstration.
The box turtle opened his mouth to respond.
“But you can’t because that’s where my sheet is!” Leo sang the phrase out and scooped up his phone to snuggle preciously to his chest.
April rolled her eyes. “This is the last time I’m catching you up! Donnie’s the only one that’s managed to hit the guy and he’s been agroing him ever since.”
There wasn’t enough room for hope to bloom in your chest, but if April caught that then your observation was absolutely in the clear. You squirmed in your seat as you tried to deal with the concurrent thoughts you had on the matter. It had to be nothing but the usual intrigue and guilt that was making you obsess over the soft shell.
“But isn’t he like… bleeding out or something? Why’s he want to beat a dead horse?” Leo twisted out of one display for another that mimicked a dying blow and subsequent collapse. He side eyed Donnie the whole way down to the table.
Donnie bared his teeth, but before he could say anything, Mikey spoke.
“Actually…” Mikey stamped a sticky note with a halo on it right to his forehead. “Y/N goes next.”
Still wriggling, you halted as the attention rounded on you. You winced with a question on your lips; Donnie despised how you verbally talked out your plans. “Uh… Okay… I was… how far from whoever?”
“Let’s see!” Mikey chirped and ducked out of sight.
You felt a sense of déjà vu.
More sessions ago than you could count, April had invited you to join a this very D&D. After meeting her at a pro-mutant rights rally on campus, you’d chatted over coffee afterwards and shared your other mutual interests. She’d been playing far longer than you and you bemoaned your lack of experience. She’d had an odd look on her face before she softly mentioned how she’d be helping out a newbie DM start a new campaign. You tried to temper your excitement as she explained how accessible the affair would be for what was essentially a first time player such as yourself.
You’d followed April down some old subway entrance that next week with immediate wariness. The space transformed from dreary to homey in an odd shift that felt like entering another world. She had stopped at a large wooden table where a set green heads in colored bandanas were parked. In quick succession, you were introduced to the brothers with Donatello being last. It was a moment that stuck out to you with a painful prick. You weren’t sure what you had done, but he took one surprised look at you before coldly introducing himself by his sorcerer ’s name. April smacked the back of his head and explained that he took the role-playing aspect a bit too seriously.
She then sat you across from him and ever since it had become your assigned seat. With each session, the lot of you strengthened your bond as you fought back corruption and greater evil. That was, all except the soft shell who seemed to be glaring at you at any given moment. He harshly judged every creative strategy you tried to employ. His sorcerer was constantly either using you as bait or a test subject for unknown items that he picked up. You carried on, both because of your paladin’s shining disposition and because he was extremely good at the game.
Despite his attitude, you often found yourself in awe of how easily he could recall the intricacies of every single person’s spells, attacks, and bonus actions. He was theatrical to a fault and his monologues easily hypnotized you when he was given a chance to shine. Though he often interfered with the rest of the party to ensure he’d make the killing blow, the loop holes he’d exploit made it so watching him was like being in the presence of a master craftsmen. It made complete sense why he’d been banned from DMing, but it was also something you wished you could go back in time to see. It was unfortunate he loved getting in his own way so much.
Your eyes lit up.
Mikey reappeared before you could voice what was forming in your head. “Alright, so Leo and Raph are like 200 ft. away from you. April is 150. The Reaper is still airborne, but has been coming down so let’s say 60 with Donnie’s wounded body at 50 because you’ve been heading towards him since he collapsed.”
Donnie clicked his tongue.
You gave him a tepid scowl. He was so infuriatingly petty. “I get it! Despite how much your character hates mine, my paladin is compelled to help whoever is hurt!” You weren’t sure why you felt the need to defend your character’s actions, but across from you Donnie refused your gaze to instead bore holes into Mikey’s screen. “I’m going to Donnie’s sorcerer and I want to do a medicine check.”
There was a collective hiss as almost everyone sucked a sharp whiff of air through their teeth.
“Uh…” Raph anxiously reached out before retracting his fingers.
Leo leaned into the snapper with a crazed face and a harsh whisper. “Do you still want to complain about my vine swing?!”
“Y/N…” April was barely able to mask her wince with a broke smile. “That won’t…”
Donnie moved to collect his papers.
“I have to. It’s all I can do.” You turned to Mikey and gave him a nod to go ahead.
Mikey gave a sympathetic look and gestured for you to roll.
With a clack, you double checked your sheet. “21.”
Mikey made a note and then gave a grave look. “You run to the sorcerer’s fallen form as The Reaper looms overhead. Blackened wing flaps echo as he draws closer and closer. You drop to your knees and put your hand to the sorcerer’s chest. His clothes are singed away and you feel nothing from his cold form. You know his wound is magical in origin and, even though you reach as deep as you can, there just isn’t any magic left within you…”
“Y/N, you’re in The Reaper’s attack line…” April gave you a small reminder.
Looking at the abysmal amount of HP you had left, you used a chip bag to cover the number up. “I want to stand over his body and shield him.”
Donnie smacked his gathered stack of notes harshly against the table to align them.
Mikey sunk down, defeated. “The Reaper lands with a billowing gust of wind and a scythe of bone slowly protrudes from his arm. Swinging it around to attention, black ichor spatters the area from where it oozes off the weapon. He then rears back to strike…”
Within two moves your HP drops to zero and the table ignited. The sound barely reached your ear as you numbly brushed the snacks away to note that. You heard April’s turn happen and her desperately shouting something. The commotion was confusing static and you lifted your eye to look across from you. You assumed Donnie would still be giving you his icy shoulder, but instead you found him staring at you evenly. It didn’t shake you out of your funk, but you surfaced long enough to part your lips to translate a silent question. He took it in with a flick of his eyes, but chose to watch you until something brought his eye to the head of the table.
“Alright, Donnie! You got this!” Mikey was on his feet.
The lair rushed back to you and you realized everyone else had gotten to theirs as well.
Palming his dice, Donnie took a deep breath before letting it cascade off his palm and down his fingers. It rolled against the baited breath and rocked as it landed.
Leo gave a pained screech.
You tried to remind yourself that you did all you could to rectify your wrong.
“You find yourself floating in a broken land…” Mikey addressed Donnie with energy waning within each word. “You know this to be the Astral Plane…”
Leo draped himself over April and gave a synthetic sob. “I’m writing an ode to him as we speak! It should have been me!”
“Come on, dude…” Raph huffed.
“Literally didn’t even realize he was dying two seconds ago.” April pinched Leo’s forearm.
“You know you are not long for this world either. Do you want to reach out to your gods or ask the questions you’ve always sought?” Mikey continued on as if unaware.
“I reach against the veil to the paladin.” Donnie responded without hesitation.
You snapped to attention and wildly searched him.
He ignored you to wait for Mikey’s response.
Following his gaze, you moved to catch the last moments of surprise pass over the box turtle’s face before he gave a sad, but understanding smile.
“Y/N.” Mikey turned to you.
“Yeah?” You whispered and came to realize that the other conversations had halted in favor of watching the exchange.
“Everything is dark and you are somewhere in-between. You haven’t felt anything since The Reaper’s blade pierced you, but now you sense a familiar presence ghosting over you.”
“What…?” You searched your tablemates to find all but Donnie just as confused as you.
“Roll a D20 for me.” Mikey gave you a reassuring bob. You didn’t miss the mischievous air to it.
Your hands felt heavy against the small bobble as you gave it a little shake before casting it out. “18.”
Mikey nodded, his eyes down to whatever pages he had behind his partition. “You know it to be the sorcerer who has been by your side for many moons. You cannot see or hear him, but your eyes widen as some of his knowledge enters your mind.”
A piece of paper slid across the table.
The fingers on the edge of it trailed back to Donnie who wore a troubled frown and refused your eye.
You leaned forward to look and he gave it a shove. The page then delicately floated until it landed perfectly in front of you.
“Read paragraph 3 to yourself.” His voice had a calculated stillness to it.
Still lost, you gave him one last look.
He continued to deny it, but you caught how his expression had shifted with a tinge of pain.
Looking down at the paper, you immediately identified it as Donnie’s backstory. He’d touted its length but hid its direct content many times since the game started. The gazes on you heated up in a way that said you’d be the first to see it. You swallowed hard as you picked up the page. Counting down as instructed, you started at the third indentation:
“He never imagined much past his plans for global conquest. Knowing knowledge would be the key, he planned his whole life based on this pursuit. He would think very little of the paladin that he’d be forced to party with. They were too selfless and had sworn an oath that he would make a mockery of. All that changed, when they smiled and introduced themselves. The emotion he’d felt in that moment would pain him and he didn’t know then what it meant. He’d secretly tried to dispel any sorcery, thinking something was cast. As time went on, he’d try to remind himself that the paladin was everything he hated; the exact opposite of his type. They were dumb and easily fell for the most ridiculous schemes. They were too happy and smiled even under the worst circumstances. They were kind to a fault and haplessly threw themselves in harm’s way to protect the other members of what he begrudgingly considered his family. He had a goal, a larger purpose. He didn’t have time to give in to petty things like feelings. Still, they wormed their way in. With a heavy heart, the day he acknowledged his love for the paladin was also the day he decided it would be best to carry that emotion secretly until his dying breath. He would not believe himself worthy of their love.”
The paper felt both too heavy and too light. You worried if you moved at all that it would simply cease to exist. Scouring back over the paragraph, you tried to figure out when he had written this. There was no way he could have known this from the get go. He’d come to session zero with his stack already transcribed.
Eyes watering from disuse, you attempted to blink.
The writing was typed out which meant Donnie must have updated it. He had clearly been adding the contents from each consecutive meeting. It was just vague enough, but a reel of actions outside the game cycled through your mind and seemed to parallel the text.
You remembered the shame that burned in your cheeks the day Leo had gotten you by saying the word gullible was written on the ceiling. It had only been matched by the humiliation you’d felt when your paladin had been obviously duped into buying a cursed piece of armor.
You recalled the day you’d arrived to a session having plastered a smile after being present during a bodega robbery. It clipped with the time your paladin had been hit with Moan, but maintained a grin for the party’s sake.
You hadn’t forgotten the day you’d mistakenly stumbled upon the brothers mid-battle and had thrown yourself in Raph’s defense after he’d been struck. It easily contrasted the any number of times you’d used Interception in player combat.
It all felt so surreal. The sea of coincidences barely tipped the scales from where you thought you it was just your imagination. In a crawl, your gaze lifted from the page to the soft shell that had passed it to you. His eye was still shoved to the side, but he now wore guarded expression that screamed a preparation for rejection.
Shifting away from a dazed watering, your vision now blurred with further realization.
He was the stupid one.
He was the one that got swept up in his excitement.
He was the one trying to be self-sacrificial.
The first fat tear formed in your left eye and threatened its plummet. You put the paper back down on the table and as soon as you did, you heard Donnie’s voice.
“I let go.”
Mikey began to talk, but your chair clattered to the ground as you shot up.
“You can’t!” It wasn’t a single droplet, but a dozen that flooded your cheeks in a stream.
Someone gasped.
“I’ve done all I’ve ever wanted.” Though his voice was even and you could barely see him, you could tell Donnie’s expression was wounded. He’d accepted a multitude of fates.
“No!” You were already rounding the table.
In a counter move, Donnie flew to his feet, ready to sprint.
“Stop!” Mikey commanded, a sharp spark of orange energy crackled through the air.
You both complied.
“Y/N, roll your last two saving throws. Now.” Mikey tossed a D20 at you instead of letting you walk back to your spot.
“But-” Leo choked on the syllable as a chain wrapped around his mouth.
“Now? Mikey, it’s not my-” You tried to reason but the zip of golden hue around Mikey’s pupil throttled your voice. You stared down at the table helplessly and rolled. “6… and 3…”
In stark contrast to his previous tone, Mikey’s watery voice reached your ears. “You find yourself floating in a broken land…”
It was like hearing a starting signal and you shot around the table. Donnie flinched as you stalked up to him. You stopped just short and he stared back at you with impossibly wide eyes.
“Did you mean it?”
“I play the game as it is meant to be played; a full immersion of oneself.”
“No!” You snapped and he shuddered again. “Above table! Did you mean it?”
His cheek hollowed out as he took a sharp breath and he forced his mouth into a tight line. For a moment, he tried to look everywhere but you before the reality of the situation seemed to sink in. His body language said he was still put out and he spoke out the corner of his mouth. “In my zeal, there is a chance I committed to the part a little too well.”
“Idiot.”
“Hey-!” The insult died on his lips as he saw a new river of tears rushing down your cheeks.
“Stupid! Dummy! Jerk!” You reached up as if you were going to swing, but he caught your wrists.
He leaned in close and dropped his voice for only you to hear. “Fine. Yes, you’re right, and, as much as it pains me to say this, we are not actually alone in the astral plane right now.”
“You’re dead…” You hiccupped and he released you.
“I am…” He mumbled in a way that spoke to the many volumes that simple phrase had before stepping forward. It just barely allowed your head to touch the pointed edge at the breast of his plastron. You resisted the urge to collapse into him and shook slightly as the last of the tears were ripped from you. One of his arms slung around your back and the tense muscles you felt said he was holding back more than he let on. He cleared his throat and you felt him straighten. “The… game, yeah that’s it, the game was quite a lot for Y/N. I’m going to take them to the kitchen to make some tea.”
You wormed an arm out of view and pinched him.
He put on a smile to hide the wince.
“You got it!” Mikey gave a chipper wink and then clapped his hands to gather attention. “Alright, we’re still in initiative people!”
“Are you kidding me right now!? I’m just gonna swing my lute at a literal death god after watching whatever that was!?” Leo gaped.
“Yeah, pretty much.” Mikey shrugged as if that were obvious and rolled his dice.
Fading counter murmurs argued as Donnie’s arm tightened the further away you got.