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Lucius got the idea for Up in Smoke when he saw the selfie of him and Pete they took the first time he got Pete high. The only other time Pete had smoked, he was fourteen and watched Little Shop of Horrors. To this day he had a serious fear of being eaten by a plant and he still couldn’t watch movies with Rick Moranis in them.
Of course Lucius didn’t care if Pete smoked with him. The whole point of polyamory was not expecting one person to be your everything, and he had plenty of other friends to indulge in his favorite vice with. But eventually Pete did shyly admit he wanted to try it, as long as Lucius promised not to make him watch any horror movies.
Lucius still didn’t think Little Shop qualified as a horror movie, but he wasn’t going to tell Pete that (again) when Pete was being vulnerable like this.
“Of course, babe,” Lucius said, kissing Pete gently on the top of his head. “I’m a great drug mom. This is going to be fun.”
Lucius carefully measured and planned to ease Pete into the experience. Some people just didn’t mesh with weed, and that was fine. If that were the case, Lucius would make the come down as easy on Pete as possible.
But Pete did enjoy it. They sat on their back porch in the soft spring sunshine, holding hands. Lucius let Pete ramble about baseball, his sentences meandering more than usual. It was all very cute and Lucius would save the teasing for many more smoke sessions in the future. Assuming they’d be happening, which he was getting more and more confident they would.
They ordered a mess of snacks for delivery and put on Steven Universe. Pete picked the episodes, because there was some scary shit in that cartoon. But then they were making out a little bit and let one autoplay, the one where one of the characters is thrown in a spooky giant mouth in the wall that wasn’t wholly unlike a giant man-eating plant. Lucius held his breath, but then Pete burst out into giggles and he relaxed.
The snacks arrived and they ate too many to want to fool around again any time soon. They flopped back onto the couch and cuddled and watched more TV. Lucius felt happy and in love and wanted to remember this, so he took out his phone to take a selfie. Pete had his head on Lucius’s shoulder. He smiled soft and sure into the camera as Lucius snapped the pic.
Later, sober, Lucius pulled up the picture to see how it had turned out. He huffed a half-laugh - he and Pete looked very stoned. But they also radiated love, and an unerring sense of trust and safety. The picture felt like their relationship, and (Lucius had been watching a lot of Steven Universe), like the space between people that almost becomes a person itself.
That’s how he came up with Up in Smoke. An experienced smoker would get a newbie high for the first time, and Lucius would document it.
This was going to be so fun.
~*~
Lucius met Stede Bonnet at the Cosmic Lounge, the gay bar where his other boyfriend Fang worked. The lunch rush had just finished so it was almost dead. Lucius was only there because Fang would be off in a few hours and they had a standing Wednesday date night.
Stede had marched up to Lucius, stuck out his hand, and said, “Hello. My name is Stede.”
Lucius took his hand with a limp wrist and shook it as he took everything about Stede in. He was wearing what Lucius could only call “Miami Vice-core,” a tight turquoise t-shirt tucked into high-waisted white pants. Bold and defiantly homosexual in a way that seemed new. Lucius also guessed newly divorced from the wedding ring tan line and that Stede had kids from the clumsy woven rainbow bracelet he was wearing above his expensive watch.
“Lucius. Nice to meet you, Stede.”
“May I sit here?”
“Sure.”
Stede sat on the barstool next to Lucius and looked straight ahead. Then he paled and looked at Lucius with a stricken expression.
“I didn’t plan on what to drink!”
“What do you mean?”
“I was going to introduce myself. Sit next to someone and flirt with him. I have several conversation topics memorized and three non-threatening ways to touch someone if they seem receptive, but I didn’t think of what to drink!” Stede propped his elbows on the bar and buried his head in his hands.
Lucius reached out and patted Stede lightly on the back. “There, there,” he said. “Do you want to think of one and then try it all again?”
Stede peeked out from behind his fingers. “That would be nice.” He scurried off of his stool and away from Lucius. Lucius pretended not to watch as Stede muttered to himself. Then he slapped his fist into his palm and nodded. He squared his shoulders and walked back to the bar.
“Hello. My name is Stede.”
Lucius shook his hand again. “Lucius.” He winked. “Do you want to join me?”
Lucius was pretty sure he wasn’t into Stede. He was cute, but Lucius liked a grumpy facade covering an ooey gooey center. This guy seemed pretty unable to be anyone but himself, which was charming in its own way but not in a way Lucius wanted to fuck.
Then again, he might have a big dick. Either way, Lucius was happy to play this game for the sake of a baby gay.
Stede got back up onto his barstool. Fang had been watching all of this with some interest and at Lucius’s nod came over to take the order.
“I’ll have a whiskey and coke, please,” said Stede.
“What kind of whiskey?” Fang asked.
Stede looked panicked again, so Lucius said, “He’ll have Crown.”
Fang nodded and left to make the drink.
“Thank you so much,” Stede said. “My mind went completely blank.”
“You’re doing great. Is this your first time at a gay bar?”
Stede wrinkled his face. “Is it that obvious?”
Rather than tell the truth, Lucius said, “No. I’m just very smart.”
“Not technically my first time. I came in for a bit last Saturday night, but it was… I have to work my way up to that.”
Lucius laughed. “You’ll get there.”
They chatted for a long time, long enough for Lucius to be certain he wasn’t into Stede. Which was fine, because Stede didn’t seem to be flirting, and he needed gay friends more than he needed a boyfriend. Still, Lucius was sure he could set this bizarre little man up with someone in his circle. He just couldn’t think of who yet.
“Another one?” Fang asked when Stede finished his second drink.
“No thank you. I need to get going, actually.” Stede turned to Lucius and squared his shoulders. He said in one rushed breath, “May I have your number?”
Lucius suppressed his laugh. “Stede. You’re not into me.”
“I’m not?”
“No. I mean, I’m fantastic in bed, you should be so lucky, blah blah blah. This just isn’t a love connection. But I’ll give you my number,” Lucius said quickly as Stede’s face fell. “We can be friends?”
Stede’s expression shifted into a wide smile. “Yes! Yes. I’d like that.”
“Who was that?” Fang asked when Stede was gone.
“New friend. Tragically untrained in the ways of homosexual culture. I might invite him to game night so he can meet some people.”
“You’re too nice, Looloo,” Fang said.
Lucius clutched a hand to his chest. “I’m not nice! Did you see his watch? I’m sure I could trick him into paying for brunch sometime.”
“Whatever you say.”
“I also feel like I know someone who might be into him. Or at least would be a nice training wheels date. I just can’t think of who .”
Fang’s forehead wrinkled as he thought about it. Then his face cleared and he giggled.
“Oh boy,” Lucius said. “Who?”
“Blackbeard himself.”
Lucius’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. ”
~*~
Lucius had been dying to get Ed in on Up in Smoke for ages. He inherited him as a smoking buddy from Fang and he introduced Lucius to a whole lot of leather daddies with whom he had casual dalliances around town. He never could snag Ed, but that was fine; plenty of harness wearing fish in the sea who weren’t also bottoms.
The thing about Up in Smoke was there was always a hook. Childhood best friends reunited, a grandparent and grandchild, a divorced couple who wanted to stay friends. Strangers were always the most fun, but it was hard to make it work. Lucius’s favorite session so far had been two people who took the same commute every day but had never spoken to each other. He checked in from time to time; they were still friends.
Stede confirmed that he had never smoked weed before and was willing to try for the sake of the project. “I’m just excited to try all sorts of new things!” he said. “Why not add recreational cannabis to the list?”
Lucius didn’t say, “Oh my god, just call it weed,” because that would tamper with the results of the photoshoot.
Ed was a harder sell.
“Come on! He’s newly out, you’re a veteran. He’s all rainbows and obliviousness, you’re all broody and cool.”
“I like rainbows.”
“Yes, yes, I know. You’ve got layers.”
“Like Shrek.”
“I’m always saying ‘Ed Teach is basically Shrek but less hot.’”
“Hey.”
“Pleeeease, Ed? Pretty please? You’re absolutely perfect for this one. And I think you’ll like each other.”
Ed took a deep hit from the bong and blew the smoke in Lucius’s face. “No.”
Lucius harrumphed, took his own hit, and was suddenly inspired. He pulled out his phone and showed Ed a picture of Stede he’d taken at brunch that weekend.
Ed’s eyes widened. “Is he wearing two scarves?”
“Yes. And he’s single.”
“Fine,” Ed said begrudgingly. “But you owe me.”
Lucius was pretty sure the opposite was going to be true, but hey, whatever Ed needed to do to feel like he’d won that interaction.
~*~
Lucius set Ed and Stede up in his studio and explained how things would work.
“I’m not going to watch, but I am going to record you. The cameras are there, there, and there, plus one on the balcony. You have a thirty dollar food budget, and my pride and joy: the pleasure pit.”
The pleasure pit was a cozy nook of plush carpet and cushions with a sound system and television for entertainment. On the coffee table in front of the squashy loveseat were all the accoutrement one could need for such an occasion: some premium flower options, all kinds of glassware, edibles, joints, and more.
“How many of my friends have you fucked in the pleasure pit, exactly?” Ed said.
“Nine,” Lucius replied immediately.
Stede gave a nervous chuckle. “I’m sure he’s joking.”
“I’m not,” Lucius said, at the same time Ed said, “He’s not.”
Lucius blew them both a kiss. “I’ll be back in an hour and we’ll do the shoot. Don’t feel like you have to smoke right away, just do what feels natural. Text me if you feel like you need longer than an hour, or if you want to stop. Have fun!”
He settled himself in a friend’s nearby studio with an audiobook and Candy Crush. At forty five minutes, he texted Ed and Stede, How are we doing?
Ed sent a 👍🏼 in response. Stede sent a 🦂 which Ed laugh-reacted immediately.
Lucius grinned. He knew this was going to be a good shoot.
~*~
It was a fucking fantastic shoot. Stede and Ed were both very high, hardly needing any suggestions from Lucius as they made silly faces and giggled at each other. There was a moment where they sat on the loveseat and looked at each other for a beat before they scooched so close their legs and arms were pressed together. Lucius was pretty sure that was going to be the cover photo for the album.
Lucius finished shooting and set them up at the desk for the post-session interview.
“How was it, Stede?” he asked.
“Fabtastic!”
Ed snorted and tucked his forehead onto Stede’s shoulder. Lucius nabbed a quick photo with his cell phone of that one.
“I mean fan,” Stede said when he stopped giggling. “ Fan tastic.”
“Fanfuckingtastic,” Ed said.
“Do you think you’ll do it again?” Lucius said.
“As long as Ed is with me.”
“Course I will be,” Ed said.
“Ed, how was it smoking with a first timer?”
Ed’s grin was wide and blinding. “Like fuckin rainbows.”
~*~
Lucius couldn’t wait to get home and watch the footage of Ed and Stede in his studio, but Fang had asked specifically to be involved, so he edited photos while he waited for him to arrive. Stede and Ed were sickeningly adorable, making (bloodshot) puppy dog eyes at each other in almost every photo. He was right; the moment on the couch was truly special, charged and romantic. His other favorites included one where Ed was perched on the railing of the balcony with his arms out with Stede holding him from behind like Titanic, and one where they both sat on the carpet in the pleasure pit and Stede threw a skittle into Ed’s mouth.
Fang arrived with takeout and they settled in front of Lucius’s laptop to watch the tapes.
“I suppose a formal introduction is in order,” Stede said as soon as Lucius left the room. “I’m Stede Bonnet.”
“Ed Teach.”
They shook hands.
“Shall we move to the, ah, pleasure pit?” Stede asked. “It seems very cozy.”
“Yeah, sounds great.”
They sat on the loveseat, not touching at all.
“How do you know Lucius?” Stede said.
“Through Fang,” Ed said. “The bartender at the Cosmic Lounge.”
“Oh yes, Lucius’s… paramour? Is that right?”
“I think they just say ‘boyfriend,’ but I like that.”
“Do you have a…”
“Paramour?”
Stede nodded, looking a little pink.
“Nope. Free as a bird.”
“I confess I find it all very confusing,” Stede said. “Not bad! But when I was married, none of the straight couples in my life did anything like that. At least that I knew about.”
“I can guarantee some freaky shit was going on behind the scenes.”
Stede sighed. “Yes, it’s likely. I’m always on the outside of things.”
Ed nudged him with his elbow. “Not anymore, right? You’re ours now.”
Stede looked at Ed and smiled warmly.
“You should come to leather night at the Lounge on Tuesday,” Ed said. “I’ll introduce you to some other queer folks so you can broaden your friend group.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I wouldn’t have anything to wear.”
“It’s come as you are, you don’t have to wear leather.” Stede still looked unsure, so Ed said, “You could borrow something of mine, if you want.”
Stede’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yeah, of course.”
The moment lingered, until Ed cleared his throat and said, “So, smoking? You’ve never tried it?”
“No one ever offered, and when it went legal here I thought I was just too old. But here I am coming out of the closet in my forties and suddenly I want to try all sorts of new things!”
Lucius could see the innuendo lurking behind Ed’s eyes, but he seemed to decide against saying anything lascivious.
“Any particular thing you want to try?” Ed said. “Smoking, edibles?”
“I’m not sure,” Stede confessed. “I was hoping you could teach me?”
This time, Ed bit his lip to suppress what Lucius assumed was a direct sexual proposition. Especially because Ed’s eyes flicked to the camera before he spoke again.
“Let’s just smoke,” Ed said. “Edibles can be intense.”
Ed reached for a joint and a lighter and lit it up like the professional he was. Lucius could see Stede’s eyes tracking every twitch of Ed’s fingers. Ed took a deep inhale, blew it out. Took another one and slid his eyes toward Stede before he exhaled, much more sensually than the first time, smoke curling around his beard and face.
“Have you ever heard of shotgunning?” Ed said softly, smoke from the joint winding up through his fingers.
“No,” Stede said, equally as hushed.
“It’s less harsh than taking a direct hit. I take one,” Ed sucked in another hit, “and then I blow it into your mouth.” He exhaled, a big deliberate puff into the air to demonstrate what he meant.
“Oh.” Stede’s eyes were as big as saucers. “Is that what you want to do?”
Ed’s expression shuttered. Lucius and Fang leaned forward toward the laptop as one, breaths catching in their throats.
“Yeah,” Ed finally said, face clearing. “I reckon I do.”
Stede nodded resolutely, screwed his face up, and leaned in until he was inches from Ed’s face. Ed didn’t take his eyes off Stede as he inhaled the joint again. He sucked in an additional breath when he was done, then another. He leaned forward slowly. He took Stede’s face in the hand with the joint in it, keeping those two fingers away from Stede’s face and stroking his skin with the other three. He leaned in and closed his eyes and blew into Stede’s waiting mouth.
“Rewind it!” Fang shouted. “Did they actually touch lips?”
Lucius obliged, although he knew the answer. They hadn’t. Which was fine; this was obviously Going Places.
When Fang had been convinced, the rest of the scene played out like this: Stede withdrew, face red. He gave one half-choking cough, then another, then a full fit. Ed deftly put the joint out and scooched closer, rubbing soothing circles on Stede’s upper back as he coughed himself out.
“I’m so–” Cough. “Dreadfully–” Cough. “Sorry–” Cough cough cough.
“Hey, hey!” Ed said. “It’s okay! It’s fine. You’re fine. Coughing is good.”
Stede’s eyes were watering as he finally finished and looked into Ed’s eyes. “It is?”
“Means you’ll get extra high,” Ed said. At the flash of panic in Stede’s eyes, he said, “But don’t worry. It’ll be fine. I’m here.”
Stede’s expression immediately turned warm. “I trust you.”
Lucius could see the gulp sliding down Ed’s throat. He gathered his composure and said, “Tell me about yourself, Stede.”
“Not much to tell. I’m divorced. Two kids. We’re not close, and I’m so fine with that I feel like I should feel bad.” He buried his face in his hands. “Oh no.”
Ed looked like he was trying not to laugh. “What’s wrong?”
“That’s just so very personal for a first date.”
Ed stilled. “Date?” he said, a little strangled.
Stede looked up from his hands, panic on his face again. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean–I think I’m high? I’m sorry!”
Ed scooched even closer, drawing Stede in with the arm that had been stroking his back. “What gets you relaxed?”
“Pardon?”
“Music? TV? Food?”
Stede shook his head at each one.
“Jerking off?”
Stede turned a violent shade of crimson.
Ed couldn’t help his giggle. “Sorry. Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood.”
Stede returned to a slightly normal color and smiled. “Books.”
“Yeah? What kind of books?”
“All kinds.”
“What are you reading now?”
“Oh, it’s marvelous, I don’t know if I would call it high fantasy? But it’s about a world where gods have been enslaved, and…”
There was about five minutes where Stede described the plot of the book. Lucius and Fang were both bored, but Ed’s enraptured expression kept them engaged enough until it finished.
“That reminds me,” Ed says. “Of this masquerade I went to…”
Another five minutes of Ed infodumping onto Stede. Ed’s arm was still around him, and Lucius didn’t think it was wholly intentional on Stede’s part that he kept ever so slightly turning his torso until their chests were pressed practically flush. When Ed finished his story, Stede was only inches from his lips, eyes wide and mouth open.
“That’s marvelous ,” Stede said in hushed tones. He reached out and curled his fingers around the tendril of Ed’s hair falling across his forehead in a light touch. “You’re wonderful.”
Ed gave a slight inhale, mirrored by Lucius and Fang as they leaned even further toward the laptop.
“Yeah, I–” Ed said. “Yeah.”
That seemed to break the spell. Stede leaned backward and Ed withdrew his arm. They were still close, still touching, still looking into each other’s eyes.
“Shall we– Outside?” Stede said. “I think I want to go outside.”
Ed nodded, but waited until Stede moved until he got up off the loveseat himself. He grabbed the grinder, some flower, and a lighter before he followed Stede onto the balcony. Lucius quickly switched the feed onto the one out there.
The seats outside were wrought iron and, unfortunately, set about a foot apart. Still, the energy between Ed and Stede was electrically charged. Lucius was already probably too smug about his part in this potential matchmaking, but god, he was good.
Stede and Ed chatted some more about nothing, books and leather night and what they both did for work. It was about ten minutes before Ed offered Stede another hit.
Stede scrunched his face, but then it cleared, and he said, “Okay.”
Ed made quick work of converting a nug into a packed bowl. He brought it up to his lips, flicked his eyes toward Stede, and said, “Watch me. I’m going to put my thumb on the carb, and then let it go, to control how much I’m actually smoking.”
He took a deep hit, hesitated for a moment, then blew it out toward Stede at an agonizing, impressive pace. Stede closed his eyes and let the wave of smoke blow over him.
“Okay.” Stede opened his eyes. “I think I’m ready.”
Ed was way too involved than was necessary in molding and shaping Stede’s hands and fingers around the bowl.
“Like that,” Ed said. “I’ll light it. Just breathe in steadily, and pull your thumb back after two seconds. Then inhale. Steady; not too hard.”
“I’m ready,” Stede said again. He wrapped his lips around the mouth of the bowl and looked into Ed’s eyes with an awful lot of trust. Ed gulped again, flicked the lighter on, and brought the flame down onto the greens. Stede fluttered his eyes shut as he inhaled. It was exactly two seconds before he pulled his thumb back.
“Slow and steady,” Ed murmured.
Stede held his breath after his inhale, eyes closed. He blew out the smoke. He opened his eyes and smiled at Ed like he hung the moon.
“No coughing this time,” Stede said.
“You’re a pro,” Ed said.
“You’re a good teacher.”
“Could teach you lots of things.”
Stede gave a little gasp of disbelief. Lucius and Fang leaned even further toward the laptop.
“What kinds of things?” Stede whispered.
“All kinds,” Ed said. They leaned closer, and closer, and closer, until Ed’s eyes flicked toward the camera perched on the railing watching them.
“I know you’re watching, Lucius.” Ed paused. “And probably Fang?”
Lucius and Fang pulled back, giggling on each other. Stede and Ed also pulled back, giggling even harder.
Their conversation meandered from Bertolt Brecht to contemporary Indian pop music to favorite muppets. They were both smiling so much Lucius’s face ached in sympathy.
At one point, they were talking about spiders, and Ed kicked off his shoes. He showed Stede the faded spider tattoos on his feet.
“Got these because I’m a bit of an arachnophobe,” Ed confessed. “I don’t like to be afraid of anything.”
“I can see that,” Stede said. “You seem more of a scorpion.”
“Oh?”
“Not as scary as you look. Majestic and beautiful.”
Ed flushed. Fang dug his elbow into Lucius’s side like he didn’t already know what was happening.
Ed coached Stede through another hit on the bowl and then they made their way back into the pleasure pit. They turned on the Roku, talked so long about what to watch they forgot to actually put something on, got caught in a loop of laughter at their own jokes.
They reacted to a buzz in their phones simultaneously enough Lucius knew it was the text he sent to make sure they were ready for him. After that, there was a lot of soft talking–so soft the microphones on the camera didn’t pick it up at all. Lucius saw himself entering the room, Stede and Ed straightening like they hadn’t been flirting their faces off, the beginnings of the actual photoshoot. Everything after that, he had already captured on camera.
Lucius leaned forward and closed the laptop.
“You were right,” Lucius said to Fang, nuzzling himself closer into his boyfriend’s bulk. “They’re perfect for each other.”
“Fire and water,” Fang said, kissing the top of Lucius’s head.
“Who’s fire, and who’s water?” Lucius asked.
“Good question,” Fang said, a giggle bubbling on his lips.
They didn’t talk much more after that.