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Matthias had been given the gift of thinking, and then immediately went overboard with it, and had fallen victim to overthinking. It didn’t help that this semester was heavy with philosophy classes. Wylan was such a quiet roommate and that also did not help. All Matthias could do was think about how he grew up in a fucking bubble and taught that was real life.
It was real life if he wanted to live in the same town all his life with the same small-minded people. Matthias moved out for university and a brand new brain came with it. Away from home, away from his parents, his family, his youth group, his church. Matthias had started to think for himself, and it was fucking terrifying.
What was he supposed to do now that he wasn’t being force fed the word of God by his conservative parents? How was he supposed to go about his day without praying when he woke up and going to morning mass? Matthias had been told what to do all his life and now was simply on his own.
His professors, his roommate, his classmates had taught Matthias more about life than his hometown ever could. He was warned all his life about people that weren’t like him, people that weren’t proud white Christians and then he’d met a bunch and found them quite lovely. Matthias now lived with a gay man and he was the nicest person he’d ever met, and his boyfriend was just as great.
Matthias was thinking and overthinking about sin and fear of God as he walked out of the building to cross campus to get to bible study. Could he even mention this to the people in his bible study group? How did he bring up that his conservative hometown was violently racist and homophobic? He’d joined bible study at university because it was familiar to him and he wanted a piece of home, only to find himself in the middle of a group of people where nobody but him was white, cisgender and straight.
That was also a new word for him, cisgender, Matthias had been thinking extra hard about it. Gender expression used to be cut and dry for him, it wasn’t even an expression sort of thing. It was just how things were, what was expected of him, Matthias never thought to question it. As Matthias was spiralling, considering gender roles in his childhood, Jesper Fahey nearly knocked him on his ass.
Not on purpose, but he’d raced by Matthias, noticed it was Matthias, and grabbed at his arm insistently after he came back for him.
“We’re running!” Jesper was more than satisfied when Matthias quickly ran alongside him, very pleased that he seemed to be a strong runner. Matthias didn’t think to ask who was included in ‘we’ until he turned his head and saw Kaz Brekker. He had a name around campus, and not one Matthias was proud to repeat. But this was the rat bastard, an actual demon. Frighteningly on theme, Matthias clenched his jaw and kept pace with both of them.
“Why are we running?” Matthias looked over his shoulder briefly, eyebrows furrowing because it appeared that the three of them were running from one single person. He didn’t recognize him personally, but he gave off the vague aura of a frat boy.
“He owes Kaz money.” Jesper answered, nodding towards a clearing between two buildings where they’d likely be in a place with a bit more privacy. Matthias gave Jesper a look, not bothering to hide his confusion or judgement.
“He owes you money and we’re running?” Matthias breathed out, focusing his eyes on Kaz no matter how much he didn’t want to. He eyed him suspiciously, greeted with a slight tilt of his head and a grim little smile.
“He pulled a knife on us, feel free to slow down.” Kaz offered, and Matthias swore he could see where his teeth sharpened into cruel fangs. So he looked over at Jesper instead, frowning deeply so Jesper could see his disapproval.
“You’re starting a knife fight?” Matthias grumbled, eyes flickering over Jesper who he would have never assumed was getting up to no good.
“I didn’t pull a knife.” Jesper clarified, putting his hands up in surrender. There would be no knife fight, he would have just gotten fucking stabbed.
“We’re finishing a knife fight.” Kaz rounded the corner quickly, pressing himself against the wall of the political sciences building and dropping out of Matthias’ sight. With his outstretched leg, he tripped their assailant easily and Jesper yanked Matthias toward, and behind him so he wouldn’t get cut. “Jesper.”
Jesper didn’t have to ask Kaz what he wanted, because he’d done it often enough. When the frat boy tumbled to the ground so did his knife and Jesper pocketed it. Thankful it was a switchblade so he didn’t have to worry about stabbing himself.
“Up and over, Matty.” Jesper pushed Matthias towards the tall chain link fence surrounding the private property just outside of the college campus. Matthias wondered if this was punishment for straying from God. That he had no choice but be involved in a violent altercation and also trespass at the same time.
Matthias was too focused on trying to get over the fence unscathed that he didn’t, feeling the scratch burn across his leg. Kaz hopped over afterwards, surprisingly agile despite how he looked, but Matthias noticed the way he grimaced when his knee bent a little too hard. Jesper was up over last simply because he was waiting to make sure both Kaz and Matthias were over safely before he was.
This troubled Matthias greatly. That Jesper Fahey was willing to get caught in place of Kaz fucking Brekker. This was absolute madness, and maybe Matthias was being biassed because he knew who Jesper was and didn’t want to get to know Kaz, but Jesper was too good for this.
“If I don’t have my money by midnight,” Kaz broke the silence, holding his hand out toward Jesper who placed the switchblade into his waiting palm. With a click the blade was back out, giving a small shimmer in the setting sun to taunt the boy further. “Say goodbye to your fraternity, say goodbye to your scholarship, and say goodbye to this school.”
Matthias watched the frat boy slink away, ashamed but fuming. When he turned back to his company, Kaz Brekker was eyeing him, mildly impressed he hadn’t flinched despite the blood soaking through his pant leg. Jesper grabbed the knife out of Kaz’s hand when he passed by, wincing at Matthias before offering him a pat on the back.
“Let’s get out of here and I’ll clean you up.” Jesper offered as he tucked the weapon back into his pocket and followed Kaz who was already on his way to the locked gate. Matthias frowned to himself, tugging his pant leg up to inspect the damage to see it wasn’t very deep, just bleeding a lot. “Sorry, man, wrong place wrong time.”
There were a million things Matthias wanted to say as they snuck through private property. He had never so much as thought about breaking the law and now here he was. His morals were in shambles and they had been since he’d gotten to this school. Unlearning homophobia was different than being an accessory to extortion.
Not knowing where else to go, Matthias led them to his pickup truck and let the tailgate down so the three of them could tumble into the back of it. Jesper slid all the way into the back, giving Kaz ample room to sit near the end of the truck and stretch out his knee. Matthias narrowed his eyes at the interaction, at the way Jesper so clearly cared when Kaz so clearly didn’t.
“I’m assuming we’re not going to have any problems?” Kaz asked without lifting his eyes from where they were trained on his leg as he rubbed at his knee. Matthias clenched his jaw again, eyes flickering between Kaz who seemingly had better things to do and Jesper digging in his school bag for a small emergency kit.
“No, I want to pretend it never happened.” Matthias sat down in his trunk, turning around so he was facing Jesper and extended his leg to him. He yanked his pant leg up, not exactly pleased with the dried blood sticking to the fabric of his jeans.
“C’mon Kaz, we’re cool, he’s cool.” Jesper casually fended for Matthias and he watched Kaz slowly look over his shoulder at him, their eyes meeting before Jesper looked away first.
“Then it’s on you.” Kaz added, and Matthias watched Jesper silently agree. This both troubled and touched him, because Jesper was willing to get in trouble with someone like Kaz Brekker for the sake of trusting Matthias. His leg twitched when the alcohol wipe touched his wound, but Jesper did a good job at being quick and gentle.
“You play lacrosse?” Jesper changed the subject quickly, not too enthused about talking about whether or not he’d face Kaz’s wrath. Matthias’ brow furrowed again, until he realized Jesper was sitting right up against his lacrosse bag, equipment he hadn’t touched in months because everything was a little too much for him right now. “There’s a couple guys on the track team that double or triple up on sports, there’s a community league.”
Jesper was helping him, quite frankly he was helping him too much. Matthias watched him dress his wound with scary efficiency. Jesper was certified in first aid and CPR but Matthias always thought he was joking about it, this was no joke.
“I don’t play anymore, but I want to.” Matthias tried to ignore Kaz, making daggers at the two of them for having a normal friendly conversation despite everything that had happened. “I played in highschool, it was a Christian school league…”
“Got it,” Jesper gave a small nod as he dug through the small pouch looking for the right size of bandage. “I mean it’s not like your hometown but there’s a lot of-” He trailed off because his phone was ringing, he leaned back so he could pull it out of his back pocket. Jesper answered it, put it on speaker, and handed it to Matthias who dutifully held it without question. “Hey, baby.”
“Hi, Jes, I just got to Nina’s.” Wylan said on the other line and Kaz turned around so his back was pressed to the side of the truck, watching for Matthias’ body language. Matthias tried not to look at him, but Kaz was so obviously searching for something, it was a little distracting.
“Alright, I just got out of World History and then I’ve got Human Physiology,” Jesper said all of this like he was not cleaning blood off of his boyfriend’s roommate’s leg, minutes after they hopped a fence together. “How was class? How was Professor Buttons?” This was a nickname for Wylan’s Organic Chemistry professor who never had his shirts buttoned correctly.
“It was really good, the shirt was not that noticeable today cause he wore this crazy tie that looked like a fish tank,” Wylan murmured softly and it occurred to Matthias that this is the first time he’d ever heard his roommate talk this much. He’d known him for months. “We learned about nucleophilicity today, it was really interesting, his lectures are so easy to follow.”
“Sure, excellent, nucleophilia,” Jesper mumbled, eyebrows scrunched together because he had got it wrong by accident when he usually did it on purpose. “Sorry, it’s a hard word, you’re brilliant. Did you need anything else from the store before I head over?” He placed the bandage over Matthias’ wound and then felt responsible to clean his pants, or at least try.
“It is a hard word,” Wylan agreed, and then there was some mumbling presumably from Nina across the room and he gasped because he’d totally forgotten Jesper was making a pitstop at the grocery store before meeting up with them. “Tampons! Nina needs tampons, she said they come in packs of weird numbers so get like 30 or 40, but not more or less.”
“Okie dokie,” Jesper nodded simply, rubbing blood out of Matthias’ pant leg, very focused on his task. He only had baby wipes and alcohol wipes for this, so he was just going to try both. “Oh! So she’s not pregnant! Shall we get a cake?” He perked up and Kaz grinned coldly when Matthias knocked his elbow against his truck, this was exactly the reaction he was looking for.
“We are! Inej ordered it for us to pick up after our date.” Wylan laughed happily, always over the moon when everyone he loved was in tune with each other. They definitely all hung out way too much. “Oh, Inej wants chocolate covered pretzels, said you know which brand to not get.”
Matthias stared hard at Kaz who had noticeably stopped sneering at the mention of Inej, but instead very pointedly suddenly looked disinterested and like he hadn’t heard that bit of the conversation. He was no better than him, not that Matthias could have ever believed Kaz Brekker had any sort of moral high ground over him.
“I do know, they should be illegal, salted dirt covered cardboard.” Jesper shuddered at the memory, he and Inej had been completely heartbroken over bad snacks they’d been excited for many, many times. “Well, I love and miss you so much.”
“Yeah, love and miss you more.” Wylan’s grin was so audible that for a second Matthias thought he probably shouldn’t be listening right now. Kaz was legitimately uninterested at this point, not feigning it anymore. “They both say they love you too, but I love you more.”
“Everybody loves the errand boy.” Jesper sighed dramatically, taking his phone from Matthias’ hand and giving him a nod of thanks as he leaned back comfortably. “See you tonight, can’t wait.”
“See you later.” Wylan cheerfully replied and then hung up, and Jesper tucked his phone away. Jesper Fahey, Matthias Helvar and Kaz Brekker silently sat in the back of a pickup truck, only one of them not fussed about his company. In fact he was quite pleased with the turn of events.
“Would you two care to join me for a grocery store run?” Jesper batted his eyes at the boys beside him, he knew Kaz would go if it was just the two of them, and he knew the same was true for Matthias, but the three of them were really pushing it.
“I wouldn’t care to, but I need Ibuprofen.” Kaz mumbled, getting out of the trunk of the truck and helping himself to the passenger seat. Matthias’ truck only sat two people, and Jesper was much too tall to squish between the two of them, he also knew Kaz would never fucking allow it. Matthias was more bothered about being signed up as the driver, because now he didn’t really have a choice.
“Sure, man.” Matthias sighed out, shoving his pant leg back down to his ankle and scooting out of his trunk. Jesper would do just fine hanging out in the trunk long enough for them to drive a few blocks to get to the nearest grocery store, in fact it was just like Jesper to claim somebody needed to be in the trunk to watch over the groceries. Matthias closed his tailgates, gave Jesper a clap on the shoulder as he passed by and got into his truck for the world’s most awkward car ride ever.
Why couldn’t Kaz Brekker be in his trunk? Why did he have to be stuck in his Dad’s old pickup truck with him? It just wasn’t fair. Jesper Fahey didn’t deserve to be in the fucking trunk, and yet he was, because he knew Kaz wouldn’t have wanted to be. Kaz Brekker did not deserve Jesper Fahey. Matthias started the truck and rubbed at his face weakly. And he did? The man had just cleaned his blood for him. Maybe nobody deserved Jesper Fahey.
…
“I am being so totally serious,” Nina filed Wylan’s nails as she spoke, nodding at Inej’s aghast expression. “He really cheated on her with her twin…” She held Wylan’s hand up to the light and evened out the edges. “Brother. Twin brother.” Wylan and Inej gasped loudly, turning to face each other to verify they were hearing the same story.
“Is it really possible to be so drunk you don’t…register that sort of thing?” Inej murmured, completely scandalised that Nina had gone to highschool with all these people.
“Not being able to tell your girlfriend apart from her brother,” Wylan scoffed, peering over at the reference photo Nina was looking at. “He didn’t notice anything different? He really slept with her brother, fully convinced it was her?” He watched Nina clean his nails off softly and then lay down her base coat.
“That was his story at least,” Nina shrugged, awkwardly scratching at her scalp because her hair was up in rollers and she couldn’t help herself. “And it was extra fucked up since the brother liked him.”
“No, oh, that’s awful.” Inej put both hands over her mouth to indicate she was shocked, it was hard to emote with a sheet mask on. “I can’t even imagine…”
“I can’t believe your old school is real.” Wylan finally said, dutifully sticking his hand underneath the LED lamp as Nina guided him around the table.
“And I live to tell the tale.” Nina laughed, shaking up the light periwinkle colour Wylan wanted on his nails to match Jesper’s. It was a surprise for their double date tonight. “What’s the goss from your school?”
“I can only think of like, theatre kid drama,” Wylan murmured and Nina waved her hand around excitedly.
“Well that’s the best kind.” Nina bounced in her chair and Inej laughed breathily, she was getting tired of her mask and she wanted to laugh properly. But it had only been five minutes and Nina had expensive skincare so she had to get the most of it.
“A girl got the lead of the play because she’d been kissing up to the teacher all year,” Wylan started, not so confident his story was up to par with Nina’s. “But another girl was jealous and threatened to spread rumours they had a relationship if she didn’t get the lead instead.”
“That’s pure evil.” Inej was on the edge of Nina’s bed, eyes wide and heart thumping. It amazed her that people would say things that weren’t true for the sake of getting what they wanted, even if it ruined lives.
“That’s a scummy bitch.” Nina said plainly, smoothing the nail polish over Wylan’s nails and popping them under the lamp again. “Did she get the part?”
“Um, they both got booted from the play. And a third girl, who I really liked actually, got the part instead.” Wylan giggled when Nina nodded eagerly, she really enjoyed it when Wylan was trying to be kind but admitted to things like disliking people.
“Still, I can’t help but feel bad.” Inej watched the clock like a tiger stalking its prey, just another minute or two and she could smile properly. “The first girl didn’t get to be in the play…unless she got recast?”
“Turns out her dad funded the drama department,” Wylan murmured and Nina scoffed, shaking her head in disapproval. “So she got to play the lead’s mother, who got a pretty gruesome death scene she was oddly happy about.”
“I kinda respect the hustle.” Nina shook up her glitter topcoat and Wylan gasped happily, this was only the third or fourth time he’d had his nails painted so everything was very exciting for him.
“In the end it’s always about money.” Inej ripped the face mask off and sighed in relief, folding it neatly and dabbing extra serum onto her skin. “When I was 15 or 16, these boys in my ballet class pretended to be gay so they could get closer to the girls.”
“How dedicated were they to the roles?” Wylan mumbled, rolling his eyes magnificently. Nina was so proud.
“Not dedicated enough, they ended up getting in a physical fight. Both too homophobic to keep up the act.” Inej threw the mask away and massaged her face softly, laying back on Nina’s bed and closing her eyes. “It was so ridiculous, they’d just been invited to the big slumber party too, but one of them touched the other too gayly and everything exploded.”
“Big fan of exploding after being touched too gayly.” Nina wiggled her eyebrows and Wylan snorted, yanking his hand out from under the lamp so he could admire his pretty painted nails.
“I too explode when touched gayly.” Wylan agreed, and Inej laughed happily up at the ceiling, spreading her arms out so it looked like she was doing snow angels on the throw blanket.
“This blanket is so great, I adore it, I can’t believe you got it for $10.” Inej rolled over onto her front and rubbed her palms all over it. It was a fuzzy beige and orange blanket covered in leaves, on sale because it was technically a halloween, autumnal item.
“Switch spots with me.” Wylan, all done with his nail appointment, was ready to roll around on Nina’s bed with that gorgeous blanket. Inej got up, smoothing out any wrinkles she left behind but Wylan launched himself onto the blanket soon after anyways.
“And what would you like, missy?” Nina cleared off her workspace quickly, swatting stuff into her garbage bin and wiping things down with a wet wipe.
“I know I always go dark, but I do love it.” Inej said softly, a big fan of black or dark purple or dark red. All colours that looked black unless you really looked. “But I saw this photo, almond with interchanging black nails and silver sparkly polish with little stars.”
“The way I know the exact photo you’re talking about.” Nina grinned at her roommate, pawing for her phone which was playing her 40 hour long playlist onto her bluetooth speaker. She pulled up a pinterest board and thumbed through it until she found the picture, making Inej laugh happily. “Absolutely, so gorgeous, so fucking cute. Wy-bear, pay attention to us, my blanket is not going anywhere.”
“And you guys are?” Wylan pulled the blanket around him tightly like it was a cape and stared at the photo with big eyes. “Oh my God? That is so pretty, can I have that next time?”
“Wy-bear isn’t getting a pretty pastel shade? Somebody call the fucking press.” Nina smirked at him as he flushed a soft pink and laid face down on her bed under the fluffy blanket.
“I think it’s really cute that Jes likes his nails dark and you like all the springtime shades.” Inej said kindly, and Wylan reached his hand out which she took. He gave her a thankful little hand squeeze which she instantly returned.
“Bratty little drama queen.” Nina noted, shaping Inej’s nails into her classic round almond tips. “Oh, did I tell you guys about that professor fuckery I overheard?”
“Like you…overheard professors fucking or?” Wylan raised his head because Nina’s phrasing had completely stumped him.
“No, I would have died.” Nina spluttered out, cleaning the dust off of Inej’s nails and starting her prepping process again. “That my Statistics professor told his coworker that he takes bribes all the time, money, gifts, and dates with the pretty girls.”
“Your middle aged stats professor?” Inej gasped, horrified that somebody like that worked at the school she went to. It was a big school. She’d realistically never see this man in her whole life.
“Remind me to not take stats.” Wylan grumbled, sticking his hands out of the blanket so he could admire Nina’s work and think about matching with his boyfriend. “And this other professor…? Was just cool with this criminal confession?”
“I think he thought it was a joke. Definitely not.” Nina slid the black polish onto Inej’s nail and all three of them leaned over to see how good it already looked. “Point is, everybody is fucked up forever.”
“Not everybody.” Inej offered kindly and Nina and Wylan shared a soft, knowing glance with each other. If anybody, then them, especially. Fucked up but not in the same way, but definitely, some sort of fucked.
“And you are our darling, Inej.” Nina reminded her, bending over to kiss her on the forehead. “Our light in the darkness, our North Star, our princess.”
“You’re ridiculous.” Inej sighed, not even bothering to hide her warm cheeks. Wylan knew the feeling of Nina being overly fond of you and making tons of jokes at your expense then complimenting you until you died of embarrassment. “I do love you though.”
“That’s a relief.” Nina plopped back down in her seat and cured the black painted nails under the lamp. “I love you both very much, don’t you forget it.”
“I have a really good memory.” Wylan whispered to be annoying and Nina wished she could chuck a bottle of nail polish at him without fearing she’d kill him with a mere tap. “I love you guys but…”
“Oh no…the but.” Inej braced herself like Wylan was going to take back his love and it would leave her so light she’d fly away.
“But you’d like me to be your third? Oh, Wylan Hendriks, you shouldn’t have.” Nina gasped, very touched at the made up offer, and Wylan almost did take back his love for that one.
“No, what? I was just going to take a nap.” Wylan eyed her suspiciously, curling up underneath the throw blanket like a fox. “I’m not big on sharing, I’ll bite you.”
“Jokes on you, I like a good bite.” Nina raised both eyebrows as she spoke and Wylan rolled his eyes. He would have thrown something her way if he wasn’t worried about messing up Inej’s nails.
“Goodnight Wy! I’ll wake you up when it’s rhinestone time.” Inej would always let Wylan get a few extra minutes of sleep, he worked too hard for his own good.
“You guys are boring.” Nina replied fondly, grabbing a itty bitty paintbrush and preparing herself to draw in the small stars across Inej’s nail. “Finally some peace and quiet.” She teased, but Wylan was too invested in a nap to be snarky about it.
…
“Hate to be that guy but Wylan doesn’t have room for all those flowers.” Matthias watched Jesper picking up bundles of flowers, making polite conversation with the worker who was wrapping them up neatly for him. As Matthias was living with him and had to be in the room with all the flowers, he’d know how much was too much.
“Worry not, Matty.” Jesper turned away from the associate and tucked the first bouquet underneath his arm. “Roses for Wy, peonies for Neens and geraniums for Nej.” He stacked the wrapped flowers neatly as he explained, miraculously juggling two conversations and three bouquets without trouble.
“So you’re a polycule now?” Kaz stood far away enough from the two of them that someone could walk past and not assume they came here together. He had his bottle of Ibuprofen in the pocket of his black denim jacket.
“Polycule.” Matthias repeated, definitely thinking about researching the difference between this, polygamy and concubines when he got home.
“Sure, Wylan’s my husband, Nina my wife, Inej is Nina’s girlfriend.” Jesper knew it was Kaz attempting to be rude to him, but of course he’d spin it into something lighthearted. “We’re going to the Aquarium After Dark event later, a double date thing. But we could make it a triple date thing, tell me that doesn’t sound fun.”
“It doesn’t sound fun.” Kaz rose to the occasion, walking out of the grocery store the moment Jesper’s card payment went through because they were done now and Kaz wanted to down pain meds and go to bed before his next class. “Sounds like my worst nightmare.” He didn’t know who he was convincing.
“Why do you even bother with him?” Matthias had been holding the groceries dutifully in a reusable bag Jesper just kept in his backpack in case he impulsively went to the store.
“He’s not a bad guy.” Jesper, in the defence of Kaz Brekker, offered Matthias a small smile, genuinely fond. “He won’t admit it but he wants to go to the fucking aquarium.”
“Right, not a bad guy.” Matthias was reminded of running from a man with a knife and the extortion and trespassing and the pulling a knife back on him. “I don’t want to like…make things weird. Seems like you guys have a good thing going.”
“We do have a good thing going.” Jesper nodded his head, checking on the flowers to make sure they were all nice-looking so nobody felt lesser than. “They’re my best friends, but you know, if you want to join I know somebody that would be delighted. And it’s not me, but I would be.”
Matthias wondered if Jesper meant Wylan or Nina or Inej. The fact that he had plausible reasons for all of them did make Matthias slightly more convinced. That this group of people would let him in but also he was so worried about crashing their preplanned evening.
“Not sure I’d fit into the whole…dynamic.” Matthias cleared his throat and Jesper gave him a small look, because he had a feeling Matthias meant fitting in anywhere, that Matthias had just been floating around campus not really knowing where his place was, if there was one.
“Well, sure. Wylan’s not big on sharing but I might be able to convince him. And Nina does not need convincing, she won’t say no to a Matty boytoy. But you’ll need to court Inej properly.” Jesper murmured as he went through the whole polycule joke over in his head a few times to map out all the relationships and Matthias couldn’t help the small creeping flush that spread over his cheeks.
He’d never had somebody talk to him like this, about him like this. It was an odd thing, to think of marriage as a sacred lifelong commitment in the eyes of God to being invited into a complex intertwined group relationship between four other people.
“I was joking, by the way.” Jesper watched Matthias get flustered and shut up and think maybe this was not the right audience for the joke. He’d been hanging out with his polycule for too long so he had a habit of saying the most unhinged things right out the gate. “Sorry, I don’t know when the joke’s not funny until it’s too late.” He cleared his throat and Matthias gave a short nod.
He knew it was a joke but he just told it to somebody in the midst of a life-altering metamorphosis. Matthias guessed he should probably talk to somebody about it, otherwise he’d be stumped every time he was in an unfamiliar situation instead of verbalising it.
“You’re good.” Matthias shrugged his shoulders as they walked out of the store, a little unnerved to see Kaz was already in the passenger seat, it seems he’d taken the keys right out of Matthias’ pocket without him noticing. “I’m from a small town, so.”
“Right,” Jesper had forgotten about the whole conservative Christian thing, because Matthias hadn’t ever said anything bigoted to him or Wylan. “This must be super weird then huh?”
“A little, but not in the way I thought it would be.” Matthias was just referring to not being able to find a topic of conversation, not the racism or the biphobia or thinking Jesper’s music taste was devil worship like his mother would. “I feel like I’m finally my own person, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Damn, fucking philosophical.” Jesper gave Matthias’ shoulder a squeeze before leaping into the back of his truck and setting his flowers down neatly. He reached out for the bag of groceries and Matthias handed it right over, eyes glancing over Jesper’s painted nails. Matthias’ father would have a lot to say about it, but Matthias just found himself not caring, found himself almost jealous. “I promise he isn’t a bad guy, I know he took your keys, but at least he didn’t take your car.”
“If you weren’t you, I wouldn’t believe you.” Matthias grumbled, dragging his hand over his face in exasperation and then combing it through his hair. His mother would have killed him for letting it get this long, but he’d been looking in the mirror extra hard lately and was genuinely believing he was morphing into a new person. “I’m giving you a chance, man.”
“Giving me a chance,” Jesper snorted, leaning his elbow on the side of the truck. “The polycule invite is still open, Matty.” He laughed happily when Matthias pointed a disapproving finger at him as he walked past to get into the truck.
“If you’re done disappointing God with your lust for Jesper,” Kaz said the minute Matthias closed his door and found the keys already hanging from the ignition. “I’d like to make it to my programming class.”
Matthias bit his tongue and took Kaz Brekker to programming class, because he simply had nothing to say to him. And thanks to Kaz, Matthias could not even look at Jesper comfortably anymore. So much for giving either of them a chance.
…
“Well then we’re getting into strange territory.” Inej said, arm slid around Nina’s waist and Nina mirrored her, both of them holding each other. “Since Jes is like my little brother but he’s not actually, so it’s uncomfortable but it’s not. Y’know? Very handsome though.”
“I do know,” Nina laughed happily, looking up at the stars above them as they wandered back to campus after their aquarium date. “But he’s not, Inej. So you could very well be romantically entangled, or perhaps no romance but he fulfils certain needs.”
“You guys are making it really hard to be possessive and homicidal,” Wylan mumbled, both his arms clenching around Jesper’s arm, an attempt to keep Jesper warm after he’d given him his jacket because Wylan forgot his. “Can we talk about the addition of Matthias though?”
“Kaz made the joke first,” Jesper needed to remind them that this was not his idea. That talking in length about who in the friend group was allowed to kiss, date or sleep together was just him annoying Kaz. “I did offer Matty boyfriendship and Nina owning him as a boytoy.”
“I really do like that.” Nina laughed gleefully, leaning her head on Inej’s and looking at Wylan who frowned softly. “Oh come on, Wy-bear, Matty is not going to steal your boyfriend.”
“I am not worried about Matthias homewrecking me.” Wylan whipped his head around to glare at her, not all surprised to see the smug look on her face. “I’m just thinking that Matthias doesn’t like me.”
“What? Who could ever not like you?” Inej reached her free hand out and squeezed Wylan’s arm reassuringly. “I stand with you and I’ll vote him out of the polycule.”
“I’m not sure polycules work on a voting system,” Jesper chuckled lightly, unwrapping himself from Wylan’s tightening grip and sliding his hands onto either side of his face. “Why do you think Matthias doesn’t like you? Did he do something and you didn’t tell me? Hm?”
“Not very little brother-ly now, is he Nej?” Nina purred suggestively to Inej who elbowed her weakly, aiming for her rib hitting her a bit too high. Inej profusely apologized but Nina thought it was wildly funny. “One might say paternal, perhaps Dadd-”
“Not having this conversation with you.” Inej pointedly squeaked out, grabbing Nina’s hip a little harder as she steered them off to the side so they wouldn’t be intruding on the conversation. They settled down on a bench not too far, so Nina could still pretend she knew how to read lips and try to piece together the interaction.
“He didn’t do anything, but that’s why I think he doesn’t like me.” Wylan ignored Nina sitting backwards on the bench so she could get front row seats. Inej was trying to get her to give them privacy but Nina claimed to know too much about them to do that. “I can’t get past the like, small-talk stage with him and it’s been months…”
“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you,” Jesper reassured him, tucking a piece of Wylan’s hair behind his ear and glancing over the small rhinestones glued underneath his eye. “It’s not your fault that you’re both on the quieter side. Both of you are just playing safe around each other.”
“So what do I do?” Wylan leaned into Jesper’s touch and let his own hands reach up to untangle Jesper’s necklace, a small star-shaped lock sitting against his throat. Wylan had given it to him for his birthday and he hadn’t taken it off since. “Start being loud? Being unsafe?”
“Mmmm…loud and unsafe sounds like something just for us.” Jesper just couldn’t resist, and Wylan scoffed, because he had just handed him the innuendo without a second thought. “I think maybe you could start by asking him if he wants to hang out? Nothing scary at first, maybe coffee, maybe grab lunch?”
“That is scary,” Wylan complained, because he was deathly afraid of somebody disliking him when he was trying his best. It’s not like Matthias has ever not been nice to Wylan and it’s not like they’ve been anything but overly polite to one another. “And if he says no? How do I recover? I can’t, I’m not built for it.”
“You’re not built for it, no,” Jesper agreed, but as somebody who never said no to him he didn’t know if he was helping very much. Wylan could get someone else to reject him but it wasn’t going to be Jesper. “If he says he doesn’t want to grab coffee, offer another time but set a date. That way you both can’t forget about it and say ‘no worries’ when you’re lying awake in bed thinking about it all night.”
“So I just have to take initiative,” Wylan groaned, displeased that the answer was just being firm, because he never wanted to be annoying or not be able to take a hint. He was not so good with the subtleties and hidden meanings, he much preferred to just be told clearly. “But what if he takes initiative cause you went to the store together and he was inspired.”
“Couldn’t have been that inspiring, I asked him if he wanted to take credit and give Nina flowers but he acted like I asked him to kill her.” Jesper mumbled and Wylan peeked over his shoulder at Nina who was now taking photos of Inej, her job as photographer was something extremely serious. She was stretched out strangely on the ground, getting the best angle and lighting possible. “Matthias just isn’t a bold kind of guy, and he comes from bigot-town so, we’re letting him be reborn a little.”
“Oh, so you’re saying there’s a possibility he doesn’t like me because I’m gay?” Wylan didn’t need this information, he thought Matthias just went to bible study in a casually socially liberally Christian kind of way.
“Baby, there is no way he’s like that,” Jesper knew he shouldn’t have mentioned it but he thought it explained quite a bit about why Matthias was the way he is. “He likes me just fine, and he likes Nina too. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he does, so no issue with gayness here.”
“You can like people that are gay without liking gay people.” Wylan grumbled, letting Jesper pull him close and pressed his cheek to his chest without question. “I know I’m just worrying too much but I’m a worrier.” He shut his eyes when Jesper stroked his fingers through his hair comfortingly.
“We are not worrying tonight, not after we learned so much about marine life.” Jesper kissed Wylan on the top of the head and grinned when he looked up eagerly to get a real one. He knew the kiss lasted a little too long when Nina started cheering. “We’re going to have our ice cream cake and everything will be okay, okay?”
“Okay.” Wylan had forgotten about the ice cream cake, Nina was carrying a whole ice cream cake in her tote bag. “What if we go on a double date? That way you and Nina can be there and I won’t be scared.”
“Nuh uh, then we’d scare Matthias.” Jesper reminded him, sliding his hand over Wylan’s lower back and putting his hand in Wylan’s pocket. “You’ll be fine, baby, you’re the most pleasant person on the planet.” He leaned over to kiss Wylan on the jaw and Wylan snuggled into his side.
“What if I ask Nina?” Wylan murmured, grinning brightly when Jesper’s free hand gently squished his cheeks together.
“You’d be very naughty.” Jesper mumbled, because asking Nina if she wanted to go on a double date with Matthias Helvar would guarantee they would go. It was on her bucket list.
“I know that one, he said Wylan’s a naughty little minx, a vixen, a skank.” Nina barreled towards the two of them, Inej in tow. “We’ve gotta go cause ‘Congrats Neens’ is melting so, giddy up.” She gave Jesper and Wylan matching slaps on the ass.
“I don’t think Jes said any of those words.” Inej breathed out, apologizing on behalf of Nina as she swung around to run home with her. “The cake really is melting though.”
“Okay, okay, I get it.” Jesper grabbed onto Wylan’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Ready?”
“Don’t make me run,” Wylan whined, sincerely not a runner no matter how many times he tried. “No, not ready, but I guess-” He trailed off when Jesper got in front of him and motioned for him to get on his back.
“Unfair advantage!” Nina yelled as she looked over her shoulder to see what the hold-up was and instead saw Wylan hopping onto Jesper’s back. “Inej you have to win for the both of us.” She let go of her hand and Inej squeaked.
“A lot of pressure! I’m already tired!” Inej could have screamed when Jesper made sure Wylan was secure on his back and sprinted towards her, catching up in a ridiculously short amount of time. Why Nina ever thought to race somebody with a track scholarship she did not know, but at least it was fun.
“Keep up the good work, great form.” Jesper offered Inej a grin and she huffed, taking this as a taunt. Her hands shot down, scrambling for her heeled shoes and sliding them off. “Woah, woah, she’s getting serious!” He figured he probably should too, he rushed forward just as Inej started chasing him down the pavement barefoot.
“Nina! Hurry up! You have the cake!” Wylan called over his shoulder, laughing happily when the wind was coming at him so quickly it was hard to breathe. Never in his life did he think he was going to be clinging to his boyfriend like a backpack while Inej sprinted with no shoes on behind them and Nina had a cake to celebrate her pregnancy scare just being scare, but here he was.
Wylan held Jesper’s shoulders softly, ducking behind him when his hair started getting blown around in the breeze. He smiled so hard his cheeks hurt, eyes big and looking to the starry sky. He was just where he needed to be.
Jesper had somehow grabbed Inej’s heels out of her hands and held them for her, the other grabbing onto her fingers so they could all run together. Wylan had never been so in love with him, he felt like every day he just fell deeper, every little thing he did was so important.
Nina was not going to run after them, blaming it on wanting to not topple over and drop her cake. But Wylan could see the look on her face as she watched her friends run into the distance in a cluster of giggles and gasping for air. It was the same expression he had on.
Pure love. Purer than anything. Wylan turned his face to the sky again, fingers fiddling with Jesper’s necklace subconsciously. Their love was written in the stars, but even if it wasn’t, they’d all make their own way up there and move stars around so it was.