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I beached my belly in the sand and began to demorph. The first thing to change was my tail, which split down the middle and sprouted five stubby toes from each half. My flippers narrowed and grew fingers, and a dark blush spread over my skin, starting at my head and flowing toward my newly-formed feet. All this time, I was shrinking. The waves that had been so comforting as a shark slapped against my back, pushing me forward and dragging me back as I shed four hundred pounds in under a minute.
The last thing to change were my eyes. As my shark eyes travelled forward on my face and shrank to my normal, human eyes, I caught glimpses of my friends. Jake, who had a humanoid shape topped with a hammer-shaped head; Rachel, who's long blonde hair was growing out of rough grey skin; Marco, with a mouth full of shark teeth; Ax, who was already covered in blue-and-tan fur; and Tobias, who was rapidly shrinking into a very waterlogged bird.
A very grumpy, waterlogged bird. <Oh, come on,> he moaned, as a small wave knocked him off his talons. <This is ridiculous. I'm back to hating the ocean, if anyone’s keeping track.>
“I’ve got you,” I said. I scooped him into my arms and trudged tiredly toward the shore, my whole body shaking with exhaustion. Morphing was always tiring and fighting was worse, and we’d done an awful lot of both in the last few hours. The idea of morphing again made me want to cry, or at least curl up into a ball and sleep for a week. But we still had to get home.
<Thanks,> Tobias said, as I placed him on the sand and sank to the ground. He flapped his soaked wings disgustedly. <I am so not looking forward to flying like this.>
"I'm not looking forward to flying at all," Jake groaned as he joined us and flopped ungracefully onto the sand. "There was a time when I never would have said that. But I need a minute before I can morph again."
I gestured broadly into the night. "There's no one around. We might as well rest for a while - we're all exhausted."
The others had caught up with us now, and Rachel made a noise of agreement. "For once, I’m not going to argue.” She lowered herself fluidly to the ground, long legs crossing easily in front of her. To her right, Ax sank his weight into his hind legs and let his shoulders sag, an Andalite picture of fatigue.
I glanced at Marco, the only person left standing, and patted the sand beside me. "Have a seat," I offered.
For a moment, he looked tempted. Then he shook his head. "I have to get home. I have an essay to make up."
I blinked. "Right now? Really?" But Marco was already sprouting feathers, and when I turned to Jake for help, I found him picking at the sand, his expression more sad than confused.
"Be careful," Jake warned, as Marco finished morphing and spread his newly-formed steel-grey wings. “Raptor eyes aren’t made for night flying.”
<I know, Dad,> Marco huffed, and then he was flapping his wings, working hard to gain altitude in the cool night air. As soon as he cleared the nearby trees, he turned toward the city and began flying away.
I watched him go, my hands suddenly tense. There was an unscratchable itch between my shoulder blades. My spider-sense, as Jake would call it, was screaming.
Something was wrong.
I turned to Jake, who was digging his fingers into the sand and staring at them as though they were the most fascinating thing in the world, then looked past him to Rachel, who was glaring furiously at the side of Jake’s head.
The choice was obvious. “Rachel?” I asked, cautiously. “What’s going on?”
<Huh?> Tobias asked. He stared at me with once fierce hawk eye, then cocked his head to watch Rachel instead. <What are you talking about?>
“Ask Jake,” Rachel snapped.
Jake’s cheek twitched. He stopped shoving his fingers into the sand and turned his head just far enough to catch Rachel’s eye. “We don’t need to do this here,” he said, lowly. “You and I can talk later.”
Rachel’s eyebrows climbed. “Uh uh, no way. You and Marco want to keep secrets, fine. But I’m not doing it.”
<Secrets? What secrets?>
Rachel narrowed her eyes. “Jake?”
Jake hesitated, then sighed. “Look, Marco didn’t want you to know,” he started, turning to face Tobias and me. “He made me promise not to tell.”
A gnawing sensation brewed in my stomach. “Tell us what?” I asked. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know.
Jake’s eyes drifted toward the city skyline, as though trying to make out Marco’s long-gone silhouette. “Visser One’s host,” he said, finally. “She’s Marco’s mum.”
I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it wasn’t that. I rocked back, bracing myself with my hands as I struggled to make sense of the words. Confusion and surprise skittered through me. “Wait, I thought Marco’s mum was…” I trailed off.
Tobias had no such hesitation. <Dead.> His tone was completely flat. I glanced at him, but his hawk eyes gave nothing away. <She’s supposed to be dead.>
Jake gave a half-nod, half-shrug. “Two years ago, she went boating and never came back. Her boat washed up to shore a few days later. Eva was presumed dead, but they never found the body.”
I took a few steadying breaths. How in the world…Marco’s mum was alive. Marco’s mum was alive! My confusion gave way to hope, excitement. How must Marco be feeling? Knowing that she’s out there somewhere – infested, yes, but alive – but then -
“Eva?” Rachel’s hands were clenched. Her eyes were oddly bright in the moonlight. “Her name is Eva?”
Now that was a tone I rarely heard from my best friend. I reached for her shoulder, concerned. “Rachel? What is it?”
For a moment, there was silence. Then Ax spoke up.
<I believe she is upset because we attempted to kill Visser One. We would have killed her, and her host, if Marco had not told us who she was.> He bent his neck, his tail twitching uncomfortably. <I am also upset. I have felt the pain of losing a brother. I would not want to be the reason that Marco feels the pain of losing a mother.>
Goosebumps swept across my flesh and my hand flinched on Rachel’s shoulder. I glanced from Ax to Rachel to Jake, my stomach sinking.
“I nearly killed her,” Rachel said bluntly, looking directly at Jake. “And you were going to let me do it.”
“You knew,” I realised suddenly. I stared in surprise at the boy I liked most in the world, feeling...I didn’t even know what I was feeling. Horror, shock, hope, fear. It was all a churning mess. “You and Marco have been friends forever. You recognised her the instant she showed up on the Pool ship, didn’t you?”
Jake nodded slowly. “I did. But Marco was freaking out, and he begged me not to tell you guys. You know Marco – he’s allergic to pity.”
I suddenly understood Rachel’s fury. “Pity? Pity? Are you kidding me?”
Jake jerked back, surprised. I followed him, jabbing my finger into his chest. “I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, Jake, but we’re supposed to be fighting the Yeerks. If the biggest, baddest Yeerk we know is infesting one of our family members, we need to know! How could you not tell us?”
Jake’s eyes tightened. “It’s always somebody’s mother, you know.” He sat up and brushed my finger away, encompassing all of us with his glance. “Somebody’s mother, somebody’s daughter, somebody’s brother. Marco’s a smart guy. He knows the stakes, and he knew what he was risking by not telling you. It was his choice to make.”
“No, that’s bullshit.” Rachel’s anger surged forward. “Push came to shove and Marco chose to save her. But I nearly killed her, and what would have happened if he hadn’t come in when he did?”
<No more Animorphs, for starters,> Tobias said, darkly.
Rachel thrust a hand toward Tobias. “No more Animorphs. You really think he’d be in a team with the same person who killed his mother? And how would I be able to look him eye when I found out the truth? You came three seconds away from tearing our little ragtag team apart.”
“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Jake raised his hands helplessly. “Maybe you’re right and I made a bad call. Maybe not. All I know is that I ‘ve been trying to help a friend who has had a really, really shitty week. Mine hasn’t been all that great, either, for what it’s worth.”
My anger melted away. I looked at him closely, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the tight lines at the corners of his mouth.
He was exhausted.
Just like that, my anger vanished, leaving me with nothing but bone-deep fatigue. I scrubbed my face and sighed, sinking back to my haunches, then let my gaze drift to Rachel.
“I think we’re done,” I said softly.
She hesitated, then nodded. “Fine,” she said tightly. “But I want it on record: no more secrets. I don’t care how personal it is or how embarrassed you are by it. If it affects you, it affects all of us.”
I waited for Marco to chime in with the obvious inappropriate joke before remembering that he wasn’t there. I nodded tiredly instead, and saw Jake do the same. Ax followed a moment later with a hint of hesitation and, finally, Tobias fluffed his wings and said <If you say so. Does this mean I need to tell you about the time I crashed beak-first into my meadow while trying to catch a mouse?>
It wasn’t particularly funny, but after flying and swimming and fighting and altogether too much morphing, I couldn’t help but giggle at the image. And then Rachel and Jake joined in, and Ax stared at us quizzically, and the tension began to fade.
I gave him a week.
A week to decompress, to recover, to get his thoughts in order. A week to make it clear that I wasn’t trying to smother him or – god forbid – pity him. Seven days later, I found myself once again in Marco’s run-down apartment complex, and I knocked on a door that I’d only ever knocked on once before.
I heard shuffling from inside the apartment. “No, Marco, let me get it,” and then the door opened and I found myself looking at a pleasant, if somewhat worn, middle-aged face. Marco’s dad.
“Hi,” I said, trying my best not to shuffle awkwardly. Parents always made me feel like I was five years old. “I’m Cassie; I’m a friend of Marco’s. Is he home?”
Marco’s dad smiled faintly, and I felt myself smile back. I remembered the last time I’d been here, when Marco had hustled me outside to hide the sight of his dad sitting on the couch in his dressing gown, uncaring of the world around him.
Things were changing. About time, I didn’t say, and turned my attention to the hallway behind him, where Marco was heading toward us with a casual grin that didn’t reach his wary gaze.
“Cassie!” he said, brightly, and he nudged his dad out of the way and stepped outside. “I thought our date was tomorrow.”
I poked him sharply in the ribs, and he grabbed his side dramatically. His dad rolled his eyes and told him to behave, then retreated into the apartment, leaving the door slightly open. Marco eyed it, then took my elbow and led me a short distance away.
“What’s going on?” he asked, releasing my elbow and turning to face me directly. His dark eyes were worried. “Trouble?”
“Nothing like that.” I glanced back toward the door. “Your dad looks like he’s doing better.”
“Yeah. He is.”
I waited for him to go on, but apparently that was all I was going to get. Fine. If he didn’t want small talk, I could speak bluntly. I took a deep breath and let the words spill out. “I get that you’re worried that we’ll feel sorry for you, or pity you, or whatever. I want to make it clear that that’s not why I’m here.”
Marco crossed his arms. His lips tightened and for a moment he looked like he was regretting this whole conversation. “Then why are you here?”
“Because you’re my friend, and you’ve been through a lot, and I wanted to check in.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Well, consider your duty done. I’m alive and kicking. I’m not quitting, if that’s what you’re asking.”
I kept my gaze and voice steady. “You know that’s not what I’m asking.”
“Then what? What exactly do you want from me?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged, and when I spoke my voice was grim. “I can’t save your mum – not right now, anyway. I can’t go back in time and stop her from being taken. I can’t tell you where she is now, or what she’s thinking, or when she’s going to be back on Earth. The whole situation just blows.”
Marco watched me warily, his forehead creasing. “Yeah. It does.”
“I can’t make it better. But I can make sure you’re not dealing with it alone.”
He sighed. “Cassie, I’m just not a talker, okay? I never have been. I guess it’s not in my DNA.”
“I’m not asking you to talk,” I argued. He raised a doubtful eyebrow, and I clicked my tongue. “I mean – okay. If there’s any other major, extra-credit-project-relevant secrets that you’re keeping, you’d better spill them now or Rachel will tear you a new one. And I won’t try to stop her. You definitely should have told us.”
I could see his expression starting to close off, so I hurried on.
“But I’m not going to ask you to spill your guts on the emotional stuff. All I’m asking is that you let us be there. Don’t avoid us. Play basketball with Jake, hang out with me and Rachel, go to Taco Bell with Ax. If you’re feeling crap, feel crap with us. And if one day you want to talk, I’ll be ready to listen.”
Marco stared and I licked my lips, uncertain. I hadn’t meant to talk so much. Was it too much? He’d gone out of his way to hide a major secret from us because he didn’t want us doing…well, exactly what I was doing now. But I couldn’t pretend like nothing was troubling him, either. It wasn’t in my DNA, to borrow his phrasing.
After what felt like an eternity, he blew out a breath and let his shoulders relax, just a fraction. “Alright, Cassie,” he said, a ghost of smile forming on his lips. “You have yourself a deal.”
I smiled in return, and we both leaned against the railing, enjoying the moment for what it was. A moment of camaraderie. A moment of hope.
Just this once, I closed my eyes and let the relief wash over me, and pretended to believe that we were going to be okay.