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Evan Buckley would like it but on an official record somewhere, that he held himself together remarkably well given the insane amount of emotional stress he has been under in the last 5 hours. And if anyone were to ask him in the future, he would be the first to brag about his ability to regulate and compose himself when needed, whether that’s by emotional maturity or stubbornness, that isn’t important.
Though in the privacy of his new home for the time being, he was at least man enough to admit that there had been more than enough moments of overwhelming anxiety that even the strongest man could have given into and accepted the incoming meltdown.
But he held back for the sake of his son, wow that was such a strange phrase to say even in his head.
His son.
He chose again in that moment not to dwell too much on that thought just yet. He still had several hours of needing to be a mature and stable parental figure before he could allow himself the time and energy to meltdown.
Watching Eddie drive backwards out the driveway was almost enough to tip him over, but he had to prove he could do it alone. This was his first time alone with his son and he needed to prove to the universe and himself that he could do it.
He ignored that little voice in the back of his head that said he couldn’t do it and instead put all of his focus on the boy in front of him, still occupied with lining his new toys dinosaurs up in a row across the windowsill. He could learn a thing or two from the toddler, all he needed to do was open his eyes and watch.
---
Eddie wouldn’t want to say that he expected more chaos or drama to be occurring when he finally made it back to his house, groceries, and pre-teen in toe, but he was a little unnerved by the heavy silence that rang through the whole abode, not a peep from anywhere to be heard. The blond firefighter and his even blonder son nowhere to be seen.
He was very confident in Buck ability to look after his son; probably more confident than the man himself. He had definitely proven his abilities to Eddie on more than one occasion with Christopher, and the rest of the 118 many children. Buck was a natural, there was nothing he needed to worry about, Eddie just had the impossible task of reminding him.
That was going to be an ongoing task, he was sure.
The house was so quite that for a moment Eddie considered the possibility of the two of them going out, maybe they decided to get some air and escape for a bit. But Buck was too anxious about the boy meeting for him to do anything to delay it. And a trip to the park may have been a bit ambitious for their first day as father and son.
He places the grocery bags in his hand up onto the kitchen counter, making sure they weren’t going to be a tripping hazard before turning to look at Chris, who was slowly trailing into the room behind him.
“Mijo, why don’t you go and put your school bag away and change into some comfier clothes. Let me go and track down Buck and I’ll come and get you?”
Chris looked less than trilled with this new idea and for a second looked like he was going to argue his point back, but thankfully the fire of determination behind his eyes died down and he agreed, turning to make his way down the hallway to do just that. Eddie noted the present he brought for Oliver still tucked firmly under his arm, where it had been safely stored since Eddie had paid for it in the store. He claimed he ‘didn’t want to lose it’.
Smiling fondly after his son, he turned to head in the opposite direction towards his own room, though technically its his and Bucks room now they had agreed to share for the time being, the though send a shiver down his back and a warmth through his chest. Both things that he was content to ignore for the time being, no need for a sexuality crisis at the moment, thank you very much.
He passed the dining table on his way down the hallway towards his bedroom, noticing the two different untouched sandwiches plated up, as well as some seemingly untouched apple slices and a full bag of untouched crisps.
The slightly ajar door told him nothing of what could be waiting for him on the other side, and yet somehow, he knew that this was where the two hidden occupants of the household would be. He hesitated at the door for a moment, straining is ears as he tried to hear anything on the other side. There was nothing. The only sound present was the slow, even whirring of the ceiling fan that Eddie tended to keep on 24/7 purely out of bad habit.
Pushing through the doorway enough to get his first glimpse, he couldn’t have stopped the fond smile that took over his face if he tried to, not that he did.
Stretched out across the entire length of the king size bed was Olivers small body. His arms and legs splayed outwards, as if to take up as much of the bed as he could. His pacifier was still moving up and down in a well-timed movement as he stared upwards towards the ceiling fan above him, watching the blades spin around and around, a calm and content look upon his face. Buck was sitting on the mattress next to him, his long, lanky body squashed into the smallest corner of the bed as he looked down upon his son.
The youngest Buckley made no move as he entered the room, as if he didn’t hear Eddie come in at all, too enamoured with the spinning fan and the soothing breeze it drifted down upon him. Buck, however, lifted his head as the door was pushed open, sharing a look of fondness and love with Eddie at how adorable his son was.
Somehow without disturbing the young boy, Buck rose from his spot on the bed and made his way around the room, joining Eddie, who was still leaning contently in the doorway.
“Busy afternoon?” Eddie couldn’t stop himself from joking, looking down at the figure still relaxed on his bed.
“Oh, um yeah, not really.” Buck looked almost sheepish as he answered, his hand coming up to rub firmly at the skin on the back of his neck; something Eddie had noticed him do in t he past when anxious or embarrassed. “He found Chris’ room as soon as you had left and wanted nothing more than to go through every draw and empty them. I tried to distract him with some food, but I’m sure you saw how unsuccessful that went. He then spent the next 45 minutes drinking a sippy of milk while rearranging all the shoes in your wardrobe before spotting the ceiling fan and becoming hypnotised. He’s been laying there for like 30 minutes, honestly, I was expecting him to fall asleep an second, but he’s held strong until now.”
Eddie chuckled along to Buck’s recounted of their afternoon as Buck continued to explain himself.
“I um, spent some time reading articles when he was doing your shoes; I did offer him toys, but he wasn’t interested. They said that autistic children can be very focused on patterns and repetition. I guess that the fan is calming for him in some way, I don’t know. I didn’t want to tell him no if it was helping him regulate.”
Eddie reached out to lay one of his hands on Bucks arm, cutting off his spiral of panic and explanation. He ran his hand down the other man’s arm before squeezing his hand in reassurance. “Buck, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. He’s your son, and honestly, he looks calmer and more at peace than I’ve seen him so far, stop doubling yourself. I’m sure we’re both going to be doing a lot of researching over the next few weeks but you gotta trust yourself at some point.”
Buck smiled appreciatively but didn’t respond. Eddie could see the blush laying low on his cheek as the man tilted his head down to hide it.
Buck, never one to know how to deal with compliments, changed the subject. “How was Chris when you picked him up? Did he take the news well?”
Eddie couldn’t have stopped the wince that passed his face if he tried to, covering it up as quickly as he could but not before Buck picked up on his slightly panicked expression.
“What happened?”
He forced a smile on his face to attempt to calm the younger man’s nerves, though it didn’t seem like it was doing much. “It’s okay Buck. “He’s very excited to meet Ollie, we even went shopping for some food and a present for him. I think we may have some problems with fear of abandonment and jealousy further down the line but overall, I think it was a success. He might just need some loving from his Buck to believe me that he’s not being forgotten.”
Bucks face had gone white during his panic, this is what Eddie had been afraid of. He knew how important Chris was to Buck. “I would never forget him! Eddie, I gotta tell-“
Eddie interrupted “I told him Buck; we had a good chat about it. Maybe you and him can sit down together later tonight or over the next few days.”
Buck nodded, still looking emotional at the idea of Chris being upset.
“Is he ready to meet Ollie?”
“He’s so damn excited, been holding the present he got for him all the way home to make sure he would be the one to give it too him, was worried I’d steal his thunder.”
Eddie couldn’t help but smile when he saw Buck smile adoringly at Chris excitement to meet his son. Only he wasn’t quite quick enough to look away without being caught, blushing when he felt Buck’s eyes meet his own with a smirk.
“Meet in the living room?”
Eddie agreed, giving Bucks hand another squeeze before turning to walk to Chris’s room.
---
Chris, as it turns out, was more than ready to meet Oliver.
Eddie found his son sitting on how own bed, his favourite comfy house clothes on, with the matching toys they had bought for the boys held firmly in his hands. It looked as if he was simply waiting, not paying a game or reading a book. Just sat still waiting for the moment he finally got to meet the person who he had already decided was going to be his best friend.
“You ready buddy?” He interrupted the millions of thoughts running around his sons head.
When met with an excited nod, he reached out a hand, heling the boy up and down the hall where he knew Buck and Oliver were already waiting for them. Chris had forgone the crutches, like he usually did when home for long periods, instead holding on the walls and his dad for support, both physical and emotional ;)
Just before the two of them passed the end of the hallway, the space opening up into the living room, Eddie felt Chris stop beside him, his little hand reaching out to grasp at Eddie’s shirt.
“What if Oliver doesn’t like me?”
Eddie knew they were close enough to the living room couch for Buck to be able to hear, especially since Chris had yet to master the art of whispering. He needed to be careful about how he responded to this question, knowing he potential had the hearts of his two favourite boys in his hands.
Holding Chris’ free hand, he knelt down so the two were face to face. “Look Chris, we never know how someone if going to react to meeting us and getting to know us. It’s unfortunately something that we can’t control, and something that will continue to happen for your whole life. Oliver is still very little; we have to remember that alright? He might get overwhelmed or scared at first because everything is new to him and he’s still getting used to all the changes that are happening around him, it can be scary. As long as you be kind, and respectful and give him all the space he needs to get comfortable, then he will see that you are someone that will keep him safe. And he will grow to love you. Sometimes it takes time, and that’s okay. Buck and I will help you. Try and remember how scary it was when we first moved here, but than imagine that you didn’t have me by your side. That’s how Oliver feels, so we have to be extra welcoming to him for a little while alright?”
Chris takes in the words for several moments before taking a big breath in, steadying himself. “Okay, I’m ready.”
Eddie could instantly see the emotions bouncing around Bucks face as they step into the living room. His face shifting to a neutral smile as he took in Chris’ nervous appearance. He was awkwardly perched on the couch, Oliver sitting comfortably on his knee fiddling with a baseball that Eddie didn’t even know they had. The youngest in the room seemed to pay no mind to the three others, looking down at his ball and humming a soft tune to himself.
Buck broke the overwhelming silence of the room. “Hey Buddy. Do you want to come and sit with me over here, I’ve got someone I would like to introduce to you.”
The familiarity of the voice prompted Chris into motion, moving across the room confidently, only hesitating just before the couch itself. Buck was having none of it and used his free arm to scoop the older boy up, settling him down on the couch directly next to the father/son duo.
His body sinking into the comforting form beside him, Chris asked. “Is that your baby Bucky?”
“Kind of” Buck chuckled at Chris’ question.
“This is Oliver, He’s 3.” He turned Oliver on his lap so that the boys were facing each other. “We were hoping it would be okay if we came and stayed with you and your dad for a little while until we get used to our new lives. I need to find a new apartment that doesn’t have as many stairs for you and Oliver to have to climb every day, what do you think?”
Chris nodded in respond to Bucks’ question “I like you living with us Buck, you can teach dad to make pancakes for breakfast.”
Eddie couldn’t help but laugh at that from his spot still in the doorway.
The two men watched as Chris took a deep breath to himself and turned to the smallest one in the room.
“Hi Oliver. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Chris, we’re going to be best friends”.
When he received no response from Oliver, he looked over at Bucky with a look of slight panic. Had he done something wrong? Did Oliver not like him?!
Seeing Bucks encouraging smile, he continued, trying again. “Um… I bought you a present, my one is matching so they can be friends like us and you can always have us with you wherever”.
He held out the blue triceratops, having decided in the car ride home that he had to be the t-rex so that he could always protect his best friend. Eddie agreed that this was a great idea.
Oliver finally looked up from the baseball he held in his hands as the blue stuffie was held out towards him. He dropped the baseball without thought and reached his hand out to accept the toy, running his fingers across the soft fabric. He wordless brough the toy to his chest, bashfully hiding his face.
Chris looked ecstatic as his toy was accepted, but the look soon turned to curiosity and confusion as he turned back to face Buck.
“Why doesn’t he talk?”
The look Buck shot across the room was one of anticipated panic. He knew this question was coming, and he knew it would probably come up soon. But that didn’t mean he was any more prepared for it when it did.
Eddie finally moved from his spot near the entryway, taking a seat in the empty couch space on the other side of his son. He knew that Buck was nervous about this upcoming conversation, but also that he wanted to be the one to explain the situation. Maybe he thought it could give him a bit of practise when he eventually needed to explain to others they come across and meet in their lives.
He tried his best to send reassuring look across the room towards his best friend. It was just family, here, he knew that.
Buck had placed his hand on Chris’s arm, making sure the young boy knew to listen closely to the explanation, it was important. “Chris, have you ever heard of autism?”
Chris looked thoughtful as he considered the question that had been asked of him. “I don’t think so, what’s austin?”
The slip up on the word was cute, and Buck couldn’t help but smile as he corrected “Autism. It’s a condition that effects some people, that makes their brain work a little differently to how yours and my brain works. It can make it hard for people to learn to do things and can sometime mean that they’ll learn to do them a bit latter than others might.”
Chris seemed to be taking it all in well enough that Buck felt he was able to continue. “Oliver has Autism, and sometimes he finds it hard to talk and he might act a little bit younger than we expect him to, like with his Paci.”
The youngest Diaz was nodding along to Bucks words. “So can he do everything else?”
“We’re not sure yet Buddy. Remember I only met him today as well, I’m still learning to know him and I need to speak with his doctor too, so that I know everything I might need to know to help him.”
Chris still looked a bit troubled, Eddie thought now was a good time to chime in as well. “we’re going to need your help to buddy, as Oliver's best friend you’re a very important person in his life.”
He was met with a look of surprise “My help? I get to help too?”
Buck nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! You are going to be my best helper and I know I picked the right man for the job”.
Chris’ eye lit up with excitement, bouncing up and down in in seat slightly as he agreed with Buck. “I can help! I wanna help!”
Eddie accepted Oliver from Buck as he began to hand him over, making the transition smoothly. He settled back into the couch, allowing Ollie to curl up in his lap to watch the two golden retrievers in front of them.
“Okay! Here’s the plan…..