Work Text:
Dazai and Chūya decided to get married one day. They weren’t in a relationship when they decided this. They didn’t tell anyone that they were getting married/were married. They just went about their lives as normal, and Dazai moved in with Chūya.
Dazai was mostly to blame for everyone not knowing. He convinced Chūya that a surprise would be fun and entertaining. Chūya thought that as long as the joke isn’t on him, he’s fine with it.
Three years later, Chūya and Dazai are seen shopping together by Kunikida and Atsushi. Kunikida walks up to them and asks about why Dazai’s with a mafia member.
“Well, we’re shopping for dinner, and if I don’t go, the slug’s going to get something I don’t want,” Dazai responds.
Kunikida, despite being a capable detective, never once noticed that Dazai wasn’t living at the ADA dorms anymore, nor that he was living with anyone. Part of this was due to him drowning out most of Dazai’s mindless chatter. He had been wondering why his mornings suddenly felt more peaceful in recent years.
“You’re living with Chūya-San?” Atsushi asks. He was surprised, but not. He knew that these two were close to some degree, though he didn’t know how close they were until today.
“Yeah, we’re going to celebrate our anniversary tonight!” Dazai responds gleefully. Chūya turns to him with a bottle of wine in hand.
“You think 2009 is good? Or should we go with 2011?” Chūya inquires, holding the bottle up to Dazai.
“Definitely 2009 for Cabernet Sauvignon,” Dazai answers looking at the bottle in Chūya’s hand. “Though I’d like to get whiskey as well”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll look in a sec..” Chūya replies absentmindedly. Kunikida and Atsushi look at the two in shock.
“Wait! You’re in a relationship?!” Kunikida backtracks to before Chūya changed the subject.
“Yeah, Kunikida, and it’s our wedding anniversary today. Keep up,” Dazai puts his hands to his hips and clicks his tongue.
“Oi Dazai! They have Old Pulteney, you want it?” Chūya shouts from across the aisle, having made his way down it looking for the preferred whiskey of his partner.
“Ahh~! Yes, dear!” Dazai puts his hands to his cheeks as he imitated the classic married couple’s pet-name. Chūya’s nose wrinkles at the name.
“Don’t call me ‘dear,’ it’s awful coming out of your mouth,” Chūya walks back over to his partner and his colleagues.
“HEY! Dazai, back it up!” Kunikida shouts at Dazai. “When did you get married? And why am I just now hearing about it?”
“Hmmm…well, Atsushi and Kunikida are the first to know..” Dazai tells them. “And we’ve been a happy couple for three years!”
“Correction; this has been the most insufferable past three years of my life,” Chūya declares. “But I guess he’s okay, once you start living with him.”
Living with Dazai for three years, Chūya has almost grown immune to Dazai’s antics. Not only is Dazai predictable to him, but Chūya successfully wrapped him around his finger and has mellowed out since the beginning of their marriage. They may still fight, but there’s more of a bicker about what to have for dinner.
The next day, everyone in the agency knew about Dazai being married.
Only Ranpo, Yosano, and Fukuzawa weren’t surprised. Ranpo knew as soon as he saw Dazai, the day Dazai and Chūya got married. He told Yosano during one of their gossip sessions. He accidentally told Fukuzawa in passing.
Ranpo and Fukuzawa having a chat:
Fukuzawa: It’s been getting a bit cooler, hasn’t it?
Ranpo: Yeah; Dazai’s probably stealing Mr Fancy Hat’s hat and gloves every time they go out. Yosano has been wearing her scarf to work too. Even Kunikida has been looking for some gloves.
Fukuzawa: Why would Dazai be with Nakahara?
Ranpo: …I forgot you don’t know. Dazai and Mr Fancy Hat are married. If anyone asks, I didn’t say anything-
Fukuzawa: What-?
Ranpo: Anyway..Bye!
Ranpo left after delivering an important piece of information.
