Archive of Our Own

r/AmITheAsshole • Posted by u/TheExplosionDevil> 16 hours ago>

AITA for falling in love with my rival after seeing him smile?

Okay first off I know how it sounds, I know it sounds idiotic because who the hell falls in love with their rival after seeing them smile of all things? In my defense, we’re not really REALLY rivals, more like friends who would (and do) beat the shit out of each other, but he likes to label us as ‘rivals’ so I’ll respect him that much at least— not to mention he NEVER smiles. Seriously I think he lost the ability to that after his brother metaphorically died (a brother which I attempted to fuck but, that’s a different story.)

So tell me my surprise when we’re fucking around like usual, two inches away from giving eachother serious fucking head damage and this guy starts laughing. I’m not talking full out laughing just a smile and a giggle I could just BARELY hear but holy SHIT does he sound cute. I’m not even going to be all shy and beat around the bush no he sounded REALLY cute. He’s the typa guy you’d expect to not even have the laughing function pre-installed in him, if he did it’d probably be something more like a grunt or some shit— but no. He has the sweetest laugh I’ve ever heard, his smile literally lights up his face and he looks so different but in the best way possible? It’s? CRAZY? Like holy shit dude I know it’s rude to tell people to smile more but I could quite frankly give less of a fuck because if smiling makes you look like THAT I’ll the first one to tell you to flash a grin every once in a while.

However, despite that fact, I get kinda jealous at the thought of anyone else seeing him like that. It’s weird because smiles are for EVERYONE. I can't just tell him to smile in front of me (like hell he’d ever listen, I’d probably end up hospitalized) and furthermore I couldn’t care less if he does anything with anyone else (kissing? Fucking? Dating? I could care less!) but god forbid someone else hear that laugh of his because that’s something only I can have baby!

Ya see why it’s weird? Even I’ll admit I sound fucking nuts.

Anyway I’m getting side tracked. I need to know if I’m an asshole for suddenly going full 180 and going from underlying attraction to unbearable attraction (I also admit I’ve been attracted to him for a while. Can I really be blamed though? He’s hot and has the ability to kill me if he really tried, I call that 110% on the sexy-o-meter!)

Like, I like the dude, shit I’d say I love him too! I’ve known him for about 6 years at this point, we’ve got this weird thing going on where we try to cut each other's heads off then end up almost making out by the end of it, but that’s not really anything to bat an eye at. Lotsa dudes act like that, so I wasn’t one to go around and start policing the guy that he needs to date me or just kiss me or some shit, I’ll take whatever scraps he passes! However, now I don’t think I can borderline makeout with him without pulling him in to actually kiss and then not let him go for hours, I think that might be an issue.

Sure I could just keep going as we are but seriously is that even possible? It’s like that stupid laugh of his unlocked my third eye or something because now My fantasies don’t reach the limit of just fucking him oh no no no, they now have becomes arguably 10x worse.

I don’t just want to fuck him and leave it at that I want to sleep with him. I want to literally sleep with him. Hold him in my arms as we fall asleep together, wake up in bed still tangled in each other's embrace, spend the morning together just silently existing together— showering, washing, cooking, eating, chores— what’s worse? I wouldn't even want him to leave after. No one night stand here, I want him to stay the entire day, maybe even the entire week— shit I wouldn’t mind him moving in all honesty.

Y’see that? That fondness? The softness? The yearning? Shit’s giving me a fucking toothache. Some people might find it cute but that is not us in the slightest. I’ve genuinely almost killed the guy (That’s a different story) and he’s almost killed me (Again, a story for another time). I don’t know how to emphasize this enough, we are nothing but rivals. We barely even pass the brink of friends.

That’s exactly what’s messing me up! First I was gonna come here to ask what the hell do I do but I know you people would tell me to confess my feelings or some other sappy corny manga esque bullshit and I already know I’m not doing that anytime soon. So I have to ask, am I an asshole for falling in love with this guy? 6 years of… whatever this is and now I want to barge in and fuck it all up because of that stupid (but cute) smile of his? Like yeah I’ll admit I’ve always had the thing for a guy, even his punches and bruises make me swoon (It sounds weird but compare holding your crushes hand and feeling the warmth of their skin against your own, that's basically the same with fighting! Just even more intense!) but I’ve never had half the balls nor half the reason to actually act upon whatever I felt towards this guy.

So… am I the asshole? Do I have any right to even think to flip our relationship upside down because of one measly smile? It sounds idiotic and corny but as much as I’d never say it aloud he’s… important to me. Sure we fight and banter and can barely stand each other but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s important to me. He’s… someone I could consider a friend, the first person I’ve probably ever gotten as far as to ever even consider dating (and mind you we haven’t even made out. Like yeah maybe sometimes when he’s really stressed and needs me as his personal tension relief but it’s definitely not a regular occurance and definitely not something we talk about!)

I hate feeling like this because it makes me feel almost weak. Before, he was just some pretty boy who if in my long life of fuckery I never got to actually fuck I could always go for his older brother. But now, do I want to get close to his brother? Kiss him lovingly with no lust behind it? Hold him in my arms each night knowing I’ll wake up to him the next morning? No. Would I want this with anyone? No. Do I want it with this rival of mine? Frustratingly, yes.

So here we are full circle. Enough of me getting off track. TLDR: My rival has a cute smile and I didn’t know this info before and now I dont just want to fuck him, I want to be sweet and romantic with him to the point thinking of it makes my toothache at the sweetness. Am I the asshole?

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