Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ellie tugged at her glove, readjusting it as she got closer to the gate. She knew that they’d spot her soon, that they’d question her before considering letting her in. Though, after leaving it all behind, she didn’t know if she deserved to be let inside.

She shook herself in an attempt to lose the negative thoughts. They had to let her in. At least tell her if Dina and JJ were alright. She needed to know, she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if they weren’t there, never knowing if they were alive or dead.

The irony wasn’t lost on her though, a sharp realisation in the back of her mind that this must’ve been what it felt like for Dina when she left.

Wind tugged gently at Ellie’s clothes, the last two digits of her left glove yielding slightly as a reminder of her last battle with Abby.

Her steps got heavier and heavier as the wooden gate grew nearer, but now she could make out the sentries atop the barrier, feel their stares as she closed the distance. She knew that their guns would already be trained on her too.

She slowly raised her hands and continued toward the gate.

“It’s me, Ellie.” Her voice echoed back at her as it bounced off the gate.

She inched closer, but now she saw that the guns weren’t lowered, that there was no welcome or signal to open the gate.

For all they knew, Ellie was an outsider.
A threat.

Ellie repressed the growing sense of dread as she tried again.

“My name is Ellie.” She called out, trying to control the desperation. “I don’t even need to come in, I just want to know if-“

A sentry interjected, yelling: “DROP YOUR WEAPONS!”

It seemed that none of the sentries present recognised her, so she complied, moving slowly so as to not appear threatening. Once she had disarmed herself, she called up to the people posted above the gate.

“Please, I just want to know if a woman named Dina and her son are in the town.”

She could feel her worry creep into her throat and worm its way into her voice. Dina had to be here – she could be anywhere by now, and with no clues left behind for her to track her down.

When she got no response, she couldn’t control the sense of despair any longer.

“Maria!”, she cried frantically. “Get Maria! Tell her Ellie is at the eastern gate, and that she wants to talk to her.”

At her words, she finally saw the pair shift, glancing at each other briefly and muttering at each other. They never lowered their guns though, and despite it all, a sense of respect filled Ellie. At least she knew that Dina would be safe if she was here. They did their jobs well.

Eventually, they must’ve reached an agreement, because one called out to the other people behind the wall to fetch Maria, parroting Ellie’s message.

She waited, straining to listen past the wall encompassing the commune, but to no avail.

So instead, she thought about Dina. Would she be in the city? And would she be happy to see her return? All Ellie knew for certain was that no matter what, she’d find Dina again. She’d apologise, say that she was in the wrong and beg for forgiveness.

That was all she could do.

The gate slowly opened, groaning as it did so. A lone woman stepped out, and it took Ellie a few seconds to realise it was Maria walking toward her. Though it had only been two years since Ellie had last seen her, the closest thing Ellie had ever had to a maternal figure seemed to have aged a whole decade.

It was definitely still Maria though. She carried the air of someone who had the lives of many on her shoulders, the same defiant shine in her eyes, like she was silently saying ‘We’re still alive, despite everything’. The lines in her face had gotten more prominent, and her clothes seemed loose-fitting. Ellie thought she even spotted greyish-white strands bleeding into blonde at the other woman’s scalp.

Though she was glad to see Maria had taken heed to her message, Ellie felt herself tense as the leader of Jackson got closer, her mouth set in a hard line as she drew nearer and nearer…

…only for her to wrap one arm around Ellie and guide her into the self-sufficient haven.

Ellie was so taken aback by the lack of any semblance of a welcome that she barely had time to register where exactly she was being taken. The view blurred until she found herself being pushed inside a warm building, where the sounds of laughter and light conversation filled every corner of the room.

It was only as Maria pushed her past the bar encasing the far corner of the building that she realised this was Seth’s Bar, though the man himself wasn’t anywhere to be found. She was so disturbed by the fact it had taken her so long to realise where she was that she barely took notice of Maria talking in hushed tones to the young man manning the bar in Seth’s stead.

“…for some privacy. It shouldn’t take long, Evan.” Maria assured, though it was clear that Evan was already more than willing to let her have her way.

And so, she dragged Ellie into a small room behind the bar, shutting the door sharply behind her and turning to face her ward.

Without the eyes of her people on her, Maria visibly relaxed as she clapped Ellie on the shoulder affectionately.

A smile deepening the lines around her eyes as she uttered, “Welcome back, Ellie. Glad to see you’re in one piece.”

Despite wearing gloves, Ellie slipped her left hand into her pocket, suddenly hyper aware about the missing mass at the end of two of her fingertips.

The movement didn’t go unnoticed though, as Maria tacked ‘…mostly’ to the end of her sentence under her breath with a dry chuckle.

Tears seemed to materialise on Ellie’s face as she stepped forward and hugged the other woman, who reciprocated eagerly. It was clear that both had missed one another.

Finally, Maria stepped back, her face slipping back into something more familiar, more serious. She hesitated, clearly wanting to say something but trying to think of the best way to say it.

And eventually, she did.

“…We need to talk.”

Chapter Text

Ellie felt herself deflate as she processed Maria’s words. There were only so many ways this could go, and none of them were exactly ideal. Best case scenario, Ellie gets yelled at for being reckless and abandoning her family in hopes she could avenge her father-figure. Worst case scenarios included Dina being dead, Ellie being turned away from Jackson, or Dina not being in Jackson at all.

Maria continued, not noticing the shift in the other’s demeanour.
“Two years ago, when I heard you had left, I was disappointed in you.”

Ellie was crestfallen, and resisted the urge to hide, to run away. She knew this was deserved, but that didn’t make it any easier.

But what was said next caught her by surprise.

“But… I was more disappointed in myself,” Maria sighed, again showing no recognition of the reaction. “because I heard why you left. I heard that Tommy, the fool, came and coerced you into chasing after that-“

“That was my own decision.” Ellie stood firm. She knew what she was doing, chasing after Abby.

Maria wasn’t having it.
“If I had kept a closer eye on him, I would’ve been able to stop him from resorting to emotional blackmail. What he did was wrong and as soon as I found out what he did, I…”

Maria trailed off again, closing her eyes in what could only be described as pain - the emotional kind.

“I felt so guilty. A part of me feels that he wouldn’t have pulled that stunt if we weren’t on that break.” She opened her eyes and stared at Ellie. “I made that break permanent after I had heard about what he said, what he did.”

Ellie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Maria and Tommy were… divorced? She couldn’t picture it, thought Maria might be joking. But the heartbreak (because now, it was clear that it was heartbreak) written over Maria’s face showed truth in volumes.

The older woman’s upset wasn’t the only one on display, because she could see the look on Ellie’s face, the guilt etched into her brow.

Even as Ellie began apologising, Maria spoke, cutting through her companion’s spiral. “Don’t even think about blaming yourself. It was my decision. If I’m being honest? When Tommy came back from Seattle, a part of me knew that… that the man who came home wasn’t the same man I had fallen in love with all those years ago.”

Ellie felt a reassuring hand rest on her shoulder, and felt the guilt subside to a quiet murmur in the back of her head. It didn’t go away, but it was much more manageable now.

After seeing that Ellie wasn’t being consumed by a sense of misplaced responsibility, Maria allowed a small sigh of relief to escape her lips. A brief pause bled into the conversation before she asked a question that the auburn-haired woman really wanted to hear.

“You want to know if Dina’s here, don’t you?”

A whirlwind of emotions formed in Ellie’s stomach: apprehension; regret; hope; worry; and anticipation. This was the moment, the make-or-break situation. If Dina was here, Ellie could finally relax knowing she was alive and (most likely) well. If not then- no, she had to be here. Where else could she be otherwise?

Ellie nodded, feeling her very breath stop in her throat.
Her heartbeat roared in her ears.
Time itself seemed to slow.

Maria turned and took a few steps toward the far wall, pivoting and folding her arms as she got to it so that she leant against the wall comfortably whilst still facing Ellie.

“Dina… is here. In Jackson, with JJ.” Maria confirmed.

To say a wave of relief swept over our protagonist would be accurate, but also an insurmountable understatement. Ellie felt herself renewed with vigour as the wall of apprehension and despair came crashing down. It was a beautiful catharsis that only Ellie was truly privy to, even if Maria understood exactly what it must have felt like to hear that her loved ones were alive, well and nearby.

Suddenly, the last thing Ellie wanted to be doing was apologising to Maria and catching up. She needed to see them. She had so many things to say, so much time to make up for – and being in that small break room in The Tipsy Bison wasn’t helping with her sudden burst of energy.

She almost couldn’t force the words out fast enough.

“Where can I find them?”

To her surprise, Ellie watched as Maria slipped behind a mask. It was subtle, but after years of growing up as almost-family and watching her lead their commune through rough times again and again, Ellie could see the subtle hints that others would’ve missed: The shift of weight from one leg to another, the way her arms fell slack at her sides despite her having crossed them only moments before.

And above all, an expression that many people confused as a trait of strength or leadership, but was really an unreadable mask, shutting everyone out from her thoughts and feelings.

Almost immediately, the emotions Ellie had so readily discarded began building themselves up again.

Maria wasn’t an emotionally obtuse turd, and upon picking up on this, abandoned the idea of picking her words carefully.

“Go to Joel’s old house.”

Ellie looked up, the build up of emotions grinding to a halt as she waited for the older woman to finish what she was saying.

“When you get there, ask for Tony. If anyone is going to know where Dina is at this very moment, Tony is your best bet.”

She was practically speaking to an empty room by the time she had finished her piece, as she caught a section of backpack disappear around the doorframe, a hasty ‘Thank you!!’ briefly taking its place.

Maybe if Ellie hadn’t left in such a hurry, she’d have been able to notice expression that had bled through Maria’s mask as she spoke.

A look of pity.

Chapter Text

Ellie was a whirlwind, both in the speed at which she dashed to Joel’s old house, and in and of herself. Emotions swirled in the pit of her stomach chaotically. Her footsteps drummed against the foot-worn path, and to anyone who happened to glimpse her as she ran, she thundered toward her destination, leaving nothing but a breeze.

But to Ellie? She couldn’t care less. Even if she had tried to hear her own footsteps, the pounding of her heart would’ve surely drowned it all out. Dina was here and she was finally going to see her, to apologise, to beg for forgiveness.

And her son! How big had he gotten? Was he happy and healthy? Ellie’s mind soared as she spotted Joel’s house, practically flying up the porch steps to knock on the door with as much urgency as possible (without being too rude about it, I suppose)

BANG BANG BANG

A thick silence filled the air, but that didn’t deter Ellie, who tried calling out instead.
“Hello? Is anyone home?”

A muffled response came from inside the house, barely audible, as the flush of a toilet made the words indistinguishable. Ellie sighed in relief and waited with bated breath as footsteps approached the door, knowing that she was closer to reuniting with her family as she had ever been since she left two years ago.

The door swung open, the words “Can I help you?” coming from just above Ellie’s head.

After being told Tony would be at Joel’s old house, she was not expecting to be greeted by a very tall (and fairly attractive) woman.

Stood before Ellie was a lean woman with golden brown hair, a tangle of loose curls sat at the top of her head, her ears exposed from the fact the hair around the sides and back of her head had been cut short, just before the curls would have formed. An almost impish grin lit up her features, marred only by the scar that scored horizontally through the right side of her lips. Her dark eyes mirrored her smile, bright and friendly, despite the appearance of an apparent stranger at her doorstep. She wore a pair of dark jeans and a white shirt, her sienna toned arms folded across her chest. There were a few scars scattered across her skin, a familiar yet unique story of survival etched into her flesh. A leather strapped watch wrapped around her wrist, worn from what looked like years of use.

Despite her attire and the presence of a cold breeze, she didn’t seem too affected by the temperature (or lack thereof). She couldn’t have been too far from Ellie’s age (22), a couple years older, maybe 25, 26-ish.

Ellie didn’t realise she was staring until the woman repeated her question.

“Can I help you, miss?”

Shaking herself out of her stupor, Ellie responded, “Is there anyone else here? Or does someone else live here?”

The woman frowned.
“No, and no, I'm afraid. Why do you ask?”

“Maria sent me here to look for someone, but if he’s not here, I’ll just come back later.” Ellie struggled to keep her disappointment from showing.

Confusion flitted across the strangers face in response to Ellie’s answer, though Ellie couldn’t understand what was so mind-boggling about what she had said. However, before she could actually ask the stranger anything, the woman seemed to reach a conclusion, a flicker of emotion that was quickly concealed. It took Ellie a few moments to realise that the stranger found something about this interaction... amusing???

“Who exactly are you looking for, mate?” asked the lady in the door.

She had missed it before, but Ellie suddenly noticed the woman spoke… differently. Ellie had heard her fair share of accents over the course of her life. But there was something about the way the woman spoke, the way her vowels seemed to sound, that seemed strange to Ellie’s ears. Almost alien, even.

This, in combination of the fact that she felt her time was being wasted by someone who found this conversation funny for some unfathomable reason, caused our auburn-haired character to feel a tad bit of irritation toward the unhelpful woman towering over her. Ellie’s next words were pointed with barely concealed impatience.

“Maria sent me here to look for Tony, but if he’s not here, there isn’t any point in me being here!”

Ellie breathed heavily. She felt bad for yelling at some stranger, but now that she knew she could see Dina and JJ again if she could just track down this ‘Tony’ guy, she didn’t have any time to waste.

She expected the woman to shut the door, to yell right back at her, to point her in the direction of where Tony was, or even lie to her just to get her to leave.

So instead, imagine her shock when the stranger broke right back into a smile and stepped to the side of the door, inviting Ellie inside with a “Why don’t you come in for a bit? Have something to drink?”

A pause.

“…Then you can tell me why Maria sent you looking for me.”

Ellie didn’t move, her brain not immediately processing what had just been said. Her uncertainty must’ve shown on her face, because the woman sighed and offered a hand to Ellie: A peace offering, a handshake.

“It’s ‘Toni’, with an ‘i’ – short for Antonia. Nobody calls me that anymore, though. I’d prefer if you didn’t either.”

Chapter Text

Ellie followed Toni to the back of the house, where the kitchen was. Though the distance from the front door to the kitchen wasn’t large by any means, the house felt… wrong. Furniture had been rearranged, pictures had been removed- hell, the house even smelt wrong. It wasn’t a bad smell by any means, but it clashed horribly with the memory of what it used to smell like when Joel resided there. A pleasant cocktail of coffee, wood polish and the local aspen trees had been replaced with an earthy, dirt smell and tea, the smell of aspen being the only similarity. p

The kitchen itself had remained mostly untouched, though stools now sat around the kitchen island. If Ellie tried hard enough, she could probably convince herself that this was still Joel’s kitchen, not Toni’s.

Her host filled the kettle and set it back on it’s base, the rumble of the rising temperatures filling the silence between them.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Toni inquired. “Tea, coffee, water?”

Ellie declined. She was grateful, but she didn’t feel quite comfortable accepting a drink from a woman with a strange accent, living in Joel’s old house. She waited for Toni to finish making herself a cup of tea (using Joel’s old owl mug, which had only known coffee during his time as it's owner) before asking any questions.

“I’ve been told you can help me find someone.”

Toni’s eyebrows shot up at the statement, clearly surprised by this. She must’ve realised her shock had shown, because she began to explain.

“I’ve only been here about 8 months. Hell, other than yourself, there's only been one new face since I got here. I’m surprised Maria sent you to a greenhorn like me rather than someone like Seth, who has the time and knowledge to do so.”

It was Ellie’s turn to be surprised. Though she didn’t say it, she was also questioning Maria’s intentions. From experience, she knew that Maria would’ve done this for a reason. She just couldn’t figure out exactly what that was. Instead, she chose to say that she 'wasn't new to Jackson', and had been 'gone for a while'.

“I suppose I could point you in the direction of a couple of people,” Toni continued, almost to herself. She didn't seem to register what Ellis had said. “Jenna, from farming maybe? Or perhaps Dean, he’ll be eating around abou-“
Ellie cut in, ensuring she spoke clearly. “No thanks, I used to live here, so I know my way around well enough.”

Ellie shook her head. This was getting her nowhere! She needed to focus if she wanted to see Dina as soon as possible. Had Jackson changed so much that Maria needed her to have a guide?

A direct approach, then.

“Toni, do you know where I can find a woman named Dina?”

In an instant, Toni’s expression flashed between three emotions. Understanding, recognition, before settling (to Ellie’s bewilderment) to anger.

The temperature seemed to drop significantly as Toni glared daggers at Ellie. No more was the amicable host that had let her in, but this wasn’t the slightly disgruntled stranger that opened the door either. No, this was something… raw.

“You’re Ellie.” It wasn’t a question. And the hard edge to Toni’s voice made it almost accusatory, like Ellie had done something to her in the past. Her fingers pressed into the mug so hard that her fingertips looked white, impressive for one of her complexion.

A film of sweat broke out on Ellie’s brow. She was no stranger to people not liking her, but the last time someone had held a vendetta against someone she cared about, Joel and Jesse wound up dead, Tommy got partially blinded and Ellie herself had lost digits. Grudges were ugly, and nothing nice would ever come out of them.

For the second time today, Ellie raised her empty hands slowly. She tried for the peaceful approach.

“Toni,” she quietly pleaded, “Whatever I’ve done to you, I’m sorry. But right now, I just want to see my family.”

A crazed laugh seemed to force itself out of Toni’s mouth, a flurry of words following it in response. “Oh, now it’s all about family with you, huh?? That never stopped you from leaving the first time around, did it??” Her accent got more prominent as she got angrier.

She paced up and down the other side of the kitchen island, casting Ellie a glare every now and then.

Toni raged under her breath, though her guest still heard every word. “If it were up to me, you’d never get the bloody chance to even breathe the same air as them!”

Just as suddenly as her anger had come, Toni came to an abrupt halt. Her fingers relaxed around her beverage, and she seemed to deflate right before her visitor’s eyes.

“But it isn’t. It’s not my place to make that decision.”

Toni sounded resigned, as she mounted a stool and held her head in her hands. Ellie tentatively lowered her hands, unsure of what to do.

And so, they stayed that way, the tension hanging above it all.

Ellie couldn’t understand how she could have ever hurt or offended Toni in any way. Nor could she understand why someone who had only been here for 8 months would be so… protective of Dina and JJ.

Sweat made her gloves cling to her hands like an uncomfortable second skin. Ellie removed them, wiping her palms on her jeans. The movement helped distract her from whatever the hell was going on.

“What happened to you hand?”

Ellie jumped. Her motions had garnered the attention of her host, who’s eyes had spotted the lack of a couple of digits in Ellie’s left hand. Though her tone of voice sounded concerned, Ellie thought she could spy a curious shine to Toni’s eyes.

Ah, Ellie was familiar with those types of people. Though the first time she had ever come across one was when she and Joel had been travelling cross country. Henry and Sam were one of the many people Ellie would never forget, the former of whom would enjoy hearing stories about the world prior to the Infected.

Toni wanted to hear the story.

Maybe it was to distract her from her turmoil. Maybe she wanted to hear about Ellie’s suffering.
Either way, Ellie tried not to delve too deeply into details.

“It happened during the last fight against Abby – the one who killed the guy who used to live here. I was holding her underwater, and in her struggle, she...”
She lifted her hand and wiggled the stumps, the ending of that story untold but clear.

Toni peered at the missing appendages, her mind seeming far away as Ellie practically hear the gears turning in her host’s head.

Minutes passed before Toni broke the silence. She muttered, almost to herself. “Must’ve hurt like a bitch.”

A pause. Toni worked something around her mouth before addressing Ellie once again. “Were they bitten off or crushed?”

Ellie was flabbergasted. She didn’t give any details; she knew she hadn’t. Given how little she had said, it was impossible. Her voice croaked as she answered, telling her host they were bitten off.

So how exactly did Toni know how it had happened? Ellie echoed this thought to the woman sat across from her.

Toni gave a tired grin, as though Ellie’s reaction was expected. “I figured you wouldn’t be here if she had had a weapon, so she either bit them off or crushed them to the point that you had to get rid of them.”

Her host spoke like this was obvious, but Ellie was impressed. She didn’t know anyone else who would’ve been able to assume- no, figure out, how she had lost her fingers. Toni seemed oblivious to Ellie’s reaction, continuing with her spiel.

“You said you were holding her underwater, so it couldn’t have been too deep, or you wouldn’t have been fighting there. For you to drown someone in shallow water, you have to hold their head down, or they’ll just sit right up outta the water.

I guessed you either held her down face first, and she bashed at your hand with a rock, or you held her face up and she bit you when your hands got too close in a scuffle.”

Ellie had to sit down, sitting opposite the stranger. Toni had made her nervous and confused with her sudden rage at the mention of Dina, but that didn’t scare her. She had seen her fair share of enraged people, it couldn’t be helped in the world she lived in. But seeing Toni go all ‘detective’ on her, that scared her. Terrified her, even.

She pushed aside her unease and asked Toni a question in turn. It only seemed fair after all that.

“You don’t talk like anyone I’ve ever met. Why is that?” Ellie was curious. It seemed whenever Toni got worked up, both in anger and when going into a detailed info-dump, her accent became more noticeable, threading into words that had been loosened by emotion.

Toni sighed, her mouth pulling into a grimace of a smile. Clearly this wasn’t the first time she had heard this question. She seemed to be getting tired of having to answer it.

“My mum and dad were co-workers on an international business trip when the outbreak occurred. They were Australian, so yeah. I have the accent.” She had definitely said this same thing many times before, fingers picking absently on the lip of the mug.

Neither of them were wholly sure when or how, but the tension that had hung over them dissipated. They were both still wary of one another, but neither one of them wanted to fight the other.

An improvement from just earlier, to say the least.

Ellie jumped as the now comfortable silence broke, as Toni let out an almost exasperated half laugh, half sigh. She glanced at her watch, then spoke, addressing Ellie.

“If you want to see Dina, you just need to wait for another forty minutes or so” Toni confessed, almost looking bashful at the fact she hadn’t just said this earlier. It seems as though Ellie wasn’t the only one in the room who got swept up in her emotions. She couldn’t help but feel like they could end up friends. Maybe that’s why Maria sent her this way?

Whatever Maria’s intention was, it didn’t really matter anymore.

Ellie felt her heart soar. She was going to see Dina. She would have her chance to apologise, to say sorry. Maybe she’d also see JJ. He’d be a toddler now. Ellie was anxious to see how he had grown. Equal parts excited because she’d finally get to see him, and terrified to know she had missed such an important part of his life. Would he even remember her?

Then, Ellie thought about Toni’s words again. And I mean, she really thought about it. Why exactly was she expecting Dina? Was there something between them? With someone who hadn’t been here for more than a year?

She glanced at Toni. Just who is Dina to you, Ellie wondered.

Toni grew visibly embarrassed. “I, uh… she’s just a dear friend to me is all.”
Ellie hadn’t meant to say that bit aloud. Oops.

“She was kinda the first person at Jackson that welcomed me, and the one to show me the ropes. We got close, which is how I know about you.” Toni was rambling now, but Ellie didn’t stop her. She knew, from experience, that one would often reveal themselves in an attempt to regain their dignity. Especially in a safe, familiar environment, like ones own house.

“She stops by here after she finishes work in the gardens, since it’s in between the gardens and the day-care. Less effort than going to their house at the other end of the commune, just to go back to the day-care.”

Ellie nodded, reluctantly accepting Toni’s words. It checked out. The other end of Jackson was the closest to their old farm (and where Ellie had entered from), so it would’ve made moving things much easier. Dina was always quick to make friends too, so that one didn’t really surprise her, though learning she no longer did patrols, but worked in farming instead was definitely not what Ellie was expecting. She also relished in the fact that JJ was now going to day-care, though it only highlighted that she had been gone for long enough for that to occur.

Despite all this, she could also tell that Toni wasn’t being truthfully honest with her. At least, not wholly. Sure, she wasn’t lying about them being ‘just friends’, but Ellie recognised the look on the woman’s face. The way her whole face softened as she spoke about Dina, how flustered she had gotten when Ellie had (albeit accidentally) asked her what Dina was to her.

Toni had feelings for Dina.

And the most frustrating part about coming to this realisation? Ellie couldn’t even be mad at Toni. She understood, on so many levels, how easy it was to develop feelings for someone like Dina. To develop feelings for Dina.

Emotions are weird.

Ellie began to feel nervous, but for what reason, she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Was she worried about rejection? That Dina wouldn’t let her see JJ? Or that Toni had feelings for Dina? Maybe it all stemmed from the fact that she was in what used to be Joel’s house. Familiar, but wrong. Like a friend who turns their gun on you to save themselves.

“...What’s your job here, Toni?” Ellie asked, trying her best to fill the time with something that would distract her from her racing thoughts.

Ever the gracious host, Toni was more than happy to answer. “I’m a scavenger at heart, but since there isn’t really a need for that in Jackson, I’ve been doing patrols and hunting. I may have adjusted to living with people again, but patrols and hunting helps calm me. It’s similar to what I used to do before I came here.”

That last bit intrigued Ellie, causing her to ask Toni to elaborate. What was she doing prior to finding Jackson?

Toni replied, “I was a nomad. I was part of a group growing up, but there was an issue between two sides. In all the tension, someone had managed to come back in, and they were infected. All hell broke loose. My dad and I got out, but…”

Oh.
Ellie understood, in that moment, that Toni’s mother hadn’t survived the chaos.

“I know it never feels genuine, when someone says, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’…”, Ellie bent her fingers in sarcastic quotation marks “but… well, I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Ah, well,” Toni shrugged. “I was young then, and I still had my dad. I don’t remember much of my mum anymore, so her death isn’t nearly as scarring as his.”

“Anyways, after Mum died, dad swore to never join a group again. ‘Easier to manage’, he would say. And in some ways, he was right. We didn’t have to share food with anyone else, we didn’t need to worry about one of us betraying or lying to the other.”

She sighed, her shoulders sagging.
“It wasn’t always so easy and simple, though,” Toni admitted. “It was harder for us to cover ground to find supplies, one of us was always tired from taking the last watch. We never stayed in one place longer than a couple weeks, always left a stash hidden in the places we stayed for whenever or if ever we returned.”

“So, you’ve spent your whole life wandering??” Ellie asked, astonished. Sure, she had had her fair share of cross country travel, but doing that for years on end would’ve driven her insane.

Toni nodded. “Yeah, pretty much. We spent years like that, until we returned to an old hideout of ours to find some raiders had taken control of the area. My dad… he died trying to create a diversion for me to leave. I never went near that area again. Then, eight-nine years later, I heard of a new, self-sustaining settlement up north. I was tired of living without feeling alive, of being alone. So, I said ‘fuck it’… and here we are”.

To say that Ellie was impressed would have been a massive understatement. Learning that Toni had lived for so long on her own… She was surviving on her own from her mid to late teen years. And had been surviving alone, up until 8 months ago.

Ellie now saw Toni in another light. They were both survivors. Hell, anyone alive at this time counts as one too. But Ellie grew up in a QZ. For most of her life, save for the last two years, she had at least one person by her side. The past couple of years had been the hardest of her life, and she never had to worry about getting infected. If her understanding was correct, Toni hadn’t lived in a safe, communal environment since before her mother died.

Hearing her host’s story told her much about the woman before her. However, it also highlighted something else which Ellie questioned, something that had felt strangely glossed over in a story so detailed.

Ellie broached the subject carefully. “Do you remember who told you about Jackson? We usually keep to ourselves, and most people don’t tend to leave willingly…”. She didn’t want to voice it aloud, but Ellie was concerned. If word of their safe haven reached the wrong people, their community would have to be on guard for anyone with ill intent.

Toni seemed to pick up on her guest’s reasoning. For reasons unknown to anyone but herself though, she hesitated to give an answer. Deliberating in her head, as though she didn’t want to give all the details about the circumstance herself.

Immediately, the red-head became alarmed. What caused the hesitation? What if Toni was part of a group of raiders, softening them up and learning about their weaknesses??

She couldn’t let that happen.

The mug Toni was drinking out of hit the counter with a loud thud as Ellie lunged forward, grabbing the greenhorn by the front of her shirt, shaking her roughly whilst spewing accusations at her.

“Are you working for someone? Did you come here to gather information??” Spittle flew as the tension from before had not only re-established itself, but came back by tenfold.

Toni’s face twisted into what would’ve been an impressive sneer, only to be marred by undertones of hurt and confusion. She rose to her full height, pulling Ellie along with her as she grit her teeth and balled her fists at her side.

“I understand your reasoning, and how you’re acting right now,” Toni enunciated past her clenched jaw. “But I didn’t live most my life in solitude due to the actions of raiders for you to come along and accuse me of being scum like them.”

Ellie faltered. Sure, anyone could lie about something like that, but Toni was clearly hurt by Ellie’s finger pointing. Toni could’ve thrown hands or kicked Ellie out of her house and make her wait for Dina elsewhere. Hell, the woman in question had a huge advantage- quite literally- as she towered over her.

…Shit.
Shit shit shit shit shit.

The realisation that she had severely overstepped washed over Ellie.

Of course, dear reader, it does only get worse from here.

Because just as she was about to let go, step back and apologise, help clean up the spilt tea- do anything other than continue to grip tight and accuse her host… A familiar voice froze her in place.

“And what the fuck do you think you’re doing??”

Had it already been 40 minutes? What was a heated atmosphere turned to ice, as cold as Jackson's winters. Ellie practically threw herself away from Toni, who shrugged her hands in a ‘don’t-blame-me-I’m-innocent’ gesture at the expected visitor.

Ellie spun around sharply to face Dina (because of course it could only be Dina) standing in the doorway. Ellie’s heart soared as she finally laid eyes on the woman whom she fell in love with. She felt a blanket of relief wrap itself around her as she gazed at Dina’s bewildered face.

A moment of this jubilation passed before Ellie watched as Dina’s visage changed from that of bewilderment to that of anguish, destroying that relief in a blaze of guilt. She wasn't happy to see her long-lost lover. Quite the opposite, actually.

Dina’s voice trembled with emotion as she spoke, though exactly what emotion was lost to Ellie in a way it wouldn’t have been two years earlier.

“Why?? Why is it only now you decide to show up?”

Dina seemed to crumble in on herself even as Ellie felt her heart and hopes dissolve.

Chapter Text

Despite Ellie’s earlier enthusiasm to say her piece to Dina, her apologies and intentions died in her throat as she watched Dina regard her like a fond memory gone sour. Honestly, Ellie wouldn’t be surprised if that was exactly the case.

Even as Ellie felt her stomach tie itself in knots, she knew her pupils were dilating like crazy, as if her eyes were to absorb every little detail about Dina.

There were the familiar things like the way she stood, how she tied her hair, and the shape of her facial features. There were new things, like the scar on her chin, the dirt flecks that clung to the jacket tucked beneath her arm, the smudge of soil that would’ve been wiped off thoroughly a couple years back.

At Dina’s side, in lieu of a pistol holster, a toolbelt. Her hand was down by her waist regardless though, grasping at the handle of some gardening tool that Ellie did not want to be on the end of.

“I came back home as fast as I could, I swear!”, Ellie thought it best to answer Dina’s question first. “And as soon as I realised you weren’t at the farm, I came here looking for you and JJ-“

“You don’t get to say his name like you care about him.”

Ellie flinched as Dina interrupted her, words laced with a potent cocktail of pain and anger that made the recipient want to hide as a fresh wave of shame and guilt washed over her.

She understood Dina’s pain, but she wasn’t going to stand there and take it. “Dina, I do care about him- and you! I was worried I’d never see you again or that… you were dead.”

Ellie had lost so many people important to her over the years, and Dina knew it, knew the pain that came with surviving - Hell, anyone living in the world they lived in had either lost someone, or had never had anyone to lose. Her hostility lessened and her hand fell from the handle of what Ellie now saw to be a thin trowel, that looked like a decent substitute for a knife.

Dina’s voice was still cold as she spoke. “Sorry for not leaving a note to for the one who left our family to chase after revenge when I begged her to stay.”

She stepped around Ellie without so much as a second glance. Ellie felt her heart rate spike as she got close, and she pivoted so that she faced Dina the whole while. Her heart subsequently ached when she watched as Dina began fussing over Toni, reaching up to hold her face still as she checked for any damage, the action oh-so-similar to how she used to fuss over Ellie.

Toni was quick to wriggle out of her grasp and reassure her she wasn’t hurt, picking up her mug and hiding her subtle blush behind it. Her embarrassment wasn’t lost on Ellie though, who couldn’t help but feel a little envious of her host.

Once Dina was satisfied her friend wasn’t hurt, she turned sharply to face Ellie again.

“We need to talk.”

Ellie nodded, glancing at Toni, secretly hoping she’d leave and give the two women some space. She seemed to get the message, starting toward the other door in the kitchen.

Only, Dina grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Oh no, you’re staying here, Ant. I need you to make sure I don’t hit her.”

The ‘her’ in question fought the urge to remind Dina that she was, in fact, right there – only she really didn’t want to see that trowel in action. Especially if she was likely to be on the receiving end.

Ellie instead decided to say something else.

“I’m sorry. I know that I left you and JJ, and I know that was a shitty thing for me to do. I don’t regret getting closure… but I regret that it hurt you, that I hurt you, when I left.”

Dina didn’t seem to even breathe as Ellie spoke. The only sign that she was listening was the subtle tightening of her jaw, which didn’t go unnoticed if Toni’s nervous glances to the woman beside her were any indication.

Continuing her spiel, Ellie forged ahead. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me ever again. But if you think there’s anything I can do to make this right, and be a part of your life again, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

For a count of 17, Ellie watched as Dina fought to unclench her jaw. For another 38, she watched as Dina paced about on the other end of the kitchen. Finally, after a minute had passed, she stopped beside Toni, eyes shut tightly.

She was fighting back tears. Ellie knew that she was the cause of those tears. The weight that she had previously felt at the gate of Jackson reappeared, taking its place on her shoulders and her heart.

She wasn’t even prepared to hear Dina speak, and when she fully processed what she was saying, she felt much worse.

“I… Fuck, I want to be angry at you. I want to hate you and scream at you and tell you to never show yourself again. But I just can’t do it.” Dina’s voice cracked as she leant forward and lightly rested her forehead on Toni’s arm (the latter of which froze like she was hiding from a clicker).

A part of Ellie was happy that Dina couldn’t be mad at her. The other was upset because Dina so desperately wanted to be.

It didn’t help that the sight of the pair before her was more than confusing for Ellie. Dina leaning on Toni for both emotional and physical support as she pulled herself back together, and Toni awkwardly reaching around to pat Dina’s back in consolation.

Once her tears had dried, Dina sat on a stool. Toni hung back, leaning on the wall behind her friend. She took a sip from her tea, quickly pulling a face and pouring the rest of the tea down the sink. It had probably gone cold. Ah well.

Dina asked Ellie how she had met Toni. When Ellie explained how Maria had been the one to send her down to Toni, Dina’s eyes widened, and tears began forming in her eyes again, though she tried to wipe them away before they could fall. There was an odd look in her eyes, one loaded with an odd mix of contrition and understanding.

“She probably hates me…” Dina’s voice was heavy with guilt. Ellie could only raise an eyebrow in response, a question written on her face.

Dina saw this and took a deep breath. “After you left, I took JJ and went back to Jackson, screaming at them to let me in, yelling for Tommy to ‘come face me like a man.’” She explained. “Naturally, Maria was called to handle it. I told her what he had said to you, and she went deathly pale and stormed off. It was only the following day that I had heard she had left him permanently.”

“It’s not your fault.” Two voices rang out at the same time, as both Ellie and Toni reassured Dina. Toni, being the closer of the two (both physically and, though Ellie hated to know it, emotionally), did what Ellie wanted to, resting her hand comfortingly on Dina’s shoulder. Extremely effective as it so happened, as Dina visibly relaxed and placed her hand over Toni’s.

The way Dina acted about Toni began scratching, gnawing, pulling at Ellie’s mind, something vaguely familiar… but also something that felt wrong. She pushed it aside for the meantime and decided to try changing the topic.

“So… what were you up to whilst I was away?”

Almost immediately, Ellie felt like she couldn’t have said anything worse. She shifted uncomfortably in her clothes as the woman sat across her glared knives at her, and Toni shuffled back, crossing her arms as she returned to leaning on the wall. Clearly, this was an uncomfortable topic.

Dina regarded Ellie strangely, clearly wondering if she wanted to get into the nitty gritty details of her life for the 2 years her estranged partner had been gone. After a few moments, she had clearly made up her mind.

But to everyone else’s surprise, she didn’t start telling her tale immediately. Instead, she turned to Toni. She asked her, “How much did you tell her?”.

Their host shrugged and answered. “About you? Not much. I did mention that you were the first to welcome me here, and my first friend here. Some of my past here and there. That was about it, really. Most of…this,” she gestured in the general direction of her guests, “isn’t my place to share.”

Ellie nodded as Dina swivelled again, raising her eyebrows at Ellie, silently asking for confirmation.

Dina exhaled, a quiet ‘thanks’ slipping past her lips, a soft but grateful smile gracing her facial features before leaning forward, resting her arms on the kitchen island with her hands clasped.

“Well then, Ellie… I hope you’re ready for a long story, because I’m about to tell you everything I went through since- no, because you left.”

Chapter Text

Dina had stayed awake the whole night waiting for Ellie to come back, for her to apologise and say that she saw reason. She convinced herself, that Ellie would come back. Reality hit her only a week later, finding a lamb had been killed by a fox, did the sheer force of Ellie’s sick determination sink in. She wasn’t coming back any time soon. She'd already be here if she was going to have second thoughts.

She saw red. She tended to JJ and put him in a sling close to her chest, determined to ride to Jackson and scream at Tommy. Granted, it wasn’t exactly Tommy who she really wanted to scream at, but he was definitely a close fucking second.

Caused quite the commotion, honestly. The only reason she didn't thunder about Jackson hunting for Tommy is because she had been blockaded by the east gate by an intuitive sentry who could almost see the waves of anger rolling off of her. But community is community, and Maria was called to resolve things.

Maria, stone-faced, as she listened to Dina's yells about the 'son-of-a-bitch' who goaded Ellie into abandoning her family to chase after a ghost they had tried to leave behind in Seattle.

She stayed with Jesse’s parents for the night, too tired after ranting to Maria about her husband’s actions. Upset that Maria had just walked off instead of listening to her say her piece.

She awoke late the following day, a hushed air filling every crevice of Jackson. Rumours from the grapevine that Maria had burst into the bar where Tommy had been frequenting since his return, yelling at him, and saying that it was over, they were done.

Dina knew it wouldn’t have happened if she had kept it to herself. Hell, if she had just been a fraction more controlled with her delivery about her grievances, she wouldn’t have torn them apart like this.

Two weeks after Ellie had left, Dina couldn’t take it anymore. She collected supplies for herself and JJ, take Japan, and ride. Dina had lost so many important people in her life: Her parents; her sister; her ex-boyfriend and father of her son. She wasn’t about to lose Ellie too.

A part of her knew she should’ve left JJ at Jackson with his grandparents. She tried to, in her defence. But after one family member walked away, she didn’t want to do the same thing and voluntarily leave her last one behind. She’d never leave him behind the way Ellie had left them both. Not her precious boy.

Honestly, she was being selfish taking her son on a dangerous journey that she would’ve struggled at alone. But when she tried saying goodbye, tried to walk away from her son and leave him with his grandparents, he wailed like he never had before. Powerful, piercing, heart wrenching sobs that shook his tiny frame, his sorrow numbing the feeling of her own tears as she rushed back to him, broken apologies whispered as she hugged him tight. She scooped him up and mumbled her thanks and apologies to Robin and Mark as she retreated.

She was practically deaf to their words as they asked her what her plans were. All she knew is that she wasn’t going to abandon JJ the exact same way Ellie did. Regardless of the risk, she was bringing her son.

Ellie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Not just because she was being accused of abandoning their son, but because Dina had made the decision to put JJ at risk by bringing her along. She had barely made it to California alone. Dina left Jackson with a baby and they both survived??

[Just to put this into perspective, Jackson, Wyoming is around a thousand miles from Santa Barbara. In a world without Infected, if one were to travel 8-12 hours a day, every day, at an average speed, it would take them over a month to get there. Now, this isn’t accounting for Infected, blocked, or damaged roads and cities, and just general inconveniences.]

Due to the amount of detouring Ellie had to do, as well as hunting or scavenging for food, avoiding hordes and potential hostiles, it took Ellie about 8 months to make it to Santa Barbara – The lack of food and scarcity of proper game to hunt had left Ellie weak and thin, slowing her journey considerably. She was grateful that both Dina and JJ were alive, but she could feel something bubbling up inside her after hearing that JJ was endangered like that. She knew it was anger, but was it directed at Dina, or at herself?

She stared at the woman seated in front of her. For Dina to risk both herself and her son to come after her was borderline insanity. That didn’t stop Ellie from feeling a small inkling of hope. That’s not something you would do willingly, unless you cared for the one you were chasing after.

Dina caught the auburn-haired woman’s stare and blinked. She looked away, swivelling her body around enough so that she could glance out of the window.

However, as she turned back to Ellie, she did a whiplashing double take at the sky through the window. She swore, glancing at Toni’s wrist as she stood up abruptly.

“I have to go. If I stay here any longer, JJ is going to miss his bedtime and I am not looking forward to dealing with a grumpy little guy tomorrow.” Dina didn’t seem to be addressing anyone in particular as she began walking to the front door.

Almost without realising it, Ellie followed her out the kitchen. She needed to know just what Dina had been through because of her. She needed to know if Dina would ever let her back into her life. But she wasn’t going to get those answers if she was to leave and put JJ to bed. Hell, she wasn’t sure Dina would even give her the time of day after today.

She froze in the hallway, trying to think of something, anything, to make the gardener stay.

That’s when Toni brushed passed Ellie, gently grabbing Dina’s wrist as she reached for the doorknob.

“You stay here and talk things out with Ellie, okay?” Toni spoke as one would to a skittish mare. Calm, slow and gentle. Understandable, as Dina looked like she was ready to bolt.

Toni offered a different solution. “I can go get the kiddo, that’s not a problem. I’ll even bring him here for a sleepover at Aunt Toni’s so you can hash things out together all night if you’ve got to.”

Dina opened her mouth to protest, but was again cut off by their host.
“Nah mate, I don’t want to hear it. You both need to talk this out, whether you like it or not. And there’s no way in hell that I’m going to let you use your son as an excuse to avoid talking to someone again.”

There’s a sharp edge to that last part, an unpleasant memory that Ellie wasn’t privy to. She doesn’t pry. Not when Dina seems to curl inward with guilt. Why would she pry, when Toni was already sending Dina a reassuring smile? A story she didn’t know. A page that had been written in her absence.

Toni tugged Dina away from the door, ignoring the shorter woman’s protests as she grabbed a jacket that was slung over the stair banister. Stepping outside, she pulled it on, turning briefly to look sternly at her guests.

“I’m trusting you lot to keep it civil whilst I’m gone. If you don’t, I’ll make sure I finish whatever you start.”

With her warning hanging in the air, Toni waved goodbye and shut the door, leaving her guests standing in the hallway, both stunned and unbelieving of the woman’s actions.

The air became thick with awkward tension as the two women stood there, unsure of what to say or do.

Ellie was the first to break the silence.
“'Aunt Toni’????” She pulled a face, like she had just tasted something unpleasant.

Dina tried and failed to contain the burst of laughter that flew from her lips, covering her smile as she stifled the noise with her hand. Ellie could almost pretend that everything was back to normal, that she had just told Dina a cheesy pun that had miraculously hit home.

However, Dina quickly got over her bout of mirth, remembering she still wasn’t happy with Ellie. Though the silence re-emerged, the pair didn’t feel as awkward as they walked back to the kitchen, sitting on opposite ends of the island once again.

Dina looked up at Ellie for a moment, shaking her head gently as she broke eye contact.
“Where was I again?”

Ellie couldn’t help but let out a huff of amusement at Dina. Now that the excitement had been over, she had completely forgotten her previous train of thought. Luckily, Ellie knew how to get that fixed. Well, sort of.

“You were about to explain why she just referred to herself as ‘Aunt Toni’.”
“Oh, shut up,” came Dina’s response, though there was no malice in it. “You’ll find out once I’m done anyways.”

She sat in thought for a few seconds, clearly trying to remember where she had left off on her recount of her time after Ellie had left. She seemed to figure it out because shortly after, she continued…

As you’re aware, she had left Jackson with JJ with a horse and a few supplies. However, almost everything that could’ve gone wrong did go wrong. Here’s a list of some of the worst things that happened to Dina in the 5 months following:

• They ran out of food about a week in. Because of this, JJ cried for food often during his waking hours, attracting a lot of unwanted attention (Infected mostly, but she did have many close calls with strangers).
• Her horse had gotten terribly caught in some barbed wire that had been hidden by a barricade of cars halfway through the second month. The cries of the equestrian beckoned a horde of Infected, and Dina had no choice but to make a break for it with JJ and the supplies left in her backpack.
• Hunting in general was difficult when you were accompanied by a baby. It wasn’t uncommon for JJ to make a sound and scare off game that Dina had been stalking.

All in all, it was probably the worst journey Dina had ever experienced. By the end of the 5 months, she was constantly fighting a gnawing hunger that sapped her strength and body mass, since anything she could get her hands on was given to JJ, who wasn’t faring much better himself since food (and age-appropriate food for the 1-year-old) was still pretty hard to acquire.

In the time that they had been travelling, JJ had begun to walk independently (when he wasn’t in the sling). He wriggled a lot more in his sling and cried a LOT louder. Since she was travelling with him, she tried finding suitable places to stay whilst they rested. Houses, buildings, even abandoned cars. This also meant she was sticking close to regular roads and passing through abandoned towns.

However, sticking close to these roads had its own cons. The times Dina has had to run, hide, and sometimes fight raiders. These areas tended to have a lot more infected stowed away, more clickers too.

Each town came with the same balance: The more infected there were, the more chance that was things left for Dina to scavenge. The less infected there were, the more likely the place had been cleared through. Her ‘safer’ resting places were usually accompanied with a gnawing hunger. The more dangerous resting places stopped her from actually resting, but at least she was more likely to find food in nearby houses.

One day, though, after 5 months of just barely surviving with her son, disaster struck. She holed up in a bungalow, the street quiet.  After rocking JJ to sleep, she drifted into unconsciousness as she finally gave in to the exhaustion. She had a bit of food left, stolen from a small group that had holed up in a small motel.

She had watched from a nearby building for the whole day, sneaking in from the back of the motel at the dead of night to snatch some rations from Room 6 whilst the group bickered out front about whether they should leave or not.

Guilt gripped Dina as she took the food, but since it was only her and her child, she had less chances to go scavenging. A group of 7 adults could stand to have a few days less worth of rations. At least, that’s what she told herself as she returned to JJ that night.

A loud crash cut through her slumber, causing her to shoot upright and run to the curtain. Pulling it back revealed a young man clamber out of what was left of his car, which had barrelled into a beat-up pickup truck parked a couple houses down. He frantically ran to the other side, yelling at someone in the passenger seat, glancing around him worrisomely.

Dina followed his gaze, stifling a gasp as she saw groups of infected lurching out from behind buildings from all directions. Every other house had about one or two infected, but based on what Dina remembered, there were multiple houses within earshot. Who knows how many infected were being drawn to their location?

She watched in horror as she heard the passenger stir, groaning a slurred reply to the young man, who’s terror began growing as the infected drew closer. He reached into the car, trying to yank the passenger out once, twice, as they cried in pain, trapped in the mangled metal.

The man seemed to give up. He slowly backed away, glancing around for the best direction to run, before booking it out of Dina’s view. The passenger shouted for the man as the horde approached, sobs of despair becoming shrieks of unfiltered pain as they were torn apart, unable to run or defend themselves.

Some of the infected chased after the remaining survivor… Most did not, ambling and reaching for the source of the screams that were slowly trailing off. When the screams died, the infected spread out around the street.

Spread out. But didn’t leave.

Fuck.

Dina had managed to hole up in a quiet bungalow, on a quiet street, intending to stay only for a short reprieve as she slowly made her way to Santa Barbara with JJ. And now, the quiet street was alive with cordyceps infested bodies. She’d had a couple of close calls, but nothing quite this severe. Leaving this bungalow, the street it was on, would be difficult to say the least. Especially if there wasn’t a distraction to drag the horde away.

Fuck.

Getting out of this situation would’ve been hard enough had she been on her own, but with JJ, it all depended on his mood. Older than when they had first started out, he understood when Dina would tell him to be quiet. But a child is still a child, and if he got overwhelmed, or scared, or cranky, there was little Mama Dina could do to stop the cries before they started. How in the world was she going to pull this off – and keep both of them alive?

Fuck