Work Text:
When he has to loosen the bolt he’s attempted to tighten five times already, Phayu lets out a frustrated sigh and purses his lips. He’s tempted to throw the wrench he’s holding, but he doesn’t. Respect your tools and the tools will never let you down, or some other superstition that Phayu hates right now. Nothing’s going the way he wants it to and he doesn’t have time for it.
Pai looks up from where he’s seated and raises his eyebrows. “You alright there, Phayu?”
This morning, Phayu had asked Prapai to come over to check out the bikes and test run the engines. Phayu could do it himself, but he needed to see the bikes on the track and he couldn’t do that if he was the one riding them, so he asked the best rider he knows and the person he trusts the most – outside of Rain of course, but his baby is still learning to ride big bikes and he’s definitely not ready to race them. Phayu doesn’t really want Rain to race anyway. It’s too dangerous.
Despite how much he likes Rain gripping onto him while on the back of his bike, Rain had wanted to learn how to ride himself. He’d gone with the excuse of wanting Phayu to teach him so they could ride together some time, but really, Phayu suspects Rain just wanted to spend more time with him and have Phayu act as his teacher. Phayu had been hesitant at first, but who is he to deny his boy anything? Rain is his own man; if he wants to do something, Phayu can’t hold him back.
And how great would it be, the two of them riding off into the sunset together and– he has to stop thinking about this. He needs to get back to work.
“I’m fine,” Phayu huffs, annoyed.
Pai raises his eyebrows even higher. He pockets his phone and stands up from his seat. “You don’t look fine,” Pai says, concerned. He walks over to where Phayu is standing and Phayu can feel him scrutinizing him. He hates the feeling of being watched and even more so being closely observed – except for when Rain looks at him, getting so lost in his thoughts that he forgets he’s staring at Phayu. Rain is the only person Phayu doesn’t mind staring at him or observing him. He loves his boy’s eyes on him.
His boy had previously explained that looking at Phayu felt like coming home, that just seeing him calms Rain, helping him forget all the bad thoughts and awful feelings he has at that moment. And oh… there his thoughts go again, wandering over to Rain, again, his boy, his lover, the one he misses so dearly. If only he could look at Rain for a minute, just to soothe his own mind.
“Where’s your head at, Phayu? You’ve been grumbling and sighing ever since I came here and I’ve been here for at least an hour.” Pai tilts his head to the side and squints his eyes.
Phayu shakes his head. “I’m fine, Pai. Just a little out of it today.” He sets aside the thought of seeing his darling, because no, he can’t think about that now, not if he wants to be able to finish his work today.
Pai gives him an incredulous look. “You’re never ‘out of it’. Something is wrong, spit it out,” Pai says with such finality, Phayu has no choice but to look at him. When he looks at his friend, Phayu can see the worry on his face.
“It’s really nothing, I-”
“Stop the bullshit, Yu,” Pai cuts him off and rolls his eyes. It’s a habit he’s picked up ever since he started dating Sky.
Before, it was amusing to see how Sky influenced Pai’s life, but right now, it’s an annoying habit Phayu can’t handle.
Pai puts his hand on Phayus’s shoulder and squeezes. He rarely uses a nickname for Phayu, so him using it now means Pai is actually concerned.
Phayu is frustrated, is what he is. He’s been working non stop for two weeks and has barely had time for himself. Between his office job and Pakin, Phayu hasn’t been able to catch his breath for even a second. He’s been alternating his time between his office job, the garage and the race track, barely making it home to shower. He spends most of his nights at his crash pad by the garage, just to save time he would otherwise spend driving. Unfortunately, it also means he hasn’t been able to see Rain as much as he wants to and that frustrates him the most.
The last time he’d seen Rain was five days ago, when his boy dropped by the garage to take Phayu out for lunch. Phayu hadn’t actually had time for lunch, but Rain had used his puppy eyes on him and Phayu hadn’t been able to say no. Unfortunately for Phayu, his boy was starting to learn about the power he held over the older man and used it against him more often than not these days.
Saifah had also almost physically pushed him out the door, mumbling about Phayu needing a break anyway and not being able to focus with their constant flirting around.
They didn’t make it long, though, and only spent maybe an hour together before Phayu had to go back to work. Rain had pouted at being sent away, but he had understood.
His boy always understood. They had gotten better at that, at communication, at understanding when they were playing and when they were not.
But now Phayu is thinking back to the last time he hadn’t had time for Rain and his boy had misunderstood. At the time, Phayu had been busy with his office job. Mohk had appointed him head of one of the biggest projects the firm had gotten in the last few years, and it had put a lot of weight on Phayu’s shoulders.
Because of the importance of the project, it meant that Phayu hadn’t had the energy nor the time for Rain that his boy had needed so badly, and it had caused misunderstandings. They tried to talk it out, but Rain closed himself off, thinking Phayu was annoyed with him. And that was the worst thing that could’ve happened to them because they always talked things out and never went to bed angry or annoyed, because communication is so important to both of them. But that time, Phayu had really messed up and – he, again, needs to stop thinking about this or Rain, it’s not helping his already slipping temper.
Payu sighs and grabs a rag to clean the oil and grease from his hands. He’s not getting any more work done today and that is not good. He has so much more to do and it has to be done now if he even wants to think about spending the weekend with his wifey.
“Are you going to make me guess?” Pai asks, reminding Phayu he’d asked a question. Phayu looks away, back at the bike in front of him which makes Pai sigh. “Stubborn bastard,” he mutters. Pai puts his hands on his hips and looks at Phayu. “Is it the upcoming race? I know Pakin has big plans for this one.”
It was rare for Pakin to go all out with his bikes, but then again, he had bought new ones with Phayu's expert knowledge and eyes, and had wanted to show them off. Pakin had taken up a lot of Phayu's time, looking at different bikes and demanding Phayu's opinions on them. It was time that Phayu had actually planned to spend with Rain. But duty called, and when Pakin demands, Phayu has to answer.
“Or is it something at the firm?” Pai asks, guessing again.
“No, that’s not it,” Phayu shakes his head. The amount of work wasn’t the problem – well, not entirely.
Pai looks at him expectantly. “Is it Rain? Is he too busy with his studies to see you?” He puts one of his hands to his chin as if he’s thinking about it but then shakes his head. “I know my Sky has been swamped with assignments the past few weeks, but I believe his deadline was a few days ago.”
Phayu grumbles at the mention of Pai’s lover, not because he doesn’t like Sky. No, Phayu likes Sky, he’s a hardworking boy and a very well behaved and respectful junior. He also makes Pai happy, and that makes Sky automatically good in Phayu’s books.
Pai is right about the deadline having passed already. Rain’s deadline was the day he came over for lunch. Which means Rain is free and Phayu is not, and that’s what frustrates him so much.
Phayu doesn’t have time to see his darling and he misses him. He misses him dearly, but he just doesn’t have the time to get distracted and that unfortunately means he can’t see Rain until he’s finished all of his work. It’s only for a few more days, he thinks as he furrows his brows. He needs to make it to the weekend, get the race over with and then he can spend all of his time with Rain.
Pai breaks into a soft smile and makes an 'ah' sound. “I see how it is,” he says and chuckles. “You miss your boy.”
Phayu glares at him. “Leave it alone.”
“He should be free, right? Why don’t you call him over to spend time with him?”
“I said leave it, Pai,” Phayu snarls.
Pai sighs and uncrosses his arms. “Come on, man.” He shakes his head and places his hand on Phayu’s shoulder again. “You need to get your mind off of work for now. Have you had any time to relax the past few weeks?”
The answer is no. Phayu looks at the bike in front of him and sighs. He knows today is a lost cause. His head is not working properly anymore.
“I swear, if I hear you sigh one more time, Yu, I’m dragging you by your ears to your boy.” Pai says seriously. Phayu looks at him and squints his eyes.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me,” Pai challenges.
Phayu rolls his eyes. “But I don’t have the time, Pai. These bikes need to be looked at,” Phayu motions to the row of big bikes standing behind them. “And I still need to look over the schedules for the race this weekend,” Phayu explains, frustrated. He reaches up to his head and undoes his bun to re-tie it, only for it to be too tight. He winces, and growls quietly before re-tying his bun too tightly again, and then again until he gives up and lets his hair hang loose.
“Okay, that’s it. You need a distraction.” Pai says and walks back to the place he’d been sitting before. He grabs his race jacket, puts it on, and picks up his helmet. “You, my friend,” he walks over to where Phayu’s race gloves and helmet are located and picks them up too, before walking back to Phayu, “You are going to race me to blow off some steam, and then you can go back to work on the bikes. Didn’t you want to test the engines anyway?” Pai holds out Phayu’s stuff and looks at him expectantly.
Phayu narrows his eyes. “No,” he says. “I’m not racing you, Pai. Weren’t you listening? I don’t have-”
“Time, yes, I heard you,” Pai says, rolling his eyes. He motions for Phayu to take his gloves and helmet. “But you’re not getting any more work done while you feel this way.”
Phayu heaves an annoyed sigh.
“Ah! Was that a sigh just now? I will grab you by the ears and drag you over to Rain myself, you know I will. I’m one text away from knowing where he is, you know that.”
Phayu grumbles unhappily and takes his gloves and helmet from Pai’s hands. “Fine.”
Pai smirks and pats him on the back. “Good boy.”
Phayu glares at Pai again and makes a disapproving noise, before tying up his hair messily. Pai laughs and shakes his head. “Just put on your damn helmet and race me, you big softie.”
–
The race does make Phayu feel a little better, but not much. He lost to Pai by a good 5 seconds and that has definitely never happened before. Phayu is the only one Pai usually loses against, because Phayu uses tricks that most bikers don’t think about. There’s a reason Pai is such a skilled rider, and it absolutely has to do with Phayu sharing his knowledge from years and years of studying and working with bikes. But today, he had clearly been too off of his game and Pai had used it against him.
Phayu puts his big bike on its stand and swings his leg over to get off. He frustratedly undoes the helmet’s strap and pushes it off his head. He’s tempted to throw the helmet to the ground, but, again, he doesn’t. Respect, Phayu, he reminds himself. These tools protect your life, but only if they’re in peak condition. Instead, he pushes the helmet into the hands of the mechanic assistant waiting for him, just a little too harshly.
He purses his lips again and looks up to where Pai is standing just a few meters in front of him. Before he can open his mouth to say something though, something – or rather someone – catches Phayu’s attention at the corner of his eye and he turns to the workplace he was just in.
Auburn hair catches his eye. Standing near the bikes is a lean figure, wearing comfortable looking sweatpants and a too big hoodie. Phayu recognizes the hoodie as his own.
Rain.
The moment he sees him, Phayu’s shoulders loosen from the tense hold they’ve been in since – he doesn’t even remember when.
Rain looks around and waves at Phayu when he spots him. He has a big smile on his face and he looks well rested, Phayu notices even from a distance. Phayu’s heart jumps at the sight of Rain and suddenly, he doesn’t feel so bad anymore.
His boy is here.
Phayu immediately takes off his gloves and throws them on the ground. Respect be damned, he needs to have Rain in his arms right now. He jogs over to him and wraps his arms around his boy instantly. Rain laughs heartily and it’s like all the tension dissipates from Phayu’s body.
“Hello, P’Phayu,” Rain says and wraps his arms around Phayu’s neck.
Phayu tightens his arms around Rain’s waist and he sways them softly from left to right. He hums quietly and presses his face against Rain’s neck. He sniffs deeply and then places a kiss against Rain’s soft spot.
Rain giggles and brings up his shoulders. “Tickles, Phi,” he says. Phayu just hums again and smiles.
“Baby,” Phayu breathes. “Missed you.”
Rain moves his hands to Phayu’s shoulders and pushes him back softly. Phayu goes unwillingly, trying to hold Rain close to him, trying to savor the warmth he feels spread through his chest when Rain is pressed against him. But his boy is determined and pushes Phayu away far enough to look him in the eyes.
Rain opens his mouth to say something, but Phayu beats him to it.
“What are you doing here, darling?” he asks. He reaches one hand up from Rain’s waist to caress his cheek.
Rain pouts. “Can’t I come visit my husband?”
Phayu can’t help the smile that creeps on his face. He scrunches up his nose and touches their foreheads together. He feels so elated to see Rain.
“Also… P’Pai texted me that you needed me,” Rain says quietly.
Phayu pulls back and looks at Rain questioningly. “Pai texted you? When?”
“I think maybe forty minutes ago? He said I should drop by if I had the time. He mentioned you were struggling with something.” Phayu turns to where Pai is standing and glares at him. The look he shoots him is filled with betrayal, but Pai just smirks and waves at them.
“Are you okay, P’Phayu? Are you having a bad day?” Rain asks quietly, and he sounds apprehensive.
Phayu feels some of the tension return to his body when he thinks about all the work he still needs to finish. He wants to be with Rain, but he truly doesn’t have the time. Phayu curls his lips downward and frowns. There’s no point in lying to Rain.
“Yes, I’m having a bad day,” he says and his shoulders tense up again. “There’s so much I still have to do with so little time.”
Rain moves his hands to Phayu’s shoulders and rubs them silently to try and calm Phayu down. “My poor husband,” Rain mumbles and continues softly massaging Phayu’s shoulders. “Does his wifey have to remind his husband how to balance his time?”
The remark makes Phayu chuckle and the massage Rain’s giving him relaxes his shoulders instantly.
That’s his line.
Phayu leans forward and bumps their noses together softly. “My darling wife,” he murmurs. “Are you being smart with your hubby?”
“No, Phi,” Rain pouts at first, but then looks at Phayu with a slightly more serious look on his face. “I’m worried about you.” That makes Phayu frown. He doesn’t want to worry Rain. His baby shouldn’t have to worry about him. Phayu is a responsible adult who is very capable of taking care of himself.
“It’s just,” Rain starts. He moves his hands to the back of Phayu’s neck and links them together, pulling Phayu closer to him. “I haven’t seen you in days and you barely texted me back when I texted you. Then you only had an hour for lunch the other day and…” Rain trails off.
It makes Phayu feel like the worst boyfriend in the world. He knows he should’ve spent more time with Rain. However busy he got with his work, he knows he should’ve taken the time to text his boy back. It’s the least he deserves. Wasn’t Phayu the one so adamant on communication? And now he’s the one who’s gone radio silent.
Phayu knows Rain functions best when he’s on a routine, and Phayu is usually the one keeping him on track. That’s why he’s glad Rain was able to finish his deadline without Phayu actually being there, and not get as overwhelmed as last time. But he still curses himself for not being there for Rain, again. It’s been happening too frequently, where Phayu doesn’t have time for his darling, and he hates it.
It’s just that Rain deserves his full attention, and not half assed texts or full days waiting around for Phayu at the garage. He knows Rain doesn’t particularly mind waiting for him, but he does mind when Phayu doesn’t even so much as spare him a glance. They usually at least talk a little, but Phayu didn’t even have the time for something as little as stealing touches. So as not to hurt his boy, he’d avoided having Rain over at the garage.
“I’m sorry, Rain, I truly am.” Phayu begins. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I have been really busy with work and I didn’t want to waste your time, knowing I couldn’t give you what you wanted and–”
“But Phi,” Rain cuts him off, and normally that is something Phayu doesn’t like Rain doing. But he’ll let it slide this time, because he feels guilty for neglecting Rain. “You never waste my time. Being with you or being able to see you is enough for me, P’Phayu.”
“I love seeing you too and having you near me but…it’s really not fair on you if I–”
“No but’s, P’Phayu,” Rain cuts him off again and this time Phayu narrows his eyes a little. But Rain doesn’t back down like he usually does.
“I’m not playing right now, Phi,” he clarifies. “You’re overworking yourself, and I won’t stand for it. You have to take care of yourself, like how you want me to do too.”
“But…” Phayu starts, but Rain gives him his sternest look and it makes Phayu melt inside. His boy doesn’t have a stern bone in his body, but he’s trying nonetheless. It makes for a very cute picture – Rain’s eyebrows pulled together and a pout around his lips.
Before Phayu can continue, Pai walks up to them and clears his throat. “Hello, N’Rain. How nice of you to show up.” He smiles mischievously and turns to look at Phayu next, crossing his arms. Phayu narrows his eyes at him and has the urge to hit Pai on the back of his head. Of course his best friend plotted against him.
Rain lets go of Phayu and turns around to wai at Pai. Phayu misses Rain’s touch instantly, so he wraps his arms around Rain’s waist. “Hello, P’Pai. Thank you for messaging me,” Rain says politely. “Sky is waiting for you at his dorm. He said to tell you to hurry up, or he won’t let you do ‘the thing’.” Rain tilts his head to the side. “What does he mean by that?”
Pai huffs as he uncrosses his arms and rubs the back of his head. “Huh? That’s not fair, he promised!”
Rain’s brows furrow in confusion. His hands find Phayu’s again to entwine their fingers and rests them on his tummy. Phayu looks at Rain from the side and can see the gears in Rain’s head turning, trying to figure out what Pai could be talking about. He knows his boy doesn’t like it when people don’t tell him things he’s asked them to explain. He’s explained once that it makes him feel dumb and annoying. Phayu places his chin on Rain’s shoulder to be closer to him and reassure his boy. Rain responds beautifully to it by snuggling back closer against Phayu’s chest.
Pai opens his mouth to say something but Phayu cuts him off. “Did you come over here to say anything important?” he asks and glares at Pai. “Otherwise you should leave us alone.” He finally has his baby in his arms again and he’s not planning on letting go unless he absolutely has to. Which would probably be soon anyway, if he ever wants to finish his work.
He dreads the moment he has to let Rain go, though. It feels so good to finally have his boy in his arms again, it’s all he’s been craving the past few weeks. Phayu can already imagine the look in his baby’s eyes, hurt, but understanding at the same time.
“Yes,” Pai starts. “I came over to tell you I arranged for Saifah to take a look at the race schedules instead of you, so you don’t have to worry about them anymore.”
“What?” Phayu looks at Pai with disbelieving eyes. “Why would you do that?” His hands squeeze Rain’s a little too harshly and his boy makes a soft noise. Phayu lifts his chin from Rain’s shoulder for a second to press an apologetic kiss to it.
He can’t help the need to ground himself. He wants to let his hand wander underneath Rain’s shirt to get some skin on skin contact, because that's usually what works best for Phayu, but they’re in front of Pai and he’s also not willing to let go of Rain’s hands.
Pai rolls his eyes at the display of affection. “You needed a break and I got tired of Saifah whining to me about you being in a bad mood, which is clearing up now, I see,” and he nods at them, smiling endearingly.
Once again, Pai is right. Just having Rain in his arms is brightening up Phayu’s mood intensely.
“He’s right, Phi,” Rain says and turns his head to look at Phayu. “I know you well enough to know that you’ve been working non stop, so…” Rain spins around in Phayu’s arms and moves his hands to Phayu’s shoulders again. “I’m here to take you on a break, for more than an hour this time, and I know you have more work to do, but you’re done for today, okay Phi?”
Phayu looks at Rain for a minute, considering the words coming from his mouth, but before he can even come up with an answer, Rain continues; “Like the way you do for me sometimes, I’m taking over decision making for you, and I decide that you’re gonna take a break and come with me.” He reaches one of his hands up and strokes it through Phayu’s hair.
Phayu raises his eyebrows in surprise. He’s not used to this. Phayu is used to being the one in control all the time, the one holding the reins and steering them, Rain especially, in the right direction. But right now, Phayu feels like he’s lost control and is desperately trying to get them back on track, and failing.
So maybe it’s a good thing Rain is taking control and steering Phayu in the right direction. He has to admit, he likes Rain putting his foot down and insisting. It shows a huge improvement from the beginning of their relationship, where Rain had blindly followed Phayu. He likes that Rain feels confident enough to even suggest taking over for Phayu.
He isn’t used to admitting it, but Phayu needs someone who takes care of him too. Most of the people he had been interested in ran away from him or told him he was too strict. But Rain had pushed back beautifully and they had fit together like two puzzle pieces. Phayu is happy to have found a partner who fits his wants and needs so well.
So right now, he isn’t too proud to admit he needs the guidance and is willing to accept Rain taking over.
Phayu sighs in defeat and nods his head. With two fingers, he caresses Rain's cheek. “Okay,” he says. “Take the lead, sweet boy. I trust you.”
Rain smiles reassuringly and leans in to press a lingering kiss on Phayu’s lips. Phayu’s eyes slip closed as he enjoys their closeness and he kisses Rain back passionately, trying to savor the moment.
After a few seconds, Rain pulls back and wordlessly drops his arms from around Phayu to take hold of his hand. Turning his head to look at Pai, Rain says, “Thanks again, P’Pai.” He links his fingers together with Phayu’s before he continues, “You should go to Sky now, he’s waiting.”
Pai smiles and nods. “Anytime, N’Rain.”
They don’t wait for Pai to leave. Instead, Rain drags Phayu by his hand in the direction of one of the race lounges. Rain opens the door for Phayu and leads him inside. As they walk over to the couch, Phayu recognizes the room as the one Rain sometimes uses when he comes over to spend time with Phayu. It’s a spacious room with a big comfortable couch in it that Rain may have used one too many times to nap on, when Phayu wasn’t anywhere near finished with his work.
Rain gently pushes on Phayu’s shoulders to get him to sit down. “You wait here, Phi,” he says, before he makes his way to the small bar stationed near the door.
Phayu watches Rain get two bottles of water from the mini fridge and two glasses before walking back over to the couch. Sitting down, he pours the water into one of the glasses and holds it up to Phayu’s lips. Phayu reaches out to take the glass, but Rain hums disapprovingly. “Let me do it,” he says, and softly presses the glass to Phayu’s lips.
It’s a very intimate gesture, Rain feeding him water, and it’s something Phayu isn’t used to. He can’t remember ever having had a partner do this for him. Phayu has always been the one to take care of his partner – especially Rain. His boy loves being taken care of.
Phayu isn’t sure he’d ever allow someone else to feed him like this. Only Rain. Rain, his darling boy, the love of his life, the one Phayu would do anything for. It’s for that reason that Phayu doesn’t mind Rain feeding him the water; if it makes Rain feel good, he’ll do anything.
When he’s had half of the water, Rain removes the glass from Phayu's lips and sets it down on the table in front of them. He scoots back on the couch and motions for the older man to lie down. Phayu goes willingly, lying down horizontally on the couch and pillowing his head on Rain’s lap, face turned towards Rain’s tummy. He curls his arm around Rain’s back to get closer to him, and snuggles into him.
Rain moves his hands to Phayu’s hair and unties his bun, smoothing out his hair and softly massaging his hands through the long black strands.
With each passing minute, Phayu feels himself calming down. His boy is taking care of him and he doesn’t need to do anything at all. They never actually do it this way, but Phayu feels he doesn't mind being on the receiving end so much. It’s all he actually needed. Now that the reins have been taken over, Phayu feels how exhausted he really is and how much he craved having Rain near him, his boy, his safespace.
Before Rain, Phayu hadn’t noticed how lonely he actually was. Sure, he had lots of friends and warm relations with people. Yes, he had Prapai, his best friend, and Saifah, but never someone who cared about him as deeply as Rain does. A lover who notices his needs and takes over for him when he needs it most, like Rain is doing right now.
They stay silent for a while, Phayu lying comfortably in Rain's lap and basking in the attention he’s getting from his boy. Rain is stroking his hands through Phayu’s hair, down to his neck, his shoulders, and back up to his hair again, all the while squeezing softly like a gentle massage. His boy is taking care of him and he loves it. With each soft touch and squeeze to his skin, Phayu starts to recognize what Rain is doing. He’s taking care of him in the same way Phayu always does for Rain when he’s overwhelmed and–
Oh.
Oh.
Phayu comes to the conclusion just as Rain softly clears his throat.
"Do you want to tell me what got you so overwhelmed?" Rain asks, and looks down at Phayu with gentle eyes.
He was overwhelmed.
Completely and thoroughly overwhelmed with work.
Phayu is not used to this feeling, he never actually got overwhelmed, like ever, in his life. Not even when he was still in university and juggling two full time jobs next to it. Maybe that’s why he didn't recognize the feeling.
Phayu rises from Rain's lap to sit next to him and looks at Rain with wide eyes.
His boy has this knowing look on his face that Phayu recognizes as a look he himself has had before.
“I…” Phayu starts, but he doesn’t actually know what to say. “Well…” he tries to continue but his brain blanks.
“Are words hard for you right now, Phi? Like how they’re hard for me sometimes?” Rain asks.
Phayu nods. “Talking about it feels like a struggle right now, yes,” he admits. “Is this what it feels like for you too, baby?”
Rain smiles calmly and nods. “I think so. For me it feels like…” he says, and tilts his head to the side to think about it. “Well, it feels like the words are there, but they’re not coming out. I have this urge to talk, but lack the capability to say them out loud, and that frustrates me to no end. Our signal system helps a lot though.”
Their communication skills have really improved since they implemented their signal system. Its something that helps Rain immensely whenever he goes non verbal. The signals are; one pat on the arm for ‘I need space, leave me alone’ and two pats for ‘I’m doing okay, you can ask’.
If talking is still not an option when Rain has calmed down, but he does feel the need to talk about what happened, they use squeezes to the arms for simple yes and no answers. One squeeze for ‘no’ and two squeezes for ‘yes’.
“It’s okay if talking is too difficult right now. We can use our signals for you too, if you’d like that?” Rain gently grabs Phayu’s hand and caresses his thumb over the back of his hand.
Phayu feels his heart lighten and a soft smile forms around his lips. He loves this boy so, so much. How on earth did he ever get this lucky?
Phayu moves his fingers in Rain’s hand so he can entwine them. “I don’t need our signals, baby, but thank you. I just don’t know how to voice my feelings,” he says, and frowns a little, thinking about what he actually wants.
“I could ask you questions?” Rain offers, squeezing their hands. “All you would need to do is think about it and answer!”
Phayu smiles and leans forward to touch their foreheads together again. “Smart boy, that sounds perfect.”
Rain smiles widely at the praise and presses his forehead against Phayu’s.
“Hmmm,” Rain hums as he pulls back and rhythmically squeezes his fingers between Phayu’s. “Was it because of work? P’Fah told me P’Pakin has kept you very busy the last few weeks.”
Pakin has been very demanding and gave him a massive workload, but the work wasn’t really the problem. Phayu shakes his head, but then nods again. “It has to do with work, but it's not the workload.” Phayu stays silent for a second, frowning while thinking about what he’s going to say next. “It’s more of a feeling, I think.”
Rain tilts his head to the side. “Was something upsetting you? Did it make you angry?”
Phayu knits his brows together more and nods silently. “Yes, but…” he trails off.
“Was it someone at the office maybe? Or… or was it P’Fah? I know he loves to annoy you while you’re both at the garage.”
Phayu shakes his head. “No, no that’s not it.” It’s on the tip of his tongue, he just doesn’t know how to say it.
“Is it maybe…” Rain’s voice dies down a little, as if he’s not sure about what he’s going to say next. “Is it you having so much work to do that you didn’t have time for… me?”
Phayu feels the ache in his chest rise up again because yes, yes– that’s it. He had so much work to do while all he wanted was to see his darling. However much he tried to finish his work, his mind kept going over to his boy, refusing to work, frustrating him even more. Phayu sighs in relief at Rain guessing right, and nods his head. His smart boy, of course he would figure it out.
“You’re all I could think about…” Phayu admits quietly.
“Then why didn’t you invite me over, P’Phayu?” Rain asks. “And don’t tell me you wanted to spare my feelings again, because you’re not doing that. You know I want to be with you no matter what.”
Phayu is at a loss for words. He’s not used to Rain talking to him like this, his boy usually likes to be more submissive and follow Phayu’s lead. Rain likes to give over control to Phayu, so his next words come as a little bit of a shock to Phayu.
“Let’s make a deal, Phi.” Rain starts. “Tomorrow, you will continue your work like normal, but,” he continues and tucks a strand of Phayu’s hair behind his ear. “But I will be there all day, just being there and watching you.”
Phayu wants to protest – because Rain shouldn’t have to do that. He doesn’t want to waste his boy’s time if he can’t give him the attention he needs – but before he can, Rain tuts.
“Nuh-uh, Phi.” Rain says and pouts a little before his face turns more serious again. “Classes only pick back up next week, so I have lots of free time.”
“You should spend that time with your friends, baby. Not sitting around waiting for me when I don’t have time to even look at you…” Phayu furrows his brows and purses his lips tightly.
Rain immediately shakes his head. “I’d rather sit with you while you’re busy than not see you at all, don’t you know that?” Rain raises his eyebrows slightly, obviously trying to recreate the sharp look Phayu gives him sometimes.
The thing is, Phayu does know. That doesn’t mean he particularly likes it.
“I know you work hard and barely have free time, but…” Rain brings his hand up to Phayu’s hair to softly stroke through it again. “You shouldn’t work too hard. Don’t you remember what you tell me all the time?” His eyebrows are knitted together slightly, and he looks Phayu deep in his eyes. “Rest and relaxation is important for the mind…” Rain touches Phayu’s forehead with his free hand, “Body…” he moves his hand to Phayu’s shoulders and squeezes softly, “And soul,” he finishes, letting his hand fall to Phayu’s chest and resting it over his heart.
Phayu looks at Rain in wonder. This boy. This wonderful, incredible boy. This boy who he loves and who loves him back. Phayu reaches his free hand up to Rain’s cheek and rests it there, soaking up the warmth coming from Rain. His boy.
Rain covers Phayu’s hand with his own.
“I need you, but don’t you think you need me too, sometimes?” Rain curls their fingers together and brings their hands down to his lap.
Phayu can only nod. Because he does, he absolutely does. He needs Rain just as much as Rain needs him.
“Thank you,” is all Phayu manages to get out. He has no other words but these going through his head. His mind is going a mile a minute, but not in the right direction.
He doesn’t know how he managed before Rain came into his life. His work life balance had been non-existent, as he would throw himself into his work constantly, never once stopping to catch his breath. He and Saifah worked really hard to keep the garage up and running, while both still in college and dealing with the races.
They are well respected in the race circuit, because they worked hard for it, especially Phayu. You don’t simply become the favorite mechanic of the most powerful man in all of Bangkok. You earn it, and that’s what they did, he and Saifah. They earned their status by always working hard and never refusing anything– until one day Saifah collapsed and it completely changed the way Phayu looked at life.
His twin's breakdown hadn’t been pretty. Saifah had crumbled under the pressure of juggling his studies and working for the mafia world. He’d ended up needing to take multiple weeks off from all of his responsibilities before he could even think about work again.
Saifah had come back stronger once he’d healed, but the breakdown had made Phayu realize they couldn’t keep going on like this. It's why Phayu is so adamant and strict about a good work life balance now, especially with Rain, who gets so easily overwhelmed.
“Thank you,” Phayu repeats, after looking at Rain in silence for a few moments. “For coming to see me, for taking me away when I needed it.” Phayu looks down at their hands and grabs both of Rain’s hands tightly. “Thank you for centering me again and for saving me from myself.”
Rain smiles widely and then bites his lip. He lets go of Phayu’s hands, only to wrap his arms around Phayu’s waist and pull him closer. Phayu goes willingly, and rests his head on Rain’s shoulder, feeling the need to snuggle up to his boy. He lets out a big sigh and feels all of the leftover tension from the past few weeks fall from his shoulders.
“I love you, Rain,” he says, closing his eyes. Because he does. He’s completely and irrevocably in love with this boy.
His boy, his darling, his safepace.
He feels Rain lean his head on Phayu’s and let out a soft sigh.
In the future, Phayu thinks to himself, he will never go without Rain for so long again. It’s not good for his boy and evidently it’s also not good for him either.
More importantly, he doesn’t want to go so long without Rain anymore, ever.