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Ray Stantz was eager to face the day today. As soon as his 7 am alarm went off, Ray was fast to get up and ready - well, as fast as he could be these days, at least. It seemed to already be shaping up to be a good day; Ray could feel the warm New York sun shining on his face as it began to leak through the blinds, and he had just done his laundry so his favorite cozy socks were clean again. Ray was determined to make today the best he could.
The last few weeks since Ray had returned from Summerville had been rough on him. Obviously, Egon’s death was the biggest part of that - even though he had actually already lost Egon over 26 years ago - but part of it was also that suddenly, everything had become permanent. When Egon had disappeared, sure, Ray's heart was beyond broken; he couldn't understand why the man he had spent what felt like a thousand years loving had just gotten up and left him. Despite the pain, though, something deep inside Ray had made him believe that one day, Egon would return and everything could go back to normal. But then, not wanting to lose Peter too, Ray had started to lie to himself about how he felt. Back then, Peter obviously had very different feelings about the situation. Ray could recall how he had never seen him so angry in his life, and how he was almost legitimately afraid that Peter would hunt Egon down just to hurt him. So, Ray started agreeing with Peter. He said things like “Leave it to Spengler to screw it up for all of New York”, and “He never was easy to miss, so good riddance”, and over time, he started to believe he genuinely felt those things. Despite it, though, even with all the times he had said he hated Egon for what he did to Ghostbusters, for 26 years Ray made sure to keep everything ready for his Egon to return. He always kept Egon's favorite coffee and tea blends in his kitchen in case he showed up in the morning and needed a pick me up, and a spare pair of pajamas in his size in his dresser in case he showed up in the middle of the night with nowhere else to go - and every time he made a meal he knew Egon liked, Ray made sure to make just enough extra in case Egon was about to pop in the door, hungry per usual, just like the old times. That was how Ray felt right up until he got that call.
"He died last week."
Those words had shot through Ray like a bullet straight to his heart. Right then, just one sentence from some kid he didn't even know had shown Ray that the one seed of doubt he had in the 90s and the years of convincing himself that he believed that Egon Spengler could "rot in hell" had finally caught up to him.
Ray took a deep breath and put the chain of his glasses around his neck. He took a moment to dust off his cardigan before heading to his kitchen for his morning eggs and coffee.
By the time Ray had finished cooking and eating, to his surprise, it was only 7:35. Usually, he was rushing to finish in order to open on time at 8, so Ray figured this was another sign today was going to really be his day. Figuring that no one ever came in until 10 or 11 anyway, Ray decided it wouldn't do him any harm to open up a bit early, so he headed down his stairs to the shop.
For the first hour or so, Ray was able to go through his regular morning routine. He always started by burning some incense, and then he liked to immediately move on to sweeping and dusting. Since he regularly kept up with his cleaning, this usually didn't take him very long, but of course, his body wasn't what it used to be. Today he was having a little trouble, but he was determined to not let it get to him. When he finally finished the housekeeping, he usually moved on to either fixing the messes on the shelves the previous day's customers left, or to sorting new arrivals into their appropriate spots. Deliveries typically happened on Tuesdays, and today was Thursday, but he had gotten unusually busy yesterday, so he decided he ought to focus on that first. Oddly enough, organizing was probably Ray's favorite part about this job - aside from sharing his knowledge and experience with curious people, of course. It wasn't like the thrill and reward of ghostbusting by any means, but Ray was happy here, and sorting and arranging his stock to perfection was a major part of that.
It was incredibly easy for Ray to get lost in his organizing, especially when he had a lot to consider, so when someone came in and the bell above the door rang, he didn't even hear it. As they approached the front desk, Ray reached himself far under a shelf to try and retrieve something he had dropped.
"Hello? Dr. Stantz?"
Ray jumped, barely missing hitting his head on the shelf above. "Ow," he complained instinctively before clearing his throat, "I'll be with you in just a second!"
“Take your time.”
Ray grabbed what he had dropped and then pulled himself out and stood up with a stretch. He took a second to steady himself before he was able to head around the corner and towards his desk. "Now, what can I do for you?"
Ray suddenly stopped in his tracks. Over by the door stood someone extremely familiar to him. She was a short woman wearing a well fitting blazer and a pencil skirt with her hands cupped together over her waistline. The woman's light grey hair was styled in a pixie cut, but most familiarly of all, she wore bold and bright red, squarish glasses.
"Janine Melnitz?" Ray managed to stutter out.
Janine nodded. "Hello, Dr. Stantz. It's been awhile."
Ray grinned. "I mean, "a while" is quite the understatement! I know we talked over the phone when you sent me instructions on how to get to Summerville, but I haven't actually seen you since… what? 1997?"
"95, but who's counting?"
Ray gulped. It almost didn’t feel like it could have been that long ago.
"Well, it's great to see your smiling face again-" Janine rolled her eyes, but she did smile, "-What can I do for you?"
Janine stepped forward a little bit. The floorboards creaked a little under her step. When she was in a more comfortable spot, Janine took a deep breath and unclasped her hands and rested them by her sides. In one, she still held a fist. "Well…" she began, but she seemed to not know what to say.
Ray's face dropped as he realized this wasn’t going to be just a friendly old coworker reunion. "Is everything alright? Do you need anything? Water? A place to sit?!" He asked.
Janine took another deep breath and shook her head. "No, I'm quite alright, but thank you. It's just a hard subject, it’s… it’s about Egon - when he passed."
Ray admittedly felt a little relief that Janine was fine, but he still felt a knot form in his stomach from hearing Egon’s name out loud for the first time since Summerville.
Janine collected herself and continued. "Well, I was the one who found him. I don't know if you know, but he didn't have any friends, so I did my best to take care of him where I could, but only financially. He didn’t want me to get too close… The night he passed, it had been a whole week since I had last heard from him, so the next day I went up to his farm and -"
Janine choked up and tears started to stream down her face. The sight of Janine crying was enough to make Ray get teary as well, but he held back. Instead, he offered her the box of tissues off his desk.
"Thank you.", Janine mouthed before she continued through her tears, "Well, when I got there… he was already long gone, but… oh, here. Just take this. I found it in his breast pocket."
Janine reached out to Ray and opened her fist. In it was something sort of small figurine. Ray looked at it for a second and then up to Janine's face. She pushed it towards him as she wiped a tear off her cheek. Timidly, Ray took the figure out of her hands and put on his glasses so he could get a good look at it.
Ray felt himself get a little light headed when he realized what Janine had given him. Now that he was looking at it up close, he could make out that it was an old Star Wars figure. Specifically, it was C3po, but you could only tell that by the shape it took. The figure was incredibly worn down, with only a few golden spots of paint left, mostly on the undersides of the arms and on the bottom of the feet. Clearly, this figure had been well loved, and despite how decrepit it was, something was incredibly familiar about it. Ray racked his brain for why this could be as he gripped the figure tightly in his fist when suddenly, he remembered…
It was 1989, December, and he and Egon were returning to the firehouse with lunch.
“So you really didn’t have any toys as a kid? Just that slinky??” Ray asked as the two walked back to the firehouse, bags of lunch in hand. It was a typical chilly December day, so the two were walking briskly to keep themselves from getting too cold. Happy to be warm in the winter weather, the two hadn’t even noticed they were also walking right against each other for extra warmth.
“Ray,” Egon huffed, “This is the third time you’ve asked me this same question since I told you last week.”
“I know, but it’s just so unbelievable to me. What kind of weirdo parents don’t buy their kids toys?”
“You went through this same crisis when you learned my brother’s name really is Elon and it wasn’t just an elaborate prank Peter was pulling on you. We’ve established that my parents don’t fit your definition of the standard.”
“Every new thing I learn about your family is full of surprises.” Ray said, deciding to drop it for now.
The two walked in silence together for a while, but Ray was getting antsy listening to the traffic around him. Usually, they didn’t have to say anything to get along together; often, having a great time for Ray and Egon meant doing two different things in the same room and just occasionally looking at each other, but when Ray was anxious about something, as he was today, he had to talk. “Sure is a shame Peter couldn’t hang around for lunch. What was it he said? Something about a suit?”
Egon snorted. “He said he needed to get his tuxedo resized for his wedding. I doubt he was serious.”
“I don’t know, knowing Peter, he was, but knowing Dana, she hasn’t said yes.”, Ray joked, then paused to think, “Do you think she ever will?”
Egon let out a “hm” and stopped walking. Ray quickly noticed and stopped with him. Egon looked upwards, his eyebrows furrowed and tilted his head to the left a little bit. This was the pose Egon always took when he was doing some sort of math, Ray had noticed. “I think so. She loves him.”
Ray made a puzzled expression. “You seem so certain.” he said as someone pushed their way past him. Realizing the two probably shouldn’t stay stopped in the middle of the busy New York sidewalk, they started walking again.
“Of course. She doesn’t want to admit it to him because she does still think he’s a total loser, but the way he looks at him spells it out, mostly. So does the way she says his name in that disappointed, yet not disapproving tone.” Egon explained.
Ray was a little impressed. He thought of something, but he knew he couldn’t say it too loud. Ray leaned in and lowered his voice to a hush. “How come it took you so long to figure that out when it was me, then?”
Egon didn’t respond. He kept moving with his head high. Ray frowned, but he understood. Maybe he’d be able to ask again when they got back.
“Janine, we’re back!” Ray shouted as he shut the large firehouse door behind him.
Janine was sitting behind her desk, leaning back and reading a magazine, her usual position. She barely looked up from her reading as Egon and Ray approached her desk. “Welcome back.” she replied dryly.
“We brought your sub.” Egon said as he reached into one of the brown paper bags and pulled out a sandwich labeled “J”.
Janine finally looked up and smiled a little. “Thank you.”
“Any calls while we were out?” Ray asked as he pulled out the sandwich labeled “R” and began to unwrap it.
“No, but Winston wanted me to let you guys know something came up with his girlfriend, so he had to leave and he probably won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon.”
Ray frowned. “We already bought his sub.”
Janine shrugged and returned to her reading.
“Well,” Ray sighed and then took a bite of his sandwich, “We’ll be upstairs if anything comes through.”
Janine didn’t respond, so Ray and Egon took their sandwiches and headed upstairs. Egon took Winston’s sandwich out of the bag and placed it in the fridge, and then the two sat down to eat. Since it was just the two of them (not counting Janine, who couldn't be paid to come upstairs because of the mess), they sat down together on the couch. Again, they huddled closer together without realizing it.
Ray's sandwich was ok, but they had forgotten he asked for no mayo. "They always put the damn mayo on it…", he complained out loud, "I don't know how people eat the stuff."
Egon looked at his own sandwich. "Mine doesn't have mayo. Do you want to trade?"
"No, no. You don't like mayo either." he sighed, "If I hadn't already taken a bite out of it I'd switch it with Winston's."
"I don't mind switching or I wouldn't have asked. You don't like mayo more than I don't like it."
Ray considered that for a moment and guessed that was true. "Ok, fine." He huffed as he passed his sandwich off to Egon, who took it and replaced it with his own.
"This isn't bad." Egon commented as he took a small bite before opening up the sandwich and scraping most of the mayo off into the trash can to his right.
Ray laughed. "Sure it's not." He took a bite out of the sandwich and shifted to get more comfortable (and somehow closer Egon). As he moved, he felt the contents of his pocket rearrange themselves. When Ray was more comfortable, he stuck his hand in the pocket to feel around.
This morning, before he had left his apartment, Ray had made sure to stick one of his little collectable toys in his pocket. When he saw Star Wars in 1977, he had become somewhat obsessed, and over the years until that obsession wore off, he had started and garnered a moderate collection. One of the things he decided to collect were the action figures made by a company called Kenner. These toys weren't very expensive and they looked pretty good, so they worked for Ray.
Ever since Egon had told him he didn't really have toys as a kid, it had really stuck with Ray. Ray had come from a family that was obsessed with toys. He didn't stop receiving them as holiday gifts until he was probably 14. So, naturally, as a kid he had a ton. Ray couldn't imagine a childhood without toys and part of him wondered if that had caused Egon to turn out like he did, which in that case he really couldn't complain, but it was still something to think about. Every night before he went to bed, the conversation came back to him, and this morning he realized he could do something about it - kinda. If Egon couldn't have toys as a child, he could at least have some now. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to stop by any stores, so something from his own collection would have to do. He didn't give a ton of thought to it, but those Kenner Star Wars toys had caught his eye, so he grabbed the C3po and headed out, figuring it would be the one Egon would like the most. The only problem now is that he wasn't sure how to give it to him. Imagining Egon rejecting it was making him nervous about giving it to him.
"Raymond? Is something bothering you?"
"Huh?" Ray almost jumped.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Is everything all right? You've been staring off into the corner making some weird faces."
Ray had no clue he was making faces at all as he thought. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just lost in thought."
"About what?"
Ray gripped the figure in his pocket. "Well, I was just thinking about how you didn't have toys as a kid-"
"Are you ever going to get over that?" Egon spoke bluntly, but Ray knew him well enough to know he wasn't upset.
"Hold on! Listen. I was thinking about that this morning and I figured: "Well, I've got plenty of toys. What if I gave one to you?" So, I brought you something, but I'm not entirely sure how to give it to you." Ray explained.
"Hm.", Egon thought, "You should just give it to me now. You’ve already brought it up, after all." He suggested.
Ray opened his mouth as if he was about to argue, but he realized Egon was right. He had already spoiled the surprise without thinking about it so it wasn't really special anymore, anyway. So, he pulled the little C3po out of his pocket and unceremoniously gave it to Egon.
Egon took the figure and examined it. He held it up towards the light and squinted. "Who is this? One of those "Space War" guys?" He asked curiously.
Ray laughed. He had told Egon a million times that it was called Star Wars, but he never seemed to remember. "It's Star Wars, Eggie. His name is C3po. He's a protocol droid, which means they built him to interact with organic people. Usually they have him doing diplomatic stuff, but he's also extremely good at math and he knows something like 6 million forms of communication… he kind of reminds me of you in that way. He's also got anxiety so he spends a lot of his screen time just worrying about everything, frankly. He might be my favorite, but it's hard to choose. They're all so good…. Anyway, this toy is one of the ones produced by Kenner. I got this back in ‘77 right after seeing the first movie. The mold’s really good on these - I think they look just like the characters. Well, they’re not perfect but they were good enough for me to decide to collect on my tight college budget at least.”
"Fascinating…" Egon mumbled. He held the figure for a little longer before carefully tucking it away in his lab coat's pocket.
Ray looked away. "It's alright if you don't like it.”
"No, no. That's not it at all," Egon insisted, "It’s just strange."
"The figure is?”
Egon shook his head. “No, not the figure.”
Ray felt a knot form in his stomach. “Then what is?”
"It's just that I never care about things like Star Wars when your name isn't attached to them. Suddenly, when your favorite things come out of your mouth… they're the most beautiful stories ever told."
Ray’s face went red. It felt stupid, but that was probably the kindest, most thoughtful thing someone had ever said to him. He probably should not have been surprised to hear that from Egon, but it still came as somewhat of a shock to Ray. He had always just assumed that Egon only tolerated his random rants, unless they were related to ghosts or science.
“Ray?” Egon said as he shook Ray by the shoulder, his voice full of concern, “Raymond, is everything ok?”
“Oh, uh, yeah.” Ray chuckled.
You couldn’t see it on his face, but Egon was relieved. “You blanked out on me there and I worried I had said the wrong thing.”
“No, not at all. That was…” Ray went quiet again. He remembered the question he had asked earlier on the walk back. Part of him wanted to drop it, but he knew the curiosity would eat him alive, “How come it took you so long to realize I loved you, Egon?”
Egon thought for a while. While he thought, he let his free hand rest on his thigh. Ray took advantage of this and placed his own hand over top of it. “It’s easy to tell when other people are in love. You just have to look for the signs - people lose the ability to hide their emotions when they’re overwhelmed with hormones like that. In reality, I did know you were in love with me long before I admitted it to myself.”
“Ah. I guess that makes sense.” Ray said that but he was unsatisfied with that answer.
Egon nodded. “When I first noticed it, I didn’t want to believe it could be me. Sure, plenty of women had expressed interest in me throughout college - I’m not so oblivious that I didn’t notice them - but what they felt was lust, and that was different. I had figured that that was all people could feel towards someone like me.”
“Well that’s ridiculous! What about you do you think is so unlovable?!”
"It was more of how I felt like I couldn't love anyone, actually.”, Egon said quietly, “For years, I had considered myself completely incapable of love like that. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t reciprocate or even just feign the feelings of lust every girl had for me. I thought I was doomed to a life alone… Until I met you.”
Ray didn’t know how to react to that. He was taken aback by the idea that Egon thought he couldn’t feel love, considering how much he gave. After a moment, the only response Ray could come up with taking Egon’s hand and gripping it tightly. Egon gripped back and ran his thumb instinctively over Ray’s hand.
Egon continued. “When I fell in love with you, it was like everything had switched on all of the sudden. I denied it for so long, considering you just a friend, because I didn’t have any hope it could ever be me. I guess my whole life, I was just waiting for you.”
Ray leaned in to give Egon a kiss. When he pulled back, Egon was smiling.
“Thank you for the toy, Ray. I like it a lot.”
“No problem, Spengs.”
“And thank you for being you, Ray. I will never regret meeting you, and I’m glad I will get to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you.”
Ray smiled. “Of course. I love you too, and I’m thrilled to spend mine with you.”
Ray ran his fingers gently over the little figure and let out a weak, staggered sigh as a few tears fell down his cheek. He had almost forgotten that extremely bittersweet memory, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it coming back to him right now.
“I don’t know, I just…”, Janine wiped her eyes with a sniff, obviously trying to keep it together, “I’ve always considered myself a psychic person - even before I had come to work for you guys - and I felt very strongly that you needed to have this. Almost like he was there with me, letting me know."
Ray tightened his grip on the figure and nodded. He probably was, but Ray didn’t have the heart to tell Janine they had gotten to say goodbye to him without her. "You were right to think of me. I gave this to him way back before he split - when we were just beginning to investigate Vigo the Carpathian, if you remember that… When we were investigating Dana Barrett's son at her apartment, he had told me that he never had any toys as a kid. Can you believe it? Only thing his parents had bought him and his brother was a slinky, and not even a whole one. And he told me he had completely straightened it out, anyway." Ray tried to laugh, but what came out was only a melancholy chuckle, "I figured he deserved something more than half of a slinky, so I gave him this."
Janine just nodded and let out a faint sigh.
After a moment, Ray cleared his throat. “Well, anyways - thank you, Janine. It means a lot to me, and I’m sure it means a lot to Egon, too.”
“Yeah.” Janine shifted towards the door, obviously getting ready to leave, but she seemed very uncomfortable, like she wasn’t actually ready to go yet.
Ray saw this, and he was overcome again with emotion. “Janine - before you go -” Ray opened his arms wide and gave a teary-eyed smile to offer her a hug. Janine smiled back faintly and accepted his invitation, and the two embraced for a few moments. Janine let herself cry a little bit more, getting tears and smudged make up all over Ray’s cardigan, but he didn’t mind. He let her cry until she was ready to be done, letting out a few tears himself, and then let her go.
Janine took a step back and wiped her face. “Thank you. I didn't know I needed that."
“Hey, no problem. You be safe getting home, alright? Make sure to take care.”
“You too, Ray. Take care.” Janine said as she walked out the door.
Ray took a deep breath and allowed himself to soak in the calm silence for a moment. He let himself listen to the bird that was singing outside his window, and he remembered how nice it was out there today, and that he said he wasn’t going to let anything get him down. The traffic outside of his shop seemed like it was starting to pick up now, but he needed a moment to himself. When Ray was ready, he looked at the little figure again. “You know, I didn’t actually expect you to actually keep it, Spengs. I’m impressed.” he laughed as he put up a sign announcing his 10 minute break on the shop door and locked it.
Ray headed up to his apartment and to his collection shelves. On the very top was where he still kept that old collection of Star Wars toys that had been missing its C3po for 32 years. Ray set the figure down in its spot and thought for a moment, but he decided he had a better spot for it. In his bedroom, Ray had a nightstand. For the most part, he kept it clear except for his alarm clock and his pills, but he figured that would be a nice spot for Egon’s little C3po to retire to.
That night, when Ray went to bed, he looked over and saw the C3po before closing his eyes. Ray missed Egon more than words could ever express. He had deserved so much better, but Ray was happy that he had at least gotten to have one real toy.