Chapter Text
Chim stood by the wall next to the door of Buck’s room, where they both watched something on the TV. Eddie walked in and heard a news reporter's voice coming quietly from the speakers. He huffed out a frustrated sigh as he recognized the voice of Taylor Kelly. He didn’t have anything to dislike about her specifically, he just knew he didn’t like her and he didn’t know why.
Buck turned to look at Eddie as he entered, a big smile coming upon his face as he looked at his best friend.
Chim and Eddie looked at each other briefly, talking for a moment about each other’s kids before Chim exited the room. All that could be heard now was the voice of Taylor Kelly grinding Eddie’s gears in his brain.
Eddie made his way to the chair next to Buck’s bed, where he was enveloped in whatever Taylor was reporting on. Eddie couldn’t be bothered to listen as he took the remote from Buck’s hand and turned the TV off while Taylor was mid-sentence.
“Excuse me?” Buck said playfully, smiling at Eddie again.
“Sorry I just- nevermind.” Eddie said, placing the remote down on the table. He rubbed his hands on his legs as he finally tried to look at Buck. Somehow he realized he had managed to avoid looking at him for more than a split second.
Eddie took a long look while Buck made himself busy with playing solitaire. Flashes of memories started running through Eddie’s head. First, a bright light, then the rain-filled sky, then Buck hanging from a rope, dead like something out of a horror movie. He couldn’t look away from Buck fast enough as he felt tears start forming. He couldn’t cry, not because it was weak, but because Buck was recovering and it wasn’t about him and his feelings.
Buck paused his game and looked at Eddie, seeing him hunched over, his head in his hands. Buck’s face softened, realizing that Eddie has had less than a day to relax since the event.
“Hey, Eds.” He said, lightly placing his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I’m still here.”
Eddie looked up from his hands, trying his hardest to look natural when he swiped a lone tear away that escaped his eye. “Yeah, yeah you are.” He smiled at Buck, trying to hide the turmoil he was currently experiencing. He couldn’t stop the images from running rapidly through his brain as he tried to hold Buck’s gaze.
His hands were wet, breathing getting heavier by the second, he couldn’t tell at the moment but he was shaking.
It felt like a weight was sitting on his chest, as he tried to draw in more breath. He placed his head in his hands again, unable to hold Buck’s gaze anymore as he tried his hardest to seem like he was just tired. He didn’t want Buck to have to comfort him. He should be there for Buck right now, not the other way around.
Buck noticed right away when Eddie started panicking, and watched him for a moment, unsure of what to do. Normally he’d tell him it would be okay, but he couldn’t do that this time because Eddie already knew it would be okay. This wasn’t about the future, it was about the past.
He took a beat, watching as Eddie attempted to draw another heavy breath in. It’s like his body was on autopilot as he shifted his hand to reach out and take Eddie’s, pulling lightly.
It was like Eddie stopped in his tracks. Unsure of what to do, he allowed himself to be pulled before settling back in the seat, but Buck was still pulling on his hand. He looked up through tear-filled eyes and met Buck’s gaze, holding it. It felt different to Eddie this time, as he allowed himself to be pulled closer to the bed. As if having a silent conversation with their eyes, Eddie climbed into the bed without saying a word.
Buck pulled Eddie’s arm across his chest as Eddie laid beside him. Eddie let out a breath, though to Buck it sounded more like a cry. He couldn’t stop himself as he nuzzled his head into the nape of Buck’s neck and laid there silently, accepting the comfort. Neither of them said a word, and the afternoon light filtering into the hospital room added a delicate glow to their position.
Eddie could feel his breathing even out, and the shaking almost stopped as he could feel Buck’s heartbeat through the carotid artery in his neck, the light thrum pushing on the tip of his nose.
“He’s still here.” Eddie whispered to himself, falling asleep for the first time since this all happened.
Hen walked up to the door of Buck’s room, and knocked lightly, ready to relieve Eddie of his shift. She peeked her head in first, scanning the room. Eddie was nowhere to be found, until she finally looked at Buck. Laying in the bed, she could see a broad back facing the door, with a head of brown hair and tanned skin. Eddie filled the small space beside Buck.
Hen stayed in the doorway for a moment, closing her eyes for a second. A small smile appeared on her face as a wave of relief washed over her at seeing one of her closest friends alive, and another shamelessly accepting the comfort provided to him. She quietly tiptoed into the room not wanting to wake either of them, and sat down in the chair beside the bed. The silence wrapped her in her own form of comfort, completely different to the silence she heard after the lightning struck that night.
She didn’t know how long she sat there before Buck stirred awake. He didn’t startle at her presence, just gave her a soft smile, not wanting to risk waking Eddie.
“Hey,” she said, so quiet Buck almost couldn’t hear it. She stood up and moved to the chair on the other side of the bed, taking Buck’s hand in her own.
“I’m really glad you’re okay.” She said softly, squeezing his hand.
Buck adjusted his position slightly, sitting up a little. Eddie stirred at the movement, making a quiet, short noise before settling again. His arm that was draped across Buck’s chest, wrapped around him now, holding him lightly.
“I don’t think he’s slept yet. He hasn’t left the hospital except to take care of Chris and get clean clothes. Also one time I dragged him to get coffee.” She said quietly, being sure not to wake him up.
Buck turned his head to smile at Eddie’s sleeping face. He was so peaceful, he wasn’t frowning or worrying, and Buck wished Eddie could always have that. He turned his head back to Hen, “I didn’t sleep either after he was shot. Every time I closed my eyes I would see red, I would hear the gunshot. I still do sometimes.”
Hen’s brows furrowed as she squeezed his hand again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Me too,” Buck said quietly.
“I’m gonna go get coffee,” Hen said. She stood up and exited the room as quietly as she entered, taking a moment to look back at the two. Buck’s arm had settled on top of Eddie’s, as if they fit together like a puzzle piece. She smiled again before closing the door silently.
Eddie stirred again, he took a deep breath in, smelling Buck’s distinct scent, noticeable even underneath the disinfectant that clung to every surface. It covered him like a blanket, and he tightened his arm around Buck, pulling him closer for a moment. He didn’t want to end this moment, feeling at peace for the first time in days, and he didn’t want to let it go.
He finally moved his arm, grabbing Buck’s hand and checking his pulse. “Sorry,” he said, his voice hoarse with sleep.
“For what?” Buck asked quietly.
Eddie hadn’t even opened his eyes yet or moved his head from the spot in the nape of Buck’s neck.
They both took another moment, just basking in the peace before letting it all back in. The worry for Buck. The pain of almost losing him. Eddie sat up slowly, lifting himself with both arms and turning himself so he could face Buck.
Eddie rubbed the sheets of the bed between his fingers, thinking for a moment before looking Buck in the eyes. “It still haunts you?” he questioned quietly, almost afraid to ask.
Buck looked at Eddie with confusion, brows drawn together. “I tasted your blood. There isn’t a day it doesn’t haunt me,” he said softly.
Eddie furrowed his brows, the pain of that confession hitting him like lightning. “Why didn’t you tell me? You could have.”
Buck could see the pain in Eddie’s eyes as he spoke. “You didn’t want to talk about it, or- couldn’t talk about it,” Buck said, the words coming out like knives to Eddie’s heart.
“I’m sorry.” Eddie said, voice caught in a whisper. He wanted to say more, he wanted to say he was sorry for not considering Buck more, sorry for only making it about himself, sorry for not seeing the pain Buck was in.
“I know.” Buck said, smiling at Eddie.
Eddie looked back at Buck, unable to stop his own smile. Seeing Buck happy made him happy. Buck grabbed Eddie’s hand again, pulling him into a hug.
Eddie takes a deep breath in, taking in the smell of Buck again. “I should go pick up Christopher.” Eddie said, hopping off the bed.
Eddie turned back to look at Buck, who hadn’t stopped looking at him. Eddie felt closer to Buck today than he ever had before.
He stopped in his tracks on the way to the elevator, his brain trying to process what had just happened. He shook his head, unable to think about it in that moment. Hearing the elevator ding, he stepped in and watched the doors close in front him.