Chapter Text
Jesper had received his first soulmark when he was six years old. He was sitting at the table with his mother eating, while his father did the dishes, when he looked down at his hand and saw a long scratch along the back. Jesper hadn't scratched it himself, and it was drawing no blood, which could only mean one thing. He reached over to show his mom, who smiled at him fondly.
“It’s your first one!” She said, her face glowing with love, “Your soulmate is out there little rabbit!”
“But they’re hurt.” Jesper said running a finger along the cut
“Well if they are anything like you, they probably scraped themselves while running wild or chasing something.” she ruffled Jesper’s hair making him smile. She leaned in dramatically, as if telling Jesper a huge secret, “My first mark from your father was when he slammed a door on his finger.”
Jesper laughed. He couldn't wait to have love like his parents. Maybe someday he would be telling the story of his first mark and his soulmate would supply the story. And they would laugh with eyes full of love and hands grasping each other like there was no one else in the world.
Wylan received his first soul mark when he was seven years old. He had been sitting in the yard making a daisy chain for his mother when a small bruise formed on his knee, right before his eyes.
Wylan was terrified. Bruises didn't just appear, Wylan knew that. He ran inside searching for his mother. He found her painting in her office, a pink and white Jurda flower extending across a canvas.
“Mom!” he said, pointing at the bruise on his knee, “It just appeared, I didn't fall or anything. It doesn't make sense.”
Wylan’s mother kneeled down until she was on his level. Which was pretty low, Wylan had always been small for his age. She had a melancholy look on her face, a strange absence in her eyes as she looked at his new bruise.
“It’s a soulmark, darling.”
“What’s that?” Wylan asked
“It means there is someone out there who has a heart like yours.” she said, pressing a hand over Wylan’s heart, “When they get a bruise or a scratch, then you get it too. You are connected.”
Wylan thought about this. He liked the idea of someone with a heart like his, someone who understood him. As much as he loved his mother and father, he got lonely in a big empty house. He often heard his mother and father arguing about his lack of friends. His mother insisted that Wylan should be put into a real school and meet kids his age. His father protested, but Wylan didn't know why. His tutors didn't make very good friends.
“So, my soulmate probably just fell or something,” Wylan said, his mind already spinning stories about the mark on his leg.
“That sounds about right, love,”
“Do you have someone with your heart?” Wylan asked, looking up at his mother.
Wylan immediately regretted asking as his mothers face dropped slowly, her eyes turning sad “No, I don't.”
“Well..I'll have a heart like yours, maybe we won't get each other's marks, but we can pretend.” Wylan said, trying desperately to make his mother smile.
He was worried he had done something wrong as his mother’s eyes began to well with tears. But they weren't like the tears came from sadness or fear. They looked almost happy. Full of love and fondness. She reached down and cupped his face between her hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“I love you Wylan, don't ever change.”
Jesper got another mark, and then another, and another, until over the years he lost count. He brought it up to his dad one night as they sat around the dinner table that once had three chairs around it. The chair still sat there, neither of them had the heart to move it. Instead Jesper had taken the Jurda blossoms that had sat on her nightstand in a pot and had sat them on the chair. He liked giving the chair a purpose. He wouldn't want it to lose heart like his father did
“I think my soulmate is very clumsy,” Jesper said. He found himself trying to make his father laugh even now. He missed it when they used to smile around the dinner table.
“Let me see,” His father said, Jesper rolled up his sleeve to show his father the bruises. They ran up his arm like spots, direct and small. He saw a look of concern flash across his fathers face.
“Do you think they are okay?”
“They are probably just fine, Jes, dont worry about it,” He said, giving Jesper’s hand a squeeze in reassurance. “Remember last week when you fell down the hill? Maybe it's like that. Maybe they are clumsy like you.”
Jesper smiled as his father left the table to wash the dishes, but he found it fading. He had seen the worry in his father’s face. Maybe his soulmate was in trouble. Maybe they needed Jesper to come and rescue them. Jesper smiled at the thought of sweeping his soulmate off his feet and living happily ever after. Just like in all the stories his mother used to read to him.
Wylan cried one night when he received a soulmark. He was curled up on top of his bed and he couldn't breathe. His tutors had been awful today, striking him on the arm when he couldn't read a sentence or when he said something wrong. The strikes had gotten harder and harder as the lesson progressed until the tutor had begun to draw blood.
He wanted to leave this cursed house. He wanted to read like he should've been able to years ago. He wanted his mother.
But he couldn't have any of that. So instead he sat with his head between his knees, tears streaming down his face as he lived in terror of his own house. He looked down at his hands, remembering when he and his mother used to fingerpaint. She had been planning to show him how to paint flowers next. She had never gotten around to it.
Wylan saw a mark begin to appear on his hand. It was on the side of his hand, in line with his thumb, and it was appearing slowly, as if happening in slow motion. Wylan watched as the cut began to take a strange shape, a point, a curve.
It was a heart.
Wylan’s soulmate had seen the bruises on Wylan’s arm and carved a heart on their own skin.
Wylan cried. He cried because of the pain that his soulmate felt. He cried from the shame of having someone know about the bruises he received because of his stupidity. But mostly he cried because for the first time since his mother had died, he felt loved.
Barrel life was everything the farm wasn't. The farm was calm and soothing, predictable and colorful. The barrel was unpredictable, full of adrenaline, and never standing still. Jesper found the latter to be more his speed. He liked the rush of adrenaline that he got in the middle of a fight, he liked not knowing what kind of world he would wake up to, and figuring it out as the day went out.
He also liked having friends that weren't farm animals or his father. He and Inej had become close through Kaz’s employment. They understood each other on a level that no one else could, after a while they were practically siblings. He respected Inej beyond words, her dedication and loyalty despite what the world had done to her was truly remarkable.
Kaz was a different story. He was ruthless and cruel, but also intelligent and secretive. Jesper couldn't help but feel a certain level of respect for him despite all he had seen him do. But it wasn't just that. Jesper found himself desperate for Kaz’s approval in a way he couldn't explain. When Kaz chose to leave him behind for a job he wondered what he could have done wrong. When Kaz told him he had done a good job, it somehow meant more than if it had come from anyone else
He woke up one night to a noise from downstairs and rose to see what it was. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he found Kaz, wrapping a cut on his wrist, silently in the dark.
“What’s that about?” Jesper asked. Kaz looked up slowly, tiredly.
“Nothing at all, leave me be.” Kaz said, returning to the cut on his arm.
Jesper hesitated, but ultimately decided to do as he was told. As he sat on his bed he found curiosity running rampant in his head. Before he could decide otherwise he lit the candle on his nightstand. He took a deep breath and rolled up his sleeve, looking at his arm in the light of the candle
No scratch. Despite the constant search for approval, and the unfounded level of respect he had for Kaz, Jesper found that a small part of him was relieved.
Despite Jesper’s love for the barrel, he found that after a while part of him was tired. Tired of jumping from job to job. Drinking and gambling with no one to hold him back. Sleeping with a different person every night and never seeing any of them again afterwards. It all became exhausting after a while.
Enter Wylan Van Eck
Wylan was unlike anyone Jesper had ever met. At first glance he was a soft, spoiled, rich boy. A life of coddling and luxury making him unfit for the barrel. But Wylan managed to surprise him, over and over again.
He was brave in small and powerful ways. He stood up to Kaz when he disagreed strongly, something Jesper had never been able to do. He had an arsonry of skills that seemed to come out of nowhere. He was an intelligent chemist with a gift for explosives, he knew basic first aid, he knew mathematics very well, and Jesper had no doubt that there were more.
He was also very pretty, not that it mattered.
Late one night Jesper found Wylan standing on the deck of the Ferolind. It was the fourth day on the Ferolind and Jesper was growing restless.
“It seems you've forgotten your coat merchling, you’ll catch a cold.” Jesper said, startling Wylan.
“It’s really not that bad,” Wylan said, looking up at him with warm brown eyes. Jesper could get lost in those eyes, he found he couldn't tear himself away.
“Well Kaz will kill me if I let our insurance freeze to death,” Jesper said, taking off his coat and offering it to Wylan.
“But then you’ll be cold.”
“I think I’ll be okay, I am warmed by your presence merchling,”
“Somehow I don't think that will protect you from the wind.” Wylan said, taking the jacket from Jesper’s arm while blushing a lovely pink. It was quickly becoming one of Jesper’s favorite sights.
He found himself falling into this. The flirting, the banter, the laughing and the blushing. It was comforting and constant in a world of unpredictability. What would happen if he gave in? If he let himself fall for Wylan in the way that would be so easy to do.
But Wylan couldn't be his soulmate. He had grown up rich and spoiled while Jesper’s soulmate had grown up bruised and reckless. He couldn't imagine Wylan with constant bruises while living in his father’s mansion.
But he couldn't help but wonder if things would be this easy with his soulmate. He hoped they would be able to laugh and banter like he and Wylan were. And he hoped that falling for them would be as easy as falling for Wylan.
Jesper woke up for what had to be the tenth time that night. The hotel suite was definitely a step up from the cemetery but for some reason he still wasn't able to sleep. He sat up tiredly rubbing at his eyes with the palms of his hands. He was itching to move, to shoot at something, to gamble.
His thoughts were interrupted by a certain red haired merchling walking through the hallway, past the couch that Jesper had previously been sleeping on. Jesper stood up, stretching his legs and began to walk after Wylan.
“You can’t sleep either?” He said quietly, startling Wylan
Wylan turned to look at him, sending him a small smile, “Not really, no. I was just going to go sit on the balcony.”
“Well I guess I'll have to provide some company.” Jesper grabbed his and Wylan’s coats from the rack on the nearby wall, tossing one to Wylan. “You were going to go out without your coat weren't you?
“I was hoping to be warmed by your presence.” Wylan said, sending Jesper a grin.
Jesper laughed as he reached to open the balcony door for Wylan, “I cannot believe that you are quoting me right now.”
“You love it, I'm feeding your ever growing ego.”
“I'll have you know that I am very humble, it is one of my best qualities.”
Wylan laughed and Jesper found that he already felt lighter. There was something about Wylan that made Jesper want to slow down. To take a breath and keep on breathing. Jesper had found himself wondering so many times about falling for Wylan. As much as he had pushed against it, he knew the truth. He already had.
Maybe Wylan could be his soulmate. After finding out about Wylan’s father it could make sense. Jesper hated to think about Wylan in that house. Enduring so much pain at the hands of his monster of a father. But at the same time it made him wonder, were the bruises he had shown his father at the dinner table the result of Wylan’s father hurting his son. It made Jesper sick to think about.
“Are you okay?” Wylan asked him, his brown eyes peering up at Jesper. Saints, he was pretty. Kuwei hadn't been bad to look at but Jesper had missed Wylan’s delicate features. The freckles that completely covered his face, running down his neck like water. Jesper wondered if they covered the rest of his body as well.
Jesper smiled softly, “I'm just glad you got your pretty face back, darling.”
Wylan blushed, “Nice try, but you’re deflecting.”
Jesper let out a long sigh wondering if he had the bravery to say what he was really thinking. This could ruin everything. Or it could give Jesper everything. “Do you ever wonder about your soulmate?”
Wylan’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, clearly that hadn't been what he was expecting, “Ya, I..I guess I do.”
“Do you think you have met them yet?” Jesper found himself hoping the answer was no
There was a long pause as Wylan opened and closed his mouth, as if unsure how to respond “I.. I do.” Wylan said, his face pale in the dark
“Oh.” Jesper felt his heart drop for reasons he couldn't grasp. He had told himself that he wouldn't take the fall for Wylan. That he wouldn't trap himself in Wylan’s endless brown eyes. But he had. That much was clear now.
He wanted out. The balcony air was somehow confining and cold. Wylan could never be his. This thing between them could never be. Jesper shouldn't have let himself be devastated by this but he could feel his heart breaking.
How could he have been so stupid. He should have done what he had always done; run away. He should have taken one look at Wylan’s freckled face and warm eyes and ran the other way. It would have spared him from the pain he felt now. It would have made everything easier.
“You cut your hand while you were cutting the chain.” Wylan stated abruptly
Jesper looked at him, confused at the statement, “I'm sorry?”
“While we were filing the chain to initiate black protocol you cut your hand with the file.”
Jesper was completely lost in the randomness of the statement, “Ya, I guess I did. My file slipped and I nicked my wrist. But that was forever ago, what does it have to do with anything?”
Wylan took a deep breath as if preparing himself for what he was going to say. “I saw it happen. I saw your file slip and I saw you cut your hand.”
“Merchling, you've lost me. What are you talking about?”
Wylan didn't say anything, he simply pulled up his coat sleeve. Rolling it up delicately with careful fingers. He took another deep breath before turning his arm to reveal a mark on the inside of his wrist. It looked almost identical to the one of Jespers.
Jesper froze. He felt his heart speed up and his lungs had stopped working all together. There was no way. There was simply no way.
He reached out with shaking fingers, touching Wylan’s wrist. He ran his fingers along the mark. Wylan’s skin was warm at his touch despite the chill of the night. Wylan reached out with his other hand twords Jesper’s sleeve. Touching the cuff before looking up at Jesper for permission. Jesper nodded, unable to speak.
Wylan’s hands reached out to roll up Jesper’s sleeve just like he had done to his own. He turned Jesper’s arm over, with a gentleness that made Jesper feel like he was something precious. A fading red scrape was revealed on Jesper’s wrist. Wylan ran his thumb along it as if in disbelief. He smiled softly and Jesper felt himself smiling too.
“You knew,” Jesper said, feeling out of breath, his hand still resting on Wylan’s arm
“Well, I wasn't sure, but.. I guess I had hoped it would be you,” Wylan said, his hand on Jesper’s arm releasing to hold his hand.
Jesper laughed in disbelief, “I was hoping for you too.”
Wylan looked up at him with eyes full of constellations. His freckles crinkled with his smile. He was absolutely striking. The starlight reflected in his warm brown eyes. It had been Wylan all along. It had been Wylans scrape on his arm when he had sat at the table with his mother. Wylan's bruises had been spotted on his arm for most of his childhood.
“Wylan, can I kiss you?” Jesper asked
“Yes,” Wylan breathed
Jesper leaned forward bringing his hand up to cup Wylan’s cheek. Wylan brought his hand up to Jesper’s neck pulling him closer before pressing his lips together. Wylan’s lips were as soft as they looked, delicate but demanding. He let his hand run through Wylan’s hair, feeling the red curls between his fingertips. This was the kiss he had always been waiting for. The one he had dreamed about ever since he had seen his first mark on his hand.
They broke apart, slowly and inevitably. Wylan kept his hand on the back of Jesper’s neck, keeping their foreheads together as they regained their breath.
“Wylan?”
“Yes?”
“I really hope we dont die.”