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Summer sun grazed Ellie’s freckled cheeks as she stepped out onto dry grass. The slight breeze cooling her heated skin. She was thankful that it was afternoon, the hottest part of the day coming to its close. She thought of all she had accomplished that day already, her body aching from the mornings work.
Ellie didn’t mind the chores that came with the farm. She insisted to Dina that she should do as many as she could, ”You’re pregnant,” Ellie had said, ”I cant let you hurt yourself doing hard labor.” It was true that she didn’t want her partner doing any heavy lifting during or after the move, but it also seemed that keeping occupied dulled the uneasiness Ellie felt since their return back to Wyoming. Sure, hunting came naturally to her and setting fences or tending to the livestock were straightforward enough, it was just easier for her to busy herself with tasks than to stop and linger in silent moments like these. Though she had only been standing outside feeling the breeze a few minutes, she already felt a pang of anxiety flood into her stomach. Flashes of braided hair and blood and bodies flew in-front of her unblinking eyes. The need to distract herself grew stronger as long as she held herself in the same spot, trying in vain to let herself just exist in the present, to enjoy the pleasant warmth of the sun and the fresh air of outside. Why can’t I stop thinking.
Ellie wracked her mind trying to stop the stream of thoughts, trying to think instead of what else she could work on as a distraction when the door behind her cracked open. “Hey El,” Her partners voice shook her from her zoning. Dina had donned a light sundress that fell over the bump on her stomach and framed the rest of her beautifully. Her black hair was tossed to the top of her head, a few curls coming tumbling loose to surround her dotted face. Ellie turned to her and smiled “Hey Babe, how was your nap?” Dina sighed, swiping a lock of hair back from her face “Fine, this damn baby is wearing me out, I needed that.” though she tried to feign annoyance, her tone dripped with love at the word baby. “Where’d you get that dress?” Ellie questioned, placing her slender hands upon Dina’s hips and pulling her close. “Found it while we were in Seattle, in one of the stores we searched for supplies, had enough room in my bag to stuff it in,” she admitted, giggling as Ellie nosed her way into the crook of her neck. She half listened to Dina, desperate to relieve her racing mind with the comfort of her girlfriends presence. Dina calmed her, grounded her.
They stood like that for a long moment, Ellie holding the smaller woman close. She smelled warm, spicy, like black tea and cinnamon, with the earthy musk that clung to everything on the farm. Dina gave Ellie the serenity she was looking for when she first stepped outside into the sun. And for that long moment, her mind was finally quiet. She felt a soft hand cup her cheek and gently pull her from where her face was buried in the others neck, coming to face round doe eyes, lidded with dark lashes. “You alright? Been working too hard?” Dina’s voice was gentle, earnest. Ellie searched her doe eyes with an empty expression, suddenly thrust back into her own racing thoughts. “Sorry, guess so.” She said the words with a flat laugh. Dina whisked a hand through Ellie’s hair, tickling her face as she swept it aside. Her thick brows furrowed. “Y’know I’m capable of taking on some of the work, the domestic stuff is fine and all but I can alway-“ Ellie interrupted “Nah, babe it’s fine, I got it, keeps me busy,” She dismissed her worry with a smile and saw Dina’s face soften. “Alright. I’m gonna finish up some laundry, love you.” She pecked Ellie on the lips and parted from their embrace, stepping back inside, the door closing with a soft click.
Ellie’s face fell as soon as Dina stepped through the doorframe, turning back to mindlessly stare back out at the property, her mind already fixating back on Seattle. Dina had seemed to settle so easily into this new life all while being able to talk about the events of the last year. She’d freely speak of Jesse as she rubbed her round belly and crack jokes about the splattering of scars across her skin. She talked about her fears, her sadness her anger. Ellie didn’t know how to do that. The words would fall from Dina’s mouth in an almost poetic manor, whereas when Ellie made any attempt to reminisce the sounds came out thick and choked, as if they didn’t want to leave her throat. As if her memories of Seattle, Of Joel, were fighting to stay deep within her. Maybe if she started she wouldn’t be able to stop. Maybe the words would spew out of her like vomit and leave her throat raw and mouth bitter. When had the breeze turned so cold?
Snapping from her stupor Ellie grasped the door handle with a shaking hand, taking in a breath intended to calm her before pushing inside. Dina had finished setting up the kitchen at some point during the day, she saw meat sitting in a bowl marinating and smelled a sweet smell coming from a potpourri on the stove. How homey the farmhouse had quickly become.
“Did you see these onesies Jesses parents gave us when we last were in Jackson? Robin said they were his,” Dina held a tiny onesie up, a grin spread across her face. Ellie winced at the mention of Jesse but still crossed over to the couch and sat down next Dina. “We should try to find some with dinosaurs…. Or maybe-“ She began “Space?” Dina cut off teasingly. Ellie felt her face flush and nodded, smiling. Dina returned back to folding the remaining laundry, her expression growing focused. Ellie slumped into the couch, once more feeling how her body was sore and aching from the repetitive work, her eyelids even felt fatigued. Dina nudged her shoulder and referred to her empty lap, she had finished the laundry. Ellie tentatively sunk down and rested her head onto her lovers thighs, her body feeling just as heavy as her eyelids. Dina brought her hand to Ellie’s warm brown hair and scratched her nails against her scalp, toying with the short locks. The worn woman’s eyes slipped closed, and she quickly sunk into sleep, mind quiet once more. Perhaps she could settle in to this new life, with Dina.