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He couldn't breathe. This unbearable feeling that continues to build in his chest, he doesn't know how much longer until it completely destroys him. Giyuu felt as if he was teetering over an edge that if he was to fall down, he would never be able to climb back up. The overwhelming guilt of Sabito's and his sister's death haunts his mind in every waking moment. He didn't deserve to stand amongst the other eight Hashira. No, not after the sins that he had committed.
The master's calming voice eased his mind slightly, but it wasn't enough. What was to come when he was finally dismissed would be brutal. Giyuu clutched the ends of his haori as he fought against his inner struggles. Why? Why couldn't his mind just rest?
"Tomioka"
He heard his name, but he couldn't raise his head to acknowledge the presences.
"Tomioka"
He heard it again, but he was too far gone. His mind had gone blank as and his body went numb. Soon his whole world went dark.
---
Ubuyashiki had noticed the discomfort his child that sat before him, but he wasn't sure to the extent. He was going to question him at the end of the meeting, but the slight fidgeting had also caught his attention and the signs could no longer be ignored. He had called out to the Water Hashira to receive no answer. "Tomioka it's rude not to answer someone when they are talking to you especially the master." Shinobu teased. There was a small scoff that came from Obanai while Sanemi silently watched but with a judging gaze.
Her comment went unanswered as the master tried once again to grab his attention and once again there was no response. "Master? Do you know what could be wrong?" Mitsuri asked worriedly. "Take him to the Butterfly Mansion. We can continue this meeting when Tomioka is well again." he responded. "How exactly am I supposed to help if I'm not even sure what's wrong?" Shinobu asked as some kakushi came in to bring him to the estate.
"He is lost in his own mind." Ubuyashiki explained. "That doesn't explain anything, we've all had terrible things happen to us. That's why we are even Demon Slayers to begin with. What makes his story any different than ours?" Sanemi snapped. "He can't see his future. A while ago I had asked Tomioka why he doesn't communicate well with you as fellow Hashira. Well, his response to me was that he was different from everyone." Ubuyashiki he continued.
"He thinks he is better than all of us." Sanemi snapped angrily. "Sanemi, settle down. Let the master continue speaking." Shinobu said turning to the Wind Hashira who scoffed and looked away. "My apologies master." he said letting the ill man continue. "As we all know Tomioka doesn't communicate well. So, when he speaks sometimes, he says something and will mean something completely different. Such as this, Tomioka doesn't think he is better than you. He believes he doesn't get to stand beside you as the Water Hashira."
This grabbed the attention of the Hashira that remained. "How could he believe such a lie?! He earned his place here just like the rest of us!" Rengoku shouts.
-------
Giyuu slowly woke up about an hour later, he looked around the small room noticing the other Hashira were present even Obanai and Sanemi who he thought hated his guts. "About time you woke up." Shinobu said from his left. He quickly turned to her, and she had a smile on her face. "You gave everyone quite the scare. Even though this was a minor attack." Shinobu informed.
"What are you talking about?" Giyuu asked. "Don't play dumb Tomioka. Your anxiety attacks, your depression, we all know about it. Stop trying to hide it." she pushed. The man paused and looked at her. They could see it no matter how much he tried to hide it. He was panicking, he moved and stood up. "It doesn't matter now though. I'm fine." he said in his usual monotone voice grabbing his haori and katana.
He was heading towards the door, but Gyomei blocked the way. "We are going to let you continue running away from this. I'm sorry Tomioka but you cannot leave. You aren't well." he calmly said.
"We know the truth Tomioka, just let us in and let us help." Mitsuri begged moving to lay a hand on his shoulder, he quickly moved away from her almost tripping over the bed.
The unbearable feeling is coming back as his vision started getting fuzzy again and breathing picked up. "Stop! This isn't helping him. If we try to force it, it'll only get worse." Sanemi suddenly snapped. Giyuu quickly turned to him, as the scarred man glanced at him offering a small but comforting smile in his direction before ushering everyone out and shutting the door.
Sanemi turned to the hyperventilating Hashira and carefully guides him to the floor having him sit down. "Tomioka, breath, deep breaths." he eased. It took a minute, but his breathing returned to normal, and he laid against the Wind Hashira for support. "Are you with me again?" Sanemi carefully asked. Giyuu slowly nods taking another shaky but deep breath.
There was silence for a few moments while Sanemi quietly held the shaken-up man. He thought back to how his mother use to comfort him, she used to rub his back and whisper comforting words in his ear. Sanemi had a feeling that Giyuu wasn't ready to hear anything just yet. He just needs a solid foundation. So he took to his other option and carefully rubbed circles in the man's back.
"Shinazugawa"
"What is it Tomioka?" Sanemi asked turning to him.
"Thank you."
Sanemi paused for a moment then nods he wasn't sure how to respond to the quiet man. Normally when they interacted there were insults being thrown and it was Sanemi.
"Tomioka?" Sanemi muttered. A quiet hum came from Giyuu letting Sanemi know that he had his attention. "I'm sorry for being a bit of a dick towards." he stated.
"A bit?" Giyuu asked. Sanemi scoffed a little a playfully rolled his eyes. "Okay, a lot. I was an asshole." he admitted. "Yes, yes you were." Giyuu said. There was silence again before Giyuu intervened again "It's okay, I accept your apology Shinazugawa ." he expressed.
"Sanemi"
"Huh?" Giyuu asked glancing at him.
"Call me Sanemi."
"Fine, but if I can call you by your first name, then you have to call me Giyuu."
-------
About a week passed before Giyuu was permitted to take missions again. Not much changed other than the fact the Hashira now had a better understanding of Giyuu's personality. At the next Hashira meeting, Giyuu arrived earlier than his normal time. Surprisingly all the Hashira were already there. Shinobu was talking with Mitsuri, Tengen and Rengoku were having a pretty engaging conversation. Muichiro was with Gyomei who were also quietly talking, that left Obanai and Sanemi.
"You actually showed up on time!" Shinobu teased noticing his presences. "I always show up on time." he complained walking further into the estate. "Yuu, being five minutes late isn't on time." Sanemi grinned. "I'm not five minutes late today, am I?" he asked as the Wind Hashira approached. "No, I'll give you that." he said.
Giyuu saw Shinobu whispering to Mitsuri as she was looking at him and Sanemi. The Love Hashira giggled and quickly nods. He was curious about the comment but focused on the conversation that Sanemi had him in instead, finally letting that unbearable feeling wash over him and allows himself to enjoy the time he has been giving with his comrades.